Ambiguous addiction

Ye Xi couldn't remember how he got home that night. The first hug between him and Lu Churan seemed so long that even his memory felt tired.

In fact, Ye Xi could hardly hold his breath that night, and he did nothing with Lu Churan, not even kissing, but the hug was carried to the bed, and he still didn't do anything on the bed, just sleep.

He knew that for the reserved and slow-warming Lu Churan, hugging was already the upper limit of their relationship at this stage. If Lu Churan was not drunk, it would be impossible for him not to resist having such intimate physical contact with him, so he even more You can't act rashly just because you are allowed to hug.

too close.Ye Xi felt that he and Lu Churan were too close.

Although the relationship between the two people has always been that Ye Xi took the initiative to take nine steps closer, and Lu Churan had no choice but to respond with a step, but Ye Xi has never been so close to anyone.

This kind of distance does not refer to the physical distance that is entangled in sensory pleasure, but the distance reached by discarding one's own defense and armor of disguise, and then using the real self to pry into the hearts of others.

Such a distance was so close that Ye Xi, who had never been honest with anyone before, couldn't help feeling panicked, and just wanted to run away.

So, taking advantage of his busy schedule, Ye Xi forced himself to restrain himself from subjectively wanting to seduce Lu Churan further, and returned the distance to a safe range where he could attack, retreat, and defend, and try his best to prevent himself from getting out of control again. at a loss.

To put it simply, from that day on, Ye Xi not only went out early and returned late to work overtime, but also had dinner with different clients every day, and did not return to Lu Churan's house until two or three o'clock in the morning when he was not busy.

However, his desperate efforts are not all because he intends to avoid Lu Churan. His new project funds do have potential safety hazards, and the general manager mentioned it to him during the approval process.

High returns imply high risks. The new stock in this project comes from a subsidiary of a large company. This large company uses excessive leverage. If the China Securities Regulatory Commission intends to deleverage the entire financial industry, this The parent company had to sell assets to reduce liabilities, and at the same time other subsidiaries would also be affected, so Ye Xi deliberately raised the monthly interest rate very high to attract investors, and had to speed up the completion of fundraising before the Securities Regulatory Commission released the news.

In order to shorten the time for raising funds as much as possible, Ye Xi must take advantage of people's profit-seeking and speculative psychology before the complete collapse to seize the time to make a lot of money. The most effective (good) rate (deception) is to target assets like Lu Churan conditional customers.

This is why Ye Xi felt that it was his own retribution when he suffered from the serious illness before, because this incident had already touched his bottom line in life, but if he was a little careless, he fell and broke his head before leaving Even if the future of coming out is ruined, but in the blink of an eye, this bad thing has been put on the agenda.

Lu Churan gradually realized that the interaction between him and Ye Xi was getting weaker and weaker. After that hug, they lived together peacefully, and no one had time to talk about that night again, but the time spent together seemed to be getting less and less Yes, so little that we can only drink honey water together in the morning.

Ye Xi didn't have enough rest, and his work intensity and pressure were high. He suffered from stomach problems every day, and his complexion was not very good, but he never mentioned a word of complaint in front of Lu Churan, so Lu Churan had no suitable reason to come. intervene.

The daily conversation between the two of them turned into a dull question and answer. Lu Churan seldom took the initiative to find topics, so after Ye Xi stopped taking the initiative, there were more boring silences between them, and they lived together day and night to cultivate The tacit understanding that came out seemed to be beaten back to its original shape with a hug.

Lu Churan sometimes even felt that he hadn't seen Ye Xi for a long time, and when he occasionally met him, even his smile became distant and indifferent, as if he didn't want to talk to him.

He gradually became a little angry, and he couldn't understand the reason, and he returned to his indifferent look, pulling the distance between each other even further, so the two of them were in a complete cold war.

When Ye Xi was sober, he could indeed hide from Lu Churan indifferently, but a few times in the middle of the night when he was so drunk that he didn't know what he was doing. He didn't dare to do it, he didn't even eat a handful of tofu, he just fell on Lu Churan's chest, and fell asleep soundly while holding Lu Churan in his arms.

Lu Churan was very angry in his heart, but he was not willing to push Ye Xi away. He even hugged him and stroked his back like a dog's fur. On the forehead, it seemed to be pampering, but Ye Xi was so drunk that he didn't know it.

Lu Churan was not drunk during those nights, he could clearly hear Ye Xi burying his face in his neck and muttering "I miss you" while clinging to his arms, but that person would wake up again After losing his memory, the general kept a cautious distance from him.

