Ambiguous addiction

It was only after eight o'clock in the evening when Ye Xi was kicked out of the house by Lu Churan. The shops outside were still brightly lit, but the temperature had cooled down and the wind in the street was very strong. Can't get up.

Standing in pajamas and slippers like a homeless man, he was greeted by passers-by on the street. He hesitated for a while, took a taxi by the side of the road with his arms in his arms, and went directly to a high-end shopping plaza in the city center. .

The cash in the wallet is not enough, but since he has nothing to worry about now, and he has earned so much money, if he maxes out his card, he will still be able to repay it next month, so Ye Xi has nothing to worry about. Looking at the Shunyan luxury store, I picked up a few suits at random, bought a few shirts to change and wash, plus ties, socks and shoes, and spent tens of thousands of dollars in less than half an hour. I asked for a single room at a commercially run hotel and checked in.

After entering the hotel room, he didn't even turn on the light, threw the shopping bag by the door, and fell on the bed in the dark. He felt sore and tired all over. fell asleep.

When Ye Xi woke up early the next morning, he felt his nose was stuffed and hot, his throat was prickly, and even his saliva hurt. He probably caught a cold because of being so thinly dressed and blown in the cold wind for so long last night.

He unpacked the newly purchased shirt and suit and put on the box. He left the hotel and took a taxi back to the company. I couldn't make it, and I might think about it later. I troubled the other party during this time, and then I hung up the phone.

After returning to the company, Ye Xi took the untouched documents on his desk to the shredder and shredded them. Seeing the stack of thick documents turned into torn pieces of paper, he didn't feel much emotion , It’s not particularly a pity, nor is it a pity.

In the first hour of leaving Lu Churan's house last night, he was still caught off guard and confused. He couldn't help but want to regret shamelessly, and wanted to find someone to ask him if he did something wrong again, or Said that this time it was finally rare to be able to shirk responsibility for others.

But after much deliberation, there is no result. If you want to blame, it seems that you can only blame yourself. You have neither the ability nor the courage, but you have to bear the love self-righteously, so reaping the fruits of your own is already the best arrangement. People who have nothing to do with themselves.

The general manager was very happy to see him back to work, asked him how his injury was recovering, and told him that the few big orders he signed recently had good returns, Ye Xi just smiled with the corners of his mouth pulled, and he had no strength left. What did you say?

The general manager asked him again if he wanted to have a late-night snack and drink with a few colleagues after get off work. Ye Xi thought about it and said "yes" with a smile. Anyway, in this situation, he didn't want to grit his teeth and work harder It's better to be drunk and dream of death if you survive a desperate situation.

Lu Churan just sat by the bed for a whole night with a blank expression. The phone never rang in his hand. He repeatedly checked whether the phone was out of battery or shut down due to arrears of calls, but nothing happened. No, it's very normal, it's just that the call I wanted to wait for couldn't wait.

After the sky outside completely brightened, he didn't even bother to drink honey water, just washed up casually and went out.

When we returned to "tobecontinued", the couple He Shen and Ji Er were chatting and eating breakfast in a peaceful way. When they saw Lu Churan walking in with dark circles under his eyes and a numb face, they looked at each other in confusion for a while.

Ji Er waved his hand in front of his dull eyes, and asked him, "What's wrong with you? Did you find out about Ye Xi's hand injury?"

Lu Churan was silent for a long time, as if the power supply was insufficient to make him able to speak. After a long time, he slowly raised his eyes, his voice was sleepy and exhausted, and he was very listless. Yes, but before I could ask him, we had a fight, and then he left and hasn't come back until now."

"I didn't expect you to have today. When you grow up, Lu Churan, you will quarrel when you fall in love with others." Ji Er was surprised and showed a very relieved expression. He glanced at He Shen and smiled with his eyes bent. Continue to add insult to injury, "Do you remember that when we quarreled before, he would look at us with a dead fish-like expression, because in the past, whenever Tao Jiayue quarreled with him, he would compromise if he could, and deal with it coldly if he could not compromise. The spirit of "cooperation" was brought into full play, and now it is finally planted."

