Summertime

At eleven o'clock in the evening, in the coffee shop on the corner, the lights dimmed one by one, the orange light was swallowed by the darkness, and the silence and openness reverberated in the empty room. It was not the weekend, and the customers in the shop today Not too many, at ten o’clock, almost all the customers and shop assistants had left, and the owner of the shop stood alone at the counter wiping the remaining water stains on the coffee cups. He didn’t go home because there was still a customer in the shop, Sitting on the sofa behind the heart leaf vine, she ordered several cups of coffee again, as if she didn't want to go home, leaning on the back of the sofa alone, dazed and concentrating.The owner of the coffee shop didn't want to bother, and planned to stay with the customer until she got up to leave, but when he finished cleaning up the work at hand, the customer still didn't intend to leave, he thought, maybe close a few doors. If there is a bright light, the guests will notice something, because it is almost twelve o'clock now, but the wall lights in the west area are almost dimmed, the guest is still unmoved, the boss sighed, and had no choice but to go forward to ask.

"I'm sorry, the store is about to close, look at the customers..."

"Is that so, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was already this point, and I'm in trouble for you."

The guest on the sofa came to his senses, looked down at his watch hastily, then took the bag next to him in a panic and stood up, apologized to him, left the money, and left in a hurry.

"Hey, too much money, wait!"

The guests did not stop because of their shouts. A gust of wind blew past the gate, knocking on the wind chimes hanging at the entrance, and the crisp sea shells jingled. The boss held the money in his hand and watched the glass door swing awkwardly at the entrance. , until he stopped, he was a little surprised.

Is that guest crying?Still, he was wrong.

Su Xi still left. At 21:[-], she said that Tong Tong and Mi were still at home waiting for her to go back. She couldn’t stay out too late. Xi Zao was still the same as usual. She got up and said goodbye calmly and kindly. careful.

But all the peace and goodwill are a mask on her face. When Su Xi's back disappeared at the door of the cafe, she finally couldn't pretend anymore. During the conversation with Su Xi, even though Xizao was sad , even when she is sad, her eyes are dry, like a dry river bed, she has no desire to cry, but why when she is alone, the dry corners of her eyes suddenly become wet, and tears roll without warning It fell, wet her face, and her makeup was stained by crying. She cried again, and it was because of that person.

Xizao admits that she used to be a crybaby, but that was a childhood thing. As long as her parents yelled a little, her eyes would turn red, or when she was alone at home, as long as her parents came home late, She lay on the window sill and looked at the silent garage downstairs, letting the tears swirl in her eyes, and even in the dead of night, Xizao hid in the bed and secretly wiped her tears. Awakened by her movement, he asked her what was wrong. Xizao still remembered that she burst into tears. Xizao said, what should she do if her mother dies in the future?Thinking back now, Xizao feels how she could be so stupid. She started worrying about the future at such a young age. Afterwards, she has grown up and has nothing to do. She even doubts that one day, When she actually stood at her mother's funeral, would she cry like she did when she was a child?She is no longer the crybaby she used to be. She who has always been sentimental has become cold, indifferent, neither sad nor happy. She has learned to hide her thoughts in her heart and never show them to the outside. The elongated height also took away her tears, and she cried less and less, until one day, Xizao finally realized that she no longer knew what the tears were.

But why did everything change when I met Su Xi!

She turned back to the same girl she used to be, the crybaby. During the days with Su Xi, she cried more times than she could count, because she cried, cried bitterly, choked, sobbed, sobbed too much. Too many, so much that she couldn't remember how many times she cried.Why did she become so fragile, so fragile that even she herself found it ridiculous, contrived, and disgusting!

When she came out of the cafe, Xizao was always in a ignorant state. She didn't know where she was going, so she could only let her own footsteps drag her forward. Tears had dried up on the way. Tired, where is she going?

When she dragged her exhausted body back to the community, when she stood at the entrance of the residential building, when she raised her head and tried to find the window sill of her own house, she suddenly laughed out loud, "Home, that's just an empty room. It's just a house, she doesn't want to go back.

Xizao bought a lot of cans of beer, she left the community, sat under the street lamp on the curb in the garden in the middle of the street, stared at the occasional cars passing by in a daze, in the early morning, there were few vehicles on the street, let alone people, Only three or two old European-style street lamps sprinkled some light bright yellow on the cold road surface. From time to time, a mouse or two blatantly flew out from the lush vegetation beside the garden, and quickly crossed the empty street with a low-lying and agile body. Disappear in the green lawn across the road.

Mouse, Xizao squeezed the empty soda can in her hand tightly. What did she think of? It was Su Xi, or the shattered memory of the past, but the old time was turned back again because of the traction of a tiny creature. I hope that the memory fragments that have become blurred and blurred will start to be pieced together quickly at that moment, and all the details of the past will continue to pile up and emerge, becoming fresh and vivid, but also chaotic.But Xizao still found part of the complete memory puzzle, because she suddenly remembered the reason why she announced that she had given up on that person.