So Lu Churan finally became impatient unbearably. He really wanted to ask Ye Xi what he was thinking, which one was his real reaction, and how he should understand and respond to his indistinctness.

Ambiguity should be done in moderation. For Lu Churan, at this level, he wants a definite answer. He doesn’t want ambiguity. of.

If you don't like it, why hug it?

If you like it, why do you want to embrace through drunkenness and dreams?

In the early morning of this day, Ye Xi went out to work after drinking Lu Churan's honey water.

Lu Churan went to Ye Xi's house as usual to open the windows for him to ventilate, and the disgusting smell had almost dissipated.

No one lived there for a month, and a thin layer of dust fell on the furniture here. Lu Churan washed a piece of cloth and wiped it, and added a little water to the pot of green plants.

Lu Churan squatted on the ground facing the green little thing, seeing its posture stretching its body in the morning breeze, a fleeting look of disappointment flashed in his eyes, "Do you like me or not?"

The green plants didn't respond to him, they just tilted along the direction of the wind, cutting the sunlight that came in from outside to the ground, leaving mottled light and shadows.

He yelled angrily in a low voice, "I'm talking to you, you didn't react at all, and you didn't say anything clearly. When you were in a daze, you said you missed me, and when you were awake, you avoided me. Is it interesting?"

At the same time, Ye Xi sneezed tens of kilometers away, took a tissue from the tissue box on the desk and wiped his nose.

If he could hear Lu Churan's words, he would probably feel aggrieved. It's not that he didn't react at all. According to his own understanding, he has been very abnormal recently.

Under normal circumstances, Ye Xi should have quickly developed an ambiguous relationship with Lu Churan after he caught Lu Churan's obvious non-resistance, but this time he didn't dare. With the perception that I am being cherished, many things begin to become involuntary.

In Ye Xi's beliefs, there is no concept of love, and ambiguity and playfulness are only out of physical needs, so his reaction to a real relationship for the first time is probably like a primitive man seeing fire for the first time, except for being curious. More of an instinctive fear of the unknown.

It was already the end of August, and on the morning of the last class of the class led by Lu Churan, Ye Xi's mobile phone suddenly received a message from someone he hadn't contacted for a long time, which was both reasonable and unexpected.

【Senior Ye, I seem to like someone. 】

【oh. 】Ye Xi hesitated for two seconds, feeling that he seemed too indifferent, and added another sentence pretending to be kind, 【Really, who is it? 】

Qi Nian sent a shy face covering his face, and replied, 【It's the male god I often mention in the circle of friends, my teacher. 】

Ye Xi's real-time expression instantly fell into the ice cave from dullness, and he was suddenly thankful that the communication between people can only be conveyed through a cold and emotionless screen.

He did ask knowingly, but asking knowingly is like handing over the scissors to the other party and holding the other party's hand to poke himself.

How could he be so dull that he couldn't see Qi Nian's feelings for Lu Churan? He noticed it the first time he saw Lu Churan in Qi Nian's circle of friends.

Besides, how could the man who occasionally held him to sleep at night wake up with such obvious admiration for another man, how could he not know it.

Ye Xi was so busy during this period that he almost wanted to uninstall Moments, because he didn't want to see Qi Nian's rubbish Moments that disturbed him and made him unfocused, but he felt even more uneasy if he couldn't see them, so he forced himself to Lively hold back.

He was afraid that one day Qi Nian would suddenly stop sending groups when he couldn't see it, so he told Lu Churan clearly his heartfelt feelings, and then Lu Churan, who had always only watched but never responded, made an exception and gave him a like.

That's enough, Ye Xi found that he couldn't accept just Lu Churan giving others a compliment.

Ye Xi said again, [Didn't you say allornothing, as long as it doesn't feel right, you won't be emotionally involved. 】

[It just feels right! 】Qi Nian replied happily, as if he could smell the hormonal breath of male heat through the screen,【It's never been so strong, I feel that we are destined to know each other.He is the kind of person I dream of. He must stick to the things he is sure of. Although he has a heavy sense of distance and feels that he cannot really get close to him, he can give everything to the really important people. 】

【oh.fine.Does he know? 】

Qi Nian didn't notice Ye Xi's indifferent attitude, but was still in high spirits, 【Not yet.But today is the last class, and there will not be so many opportunities to meet in the future, so I want to invite him to a meal at noon to test his attitude. 】

[Where to go. 】

[The western restaurant in the Wharf Art District, I heard that the environment is good, do you have any suggestions for seniors? 】

【No. 】Ye Xi quickly replied with a few words, and answered simply,【It's very good there. 】

【Well, since the senior said the same thing, then I'll make a reservation, and I'll talk to you when I'm free. 】

【I wish you success. 】

How is it possible, it won't let you succeed.Even if I don't like Lu Churan, it's not your turn to like Lu Churan.

