door to happiness

When you grab a handful of black hair, do you know how frightening it is for a woman?

When you always feel nauseous, even worse than the morning sickness of the past, and you almost vomit your bile, do you know how anxious your family members are?

When her hands and feet are numb and she even trembles when she walks, as a woman who can carry more than 100 catties of rice on weekdays, do you know how desperate she is?

When all kinds of delicacies are placed in front of you, but you still have no appetite, do you know how anxious you are as a bystander?

……

From the very beginning, these side effects of chemotherapy appeared one by one, crushing reality mercilessly.

Her resistance was getting weaker and worse than before. She had fever and cold from time to time, and even started talking nonsense and calling her two sons by their names.

From the very beginning, she didn't want to be treated. Could it be that this was the only thing she was afraid of?Perhaps, such a difficult life!

Li Xiangyu simply took a long vacation and watched over his mother day and night.Her skinny hand became thinner the more he held it, as if he squeezed it too thin.

She always stroked his face and comforted him: "My child, I feel much better today!"

When she first came to Yangcheng, she didn't go out much because of the inspection. Now, she wanted to walk around.I originally wanted to walk with Li Xiangyu to accompany him, but Luo Qi let me go to work with peace of mind.According to her intention, Xiangyu's mother hoped that Li Xiangyu and Liang Yan would accompany her through the last part of her life.So, I was shut out of my heart forever by her.

In the evening, Li Xiangyu and I will always make outing plans together; in the daytime, he will always take Liang Yan to walk around with his mother.But after walking for a few days, as her body deteriorated, she finally couldn't walk, so she had to lie in the hospital, looking at the ceiling quietly.

Her feet were starting to swell from chemotherapy, and she couldn't even fit her shoes.

And the medical bills are piling up, and the 2 I gave before has already been used up, and my dad also paid more than [-] in advance.Xiangyu's father was a little discouraged at first, and even wanted to retreat.He probably felt sorry for his wife and couldn't bear her to suffer like this.

After two rounds of chemotherapy, I went for an examination, and the doctor said that the cancer cells were all under control and hadn't spread anymore.This is undoubtedly good news.Probably because of this reason, Xiangyu's mother suddenly had an appetite and said she wanted to eat something.She said she misses the roast goose I brought her to taste before.

Li Xiangyu and I wept with joy when we heard this. This is the first time my mother has voluntarily said that I want to eat since chemotherapy.I hurriedly called my mother and asked her to pack a roast goose for us.Roast goose is a famous traditional Cantonese dish, and Bingsheng's roast goose is one of the best. It is famous for its fat but not greasy, rich taste, tender and juicy meat.I happened to treat Luo Qi to dinner that day, and thinking of Xiangyu's mother, I made a copy.

Although she wanted to eat, she vomited it all up after eating it.The heart of man and the will of heaven may be difficult to complete.

Li Xiangyu began to have nightmares all night long, and he could not fall asleep peacefully one day.He lost a lot of weight, his eye sockets were sunken, and he lost the brilliance of the past.He who loves cleanliness on weekdays has gradually become unkempt, and decadence has covered his originally youthful body.

That night, he had another nightmare and struggled to sit up.I rubbed my sleepy eyes, sat down next to him, and asked, "You can't do this, why don't you prescribe some sleeping pills tomorrow?"

"I have the same dream every day, and every time I dream of Liu Lei's mother. On New Year's Eve, she and my mother were making dumplings, while my grandpa and grandma were sitting in the living room, watching TV." He was sweating and talking. His tone was unusually low.

"Maybe you think Liu Lei's mother is still with your grandpa and grandma."

"There is no me, no father, and no Huanyu in the dream."

"So what?"

"Except for my mother, they are all deceased. This feeling makes me very uncomfortable."

One word awakened the dreamer, so it turned out that his focus was on this.I patted his arm hurriedly: "Dreams can lead to death, it's okay. Dreaming about the dead relatives is a good omen. If you don't believe me, you can look up "Zhou Gong Interpretations of Dreams" online. This means that my mother's illness will soon recover. "Although he knew that he was lying, he had no choice but to comfort him like this.

Li Xiangyu was so excited that he really got up and checked the information on the Internet.Seeing that what I said was true, he felt relieved, returned to the bed, and slept with me.

The little mother saw that Li Xiangyu was getting thinner and thinner, so she stewed supplements every day to nourish their mother and son.It's a pity that one can't eat it, and the other doesn't want to eat it, which wasted my little mother's efforts.

My mother saw that Xiangyu didn't know how to eat and couldn't sleep, so she asked me to take Li Xiangyu to the countryside of Zengcheng to visit my grandmother and make a wish at the Guanyin Temple.According to my mother, the Bodhisattvas in Guanyin Temple are very spiritual and responsive to requests.Therefore, there are a lot of pilgrims every day, and the incense is flourishing.

Li Xiangyu is a Buddhist believer, and he must worship in every temple.Now it happened that my mother was suffering from such a serious situation, and she went to the doctor in a hurry, wanting to try everything.So the three of them went to the countryside.