Eight years ago, Xizao, who was still working in the bar, was standing in the dark corner of the bar with a broom, watching a man named Da Shan holding a dying young mouse in his hand, laughing and chasing Su Xi, who was screaming and avoiding him, in the bar. Playing around here and there, Xi Zao had already seen something at that time.

Dashan, that foreign man, because of him, Xizao, who had been hesitant to let go, finally chose to let go of Su Xi at that time.Xizao can't remember Dashan's appearance clearly, and the two of them have never been familiar with each other, and they rarely meet each other. Maybe it's just a relationship like ordinary friends. An unfamiliar foreign man, who has been close twice.Dirty and dim small bar, in a closed and narrow utility room, what happened to two people, Xizao lost all memories, because she was drunk and fragmented.The unruly and childishness of her youth made Xizao do many crazy and stupid things. Dashan will always belong to the forbidden zone in her crazy memory. Even though they never crossed the threshold, this does not prevent her from sealing up all the memories about that man , she really didn't dare to touch it, it was a jungle of thorns that could hurt at any touch.

Xizao's fragility is not because she has had close contact with Dashan, but because she doesn't want to admit that that person is the terminator of a certain relationship.

She knew she didn't like Dashan.But she doesn't like it, it doesn't mean that Su Xi doesn't like it, Su Xi once told her that she would not associate with Dashan, but she didn't know when, the two of them got closer and closer, but Xizao kept turning a blind eye, Even though her disappointment with Su Xi kept piling up until one day she couldn't bear it and quit her job in the bar, she never believed that Su Xi would be with Da Shan, because Da Shan was just a flamboyant prodigal who went to nightclubs , she would rather watch Su Xi choose Zhou Mi than believe that she took Da Shan's hand.But the reality is often against my own self-righteousness. God just likes to play all kinds of tricks. Nightmares will always come true. Even if you pray thousands of times, what shouldn’t happen and what you don’t want to happen will still happen, and those things you want more The more you can't get it, you will never get it.

Just three months after Xizao resigned from the bar, a friend of Su Xi accidentally asked Xizao at the dinner table, Xizao, do you know that Su Xi and Dashan have lived together?

"Really, I don't know, she never told me."

Xizao, who was eating with her head down, raised her head subconsciously, but quickly lowered her head again. She replied casually, as if it had nothing to do with her, but her heart suddenly seemed to be hit hard by a stone hammer , the only remaining illusion of Su Xi in her heart was smashed to pieces, and at that moment, Xizao announced to herself that she had given up on Su Xi.

"You don't know, everyone already knew! They seem to have been together last semester. Not long after you resigned, Dashan moved into Su Xi's room. I was wondering, Su Xigang Breaking up with her ex-boyfriend, looking for a new love in less than three months, or Dashan, what is she thinking?"

"It's none of my business, as long as they like it."

Xizao smiled, lowered his head and continued to chew, as if nothing had happened.

It's a ridiculous triangular reincarnation. Why do the men who have been involved with me end up being related to Su Xi? Dashan before, Zhou Xiao now, is this a kind of fate, or is it that everyone cannot escape Su Xi's palm.

Because Su Xi is special, yes, everyone will be attracted to her, she can play, likes to play, can play, can be ambiguous, act like a baby, and knows how to please others, maybe men will be attracted by her innate personality And Qingxin, and Xizao just thinks she is special, and it is also because of this, and this alone makes Xizao fall into it hopelessly, because she has never seen a girl who can make her fall for her like Su Xi. moved.

Because of the special, even if Su Xi is a sugar-coated chronic drug, she still chooses to take it forever.

However, how many years have passed now, and her obsession has also been eroded by the harm caused by poison and medicine into resentment, bitterness, thin like a layer of yarn that can be pierced with a finger.No matter how delicious the poison and medicine are, addiction is still a poison and medicine that can kill her life. This special has tortured her to the point where she seems to have forgotten her original intention. Perhaps, if she still insists on taking it, she will be killed by her for the rest of her life. Bury it with your own hands.

Old memories, realistic sensibility, intertwined, became the catalyst of alcohol, obviously Xi Zao's wine has not been finished yet, why does she feel that the whole world is spinning at this moment.

Is she drunk, no!

Xizao stumbled up from the curb, she was going to do something she had never dared to do, she wanted to take a gamble, if she won such a whimsical bet, she could give herself a reason to continue , continue to drink, poison, and wait for death.

But if she loses, loses, she will crush, burn, and discard all the poisons and medicines that she has hidden, leaving no room for it.

The mobile phone in the pocket was searched with difficulty, and Xi Zao squinted his blurred eyes, struggling to find the phone number lying in the address book.

There was a row of familiar numbers. This time, without hesitation, she pressed the green dial key forcefully.