Be Dazai's mother

Because of Master Xiuzhi's matter, I've been in a bad mood these days.I felt a little better when I was told to go shopping, otherwise I was always in a state of depression.

Also because of the Feitouman incident, I tentatively asked Master Xiuzhi if he wanted to sleep with someone.As a servant, I couldn't ask him straightforwardly if he wanted to come over to my place when the night came, so I could only ask him if he wanted to in the name of "I'm not fully recovered yet, it would be better to find someone to watch over me" Find someone to accompany you.

At that time, Master Xiuzhi just looked at me quietly, shook his head, and said calmly: "No need, I'm fine, Sachiko."

Looking at the young master Xiuzhi like this, I suddenly felt that the distance between us seemed to be getting farther imperceptibly... Or is it that our distance is always so far away?

The snow has been falling very heavily lately, and this winter has been cold and dark as if it would never end.Master Xiuzhi regretfully told me that the cherry blossoms in a nearby place always bloom well when spring comes in previous years, but judging by the snowfall today, spring may be delayed.

"But no matter how long the winter is, spring will always come." I said to him with a smile while wiping the floor with a cloth.

Master Xiuzhi, who came out of the hospital, became a little clingy and always liked to dangle around me.But when I asked him if he would come to my place at night, he always refused.

A child's mood always changes greatly, sometimes he is very clingy but sometimes avoids me.All I could do was watch him silently.

In fact, I also thought about going out to explore at night...but I really don't have the guts.I finally made up my mind to wait until midnight to go out, but I always fell asleep amid hesitation and anxiety.

That's why we say that humans are complex creatures.The dream I had in the hospital—or maybe it wasn’t the reality of the dream, I was able to bravely stand up and stand in front of Master Xiuzhi, but now when I was asked to come out in the middle of the night to take a look, I became hesitant again .

I really hate myself like this, but I can't do anything about it, because I don't have the courage at all.

I lowered my eyes, feeling more and more self-loathing in my heart.

I hate being so cowardly myself.

Master Xiuzhi didn't seem to notice my distraction, he took what I just said and said, "Well, you're right, spring will always come."

He looked at the bare tree outside the window with his face propped up, and said, "When spring comes, the tree outside will also bloom."

"Wait until then—" Young Master Xiuzhi turned his head, his always pale face was blushing due to the cold wind outside, his nose was also red, and his smile was shallow but genuine : "The cherry blossoms in Fuyuki City will also bloom well, right?"

"Did you say that? The cherry blossoms in Fuyuki City, your hometown, are very beautiful." Young Master Xiuzhi propped his face and smiled a few times, thinking it was very funny, and said, "Sachiko's eyes were very warm when he talked about it at that time. It seems that the cherry blossoms there are really beautiful."

I froze for a moment, recalled the cherry blossoms in Fuyuki City in Mei's memory, and responded: "Yes, the cherry blossoms there are really beautiful."

Mei, who left her hometown, thinks of the cherry blossoms in Fuyuki City countless times, it is really a very beautiful sight.

"When winter is over and spring comes, why don't you two go to see the cherry blossoms in Fuyuki City together?" Master Xiuzhi said with a smile.

I opened my mouth, facing the expectant face of Master Shangxiuzhi, I couldn't say the words of rejection, I was silent for a while, and finally I could only say: "Okay, then the two of you will go together."

I clearly know that this is impossible. Fuyuki City is a long way from here, and even by train, it will not be possible to reach it in a short time.I don't have enough money with me to get us through this journey.

What's more, the original me was a wanderer on the street. Thanks to Mami-san's help, I was able to work as a servant in Tsushima's house, so I didn't have to suffer the cold and pain of sleeping on the street.Whether I admit it or not, I really cannot leave the Tsushima family.Otherwise, after discovering that the master is very likely to be a flying man, he would still act as if nothing happened.

Otherwise what else can I do?Now many places outside are still in a state of chaos, and I don't have any money on me, and I don't know anyone, so what can I do?Even if I have money, can I guarantee that I will not be affected by the chaotic environment outside?Can I guarantee that I won't be knocked out and taken away while walking on the road?

Pretend nothing happened, and I can go on living for a while.But if I just leave Tsushima's house like this, I don't know if I can survive this extremely cold and long winter.

The only thing I'm worried about is Master Xiuzhi, but I don't know what to do. I tentatively asked him several times if he needs help, but Master Xiuzhi avoided him.

Of course, after thinking so much, maybe I'm just trying to find an excuse to cover up my cowardice and incompetence.Because I'm a cowardly and incompetent piece of shit, I can't and can't do anything for that kid.

In a trance, the body seemed to be torn in two, one half was crying and shouting why you are so useless, and the other half was shouting angrily that I don't want to do this either, but, however, however...

"Xingzi?" Seeing that I was distracted, Master Xiuzhi grabbed the corner of my clothes with some doubts.

I came back to my senses and looked at the immature face of the child. There was a burst of pain and bitterness in my heart. I swallowed all the words of rejection, and I smiled as if I was about to cry.

"Okay." I said: "When winter is over and spring comes, I will take you to visit my hometown and see the cherry blossoms there."

Master Xiuzhi stretched out his hand and asked me with his eyes: "Pull hook?"

I froze for a moment, because I remembered the explanation I gave to Master Shuji when I first came to Tsushima's house when he was still confused about the behavior of "pull hook".

——This is an action used when making an oath.The little thumbs of the two people pull the hook, representing that they cannot break away from each other's agreement.

I opened my mouth, feeling breathless like a dying fish, and just when my mind went blank and I felt like I was going to die because I didn't breathe, my little finger hit me at a moment I didn't even realize Touched Master Xiuzhi's little finger.

"Pull hook." I heard myself make a dry and hoarse voice.

"It's a promise. When spring comes, the two of us will go to see the cherry blossoms in Fuyuki City together."

At the same time, I heard the cold voice in my heart again.

"Liar. You liar."

In a trance, it seemed that someone strangled my neck tightly and whispered in my ear: "Liar, give me hell."

The author has something to say: The plot of this chapter refers to the HF plot of FSN.In fact, I didn’t intend to refer to it at first, but after I finished writing it, I realized that I was too deeply influenced by HF, so that the chapters I wrote unconsciously also carried that shadow (cover my face)

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It is a painful thing to make promises that cannot be fulfilled.

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Sachiko continues to struggle, awakening in the next chapter (x

Transformation is always very painful, come on, Sachiko (old mother shed tears.jpg

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Thanks for the time:

感谢灌溉营养液的小天使：宗三夫人20瓶；暮秋葵18瓶；木兮15瓶；yang暖阳W12瓶；三水良10瓶；羞耻和蟾蜍6瓶；萨拉萨拉5瓶；安芯1瓶；

Thank you very much for the support of little angels (づ￣3￣)づ