Be Dazai's mother

We didn't talk too much. After all, I still have a lot of work. After saying goodbye to Master Xiuzhi, I continued to do my work.

In fact, I originally wanted to ask Mami-san why she asked me to clean Master Shuji's room.Forget about the others, after staying at Tsushima's house for so long, she shouldn't be ignorant of the fact that Master Xiuzhi doesn't like others cleaning his room.

But I still have a lot of work left, and Mami-san doesn't know where to go, so I can only give up this idea for the time being.

I knelt on the ground, with my legs pressed against the cold ground through a layer of clothes. Enduring the pain in my leg joints, I continued to wipe the ground with a cloth.

At this time, someone's voice came from outside the door.

"Thank you very much, Mr. Tsushima, for taking us in last night." It was an extremely pleasant male voice.

"It's just a small matter." The voice of another person said, "Although you are just a drug seller, what you say makes sense. If you need to stay overnight next time, come here."

"Thank you."

If you only listen to this conversation, it must be an admirable scene, but as long as you think that the two people who are talking are the Feitouman I saw last night and the drug dealer who avoided Feitouman with me , I couldn't help shaking a bit.

I quietly glanced outside the door, and saw the master talking to the medicine seller with a gentle expression.

At this time, the master didn't have the weird appearance I saw last night, he looked like an ordinary man.

But the shadow left on me last night was too terrifying, I still can't forget the long neck and weird smile I saw last night.

At this moment, the drug seller suddenly turned his head to look at me, I was shocked, and the master who was talking to the drug seller also turned his head to look at me.

Facing the stares of these two people, I immediately panicked and greeted subconsciously: "Master, Mr. Medicine Seller."

The master nodded and said, "Xingzi, you came just in time. I heard that you met the drug seller at Doctor Oshima before. If that's the case, go and see him off."

"Yes." I replied, put down the things in my hands, wiped my hands and walked to the side of the drug seller.

The pharmacist bid farewell to the master and walked outside. When we walked under a tree outside Tsushima's house, the pharmacist stopped and said to me, "You can just stop here, Miss Sachiko."

I nodded, with a doubt in my heart: Since Master Xiuzhi—the "key" that the drug seller said last night has returned, why did he leave?

The drug seller seemed to see my doubts. He put his index finger on his lips and said with a smile on his face, "I will come again, it's not the time yet."

I took a closer look and found that the smile on his face was just my illusion. It was just an illusion brought about by the lip gloss on the lips of the drug seller. An illusion as if he had been laughing.

This discovery made me tremble, maybe because I saw the indifference of the pharmacist, and my action made the pharmacist squint his eyes thoughtfully, and he said: "But this time the situation is really more serious." Rare."

I looked at him suspiciously, but the drug seller didn't continue to explain. He just said with a half-smile: "At that time, I hope you can make a choice, Miss Sachiko. When you make a choice, you can go to Look for me over there, Mr. Oshima."

With that said, the medicine seller turned and left.

Looking at the back of the medicine seller, more doubts arose in my heart, but those doubts could only be swallowed in my stomach in the end.

I turned around and went back to Tsushima's house, just in time to see Miss Asami walking this way.When I saw her, I ran over with some joy.

"Miss Mami!" I called out.

Asami-san gave me a look, which made me take a step back in astonishment, because her eyes became extremely cold.This made me call her in a low voice again: "...Miss Asami?"

"I know what you want to ask me." Miss Mami said, "You want to ask me why I asked you to clean Master Xiuzhi's room? Obviously Master Xiuzhi hates others touching his things, but I still let you go gone."

"...Yes." I instinctively sensed that something was wrong, and I also realized that what Ms. Mami said next might be something I didn't want to face, which made me a little evasive and didn't want to listen to what she said next. words, so I interrupted her rudely and said, "Miss Mami, did something happen to you?"

"Don't change the subject." Mami-san sighed, and the woman who took care of me a lot said with a headache, "I will only talk to you next time, come here."

She pulled me to a corner where no one was around, and after making sure that there was no one around, Mami-san showed a solemn expression on her face, and she said, "Actually, what I haven't told you is that it probably started half a year ago. Master Xiuzhi had many scars on his body. I was puzzled and told the housekeeper about it. At first, I thought it was some ignorant servant who abused him in private, but I didn’t expect that Master Xiuzhi just said that no one had abused him. he."

