Be Dazai's mother

In the silent night, there was not even the slightest noise, only a voice with a strange smile echoed in the empty room.

"Master Xiuzhi, please stop playing hide-and-seek and come out quickly. Disobedient children will be punished."

Originally, the voice was quite normal, but her voice became sharper and harsher as she got to the back. When she said the last few words, the voice had completely turned into a wailing full of resentment.

I don't want it. It should be said that being caught by you is "punishment", or a desperate situation that is so painful that it is impossible to escape.

Hiding in the closet, I thought so.

A year ago, my father took the other children on a trip together. In order to ensure the safety of going out, he also took some security guards and servants out of the house.

It was at this time that a group of thieves invaded here, killed all the servants present at that time, stole the money and fled.

Thinking of this, I smiled mockingly, a group of extremely stupid guys, do you really think you can escape like this?Do you really think you can escape when something like this happens in a place like Neon, which places great importance on class and face?What's more, the more chaotic it is now, the more something is needed to give those bottom-level personnel with evil intentions a vicious warning.

Probably within a few days he will be caught and beheaded for public display.

I thought boringly, anyway, that's something I can't see anymore.

Um?Want to ask why?Of course, it was because the obsession of the servants after death attracted the monster "Pillowback" from who knows where, and the whole Tsushima family was dragged into a fantasy, including hiding in the closet to sleep because of illness and thus I escaped.

What no one in my family knew was that I couldn't sleep well when I was sleeping on the bed or on the tatami.

When exactly did it start?I also forgot, but at night, when I was lying on the bed or sleeping on the tatami, a hopeless mood would instantly overwhelm all of me, making me almost go crazy.I even wondered if there was some ghost haunting me that disturbed other people's sleep, which made me feel so miserable when I tried to sleep.

Why am I doing this?Why can't I have peace like ordinary people?

I have also thought about similar problems, but every time I think about it more deeply, I will be overwhelmed by greater despair in an instant.Over time, I gave up thinking about this place, and turned to thinking about how to integrate myself into the crowd and become an "ordinary person".

Whether this method can eliminate my anxiety and fear, I have no way of knowing, because just trying my best to imitate ordinary people has exhausted all my energy.

When I am alone at night, I can no longer continue to pretend to be a clown. When I sleep on the bed or on the tatami, I will toss and turn, restless all night.In order to fight against the pain of not being able to sleep like this, I would go to sleep when the nurse came to check if I was asleep, and hid directly in the closet to sleep after she left.

There was a mixed smell of wood and medicine in the small and dark space, which made me dizzy but just made me sleepy.The familiar clothes surrounded me, and the cold and soft feeling made me feel like I was soaked in the river.I grabbed the paintbrush hidden behind my school uniform, which made me feel a little more at ease.

Countless nights, I hid in the closet and slept like this, and then woke up the next morning before someone came to wake me up, lying on the tatami mat and pretending to be asleep again.

Later, when my nanny got married and left, no one would check to see if I was asleep, so I often curled up in the closet to sleep when I felt tired.

This also caused me to hide in the closet to sleep when I had a high fever that day, so I escaped the killing of the thieves.

To be honest, I think it would be better to let me die on that day. To be honest, if I am killed now, the ghosts will use it as a sacrifice to make this illusion continue forever. I can’t live without it. If you can't die, that's really more terrifying than hell.

I sighed, thinking that I should at least try to escape from this illusion, and I'll think about it later.

Thinking of this, I crawled out of the closet, hid the ghosts who were chasing me everywhere, and slipped to other places on my feet.

No matter how stupid I am, I won't just hide in one place all the time, or I will be found sooner or later.Tonight I hid in an abandoned warehouse. There was a window in it, and a piece of moonlight came in from the darkness.

In order not to be discovered by the ghosts, I avoided the moonlight far away and shrank in a dark corner.

Looking at the window not far away, I felt dazed for some reason, remembering what happened some time ago.

I have been in this illusion for a year, and the snow has never stopped.I guess this may be because the time in the illusion has been stuck in the time when the servants were killed.

Although the servants look like ghosts at night, they still maintain the appearance of normal people during the day and treat me the same as before.

So daytime is the only time I can find out how to escape from the illusion, and I often use this time to walk around in the illusion.

There have been almost no changes in the illusion in the past year-except for the person I ran into by chance on the side of the road some time ago.

It was a woman covered in blood, messy wine-red hair scattered randomly, and she looked like she was going to die in the next second as she was poured into the snow covered in blood, but this is not the most unusual thing, the most unusual thing It was this woman who was the only person I felt alive this year.

Judging from the blood on her body and the smell in the air, it seems that this is a woman who has just given birth.But unlike a normal birth, it is very likely that a premature birth was caused by shock or pushing during pregnancy.It's just that the amount of bleeding doesn't seem to be that of a person who is still alive, so she is actually a ghost nearby who just died and accidentally strayed into this illusion?But she does have an aura that belongs to the living.

I couldn't help feeling a little curious in my heart, and walked over with strides. I squatted in front of her and asked, "Do you need help?"

In fact, when a normal person sees her, he should go to the doctor immediately, but I didn't do that, so I could only squat down and ask her if she needs help?

Maybe it's because I've been bored with the undead and phantoms this year. I'm curious what this woman who seems to have accidentally broken into the illusion will say.

I thought she might need food, clothing, or a doctor.

