Ambiguous addiction

"Mr. Lu, the bar has been packed, so I'll go first." After counting, Xiao Tong came out of the bar with her bag in hand, put the key next to Lu Churan's phone, and waved goodbye to him.

The hands of the clock on the wall point to eleven, the hustle and bustle of the city has subsided, and the dim streetlights come in through the glass door, casting the shadow of the pavement fence on the pavement at Lu Churan's feet.

Ji Er was invited to dinner by several college classmates, and one of them also wanted to open a restaurant with him recently. He called Ji Er a few days ago and told Ji Er that the shop had already found the decoration drawings and just came out, and he wanted to ask him for help. Take a look and give some comments, and let's talk about the past by the way.

Lu Churan stayed in "tobecontinued" all afternoon and night bored by himself, and only said a few words in total, answering the guests' questions.The classic coffee shop question.

"Hello, is there WiFi here?"

"What's the WiFi password?"

"Why is the internet so slow?"

Occasionally, there may be questions like "Why can't I connect? Can you help me connect?", but there is no difference in essence from the previous questions.

In addition, he also watched the entire concert from different angles of the entire venue through several contacts in his circle of friends who did not know each other but went to the same place.

Just wasting around doing nothing like this, barely rewriting the students' writing that had already been corrected three times, and finally it was time for the store to close.

"Okay, thank you for your hard work, pay attention to safety, and be careful on the road." Lu Churan glanced at Xiaotong, her eyes were very calm, like the quiet and remote sea on a windless night.

Xiaotong halfway opened the glass door, remembered the matter and came back to remind Lu Churan, "Oh yes, Mr. Lu, there is a box of kiwi fruit in the refrigerator, which was given to Mr. Wu by the fruit supplier. Uncle, if he comes back later, remember to tell him for me."

Lu Churan responded, nodded to show understanding, and watched the other party turn around and walk away in the rain.

Only Lu Churan was left in the store alone. He turned off the stereo, and the room was suddenly silent, so that even the sound of the cold wind blowing from the air outlet when the air conditioner was turned on became very clear.

He lay on the table and looked boredly at the occasional cars passing by on the road, the traces of the drizzle shattered and disappeared on the puddles on the road, watched and yawned, and missed his bed at home.

Summer rainy nights always give people a very reassuring feeling. The reassurance brought back memories of him lying in his mother's arms listening to stories and dozing off on sleepy summer nights when he was a child. It was far away and vague, and his sister was not born at that time.

At that time, everything was so simple. I hadn't experienced meeting and parting, and I didn't know the heights of the sky and the depths of the earth, and I didn't know the vicissitudes of life.

Seeing that it was getting late, Lu Churan swiped open his cell phone and entered Ji Er's number, planning to call him to ask him where he was and would he come back. If he didn't come back, he would close the door and go home, but the call hadn't been made yet, and Ji Er I went back to the store in the rain.

Ji Er's body was covered with the smell of damp rain and dew outside, and there was a slight smell of alcohol, and the ends of his hair that was slightly longer than the ears were wet. He sat down in front of Lu Churan, breathing silently and He didn't say anything, he looked very depressed, his eyes were wandering and absent-minded.

Lu Churan glanced at him and felt that something was wrong with him, "What's wrong with you?"

"I saw He Shen." Ji Er said, his lips twitched, his lowered eyelashes trembled slightly, shaking off a little uneasy thoughts.

Lu Churan still looked at him, waiting for him to continue speaking.

Ji Er turned his eyes away and stared at an empty corner, whispering as if he was telling himself, "I went to have dinner with those people from the previous dormitory tonight. He Shen just came back from the United States today, and they also Called over, I don’t even know.” He suddenly smiled wryly, with a forced and complicated expression on his face, “I don’t know anything, I don’t know when he will come back, and I don’t know that he will appear suddenly. I couldn't believe it when I was next to it."

"You haven't seen him in the past few years? Don't you still have contact?" Lu Churan asked him with a puzzled expression.

Ji Er was silent, and this silence brewed a taste similar to bitterness, which made Lu Churan feel very unnatural. He was still waiting for Ji Er's reply, and quietly observed his expression, but he couldn't understand what was inside. mood.

He had witnessed the love between Ji Er and He Shen before, and he also knew the reason for their separation, but he still doesn't understand why Ji Er's emotions can still be affected so abnormally after so long, as if being remotely controlled Same.

To be precise, Lu Churan doesn't even understand love very well, even if he has loved someone, but for him, the separation is the end, there is not so much procrastination, indecision and indecision.

If it's not necessary, you don't even need to keep in touch after separation, you don't need to greet each other, and it is enough to break the relationship cleanly.