Lu Churan stared at the filter paper, the hot water in it soaked the ground coffee beans, and the clarified coffee liquid dripped from the filter onto the glass base, he said with a blank expression, " If you say a word to me again, I will cry."

Ji Er closed his mouth immediately when he saw that he was ready, bowed his head to eat breakfast without saying a word, He Shen poured Lu Churan a cup of coffee and added some warm milk, "If he wants to leave, you let him go? You Didn't you go after him? Did you call him to find him?"

A once-in-a-lifetime look of anger appeared on Lu Churan's face, "I did nothing wrong, why should I look for him first."

Ji Er spit coffee into the cup, and was inexplicably confused by his words, "Arguing between couples is like a conflict in the family. There is no right or wrong. When you were young, your mother beat you and talked to you dialectically and analytically. Does it make sense?"

"I was very good when I was young, my mother never beat me." Lu Churan turned her face away.

"Then why did he smash the mirror all of a sudden, did he get any stimulation?" He Shen didn't join their unreasonable bickering, and turned the topic back to the main topic, "Has he mentioned to his friends what happened recently that made him Too much pressure?"

"He has no friends." Lu Churan said, "He doesn't treat others as friends, and he never talks about his thoughts with anyone, except me."

He Shen nodded, "So even you don't know the reason, only he can know."

Lu Churan remained sullen again.

Ji Er couldn't bear to see his awkward and uncomfortable look, and reached out to him, "Give me Ye Xi's phone number, and if you don't want him, I'll find him for you."

Ji Er asked for Ye Xi's phone number and started calling him, but Ye Xi never answered. To be precise, Ye Xi didn't answer everyone's calls for a few days. Turn it on, wait for the phone to receive enough calls from morning to night, and then turn it off when it runs out of power, and then he recharges it again, so that it continues to receive incoming calls as if urged to death.

On the first night when he returned to the company to work, he was drunk with his colleagues. The next day, he went directly from a common cold to a fever. He had difficulty getting up and couldn't go to work.

For the next few days, he had a high fever, his head was heavy as if stuck to the pillow, he fell asleep from day to night, he threw the phone aside and did whatever he wanted, ordered takeaway online when he was hungry, and ate. After a few bites, my stomach hurts, and I ran into the toilet and leaned over and started to vomit, more than I ate.

The fever lasted for about three or four days. Ye Xi fell asleep and couldn't feel the time. He didn't know how many days it was. When his high fever finally showed some signs of subsiding and regained consciousness, it was already morning. He stretched his arms Going to reach for the mobile phone on the bedside table, I checked to see if there was any urgent news, and then I saw Ji Er's text message.

【Ye Xi, I'm Ji Er.Where are you now, is it convenient to meet me?I have called you for several days and you have not answered my call. I went to your company to ask, and your colleague said that you were on sick leave and did not go to work.How are you doing now?We are all worried about you, please call me back when you see this message. 】

You are all worried about me. Will Lu Churan still worry about me now?He doesn't even bother to call me anymore, and it doesn't matter to him what I do.

Ye Xi's throat still hurts, and he coughed badly, he didn't want to talk, so he hugged the quilt weakly and leaned against the head of the bed and started to answer a few words, [It's nothing, I had a cold and fever for a few days, and I'm much better now.If you want to find me, come to the hotel, and I will send you the address later. 】

After sending the message, Ye Xi got up and got out of bed and opened the curtains, almost blinded by the sunlight outside the window.

He dragged his heavy body to take a bath, and looked in the mirror after washing. His face was slightly swollen from sleep, his lips were bloodless, and he was so haggard that even looking at him felt disgusting, so he closed his eyes, brushed his teeth and washed his face.

After coming out of the bathroom, he changed into new clothes, leaned against the bed and lay his hair down for a while, and then Ji Er knocked on the door.

Ye Xi walked slowly to open the door for Ji Er. Ji Er's expression immediately became subtle when he saw him at first glance. "This is a medicine that is very helpful for wound healing, and this stomach medicine is given by Lu Churan, this cold medicine is also given by him, and this porridge is also made by him. You can see that he has done so many things For sake, don't get angry with him, okay?"

