Ambiguous addiction

Lu Churan was a little anxious when he received a call from Ji Er before going out, so he didn't drive. After picking up Ye Xi at the hotel, he and he stopped a taxi on the side of the road and went home.

The temperature of the air conditioner in the taxi is a bit low. After the cold air comes out from the vents, it swirls in the narrow compartment to keep the temperature down.

Ye Xi's body temperature was in great contrast to the indoor temperature. After drinking the wine, his whole body was warm, and the back of his hand naturally fell to his side, quietly touching the back of Lu Churan's hand, and occasionally turned his face to look at Lu Churan with a smirk. The corners of the eyes are curved with a smile, the pupils are clear and bright immersed in the night, the long eyelashes flutter like wings, the lips are slightly raised, and there is a look of not being sucked.

The security of their community was very strict at the end of the year, and no foreign cars were allowed to enter, so they got off at the gate of the community.

Lu Churan half-armed Ye Xi, who was standing unsteadily, and walked into the community. The cold night wind scratched the back of his neck itchy. Ye Xi looked up at the sky. The thin clouds were blown away, revealing a far-reaching corner of his face. In the night sky, there are a few scattered stars, which are as weak as a nearly extinguished match against the street lamps on the ground.

Lu Churan looked at Ye Xi, his eyes turned from the sky to Lu Churan's eyes, and they exchanged eyes with him. They were silent for a while, only hearing the noise of vehicles passing by on the road, and the planes in the sky The roar that passed by.

"Why are you looking at me so seriously?" Ye Xi asked with a dazed smile.

"You look good." Lu Churan tilted her face and kissed Ye Xi lightly on the forehead.

Ye Xi's cheeks were hot, and he couldn't help but smiled again, deliberately slowing down his pace, passers-by on the road could tell that Ye Xi staggered when he was drunk, so it was useless for him to be held so tightly by Lu Churan The strange eyes looked at them more, which made Ye Xi feel a little secretly happy.

"Are you walking steadily? Do you need me to carry you?"

Ye Xi shook his head and murmured: "I want to go by myself, I can do it by myself, I can live a good life without relying on anyone."

"Is it because you don't trust me enough? So I can't be relied on like others?"

"No!" Ye Xi stopped, and interrupted Lu Churan excitedly, "You are different from others, you are different from everyone." He covered his forehead in distress, took a short breath, "It's not your problem, it's me, it's my fault."

"You're not bad," Lu Churan stood in front of him, hugged him comfortingly, and stroked his back, "You just..."

Lu Churan didn't know what to say next, the two of them faced each other in silence for a moment, then walked shoulder to shoulder and buried their heads in the direction of home.

The night wind of the city rushes through the gap between the two, like a hard and thick wall blocking each other.

Lu Churan had a strange feeling that Ye Xi had hidden himself in the faultless and airtight fault, curled up alone, if he was not pulled out, he would be buried.

Lu Churan tentatively stretched out her hand to approach Ye Xi's depression, "Actually, why don't you believe in love?"

Ye Xi was silent for a while, and when Lu Churan was a little annoyed whether this topic was too offensive to privacy and made him unhappy, he answered, "My mother is a woman who regards love as her whole, and she turned out to be a woman of her own. Killed, how do you think I still believe in love?"

Lu Churan looked at the people around him in amazement, and subconsciously slowed down his breathing. The emotion in Ye Xi's voice was not very depressed, as if he was talking about other people's stories, without pain or itching, "I don't have a father. My man is a college professor, he had sex with his female student when my mother was pregnant with me, and forced my mother to divorce her, so my mother, I don't know if she is postpartum depression or divorced Depression, anyway, she was forced to a dead end by that man and couldn't get out. She left me and died by herself. At that time, I didn't even learn to crawl on the ground. So the two kinds of people I hate most in my life, one is A university professor is a person who cheats. I was admitted to that person’s school when I was in college. I didn’t want to stay in a place with him so I gave up my place, and since my grandfather left, my uncle is not very good. I wanted to afford my tuition fees, and I didn’t have the money to continue my studies when I applied to other schools, so I came out to work. You don’t know, I first knew you were a teacher and thought you were a university professor, and I hated you a bit.”

