Ambiguous addiction

A secret ray of autumn seeped into the air, and it was still so hot and sultry outside, but I could vaguely smell the smell of autumn between my breaths.The sun shines all over the city, meandering into the corners of the city, shining through the dust.

At the beginning of September, Lu Churan had a total of three days off after school and public holidays.

Ye Xi followed him to his home and watched him skillfully open the window. The cool breeze from outside came in, blowing the lingering fragrance of coffee grounds everywhere. No one has lived here for a long time, and the traces of life have gradually faded away. , looking empty and deserted.

"Since I moved here, I have lived in your house longer than my own, so I feel strange when I look at my home, but I feel kind when I look at your home." Ye Xi pulled Lu Churan into his ashes Sitting on the black sofa, "I have chosen this sofa for a long time, and I haven't sat on it a few times."

"If you are reluctant, give it to me, and then you can sit in my house every day." Lu Churan said.

"Then if I want to move out, I won't be able to ask you to come back." Ye Xi paused, afraid that Lu Churan would think too much, and then quickly added, "I don't mean that I want to move out now , but may also be transferred to other places due to work reasons."

"I know." Lu Churan's words could not hear the emotion.

Ye Xi didn't want to be immersed in this kind of atmosphere where Lu Churan had to think about every word for a long time, so he directly changed the topic to something innocuous, "Lu Churan, have you ever thought that when you grow old What will it become?"

"Huh? No, I can't think about things that far away. What's the matter, have you thought about it?"

"Yeah, haha." Ye Xi raised his face, leaned the back of his head on the back of the sofa, and Hei Qiuqiu looked at the ceiling, "My dream when I was young was to dress up as Santa Claus with a big white beard when I was old, and then Taking pictures with people in Christmas decorations at big malls."

Lu Churan seemed a little interested in his idea, "Why?"

"In this way, many people will take the initiative to sit on my lap."

Lu Churan frowned and looked at him, but the corner of her mouth was raised, "Like a fool."

"I don't have anything in particular. I work hard to get by. I want to look good and be envied by the people around me." Ye Xi turned his face around and looked at Lu Churan. "When I was young, I wanted to grow up quickly." Big, when I grow up, I want to grow old quickly and spend my life sloppy.”

After a while, Lu Churan asked, "What about now?"

Ye Xi was a little relieved, "Now, I don't know."

He feels very confused now, and he wants to slow down the time beside Lu Churan, but he is very afraid that the life of self-exile will drag on for too long and it will not end well.

Lu Churan stared at Ye Xi deeply, gently wiped away the rice grains that stuck to his chin when he ate fried rice in the morning, pressed his fingertips on his chin, leaned over and lowered his face.

Ye Xi felt his breath approaching, and smelled the scent on his body that made him feel at ease and fascinated him. Before his lips pressed against them, Ye Xi closed his eyes proactively, feeling his lips softened and touched by warmth.

The kiss didn't last too long, as if Lu Churan didn't really want to kiss, but just wanted to touch his lips with his lips, because lips are the softest and least aggressive place.

This little animal's way of showing affection made his whole body feel soft and comfortable, and he was a little bit reluctant to let him go.

Lu Churan shook Ye Xi's hand, Ye Xi paused in his heart, his eyes were about to drift away in a panic, but he stopped him halfway, Lu Churan's expression was very natural, "What do you want for lunch today? Come find me in the store after work at noon, I will be on vacation for three days, and I will be in the store at noon today and tomorrow."

Ye Xi secretly breathed a sigh of relief, he was not uncomfortable, but he was afraid that Lu Churan would talk about his feelings with him.

He has been interpreting his feelings with an ambiguous attitude. Over time, he has also been blurred. He is not quite sure what the essence is surrounded by that ambiguous circle. Maybe he understands it in his heart but dare not face it.

Only people who are straightforward are worthy of being cherished and getting a consummate love, but for a hypocritical person like myself, it seems that even the chest cavity is so rough that there are jagged teeth, and he can't even put his heart in it.

He felt like the fluffy one in Monsters Inc. at night, he could take advantage of the intoxication of the night to bluff innocent and careless little fools, but when he showed his true colors in the daytime, he seemed a bit stupid. When he met someone who was not afraid of him Those who can still laugh at him can only be willing to be discouraged.