Ye Xi picked up the cup and went to the tea room to drink water. He looked absent-mindedly, staring at a corner and lost his mind. He didn't notice that the water was overflowing and splashed his trouser legs. Fortunately, it was not hot water.

When he came back to his senses, he couldn't help but start to doubt himself. He felt that the fear in his heart appeared for no reason.

He and Lu Churan haven't reached the point of possessing each other yet, and they haven't even held hands or kissed each other (sneak kisses don't count), but his feeling towards Qi Nian is as if he saw a girl on the table. The chocolate that was melted by the sun was delicious before, but when I looked back, it was sticky and disgusting.

It's one thing for him to be unable to love, but another for Lu Churan to be loved by someone other than him.

Lu Churan is a temptation to him, but it doesn't mean that others can bear this temptation like him.

He felt that he might be crazy, and he never imagined that one day he would think that a person who was indifferent in all aspects was a temptation.

Before he could sort out his thoughts, Ye Xi's fingers had already switched the phone from the WeChat interface to the phone.

He cleared his breath, put on his usual friendly tone, and said to the client who was going to meet at noon: "Hello, Mr. Chen, the place where we will talk about the contract at noon today has been arranged, and it is in the Wharf Art District A western restaurant over there, I'll send you the address later, um, yes, okay, you're welcome, see you later."

Lu Churan's last class in August ended, and the student Qi Nian who was very close to him came to him for lunch, saying that it was a teacher appreciation banquet, and it was also because he was very happy to know this male god teacher who was a master student.

If Lu Churan would normally refuse, no matter how speculative the students are, they are just students. After the class is over, they will be passers-by, and there should be no contact.

But he recently suffered some setbacks from Ye Xi, which made him deeply feel the insignificance and fragility of interpersonal relationships, so he really wanted to be falsified by others, so he had this opportunity and agreed to Qi Nian's request.

As soon as Lu Churan and Qi Nian sat down at the western restaurant at the pier, they noticed Ye Xi who was sitting in a booth. Opposite him was a man they didn't know. He was an ugly fat man, not Ye Xi's aesthetic. Style, presumably the client.

Qi Nian didn't notice them, he could only focus on Lu Churan the whole time, and Ye Xi didn't look in their direction, so Lu Churan had no choice but to turn his eyes away, planning to eat again after dinner. Go say hello to him.

After ordering, Qi Nian found a school website from the favorites of the browser, opened it to Lu Churan, "Mr. Lu, I don't understand some application requirements of the school I want to go to, you Can you explain it to me? This is their school's homepage."

"Okay, let me take a look for you." Lu Churan took his phone, and Qi Nian took his chair closer to Lu Churan.

Lu Churan explained in detail what he didn't understand. While speaking, his eyes kept falling on Ye Xi who was in the distance. Behind Ye Xi was the floor-to-ceiling window. The vast sea level was almost connected with the blue sky. Against the background, Ye Xi's figure was especially thin.

"Mr. Lu, the foie gras here is very famous. Would you like to try it? I haven't eaten it yet." Qi Nian naturally put the foie gras on his plate into Lu Churan's plate, and looked at him shyly Smile shyly.

"No need, yourself..." Lu Churan came back to his senses briefly, politely smiled and refused, and quietly withdrew his eyes from Ye Xi, but his good intentions had formed an irresistible oppression, so he had to be a little embarrassed Thank you very much.

When Ye Xi was talking about work, he had an habitual professional smile on his lips, his expression was serious and focused, and he looked confident and steady.

Today, his shirt is as straight as usual, and the sleeves are not rolled up a little as usual, but are buttoned upright, but the top button of the collar is undone, revealing a little collarbone, Lu Chu Ran's eyes flicked over that place, wishing to fasten the button for him with his eyes.

As soon as Lu Churan's gaze was called back, Ye Xi's gaze turned back calmly, watching Qi Nian share the food on his plate with Lu Churan without suspicion, and the cigarettes handed over by the customer were still there. After taking a puff, I somehow pressed it out, but the inexplicable anxiety resurfaced instantly.

"Mr. Ye, what's the matter, are you not used to smoking this cigarette?" The person opposite asked in a puzzled tone.