"After that, some strange things happened again. Master Xiuzhi didn't sleep when the night came, and he started to walk around Tsushima's house. Once I had insomnia, tossed and turned on the bed until the early morning and couldn't sleep. At that time, I suddenly heard There was a noise outside and he went out, unexpectedly saw a ghost chasing him!"

"I was so frightened that I fainted on the spot, and when I woke up, I found that there were strange marks around me." Saying this, Miss Asami shook her head and sighed several times: "Alas, alas, alas."

"That child has shown a different side from other children since he was very young. He must have messed with something unclean. Fortunately, those ghosts only chase him and not others."

My face turned pale, and I said in a trembling voice, "Does anyone else know about this?"

"I told the housekeeper, and the housekeeper also told the master, but I don't know why the master thought it was a very common thing when faced with the housekeeper's words." Miss Mami said with great fear: "Afterwards, we tried to invite Yin Yang from the outside. Master came back, but even Master Onmyoji didn’t notice something was wrong. It’s as if the words we said were passed into their minds and changed into another meaning.”

"No one else can notice or see that there are ghosts here, only me, the housekeeper and a few other servants can notice."

"It must be a ghost! It's because Master Xiuzhi brought some unclean things back from somewhere!" Miss Mami's face became extremely pale, as if she had no blood at all.

It doesn't look like she's lying, because Mami-san was already frightened to the point of shaking, she shook her head and said: "It's also my fault, I should stop you immediately when you approach Master Xiuzhi. But I But I thought that the ghost would only go to find Master Xiuzhi, and it shouldn't affect you."

"Anyway, from now on, don't get close to Master Xiuzhi." Miss Mami, who has shown me kindness, put her hands on my shoulders and said, "Listen to me, okay?"

"...Do you want me to sit idly by like this?" I said in a very dry voice.

"Then what else do you want?" Mami frowned and said, "I can understand your feelings. You sympathize with Master Xiuzhi and treat him like your own son."

Miss Mami sighed, looked at me as if she was looking at a child who hadn't grown up, and said: "But after all, he is not your biological son, and has no blood relationship with you. Wouldn't it be good to have one?"

"Even if you really want to control it, what have you done? You are not a child anymore, you should think more about yourself. We...but we can't even fight the reality." Miss Mami showed a sad expression.

"Even if I know that there are ghosts hidden in Tsushima's house, and I feel apprehensive fear, I still can't leave here. Where can I go after leaving Tsushima's house?"

Having said that, she began to babble again: "Now the economy is in a recession. Although my son can make money by himself now, the money he earns is barely enough to fill his stomach."

"I can't help it, what else can I do? It's a good thing to be able to work in a rich family like the Tsushima family. You can still live for a while in the Tsushima family, but if you go outside..." Mami The young lady shook her head and said, "Well, this winter is going to be tough, and I don't know how many people will freeze to death."

Mami-san looked at me with pity, and said, "You are still young, and you want to find a good family to marry and have another child, or to adopt an orphan. The war has just ended, and there are many people out there. What about orphans. There are beautiful, obedient, and well-behaved ones, basically as long as you give them a piece of bread, they will follow you. Why bother with Master Xiuzhi?"

"..." I opened my mouth and wanted to say: But no matter how well-behaved, cute and obedient the child is, it is not my young master Xiu Zhi.It's not Master Xiuzhi that I treat as my own child.

Ms. Mami seemed to understand what I wanted to say, and she looked rather resentful and said, "But if you leave Tsushima's house, where would you go? Don't tell me you didn't think about anything."

That's right, if I was wandering before I came to Tsushima's house, where would I go if I left here?Back in the day when you slept on the streets?Don't mention me by then, the weak Master Xiuzhi will be the first to die, right?

When I thought of that young and thin body falling on the side of the road under the conditions of hunger and cold, and being submerged in heavy wind and snow, my heart ached to the point where I could hardly breathe.

If that's the case, it's better to stay at Tsushima's house and keep company with the ghosts.

"I'm from the same town as you, and I'm the one who recommended you to come to Tsushima's house. After all, I won't hurt you." Miss Mami patted me on the shoulder reassuringly, and said, "Don't worry about that child anymore, okay. ?"

Her eyes were full of gentle worry, and I couldn't say "no" to Mami-san, who was like my benefactor.

I lowered my head and let out a dull voice: "...I see."

After bidding farewell to Mami-san, I walked aimlessly, thinking that there was still a lot of work to do, but I couldn't get any energy up.Unknowingly, he walked to the place where he had just seen the drug seller, and bumped into the master who hadn't left yet and the young master Xiuzhi who appeared there at some time.