Ye Xi took the things and put them aside, coughed and cleared his throat, but he was still hoarse, "If you came here just to tell me these things, then go back."

After hearing this, Ji Er immediately stood by his door. Ye Xi glanced at him, turned around without any reaction, and sat on the chair by the window sill.

Ji Er walked to the chair opposite him and sat down, brewed for dozens of seconds, and then said to him: "Is there something you can't say to Lu Churan? I think you...you look like that kind of People who are strong and sensible should not do irrational things. I mean, I actually want to ask, how did you hurt your hand?"

Ye Xi looked down at his hands, and confessed indifferently, "The other day you were having dinner with Tao Jiayue, and I saw the photo. At that time, I couldn't control my emotions and smashed a mirror." He finished speaking Paused for a few seconds, then looked at Ji Er calmly, "Actually, you and your boyfriend want to bring the two of them back together, after all, the four of you have such a good friendship."

"I'm not, don't get me wrong." Ji Er waved his hands in a panic, and explained to Ye Xi, "Tao Jiayue and I haven't been in touch for so many years, and we have drifted apart, and in terms of friendship, even He Shen can't compare Churan on the road. Since Lu Churan chose you, of course I support him unconditionally. As for Tao Jiayue wanting to save it, it is their own business, and I can't control it. But I can tell you with certainty that that day Why don't we just say that Lu Churan agreed to have dinner with Tao Jiayue that day in order to make it clear to him face to face that he refused to get back together, it's not what you think but we want to match them up."

Ye Xi listened silently, without any emotional fluctuations as if it had nothing to do with him, and finally nodded indifferently, expressing that he understood.

Seeing his lifeless appearance, Ji Er was very anxious, and then said, "I knew very well about their breakup back then. Tao Jiayue's parents have been arguing since they found out about them, and they didn't let him go out. After going out to find Lu Churan, he didn’t come back, and then he came back to school after a few days, and began to persuade Lu Churan not to go abroad, and stay with him to take the college entrance examination, and we will calculate the future, at least grasp the present Life. Sounds very positive, doesn’t it?” He smiled and shook his head again, “But Lu Churan knew what Tao Jiayue was planning as soon as he heard this kind of words. He thought that one day he would always break up. It takes as long as it takes, and it is regarded as earning every day. But what Lu Churan wants is forever, and being together is not to break up in a certain day in the future. Lu Churan feels that since he has been Tao Jiayue is excluded from his future, so no matter how hard he tries now, it will only delay each other, so he decided to break up so decisively."

Ye Xi's heart began to throb slightly, but the indifference on his face remained unmoved. He looked directly at Ji Er for a few seconds, and then replied, "Then Tao Jiayue regrets it now too. Since the steps are finally the same, it's okay to get back together." So-called."

Ji Er was choked by his words, and couldn't imagine how negative Ye Xi's calm surface had become, so he argued with a serious expression, "To be honest, Tao Jiayue never lied to Lu Churan, and his life is not as good as you. Those ambiguities that cannot be let go, but love is always just a flavoring agent when life is empty for him, and it is a very minor thing. When necessary, he must make concessions for things that are really important to him. No matter how many times you give and how much sincerity you give, you will only get hurt in the end.”

Ye Xi's complexion finally changed, his eyes sank, and he asked Ji Er, "If I say I'm not having an affair with anyone else, would you believe me?" He looked at the other party with a hesitant expression, and sneered indifferently, "Lu Churan doesn't believe me anymore, because I lied to him time and time again, and the credit limit is gone. I know that everything has a limit, and I've been sorry to him enough, and I don't want him to hold grudges against me again." Conclusion, "That's it."

"No, don't think that way, since you didn't do it, you should have the confidence to get his understanding." Ji Er retorted, "Lu Churan loves you so much, and you love him too, as long as you have this consensus, All problems can be discussed and resolved, can't they?"

Ye Xi turned a deaf ear to his words, "It can't be solved. Unless he forgets, there will always be a thorn in his heart. One day I make him dissatisfied and he will remember that it's all my fault."

"No, as long as you talk about these things, you can face them. Everyone knows how much Lu Churan loves you, but you don't believe it yourself. If you are not brave, how can you love others?"