Grandma was very happy when she knew we were going.But when he saw the thin Li Xiangyu, he couldn't help feeling very distressed. He kept touching his face and lamented: "What's wrong with my second grandson? It's only been a few days, and he has become so thin. What's the matter, tell grandma explain."

The little mother told the story of the Li family, and the grandma couldn't help but sigh: "In this life, the first few decades of life are not considered good. Only when you go happily in the few days before you leave, is it called good. Actually. , this Bodhisattva has nothing to ask for. Each knows his own destiny. If the child wants to go, you can go with him. I'll walk this way with you."

Saying goodbye to grandma, we went to Guanyin Temple.

Li Xiangyu bowed devoutly and silently made a wish in front of the Buddha for more than a moment.He drew a lot, added more sesame oil money, and then went down the mountain.

The lottery is a winning lottery, and the great monk solved it. He said that everything goes according to God's will and cannot be forced.

Li Xiangyu sighed, and seemed dissatisfied with the lottery.

When I came down from the mountain, it was dinner time.The whole family gathered together to be polite, and the second aunt was always vigilant so as not to be scolded by grandma.

After dinner, grandma stayed with us overnight, and my mother didn't object, so the three of us stayed at grandma's house.

The countryside is colder and the wind is strong. Grandma was worried that Xiangyu and I would get cold, so she specially asked my aunt to spread an extra bed of cotton wool for us.After the aunt left, grandma sat on the edge of the bed, looked at Li Xiangyu's beard, sighed, and said: "How can a young man in his twenties be less energetic than an old woman in her eighties?" Son? Boy, cheer up."

Li Xiangyu forced a smile.

Grandma held his hand and kept rubbing it, feeling very distressed: "My child, let nature take its course, don't force it. As a parent, no one is willing to abandon his child. As long as she has a breath, she will do it for him." You are alive. Just because of this, you shouldn’t have such a long face. She looked at you, and her heart hurts. Hey, it’s really a crime to have such a disease! It’s hard to get sick, and it’s hard to stay sick. What a crime!" Grandma shook her head and staggered out of the room.

Li Xiangyu looked at his grandmother's back, and felt emotional: "Grandma is 87, and her body is still so strong. My mother is only in her early fifties, but she is already dying. What is good fortune? If my mother can live to be more than 80, how much would it be?" All right. No, let her give birth to the child of the universe, that's fine too."

"That's what you think. If it were my young mother, she would definitely say something like this: If only my mother could live a long life, and wait until Xiaobo gets married and have children, and see his children, that would be great."

Li Xiangyu stared at my grimace, and laughed out loud: "Yes, people's hearts are not enough. The bad ones always hope for the good, and the good ones hope for better. How many years of death, less than a white head. Compared with those people, we are happier too much."

"Yes, that's what you want. Come on, let me squeeze your back," Li Xiangyu turned his back to me, and sat down cross-legged. I used the massage technique I learned online to gently squeeze his back Stretching your muscles, "Starting tomorrow, you have to cheer up and let mom see a different you."

"Why do I always feel that grandma is an expert. Tell me honestly, what is the truth about grandma?"

"I don't know. She should be a capable person. Since grandma came into the house, she has been in charge of the house, and everyone in the family listens to her. I think, if she doesn't have a little bit of ability and wisdom, she It’s not good to manage this family.”

After chatting for a while, we were about to go to bed, but my little mother broke in suddenly and asked us to get dressed immediately and prepare to go back to Guangzhou overnight.

When Li Xiangyu heard this, his legs went limp, and he couldn't stand up twice in a row.

Mom's situation is really scary.It was already past one o'clock in the morning, and suddenly shouted to return to Guangzhou overnight, it must be something wrong with Li Xiangyu's mother.

As soon as he got in the car, Li Xiangyu immediately called his father. He made more than a dozen calls, but no one answered. Li Xiangyu was so anxious that he was like an ant on a hot pot.I had to call my dad, but my dad didn't go to the hospital tonight.

The little mother was calm: "Stop calling, it is said that the heartbeat is irregular, breathing is difficult, and the kidney function is beginning to fail. Over there, it is probably a mess now, and there is no way to care about the phone. Xiangyu, don't worry, hurry. It's useless, there are your father and aunt over there. Let's go to the hospital right away!"

My mother has always driven steadily, but tonight she was driving fast, and she seemed to be competing against time.I sat in the back seat and tightly held the handle on the side of the car, really afraid that she would accidentally fly me.

Li Xiangyu stared at the road ahead with his eyes wide open, wishing he could suddenly arrive in Guangzhou as soon as he turned the corner.

"I shouldn't have come to the country, I shouldn't have come..." Li Xiangyu kept muttering to himself, as if hypnotized.

If his mother suddenly passed away tonight and took him to the countryside to me and my little mother, would he hold grudges for the rest of his life?At that moment, I suddenly had such a strange idea.