Ambiguous addiction

It's not that Lu Churan can't guess the contradiction hidden in Ye Xi's stomach that he can't vent. His self-esteem is so strong that he will never allow himself to admit defeat in front of Tao Jiayue. As well as a little bit of the past that he doesn't know, he can only care about and envy like fate.

Ye Xi's eyes were full of fatigue and pain, which made Lu Churan feel extremely guilty. He stood still and hugged Ye Xi for a full 10 minutes. When Ye Xi calmed down a little, he pulled him Sit down at the dining table, squat down beside him, and look up at him, "Haven't you eaten yet?"

Ye Xi gently stroked his temples with his fingers, looked down at him, and gave a faint "hmm" in his throat.

"Can I make you a steamed custard?"

Ye Xi was stunned for two seconds, and couldn't help pulling the corners of his lips. Is this Lu Churan's exclusive way of coaxing people only for him?He nodded and said "hmm" again. Lu Churan got up and walked into the kitchen after getting the response. Not long after, there was the sound of the range hood whining.

After 15 minutes, Ye Xi ate a large bowl of rice with a bowl of steamed egg custard. His stomach felt warm and full, and the pain gradually disappeared, and his complexion eased a lot.

While he was eating, Lu Churan sat next to him and looked at him quietly. He put his leg on Lu Churan's thigh in a disrespectful manner. Lu Churan didn't dislike him, and touched him lovingly. White ankles, warm palms.

After eating the rice, Lu Churan didn't need him to wash the dishes, but asked him to take a bath and warm the bed after washing, so he honestly took a hot shower and got under the covers.

He lay flat on the bed and stared at the ceiling, emptying his head. This day really made him physically and mentally exhausted. If he loved no one and kept himself alone like before, he would not have caused such troubles at all, but he has already It's not the wild fox that used to go around catching some undifferentiated chickens by itself. Now he has been tamed and is unique and recognizable. This decision is without complaint or regret.

The mattress suddenly sank, and a warm body came close to him. The familiar and reassuring smell surrounded him. Ye Xi turned around and was hugged. Even the hugging posture was the most natural fit, as if he was originally As it should be.

"If I could choose a superpower, I would like to control time." Ye Xi leaned over and kissed Lu Churan, and bit his lips lightly, "Then I will go back to the time before you and Tao Jiayue were together." Time snatches you away, or tells you secretly, 'you will be mine from now on, don't take him too seriously'. Have you watched "The Time Traveler's Wife", the male protagonist is in his wife's eight-year-old I got her captivated at the time, and I think I can too."

Lu Churan couldn't help laughing at his childish words, pinched his waist, and groped his ribs one by one, "How do you know that I liked you when I was eight years old?" , I still liked girls when I was eight years old."

Ye Xi was silent for a while, "Then maybe I can speed up the time, so that when you wake up, you will find that you have loved me for several years and know that you want me, and then we will get married. "

Lu Churan paused after hearing his words, her cheeks were slightly hot, and her heart beat faster, "If you want, I can marry you now."

"You can't say anything irresponsible to comfort me. Although I am very happy to hear it, I know you are not such a careless person. I don't mind if your inspection period for me is longer." Ye Xi Exchanged another short kiss with him, "And you proposed to me on the bed, can you be less sincere?"

"Actually, you don't have any confidence in marriage, do you? You're also investigating me." Lu Churan continued his words.

"Yeah. Rather than inspecting you, it's better to say that I'm also inspecting myself." Ye Xi raised his eyes to look at him, his eyes were still very clear in the darkness, "I have a lot of confidence in you, more than I have confidence in myself." There are many, after all, I have the genes of irresponsible people flowing in me."

"Hush, don't think about it, go to sleep." Lu Churan felt inexplicably blocked when he heard these negative words. He patted his back lightly, and after a few pats, Ye Xi was so sleepy that he couldn't lift up Eyelids rolled up, and fell asleep after a few minutes.