Ji Er didn't speak for a while, as if the playback screen of the signal was suddenly interrupted.

What he didn't dare to tell Lu Churan was that he actually went to see He Shen when he graduated with a master's degree, and followed him secretly like a wretched idiot, and didn't appear in front of him, and was even more afraid of being discovered by his family.

He hid at the very back of the crowd and watched from afar that the person he loved so much was surrounded by the center of the crowd like stars and moons.Honor, praise, blessing, unlimited future, his He Shen will get everything he wants, and he will get happiness from other places, but Ji Er can no longer justifiably participate in it, and even watching secretly like this seems blasphemy .

"How long has he been back, is he still single, and what else did he tell you?" Seeing that he didn't answer, Lu Churan changed the question again, calling him back from the depths of his memory.

Ji Er's expression suddenly seemed to be a little panicked. Lu Churan's question hit his mind, but he was like a slow-witted fool at the dinner table, and didn't ask anything, "I, I don't know ...I didn't look at him much, I was so nervous that I couldn't even eat...hehe, I actually acted like an idiot in front of him."

"Stop laughing, it's ugly."

In fact, Ji Er seldom mentioned things about love in front of Lu Churan. The dignity of a man made it difficult for him to talk about the pain of parting and the pain of lovesickness. Even in front of the most trusted friends, he had to restrain himself.

At this time, Lu Churan suddenly remembered what Lu Yage said last time, that a man who remains single but continues to be friends with his ex is actually ambiguous, so he asked again, "Are you still waiting for him?"

"Wait... I don't know." Ji Er spent a few seconds thinking about this question, shook his head, and said hesitantly, with a self-deprecating tone, "I just can't accept others. I was the one who broke up at the beginning, but It seems that I am the one who can’t let go now.”

Man is always escaping from one life and falling into another, always congratulating himself that he is ignorant of it.

"I thought we wouldn't have to torture each other with our family after we broke up, his mother wouldn't come to me and say 'Ji'er, please let my son go', and my father wouldn't go to him and say 'you and Ji Er is together to force me to die', this should be the best of both worlds. But after leaving him, I still love him. There is not a day that I don't love him. Sometimes I can even close my eyes and remember that we are still together. In the summer we were together, I lay on the grass with him and watched the clouds drift by, and when he kissed me, I heard the sound of wind and grass..."

When Ji Er said these words, Lu Churan vaguely remembered an old story he had read in a book.

In this story, the fox and the little prince say, "I don't eat bread, and the wheat is useless to me. I don't care about the wheat fields. And this is really disappointing. But, you have golden hair. Well, it will be wonderful once you tame me. Wheat, golden yellow, will remind me of you. And, I'll even like the sound of the wind blowing the wheat..."

Taming is indeed something long forgotten.Lu Churan found that he could no longer recall any memories of taming.

While he felt distressed for Ji Er, he couldn't help envying him at the same time. He found that he seemed to have forgotten how to "establish a connection" with others, not because of the indelible harm love had given him or the indelible memories , I simply feel that the relationship between people is maintained by relying on such illusory things that come and go without a trace, which is too weak to withstand scrutiny and touch.

Especially when people seldom confirm a relationship with a person immediately after seeing him, most love needs to be precipitated and brewed, and they are tested and run-in with each other in an unclear relationship. People are tired and pointless.

He doesn't have expectations for anyone, and he doesn't respond to anyone's expectations of himself. He has been calm for too long, and sometimes he doesn't even know if he still has feelings.

"Maybe there will be better people. If you don't come out and try, how will you know?" Lu Churan can't comfort people, but can only analyze problems rationally, but there is not much rationality in love.

Ji Er smiled wryly again, and shook his head lightly, not knowing whether it meant helplessness or not.

In the past few years, he kept asking himself, if he had expected that after losing this person, he would miss him so much and lose the ability to regain love, would he have been braver and more determined than to let him go? hands.

"Then why don't you try it." He raised his eyes to look at Lu Churan, and then lowered his eyes again, pursing his lips with a very calm expression.

Lu Churan was caught off guard and was a little embarrassed by his rhetorical question, so he didn't speak.

Ji Er is a very beautiful man, his facial features tend to be soft and delicate, but the softness and rigidity make him exquisite and durable, as if he was carved out, making people feel that looking at him is a kind of appreciation, and Ji Er's personality is very Considerate and gentle, so many men and women are attracted to him, even before he met He Shen.

"Better is not necessarily right. I would rather fall in love with the right person for a while, even if there is no ending, than spend the rest of my life with a good person who is wrong. Do you remember the movie we watched together before, "Pounding Heartbeat". People are like rainbows, and you will know when you meet them." Ji Er whispered in a low and mellow voice, just as he comforted himself countless times in his heart at countless moments of despair, "People's There is only one soulmate in your life, once you have met you, you will know that no matter how great the world is, there are only countless 'others'."