The woman who heard my voice raised her face, her burgundy hair was disheveled, revealing a face covered with stains, blood and tears.

"...My child, please return my child to me." The woman in the dying state said so, and let out a distressed sob.She unconsciously grabbed my wrist so tightly that it felt like my wrist was about to be torn off.

But I didn't even care about the pain in my hand, instead I opened my eyes wide at that moment.

Her appearance may be extremely embarrassing and ugly in anyone's eyes, like a mouse struggling in the sewer, she exudes an unpleasant smell of rancidity and sourness, and her stained appearance can even Said it was extremely dirty.

But looking at this woman, for some reason, I felt that she was more holy and beautiful than the statue of the Virgin Mary next to the church.

She was like a candle that was about to burn out, and her eyes somehow had a burning temperature like a flame.On the one hand, it made me fearful, and on the other hand, it gave me what can be called "jealousy".

I probably don't know how to love people. Just pretending to be an ordinary person and smiling like a human being makes me exhaust all my energy, let alone love.

So, at that moment, I stood up and took a few steps back as if I wanted to avoid something, and then ran to Tsushima's house like crazy.

I ran like crazy.

Due to being weak and sickly since I was a child, I gasped heavily after running for a while, and my face turned red with stinging pain when the cold wind wrapped in snowflakes blew.My heart was beating so hard that I felt an unbearable pain, and I couldn't even utter a whimper as if I was swallowing blood in my throat.

Even so, I kept running.

Unfortunately, halfway through the run, I tripped over a stone on the side of the road and fell into the snowdrift.

I fell into the snowdrift and panted violently, curled up and coughed because I was out of breath.I fell suddenly on the snow, and the bone-chilling cold brought by the direct contact of my skin with the snow made me tremble all over.The cold and pain enveloped all my senses, but at this time I couldn't care about them at all.

I supported my body, looking at the dark sky that has been snowing all year, trying to stand up again.But the heavy exhaustion and pain immediately pushed me back.

I fell down in the snow again and struggled a few times like a dying fish. After I found that I couldn't get up anyway, I gave up the futile struggle and kept panting.

It was horrible, it was horrible.

What the hell is that?

How should I express this fear in my heart?I am afraid that even Abi Hell cannot describe the fear in my heart at this moment.

Something like an intuition told me that that woman would have a very strong bond with me.

My instincts are always right and I almost never make a mistake.It is precisely because of this that this fear almost drowns me like a bottomless sea.

I scratched my neck, stuck my head aside and retched non-stop.Sweat trickled down my hair.

Obviously it is winter at this time, and I have a naturally low body temperature and a physique that seldom sweats, but I am sweating profusely as if I have been exposed to the scorching sun for several hours, and my lips are so white that I seem to have appeared. The phenomenon of heat stroke.

Will my future self have a very deep bond with someone?What is that?It's just too scary.As long as I think that I will have feelings for someone, I will hug and hold hands with her intimately, like any child and parent, I feel horrified, and I even wonder if this is something owned by some ghost in the illusion A strange ability to kill me.

Turning my face on my side made me feel a little breathless, and I turned over, still lying in the snowdrift, looking at the unchanging dark sky above my head.

So painful, so uncomfortable, so want to die.

I looked at the sky blankly and thought to myself: It's so ugly.

I'm really sorry for being so messed up.

Thinking about it like this makes me want to cry but I can't cry.Those sad, tearful eyes flashed in my mind.

Despite resistance, fear, and disgust, I still...

—I want to know that person's name.

I don't know how long it took, I lay in the snow to recover and breathe, and I walked back to Tsushima's house with injuries all over my body.

A maid happened to see me and saw that I was covered in injuries. She seemed a little suspicious and wanted to come over and ask me what was wrong, but then she seemed to think of something, and fear and hesitation appeared on her face.

I know her, her name is Kimura Asami, and she has been in my house for several years.She was actually pretty good to me at first, but now she has become a grieving ghost, and she doesn’t remember anything during the day, she seems to think that I have done something to be haunted by a ghost, so she is extremely afraid of me, afraid that because of Being implicated by me is also haunted by ghosts.

In order to hide this fear, Mami-san became extremely disgusted with me.

Human beings are creatures who divert their emotions in order to deny what they cannot accept.In order to deny creatures like ghosts, Mami-san turned to hate me, thinking that I must have done something to provoke ghosts.

If she knew that the so-called ghost was herself, what kind of expression would Miss Asami show?

I think so.

If others know my thoughts, they may think that I have a bad personality, but I am just purely curious.

It's a pity that I probably won't know for the rest of my life.

After all, Mami-san was indeed killed by the thieves before, and what is left here is just a wraith whose will has been completely distorted.

"What's the matter, Master Xiuzhi. Did you accidentally fall while playing in school?" Miss Asami asked with averted eyes.

I nodded, even if I echoed her words, I didn't talk to her much, and went straight back to my room.

That was about half a month ago.After I went back that day, perhaps out of a strange escape, I developed a high fever.I didn't think about that person again after that, but now I don't know why I suddenly remembered it.

Recalling this, I sat in the warehouse and hid all night, looking at the sky that has brightened outside, thinking that I seem to have run out of drawing paper, so go out to the store today to buy drawing paper.

At this time, I didn't know that the woman named Sachiko who left a deep impression on me would come to me in a few days.

She would hold out her hand to me, smile at me and say her name was Sachiko.

No matter what happens in the future, only the temperature of holding my hand will never be forgotten.