After Lu Churan sent Ye Xi to work in the morning, he went back to "tobecontinued". Ji Er and He Shen were having breakfast. Ji Er became nervous when he saw him, "Lu Churan, that, that Who, Tao Jiayue..."

"I know he's back." Lu Churan's reaction was as flat as water, "He has seen me and Ye Xi, and told Ye Xi that he still likes me."

Ji Er looked shocked, as if he had heard the talk of the wild night, and accidentally poured the maple syrup topped with muffins into the coffee. He Shen took his maple syrup coffee and drank it as if nothing had happened.

"He is too daring to say it. He really deserves to be the one who used a month of nonsense to start a conversation with Mr. Lu." Ji Er sighed in admiration, and brought He Shen's cup of black coffee to drink, "He contacted me Yes, tell me that he is going to go abroad before Christmas this time. I don’t think I mentioned it to you. After he tossed himself to save you, his parents couldn’t see it and took him to immigrate. Later, the nationality was changed. I talked with him for a long time last night. He said that he was married and divorced abroad, and now his parents no longer interfere with his liking of men. Maybe he thinks that he has tried hard and is still not straight. Don’t force him to come.”

Lu Churan didn't react at all. The time for this person to disappear in his world seemed to be no more than a moment, and it was summed up in a few words, which made him have no real sense of time passing. He looked at Ji Er with a puzzled face, "Divorced Come back and say you like me? I'm a recycling bin?"

"Mr. Lu, your analogy is too cruel." Ji Er's expression was a bit horrible, "I can't see it, do you hate him so much?"

"I don't hate him." Lu Churan still looked like he couldn't smile when he was tickled, "I just hope he doesn't come to disturb me, when I look at him, I feel 'black history' written on his face Three words, remembering that I was so naive and entrusted to no one, I am ashamed to face Ye Xi."

Ji Er admired sincerely, "Every time Mr. Lu is an English teacher, every time I use idioms, I feel that the attack power increases exponentially."

He Shen nodded with a half understanding, and patted him on the shoulder earnestly, "It turned out to be a fear of guilt, each other."

Lu Churan pushed He Shen's hand away expressionlessly, forked a piece of muffin to cover his mouth, and then went to look at Ji Er, "He didn't just come to you to tell you these things."

"Well, he asked me for your phone number, but I dare not give it to you. I don't know what you think, so I won't give you any advice." Ji Er said, "But he said he wanted to meet the three of us to catch up. , let me ask your opinion, I think he just wants to see you, the two of us are sent by phone bill, do you want to see?"

"Let's meet each other. An acquaintance is not to the point where we can't even meet each other. Instead, it seems that I have a guilty conscience and still remember the past. You can let him come to our store for dinner at noon. By the way, I will be with him Make it clear sooner."

Ji Er smiled and looked at He Shen, "Our teacher Lu is really clean and neat for ten years."

Ye Xi has been staring at the computer screen for a whole morning. He is not the kind of person who will let problems grow freely. He has grown up all the way alone. He has experienced too much and too deep despair. He knows that the way to alleviate the pain is Solving problems and building a sense of fulfillment, pleading and compromising are no defense against any desperation.

But to his disappointment, the only way he can think of to solve the problem is to take Lu Churan to escape from reality.

He wants to escape to a place where no one knows them, and then completely monopolize Lu Churan, becoming the only person he can trust and rely on, and have an irreplaceable connection with him.

But without a realistic economic foundation, these are just idle delusions that people sneer at and find unrealistic. He sold the house, and now he only has hundreds of thousands of deposits in his hand, and he can't go anywhere, because the people who support his life There are too many necessary conditions.

Ye Xi sat anxiously on his seat, staring at the endless traffic on the busy road outside the window, the loneliness and helplessness that had haunted him for a long time began to appear indistinctly again, everything that was finally put back on track As if suddenly overturned, despair was summoned from his hollow heart like a hallucination.

He was in a daze for a while, and unlocked the phone. He wanted to tell Lu Churan that he was suffering now, as if Lu Churan was a driftwood that he could hug when he was drowning.