"Can't you do better?" The master said in a tone of confusion and distress: "Just like your brothers."

Master Xiuzhi lowered his head and lowered his eyes, unable to see his expression clearly, he could only hear his muffled voice: "I see, my lord father, I will work hard."

The master seemed satisfied with this answer, he nodded, patted Master Xiuzhi on the shoulder rewardingly, turned and left.

Young master Xiu Zhi stood in place and watched the back of the master as he left.

I was silent for a while, then walked over gently and stood behind Master Xiuzhi.

Master Xiuzhi said in a voice more perplexed and distressed than the master: "Why do you have to work hard?"

"It's okay without trying." I said in a soft voice.

"Is it because I'm different from 'normal humans'? Is it because I'm weird?" Master Xiuzhi continued to ask.

"You are not surprised, you are just more pure than ordinary people." I replied.

No matter how precocious he is, he is still only an eight-year-old child after all.I am in a state of ignorance about most things in this world.In the past eight years, Master Xiuzhi mostly stayed at school or at home, and was occasionally taken to other places by his family.

There are still many, many things that he has not seen with his own eyes, many, many people that he has not met, and many, many things that he has not done.

He was still so small, not even reaching my waist, thin and full of injuries, like an abandoned baby bird trembling in the rain.

At this time, Master Xiuzhi, who was almost overwhelmed by confusion, turned his head to look at me, and asked: "I, why am I living in this world? Is there any special reason? Is it to become someone else's dream?" Good boy?"

Master Xiuzhi's unbandaged eye was a dead void, and there was nothing in it, like a lonely and dark deserted island.But the expression on his face was full of childlike innocence and tragic confusion, like a child asking if the mother in front of the hospital bed will die.

How should I answer him?What should I say to erase his sadness and loneliness?What should I do?

Overwhelmed by confusion and almost drowning pain, I ached for my powerlessness.

A strong impulse forced me to kneel down and hug Master Xiuzhi.I hugged him tightly, and the loose strands of hair hung down his body like spider silk.

This seemed to be the first time that I took the initiative to hug him. As a servant, I shouldn't have been so rude, but the impulse that came out of my body made me hug Master Xiuzhi even more forcefully but also more lovingly.

"Master Xiuzhi lived in this world because your mother gave birth to you in ten months of pregnancy. Master Xiuzhi is Master Xiuzhi, not anyone else. You were born in this world. This is the person "Shuji Tsushima" life." I closed my eyes and said in a voice almost choked up.

Why did he say "why do you live in this world" with such a painful expression?It was almost like crying loudly, "I really want to disappear!"

This world seems to have a twisted vortex, they are swallowing this child bit by bit, and I can't do anything.

Why can't I bear the pain for him?Why can't I do anything?I was weak and weak, and all I could do was hold him desperately and make him as happy as possible.

Master Xiuzhi lowered his eyes, put his hand on mine, and said, "I really envy Xingzi, you can always trust others for no reason."

He said weakly in a voice that would disappear in a second like mist: "I am not a good boy. You always think too well of me. If there are eighteen hells in this world , I can only fall into it."

He looked out the window expressionlessly and said, "My life must be full of shame."

I hugged him and shook my head desperately, I wanted to say: I believe it only because it is you.I can feel that you have been living too seriously, so you feel pain because of this purity and seriousness.

Because you are Master Xiuzhi, because you are the person I want to treat as my own child.

But in the end I couldn't say anything, my voice seemed to be hoarse, and I couldn't even cry.

I've never felt like I do now that I'm not someone from Master Xiuzhi, and I don't have any special status in his heart.

I can't save him.

The author has something to say: This chapter recommends eating it with Eine Kleine of Kenshi Yonezu.

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Sure enough, I'm still not used to using words like redemption, salvation, etc. They are too heavy, really too heavy.

No one in the world can truly save anyone.Of course, I am not denying those things that have been given great help and thus lead a happy life.But no matter what, all others can do is to hold others who have fallen into hell.

Fate is one's own, life is one's own, choice is one's own, and the only one who can save oneself is oneself.

All Sachiko could do was stay by the boy's side, trying to hold him when he fell.She was aware of this, but also suffered from her powerlessness because she knew it.

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Thanks for the time:

感谢灌溉营养液的小天使：云修40瓶；Olivia、污浊了的忧伤之中、末墨、漫生10瓶；莉塔5瓶；闻山君3瓶；西瓜芒果、隐梦约、碧玉妆、兔子玖零九1瓶；

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