Lu Churan drove back to his home after sending Ji Er and his kiwi fruit home, and it was past midnight when he entered the building.

The numbers in the elevator slowly jumped to the floor where Lu Churan lived. After the elevator stopped, the elevator door opened, and Lu Churan came out from inside. He saw Ye Xi standing in the corridor unexpectedly, and he was startled. , stopped.

Ye Xi leaned against the window sill in the corridor with a cigarette in his mouth, most of his body was hidden in the darkness.

He looked down at the gloomy city night scene expressionlessly. He was wearing a shirt and trousers and looked slim-waisted and long-legged. The suit was draped over one of his arms, and the smoke was slowly exhaled as it passed between his lips and teeth. Dispersed in the watery night, he heard the footsteps behind him and turned around, his expression a bit confused.

"Lu Churan, you are back."

"Are you waiting for me here?" Lu Churan stared at him with fixed eyebrows, his lonely figure was outlined in the night, and the glitz of the whole city was frozen behind him.

The moment Lu Churan saw his back just now, Lu Churan felt an inexplicable and huge sense of loneliness, reflecting a fleeting throbbing in his heart, so weak that he didn't even notice it.

"Yeah." Ye Xi smiled, tilted his head, and said in a relaxed tone, "Yes, I'm waiting for you."

Ye Xi stubbed out his cigarette, and smiled faintly, his eyes were still bright in the dark, but he had no emotion, "I've been waiting for you here for an hour, and I thought you wouldn't be back today."

There was no trace of the dispute in Ye Xi's tone in the morning. Lu Churan almost suspected that this person's personality had been reset, and the lingering anger from the morning in his heart completely disappeared. He felt a little sorry for Ye Xi's waiting, He opened the door, called him in, and asked him what was the matter.

"I want to apologize to you for what happened this morning." Ye Xi replied sincerely, smiled at him, and quickly scanned the room with his eyes. It was unexpectedly clean, even neater than a person who just moved. It doesn't look like a man's house at all, but there are obviously traces of a person's life everywhere.

Lu Churan nodded understandingly, "Actually...you don't have to stand outside for an hour, you can talk about it later, I wanted to talk to you too."

"I don't want to stay until later," Ye Xi shook his head, looked straight into Lu Churan's eyes, and was almost moved by what he said, "I don't want you to spend this time in a bad mood because of me." One day, and it will continue until tomorrow. Anyway, Lu Churan is the first friend I have since I moved to this place, and I already have a place in my heart. "

Lu Churan's expression froze, suddenly he didn't know how to answer him, he was silent for a few seconds in embarrassment, he didn't know what to say to Ye Xi, he didn't expect that Ye Xi would wait outside his door to apologize , and said such sincere words, such an apology seems to be sincere.

However, for a stranger who met by chance, it was too flattering.

"Lu Churan, I'm sorry, I apologize to you for making you angry this morning." Ye Xi smiled warmly, and without any guilt, he saw Lu Churan's astonished expression in his eyes, and couldn't help feeling amused in his heart , "Then I'm leaving, it's late, you should go to bed earlier, good night."

Just as he opened the door, Lu Churan called him from behind, "Ye Xi."

He turned around in response, and Lu Churan handed him a box of dark brown things with a faint aroma, "This is dried coffee grounds, you can put them in every corner of your new furniture to remove the smell gone."

"Thank you." Ye Xi curled the corners of his lips, looking from the coffee grounds along his arms, over his graceful neckline, across his face and into his eyes, his smile deepened.

After that day, Ye Xi took the group of interns to the Hong Kong headquarters. Lu Churan was quiet for a few days, unconsciously immersed in a moment of peace. He thought that Ye Xi's apology to him was a sincere repentance, so Regardless of previous suspicions, the resistance to him has been eliminated a little.

On the night when Ye Xi came back from Hong Kong, he went to Lu Churan's house and gave him a gift, expressing that he wanted to apologize.

Lu Churan suddenly felt that Ye Xi seemed to be different from the reckless behavior he originally thought, and seemed to be more delicate and meticulous than he understood from the surface.

He took out a home projector from the paper box, put it back as it was, and pushed it in front of Ye Xi, "It's too expensive, I can't accept it."

Lu Churan was thinking in his heart, just because he and Ye Xi had almost turned against each other, they were not close enough to send gifts to each other. Even if Ye Xi even came to apologize to repair the relationship with him before, it would still be better to give gifts. Too familiar, like a temptation and approach.

