Ambiguous addiction

Ye Xi had a fever for a week, and burned away all the dark and low thoughts in his head. When he recovered from the serious illness, his whole body was exhausted, and his heart was calm and empty. He no longer felt wronged by holding on to something. After deciding not to resist these entangled knots, he felt calm as if he had been relieved.

As for Lu Churan, he still misses Lu Churan very much in his heart, but he doesn't have the obsession to get close to him anymore. He doesn't want to make himself like Tao Jiayue, obviously it's more of his own wishful thinking. But insisting on imagining that the other party also cares about the illusion that you can't do without yourself is quite shameless.

Besides, staying in a hotel is also very good. Someone cleans up your room every day, and it is equipped with a free gym and a heated swimming pool. If you have a party outside and play late at night, you will not be talked about when you come back, and the front desk is beautiful. The little girl greeted her with a smile, and she smelled like alcohol and tobacco, and she could fall asleep on the bed without taking a bath, isn't it good?

It's just that sometimes I can't hold back after drinking too much and lose my mind. I ran downstairs to Lu Churan in the middle of the night and looked up at the balcony of Lu Churan's house smoking alone. Sometimes it was too cold and late The wind was so strong that it blew out all his smoke and left him covered in soot.

But this angle of looking up is really looking up at the starry sky from the gutter.

He was not worried about being discovered by Lu Churan at all. After all, he knew Lu Churan's work and rest time very well, and Lu Churan would be very angry if he didn't get enough sleep, and he usually wouldn't stay up late.

That's right, Lu Churan is such a person. Without anyone else, he can live a free and easy life. Unlike him, who is always worried about losing at the slightest sign of trouble, he would rather not start. Such a cowardly person can't give it to the other party happy.

After Ye Xi figured out these things, he calmed down a lot. During the day, he could devote himself to his work as if nothing had happened. Sometimes at night, when he couldn't sleep and tossed and turned, he still felt uncomfortable, but it wasn't to the extent that he was in pain at first. .

One more day is Christmas, and today is Christmas Eve. Ye Xi has a few college classmates who have a good relationship with him and returned to their original city from work. I personally organized a party to catch up on the old days in advance, and then set off from the hotel to the hotel where the wedding banquet was held in the afternoon.

Ye Xi and these few people can't be said to be very familiar, but when he was in college, many people liked him very much. Wherever he stood, people gathered together, so he was used to "being treated as friends". Up to now, they can still contact each other and can name and talk about things before, so the relationship is considered very good.

They chatted and ate in the restaurant, thinking that they would also drink at the wedding at night, so what they ordered was not high-end wine, but beer. When it was past five in the afternoon, they thought it was almost time to take a seat, so they took a taxi from the hotel Went to the hotel.

Lu Churan still didn't look for Ye Xi. Later, Ji Er forcefully came to tell him the address of Ye Xi's hotel, but he still didn't take any action. He wanted to wait for Ye Xi's attitude to soften and come to him, as long as he came In front of him, no matter what he said, he would forgive him and give him another chance to correct his mistakes, but Ye Xi was equally stubborn and remained silent, making him feel that he might grow old just by waiting.

It's almost Christmas, and Ye Xi still hasn't called him, nor sent him a Moments post, as if he's completely disappeared.

On the morning of Christmas Eve, his cell phone finally rang, but it was not Ye Xi, but Tao Jiayue.

Lu Churan answered the phone and said "Hello?"

Tao Jiayue smiled wryly, "Do you have to be like this, and even say a word to me in such a disappointed tone."

Lu Churan didn't answer, Tao Jiayue said again, "Okay, if you don't want to get back together with me, you can always practice it for me, right? I'm leaving tomorrow morning, and I don't think there will be many chances to meet in the future."

Lu Churan was silent for a while, and replied flatly, "Please send me the address."

"Okay, but I still have some things to deal with before I leave today. The time may be a bit late. I'll call you around the same time and you can go out again."

"Well, see you tonight." Lu Churan hung up the phone after finishing speaking.

Then it was another day of doing nothing. It was not until 08:30 in the evening that Lu Churan received a call from Tao Jiayue. He made an appointment at the hotel opposite the hotel where he stayed when he returned to China. The location has been booked, and he will wait for Lu Churan Meet him at the entrance of the hotel first, and then go there together.