But it was obvious that Lu Churan had no intention of forcing him, his eyes were still calm and gentle, he didn't try to read his expression, just watched him patiently waiting for his answer, which made him a little relieved.

"I want to eat beef soba noodles."

"Okay." Lu Churan let go of his hand, touched his forehead, "Go to work."

After Ye Xi went to work, Lu Churan went to the supermarket to buy sliced ​​beef, pork chops, buckwheat noodles, bonito sauce and lettuce and said "to be continued".

As soon as the store opened, it was full of people. Xiaotong was boiling water and waiting to make coffee, and also took out the cake that had been frozen overnight, unmoulded it and cut it open. With a few extra arms to share the burden, I couldn't help but mutter and complain, "It's been said that it's not clean and closed, and I have to sit in and order. Is it because I don't understand people's words?"

Lu Churan put the things in the kitchen, came out to wash his hands and took the cake knife from Xiao Tong, "Where is your second uncle?"

"I went into the lounge as soon as I came back, and I was still wearing sunglasses. I don't know if it was in a magazine and I was afraid of being recognized on the street." Xiaotong said.

Lu Churan couldn't help laughing, divided the cake into small plates, put a small fork next to it, and left the bar with it.

"No wonder there are so many people today. It turns out that the magazine is on the market. Okay, Boss Ji is finally willing to give up his talent to rely on his face for a living. I'll go in and ask him for an autograph later."

After finishing all the business in the store, Lu Churan pushed open the door of the lounge, and Ji Er was watching a movie with his hand in his hands, and looked back when he heard the sound.

Lu Churan pursed his lips by the door, his expression was a little awkward, "Ji'er, you're so ugly to me..."

Ji Er casually grabbed a pillow and paste it on his face, he threw the pillow away, went out to find a wet paper towel, wrapped an ice cube, and returned to the lounge to hand it to Ji Er.

Ji Er's eyes that were swollen from crying feebly lifted up to look at him, took ice cubes and applied them to his eyes, and heard him ask, "Why are you crying? You have to rely on your face to eat when you cry like this." , crying so ugly."

"Don't mention it, I almost wanted to put on a mask before going out this morning, and even the old man downstairs in our community said he saw me in a magazine and asked me if I would be a star and go to the Spring Festival Gala next year. "

Lu Churan spit out a mouthful of coffee into the cup, and when he wanted to laugh, Ji Er looked at him with a resentful face, and he forced himself to hold back his smile, but he couldn't hold back the laughter until his stomach ached.

"Isn't that great? It's something to be happy about. Being able to create value with something you like and are good at is something that no one can envy."

"It's not that I'm crying because of the joy. Just last night, when I was bored and had nothing to do, I remembered a novel I read before called "Waiting for You to 35". I told you about it before. Nankang Baiqi, I read it before. It was just a feeling of discomfort, but this time I saw the part where his lover was leaving him for the sake of getting married, and I suddenly burst into tears, and then I woke up together like this today." Ji Er still had a faint nasal voice when she spoke , as if thinking of that story is about to cry again, "I'll watch some comedies now to adjust my mood."

"Don't look at it, it's too hurtful to stare at the screen when your eyes are swollen like this." Lu Churan took his computer away and sat on the arm of the single sofa with a serious expression, "I tell you Something."

"What are you doing?" Ji Er applied ice cubes and closed her eyes, too lazy to look at him.

"I feel like I have a little social anxiety." Lu Churan started this topic very tactfully.

"You just found out now, why did you go there earlier? Didn't I tell you that you have it? Are you finally willing to accept the truth? Welcome to the real world." Ji Er laughed haha, eyes swollen All squinted.

Lu Churan came towards the back of his head, and Ji Er suppressed his voice to express his dissatisfaction, "Be gentle with me, otherwise the ice cubes will go into your eyes, and you will dig your eyes out to pay me."

"Today, the director of the main campus asked a few teachers and high-scoring students to record some short videos, because the summer vacation is about to end, and the teachers who are finishing their classes are more free, so they came to me. But I pushed it." Lu Churan ignored his indignation and continued, "I just want to spend time with people I don't know well. I don't want to go, sometimes as long as I don't want to stay with you When I go out together, I always think about when I can go home, except when I see you or Lu Yage, it will be better."