"Scared you, such an unbearable life." Ye Xi sighed softly after speaking, and looked into Lu Churan's eyes, "Love is illusory, and it doesn't become beautiful just because someone believes it. how is it?"

"...Then there is no need to be so generalized. What is inevitable? Nothing in life is inevitable except death. Maybe there will be someone who can accompany you to resist the darkness and make you start to have expectations and trust in love. Woolen cloth?"

Ye Xi felt his throat choked, his and Lu Churan's body temperature faintly intertwined, and the emotions that were stuck in his heart and could not find an outlet surged like crazy.

Lu Churan's gentle words seemed to soothe his hideous wound, making his long-lasting pain go silent for a while, "Have you ever heard such a sentence, 'We are all in the gutter, but there are still people looking up at the stars'. "

Ye Xi smiled lightly and shook his head, "You're wrong, I'm the only one in the gutter, you're in the starry sky. I've always hated people knowing my past, I don't want to open up and make friends with anyone, because I It's too bad, I know how bad I am, but I don't want others to know. Human beings have a very weak tolerance for disappointment, so it's best not to have expectations from each other."

"Are you afraid? Afraid that I will disappoint you." Lu Churan touched his face carefully, and gently surrounded him with her breath, "But what I thought was, if I knew you earlier, I would Well, it would be nice to know you when you go through those pasts, even though I can't do anything here, I can't change the established facts, but at least Ye Xi won't be alone with me."

Ye Xi couldn't shed tears, but sadness flooded his eyes like a typhoon passing by. He didn't expect Lu Churan to say that, he didn't expect Lu Churan to like him so much, but he was fine. He is worthy of him, after all, his original intention to connect with Chu Ran is so vulgar.

He was fed up with loneliness, fed up with the cold wall when he opened the door of the house, fed up with no one cooking hot meals for him at home, he also wanted to be held in his arms and coaxed like a baby, but he You don't deserve to be treated like this at all.

He even wants to confess to Lu Churan now, I don't really want to make friends with you, I just want to have an affair with you, I only approach you because of your body, there is only some shaky relationship between us from the beginning Lie, I didn't tell you the truth before, but I regret it now, I regret it to death, I want to believe in those illusory loves for you, can you forgive me, and start from the beginning as if you don't know me?

But he didn't dare, he wasn't sure what the consequences would be if these words were spoken out, how could someone who had never had it dare to imagine losing it.

Moments later, Ye Xi calmed down, resting his head on Lu Churan's shoulder, and began to smile innocently again, looked up at the night sky, and murmured, "Lu Churan."

"Huh?" Lu Churan kissed the hair on the top of his head again, feeling that the expression of his drowsy person was not the same as usual, it was very vivid and attractive.

"I am in the gutter, you are in the starry sky, you are right there. You are the brightest star in the starry sky." Ye Xi's voice was mellow and sweet, with a sense of desolation and loneliness like the autumn wind passing by my ears.

[I would rather keep all the pain in my heart than forget your eyes, give me the courage to believe again, embrace you beyond lies, whenever I can't find the meaning of existence, whenever I get lost in the dark night, the night sky The brightest star in the world, please light me up. 】

It was a song that Ye Xi used to disdain. He never believed that there was a person in this world who could let him go beyond lies to embrace the truth.

No one can afford lies, but also no one can bear the truth.

He regards the past as the bondage of the future. If he can't get rid of the past, he is doomed that life will always be just a polar night.

He has never expected that stars will suddenly appear in the dark night, guiding the way home and the direction of dawn forever.

"Meet me." Lu Churan hugged him a little tighter, "You come up from the gutter, I come down from the starry sky, let's meet on the ground."