Tomorrow is Christmas. It is obviously a religious festival in foreign countries, but now it has become a carnival all over the world. There are Christmas decorations and decorations everywhere, restaurants also offer festive set menus, and some people will gather at midnight Countdown to welcome in the square.

When Lu Churan came out of the house, seeing that the road conditions were not very clear, he took a taxi instead of driving himself to go to the appointment.

He was stuck on the road for a while, and the night outside was filled with darkness. The deep winter night was extremely peaceful and quiet against the intertwined neon lights of the city. It was already nine o'clock when Tao Jiayue met.

No matter how much he thought about it, he never thought that he and Ye Xi would meet unexpectedly at the hotel entrance on Christmas Eve. At first, he just greeted Tao Jiayue, and then he heard people making noise behind him. When he turned his head, he saw Ye Xi, who was drinking to drown his worries at other people's wedding banquets, was so drunk that he couldn't stand still, and was hugged by a man standing behind him. He kept pushing the man's hand in annoyance, "Don't touch me, I don't need your help , I'm not drunk."

The tie around Ye Xi's neck was crooked, the first button of the collar was loose, and the suit jacket was not well put on in the cold weather, half of it was in his hand and half was dragging on the ground.

Lu Churan couldn't help frowning when he saw him like this, and immediately turned his face away, and said to Tao Jiayue who was waiting for him, "Let's go."

Tao Jiayue looked at the drunken people behind her, and at Lu Churan's reaction, she remembered something from the past, couldn't help laughing, and was about to speak, when she saw Ye Xi pounced on Lu Churan from behind. Hugging him, the strength was so great that the people behind couldn't hold him back, so he kept apologizing to Lu Churan, "Sorry, my friend is drunk, and he admitted the wrong person."

Lu Churan's expression was very calm, not the look of being offended by strangers at all, looking down at Ye Xi who couldn't stand up straight, without saying a word, but his eyes slowly formed like torrential rain on the road. There is a touch of sadness piled up like a puddle.

Ye Xi still hugged Lu Churan tightly and didn't let go at all. After blurring his eyes, he saw clearly that the person standing in front of him and looking at him with a half-smile was Tao Jiayue. After that, he suddenly lost his mind, and his breathing gradually became heavy. Get up, pull Lu Churan back, "Follow me."

Lu Churan casually hugged him, and walked a few steps with him. Ye Xi hurriedly and anxiously didn't know what he was looking for. I took out a room card, and then threw the clothes where they were and didn’t want them anymore. I stuffed the room card into Lu Churan’s hand and dragged him away, with the same words, “Follow me.”

The classmate was still calling him from behind, Ye Xi didn't turn his head, and pushed Lu Churan towards the elevator staggeringly. He was too drunk and couldn't keep his balance. Chu Ran put his arms around his waist and he managed to stand still.

After Lu Churan sent him into the room according to the number on the room card, Ye Xi locked all the locks of the hotel door, and then turned around and hugged Lu Churan tightly, holding Lu Churan lightly and lightly. He gave all his weight to the other party, and almost pushed him to the ground, but fortunately, Lu Churan reacted quickly enough to hug him back.

After the two of them huddled together and stood firm, Lu Churan calmly pushed Ye Xi away, stared at his eyes that had lost focus, and said indifferently, "Are you finally willing to appear in front of me?"

Ye Xi didn't speak again, and rushed forward to continue hugging him relentlessly, and led him to the side of the bed. Lu Churan took his arm away with a little effort, broke free from his embrace, and his face sank. , "Do you think this is interesting? You come into my arms after leaving other people's arms. Does this mean that I am more important than others?"

Ye Xi originally pretended to be deaf and dumb, and didn't respond to Lu Churan's resistance, but when he heard this sentence, he became emotional, "I'm not at all...I'm not! I'm not with that person. That kind of relationship, that's just my classmate!"

Lu Churan said coldly, "Whatever you want."

"You can't be casual, you can't." Ye Xi was so drunk that his speech was slurred, and when he finally brought Lu Churan to the bed, he quickly took off his pants and stuck them on Lu Churan.

"Do you know what you're doing?" Lu Churan's face became even uglier, and he lifted him off his body a little annoyed, then picked up his pants from the ground and put them on for him, his movements were strong and crisp, Then he reprimanded in a deep voice, "Don't just take off your pants, sit down and talk."