"Have you not made like-minded friends for too long? So it's uncomfortable to get along with people who don't get along well?" Ji Er asked him.

Lu Churan thought for a while, "Well, there really aren't many people who can talk to each other. It's okay to deal with it first, but after the chat, I feel tired or don't know what those people want to say. Sometimes I can't even talk to some people. Too lazy to talk, feel like they don’t know what they’re going to do, and don’t even know what they’re doing right now.”

"So you're not socially phobic, it's just that you haven't met someone you can talk to." Ji Er suddenly smiled, and patted his thigh with one free hand to show comfort, "It's not your fault."

"Well, but you know when I'm really bored, I can't help but have a facial paralysis, it looks like..."

Ji Er interrupted him, and gave what he thought was the most appropriate description, "It's as if the whole village owes you money." After speaking, he laughed again, but his tone contained kindness, " Don’t be stingy with your smile, just learn from me, to be handsome is to be full of love for the world, just smile and say thank you to others, it’s enough to open the door for you and pick up things for you.”

"Yeah." Lu Churan responded with a monophonic tone, and went around, still couldn't help showing his heart, "I think I will find someone who can always make me laugh in the future, and it's best to read his name all the time." Makes the corners of my mouth go up."

Ji Er put down the ice cubes, took two paper towels to wipe off the water from the melted ice on his hands, turned his head to look at Lu Churan, and read his subtext sensitively, "Are you talking about Ye Xi? Wait, you made such a big circle, didn't you just want to tell me that you think Ye Xi is very interesting?"

Lu Churan's expression turned down, and he kept silent without denying it, but instead asked, "Don't you think he is cute?"

"Good-looking is very good-looking. As for being cute...cute, everyone has a different opinion, as long as you are happy." Ji Er paused, put on a clear expression, and said, "You seldom tell me about your feelings. , Usually even if you talk about my feelings, you are a very reserved person, so when you say something that you have expectations about your feelings, I know you are tempted."

"... Is there such an obvious expectation?" Lu Churan's tone was a little unnatural, and he stared at one place with a serious expression.

He didn't dare to say that he would feel confused and depressed from time to time, but as long as he touched Ye Xi, or if he showed a little closer to himself, the noisy emotions could be calmed down.

"For others, these words are very common, because most people are performers, keen to talk about themselves and express themselves, but for someone like you who is not good at talking, this is an obvious expectation. How to say Well, you are like a very dry desert, without a drop of rain for ten years, when it suddenly rained, you thought it was nothing, and the water vapor evaporated quickly, but all the seeds buried deep in the sand germinated and bloomed Red flowers all over the mountains, those who are used to the desert will know what happened to you at a glance."

Lu Churan's eyes sank, and he said to himself, "So he must have felt it, and he deliberately acted indifferent, didn't he?"

Lu Churan sat with Ji Er in the lounge for a while, saw that it was almost noon, and went outside to prepare lunch.

The water was boiling and churning in the pot, Lu Churan unpacked the soba noodles, tore off the paper rings binding the noodles, put the noodles into the water and stirred them up with chopsticks.

So is he actually looking forward to Ye Xi?

Lu Churan's mood is a bit bleak, slow people long for a long-lasting relationship, but this happens to be in contradiction with his ambiguous nature.

Because decisions made in a hurry without careful consideration are often regrettable after the enthusiasm fades away, but the feeling of testing each other and retreating makes him tired.

If you like it, stay together and if you don't like it, you can say it out, full of joy and anticipation, entangled for a long time before finding out that it's not love, how embarrassing.

He picked up the noodles and pinched a piece to test the hardness, then divided them into several large bowls, poured the bonito sauce soup, and dipped the marinated pork chops in flour but also with bread crumbs Put it in the oil and fry it. After the fried pork chops are cut and divided into other bowls, finally throw the fat beef slices into the boiling water and scald them casually. After the meat changes color, immediately put it on the hot noodles and sprinkle a little chopped green onion.

If you really have expectations, you have expectations for a person who will unconsciously raise the corners of your mouth as long as you say his name, then this expectation of mutual taming may be able to give birth to a little courage.

Even if you finally find out that the price of happiness is heartache or tears, risking these risks to be tamed is enough.