But his fingers hesitated again, rationality on the other side of the pain reminded him not to lose control in front of Lu Churan, not to show his fragility in front of his lover like a paranoid psychopath, and seek comfort like drinking poison to quench thirst.

Then he clicked on the circle of friends, and saw the first message after the small rotating circle disappeared. It was a group photo of Lu Churan, Ji'er, He Shen and Tao Jiayue. Tao Jiayue said, [The four we used to be inseparable Individuals haven't been together for a long time.nostalgia. 】

Ye Xi remained silent for a full minute, then stood up from his seat, pale and haggard as if the blood had faded from his face, he walked slowly into the bathroom, turned on the faucet and took a handful of water to wash his face, the water droplets condensed on his hair The tip couldn't bear the gravity to drip, and it fell on the face like a teardrop.

He looked at the person in the mirror, and never felt that he was so hideous, with nothing accomplished and nothing, a decadent and useless appearance.Then he clenched his fists and swung fiercely at the person in the mirror, until the painful and tired face in the mirror shattered and fell like a mask in front of him.

The joints on his fist suddenly felt pain, warm and viscous blood gushed out from the skin cut by the glass, fell along the knuckles to the edge of the sink, and flowed down the white porcelain basin to the bottom.

The colleagues outside heard the loud noise coming from the bathroom and rushed over to see what was going on. They were stunned by Ye Xi's bloody hands. Several people rushed him to the hospital and asked him what happened along the way. He also kept silent when things happened.

For the rest of the afternoon, Ye Xi stayed in the hospital. He got a tetanus and had an X-ray taken. His colleagues saw that he was fine and went back to work. He sat alone in the hospital waiting for the results.

At four o'clock in the afternoon, Lu Churan called him. He looked at the caller ID, moved his fingers and hung up the phone.

But after thinking about it for 5 minutes, I felt very unwilling. He is my boyfriend. Why should I get angry with him for others? Even if I want a reasonable explanation, it is only natural.

So he dialed the phone back, and Lu Churan picked it up almost instantly, "Why did you hang up on me just now? Are you busy?"

"I pressed the wrong button." Ye Xi's voice was weak, "I'm in the hospital now."

The moment his words fell into his ears, Lu Churan's heart throbbed for no reason, as if he had a strange premonition of telepathy, so he didn't ask him why, "Send me the address, I Come here now."

When Lu Churan arrived, Ye Xi had already seen the doctor and listened to the analysis. He took the medicine and sat on the bench, distracted. The moment Lu Churan suddenly walked into his line of sight, his dim eyes Only then did he regain a little light, raised the hand that was bandaged like a pig's trotter, put it down again, replaced it with the intact one, and waved at Lu Churan.

Lu Churan stood in front of him, with a serious expression on his face, as if he was a little sullen, but the anger had nowhere to go, it was all burning in his heart, there was no blame in his words, but an element of disbelief More, "How did you do that?"

It can't be said that Lu Churan hates people who don't love themselves, and no matter what, it can't be said that he hurt himself by smashing the mirror.

Ye Xi stared at Lu Churan, not wanting to lie, but he couldn't tell the truth, so he could only look at Lu Churan in panic, showing an extremely complicated expression, like remorse, fear of being blamed, and nostalgia, longing Be distressed.

Second after second passed, Lu Churan still didn't hear the slightest sound from Ye Xi's mouth. He sighed softly, moved closer to him, bent down and asked in a low voice, "Does it hurt?"

Does it hurt? No one in this world has ever asked him that. Only Lu Churan cares about his feelings. This is the only person he loves in this annoying world.

Tears fell from the corners of Ye Xi's eyes unconsciously, and he shed tears calmly, like snowflakes suddenly falling in the silent night, silently covering a vast white wasteland.

He blinked slowly, more tears came out of his eyes, he choked up, looked into Lu Churan's eyes, "Dad, your hands hurt so much."

The author has something to say: fix typos.Ye Xi was injured when he was a child, but he never complained of pain.