"My bravery is only used to support myself. I have reached the end of my life until today. I don't have any more bravery. I don't want to live anymore." Ye Xi's voice was full of exhaustion and despair. Turning his face away to look at the white mist outside the window, he said in a cold tone, "Tao Jiayue is very brave, and she is also devoted to him. You can go to Tao Jiayue."

"Don't mention Tao Jiayue anymore, don't you think you've already got into a dead end? Just say a very old-fashioned saying. Only those who wear the shoes know whether they are comfortable or not. Since Lu Churan thinks Tao Jiayue is not good and doesn't like him , why do you think they are still possible?" Ji Er saw Ye Xi stand up suddenly from his seat, followed him to stand up, followed him to the door, "Lu Churan is different from me, unless he Don't talk about breaking up, as long as you say that you don't love after breaking up, he is not the kind of person who procrastinates, even if he has imagined being together for a lifetime, as long as he decides not to love, he will not leave any retreat for himself and the other party .”

Ye Xi's footsteps stopped at the door, opened the door, then turned around and grabbed Ji Er's arm and threw him out, closing the door with a "bang", Ji Er was caught off guard by him and was thrown outside in a hurry. He knocked on the door, "Ye Xi, Ye Xi, he is waiting for you, Lu Churan has been waiting for you, you just need to be brave enough to go forward and you will see him."

Ye Xi was behind the door, and his legs had no strength to support his body. He leaned against the door and slowly sat down, hugging his knees on the floor, all kinds of thoughts entangled in his mind, making him feel a headache .

He also wants to be brave, but there is still no good result if he is brave. If this is the case, why is it necessary to persevere?

Every time he looks at Lu Churan, every time he gets close to him and touches him, he always thinks in his heart, I am the one who loves you the most in the world, please be patient and wait for me, wait for me to learn Express this feeling to you like a normal person.

But in fact, every time other people tried to get close to Lu Churan, he instinctively flinched, even before others did anything, he felt that he had lost and was compared.

After Ji Er returned from Ye Xi's place, he wanted to talk to Lu Churan, but Lu Churan refused to talk, and locked himself at home all day and night alone, not wanting to see anyone, so Lu Yage called him. On the phone, he said that he was very busy and had no time. When his parents asked him if he would go home for dinner, he said that he had a lot of work and would talk about it later. In fact, he didn't do anything at home.

He didn't think about Ye Xi either, he didn't even want to think about him, because when he thought of him, his internal organs ached, breathing, eating, sleeping, drinking, bathing, taking a bath, surfing the Internet, resting and doing anything, even the most basic daily routines were guaranteed. no.

In the first week when Ye Xi ran away from home, Lu Churan stayed at home alone, received a call in the afternoon, and went downstairs to pick up a courier.

He carried a courier that was almost as tall as him from the gate of the community to the house, as if he was carrying someone home, and was watched sideways by passers-by along the way.

After he got home, he unpacked the courier package and cut off the ropes tied inside one by one. The branches and leaves of the pine tree were slowly loosened, layer by layer, like a bundled skirt swaying and unraveling. , the top of the treetop is pointed upwards, and the branches and leaves gradually thicken from top to bottom. It is a clean and fresh Christmas tree without any decorations.

Lu Churan shook off the fallen pine needles of the Christmas tree, and then put them on a plastic base. The sunken disc of the base was filled with some water, and placed by the wall facing the door of the house. It is still peaceful and green, exuding a faint fragrance.

He cleaned up the pine needles that had fallen all over the floor, wrapped the small decorative lights around them, and then hung glass balls of different colors and styles on the branches, and put a little star on the treetop. There is a small train with tracks in a circle underneath.

After all this work, he was sweating a little, and his legs were tired from squatting. He turned off the lights at home and plugged in the power. He sat on the carpet to rest in a trance, and looked at the twinkling colorful lights on the Christmas tree with some dejection. The light, the little train circled around the bottom of the tree, I don't know how long it took to look at it, and then murmured to the tree in a low voice.

"I bought you a Christmas tree, so hurry home."