Ye Xi acted as if he didn't understand, and threw Lu Churan onto the bed with a forceful pounce. His face was flushed and hot, and he barely supported him. When he spoke, the smell of alcohol swept his face, "I miss you .”

Lu Churan's eyes were dark, she looked at him unmoved, and said without emotion, "If you do this again, I will leave."

Ye Xi fell silent, opened his eyes as if in a daze, and didn't move at all.

He silently looked down at Lu Churan's face, and after a few seconds, big drops of tears suddenly began to fall without warning, falling on Lu Churan's face continuously, and falling more and more. More and more, wet both sides of Lu Churan's cheeks, and slid down the contours into his ears.

Ye Xi collapsed in that instant, crying loudly, gasping for breath with difficulty as he muttered, "Don't go... Dad, don't look for him, don't leave me..."

Lu Churan's heart suddenly throbbed violently. He raised his hand to caress the back of Ye Xi's head, and pushed his head down, "I won't go."

Ye Xi cried so hard that he was hugged by Lu Churan lying on the bed. Through the thin shirt, Lu Churan felt that his body was extremely hot, and warm tears kept falling on his neck. Finally, he sighed. He asked in a breath of confusion, "Is ambiguity so addictive to you? Can I love you so much that I can't let you quit them?"

Ye Xi sobbed for a while, and didn't choose to justify himself, but the pain that had lasted for a long time was released like a flood, "I know you love me, but sometimes you are right in front of me, you are so close When you hug me, I still feel that you are far away from me. When you look at me, there is still a wall in your heart. When you are in a good mood, you allow me to walk in, but I always feel that maybe I suddenly do You made a mistake and blocked me."

Lu Churan felt a sore feeling in his heart. He hugged Ye Xi who was crying like he was about to lack oxygen, feeling bitter and helpless, "You are always so insecure, thinking that I will give up on you one day, But what if you get tired of me first, do you think that what I can give you is not as good as your ambiguity?"

Ye Xi kept shaking his head and said intermittently, "Impossible, that's impossible. I can't leave you long ago. I stayed by your side a long time ago, and I no longer want to be ambiguous."

Lu Churan felt a little stuffy under his pressure, moved a little to adjust her posture, but was hugged even tighter by Ye Xi, "Don't go..."

He simply moved a little wider, and changed to a more comfortable posture to tightly circle the person, "Where else do you want me to go? Do you want to find someone else to replace me if I leave?"

Ye Xi fell silent again, and suddenly fell asleep without saying hello, breathing evenly on the side of his neck. The two of them were so close, and the heating temperature in the room was too high. It didn't take long before he hugged Lu Chu Ran slept profusely in sweat, which made Lu Churan sweat all over.

Lu Churan reached into his clothes and wiped his sweat on his back, so he wanted to wipe him off and change into clean clothes, but he just pulled him away from his arms when he clenched his hands tightly again. My clothes started to shed tears with my eyes closed, and I begged him with a strong cry, "Don't go, don't leave me..."

Lu Churan had no choice but to threaten him, "Don't cry, if you cry again, I will leave."

After hearing this, Ye Xi slowly let go of his fingers. Lu Churan went to the bathroom and twisted a towel and came back to wipe him off. When he came back to the bed, he saw him curled up on the bed, biting his lips and trembling, his eyelashes were all wet. It is clear, but dare not make a sound.

Lu Churan was so distressed that he could only surrender. There was nothing he could do about it. He turned him over and untied his clothes. He leaned over and touched his forehead, and pushed the broken hair up to reveal his forehead. , "Don't cry, I won't go, I'm still here."

"Don't go..." Ye Xi sobbed softly, feeling Lu Churan gently kissing his face, his mood gradually calmed down, and he stopped crying like a child repeatedly.

While wiping him, Lu Churan talked to him in a low voice to coax him, and he was relieved when he was completely asleep and couldn't wake up after rubbing, covered him with a quilt and lay down beside him, Staring at his sleeping face, couldn't help kissing his soft lips, touched his thin face, suddenly remembered something, then took out his mobile phone and sent a text message to Tao Jiayue, for his own Sorry for the short notice.

Tao Jiayue quickly replied, 【You have really changed a lot, it seems that we are really not suitable, you used to never be late when you go out with me, and now you have even learned how to let me dove.But I wish you happiness, even if I don't give it to you. 】