Ye Xi raised the corners of his mouth, a soft smile stretched between his brows, his tone was completely reasonable, and he gave the explanation he had already drafted, "Well, it's not for no reason, last time you gave the coffee grounds to When I came to your place, I saw a lot of movies on the wooden shelf. I guessed that you like watching movies, and you happen to have a blank wall here. I was thinking that if there is a projector to show movies at home, it must be It's cool." Ye Xi glanced at the wall, turned to look at Lu Churan, "I'm sorry for the previous incident, and I also want to thank you for the coffee grounds, so just accept it and don't talk to me. You're welcome, do you like it?"

Lu Churan's personality is indifferent and passive, but he doesn't know how to reject people he knows well, and he doesn't know how to reject others, and if his appearance exceeds the aesthetic standards of people he knows well, he will even lower his behavior standards for them accordingly Yes, in Lu Yage's words, he is a superficial and unprincipled appearance association.

The history of him not taking the initiative to approach anyone can be traced back to kindergarten. However, he has never resisted the little girl who likes him, holding hands as her boyfriend and even taking away his first kiss, because the other party is the cutest and most popular boy in the class. Welcome little ones.

When he thought about it carefully, his first love was also the person who waited at the station for a month in high school and took the initiative to strike up a conversation with him for 5 minutes every day after school. It was not a romantic encounter or a crush.

In fact, Lu Churan is a very approachable person, if you are willing to take the initiative, then you can easily find that he is just a typical cold outside and hot inside.

Every time he wants to make friends with strangers outside of the workplace, he will inexplicably start to hesitate and create a psychological burden. For him, he needs to consider his motivation to approach a person proactively, and it is a bit difficult to think about motivations such as liking or looking good. How to find a common topic with strangers is another question that puzzles him.

He seemed to be able to make up for Ji Er and Lu Yage's complaints, "You also said that you are not a serious social barrier, why do you have problems when others are fine?"

Lu Churan looked at Ye Xi's unrestrained sense of intimacy, as if he was in the mountains and wilderness and suddenly received a communication signal, subconsciously let go of his guard and began to respond.

His expression suddenly became less indifferent and alienated, and he accepted the gift calmly, "Thank you, so did I exchange scum for a treasure?"

"The scum in some people's eyes may be the treasure in the eyes of others." Ye Xi's eyes curled up to hide the cold and fragmented smile in his eyes.

Lu Churan took out one of the neatly arranged Blu-ray disc boxes on the wooden shelf, which was the "Pounding Heart" mentioned by Ji Er before, turned around and waved at Ye Xi, "Then try your gift?"

"Okay." Ye Xi was not restrained at all, sitting cross-legged on the plush carpet in Lu Churan's living room, patiently waiting for him to distinguish the input and output lines connected to the projector, he was thinking about Lu Churan Inviting him to watch such... a small and fresh love movie, is it hinting at something to him? It's a little bit of joy that is exactly what he wants.

When the soft light of the film was reflected on the wall, Lu Churan turned off the light in the living room, and sat next to Ye Xi to watch intently, a story of a love affair that was first discovered and then lost and found again.

How could Lu Churan fail to recognize the obvious metaphor in Ji Er's words? It had already appeared when he took the name of "tobecontinued".

Tobecontinued means unfinished to be continued.

"Do you believe in the existence of soulmate?" Lu Churan did not turn her eyes away from the screen, but asked the person next to her softly.

Ye Xi smiled secretly at this ambiguous omen, but on the surface he pretended to be deep and chatted happily, "I don't believe it, haha, is there any credibility in what a male animal says when courting a mate? In order to get the right to mate/mate, he will not hesitate to belittle his own soul. But even if the soul is incomplete and needs to be complemented, isn't there still a lot of people who die alone?"

"There are reasons for this, but I think at least love exists."

Ye Xi laughed and said nothing when he heard this.

That night ended very peacefully, and everything after that seemed to be safe and sound. It was not until the fourth day after Ye Xi returned from Hong Kong, when Lu Churan was awakened from sleep by that indescribable voice for the tenth time in his life, that he felt I was offended like never before.

He sat up from the bed, his eyes were deep and thoughtful, he took a deep breath, cleared his voice, stared at his mobile phone for a while, and then sneered suddenly without any warning, neither mad nor angry , the voice was as calm as ever.

"Hi, hello, is this Director Chen of the property management department? I'm Lu Churan, the owner of 10, Building 1603, District B. Well, yes, there was a strange noise in the house downstairs. I suspect it was a gang fight or illegal Prostitution, can you help to find out what's going on? Well, ok, thank you."

The author has something to say: I added a small plot to make Lu Churan's meeting with Ye Xi less abrupt.After all, this force is so wicked. ==But I will be very good in the future, don't worry.