"Yeah." Ye Xi hummed vaguely. He intended to be perfunctory, but he was afraid that the other party would misunderstand, so he gave a reason, "No, my throat is not very comfortable recently. I went to the doctor and the doctor told me to smoke less. ,Excuse me."

Ye Xi turned his eyes to stare at the steamship honking in the distance, but his heart stopped at Lu Churan unknowingly.

Whether Lu Churan would like Qi Nian, he didn't know, his requirement for past ambiguous objects has always been "you can like anyone, just don't like me, because I don't have any extra feelings to give back to you".

So he has never cared about the feelings between other people, he is just a heartless little beast, he knows very well that he can control other people's emotions as he likes, but that doesn't mean he has any feelings for them in his heart.

Ye Xi lowered his head and took a sip of the agate red liquid. The sweet and sour taste of the grapes penetrated into the mellow taste of the alcohol, filling his entire taste buds, and the rich aroma lingered between his lips and teeth.

What would happen if Lu Churan fell in love with Qi Nian?

While pretending to be seriously talking with the client, Ye Xi couldn't help being distracted by his imagination. Lu Churan's sleeping appearance, heroic eyebrows, straight nose, and warm embrace appeared in his mind, all of which would be taken over by Qi Nian Alright.

He sat there motionless, but found that he seemed to have withdrawn from his body, standing in Lu Churan's room and watching the past events reappear from the perspective of a third person, and the person in Lu Churan's arms was replaced by Qi Nian.

Then the well-held red wine glass in Ye Xi's hand fell on the table, and the rich liquid soaked the off-white tablecloth, releasing a sour smell.

"By the way, Mr. Lu, I was sung by my classmate Amway recently. I think it sounds good, and you should like it too. Would you like to listen to it?" Qi Nian stuffed the earphone cable into Lu Churan's hand, fingertips Intentionally or unintentionally, she touched his warm palm.

It was a song about unrequited love. In fact, Lu Churan had heard it before, and it was Lu Yage who listened to him before. The gurgling piano, the sad and empty singing voice tactfully told the faintly sprouting throbbing and Sorry for the love you can't get.

The lyrics of this song are also in line with Lu Churan's recent mood. He has a slow temperament and is indifferent to other people's trivial matters. He has been moved for a long time and has cooled down for a long time. up.

To him, love is still like a feeling that has never been unsealed. He never thought that looking at the little back waiting for him to soak in honey water would give him the urge to press into his arms, and he never thought I have tried that there will be a person who sticks into his arms in the dimness and can comfort his lost mood throughout the day.

For some reason, he turned to think of the time when he pestered him like a puppy to please him, obviously it didn't take long.

He leaned into his ear and asked softly the phrase "Do you think I'm a bad person?" He looked at his eyes and said he missed you very much, and he hugged him warmly on the street corner.

Unexpectedly hot, unexpectedly missed, and unexpectedly lost.

At the end of the song, Lu Churan took off the earphones and returned them to Qi Nian, but his hand was suddenly pulled, but it was not the person sitting opposite, but Ye Xi.

After Ye Xi signed the business and sent the client away, he went straight to the table and took Lu Churan's hand. He drank a little wine, and his usually cold hand was a little warm today.

Lu Churan and Qi Nian looked up at him at the same time, and Qi Nian said with a surprised expression, "Senior, so you are here too."

"Hehe." Ye Xi smiled, "I just had dinner with a client here today. So the teacher you told me about was Lu Churan. Didn't he tell you that he knew me? We are still neighbors. My new house smells bad, so I still live with him."

Lu Churan was embarrassed for a moment. He really didn't tell Qi Nian about this matter. He wanted to mention it last time, but Qi Nian didn't pay much attention to it, so he later felt that it was unnecessary to say it. He didn't want to talk to people he didn't know well People share their extracurricular life.

Qi Nian's expression also became awkward, and he stared at Ye Xi holding Lu Churan's hand for a few seconds, then moved away again, "So that's the case, then I really have a fate with Senior. Teacher Lu, Senior Ye Xi is When I was an intern, I took my manager and took good care of me."

Lu Churan said, "That's it."

His eyes also fell on the hand held by Ye Xi. Ye Xi looked into his eyes as if no one was there, and his tone was obviously a question, but it was more like a statement, "I can't drive after drinking, can you give me a ride?" go back."

After paying the bill, Lu Churan asked Ye Xi to drive the car home, then sent Qi Nian home, and then drove Ye Xi back to the company by the way.

The sun has already set to the west, and the sun has shrunk from shallow to deep, and the horizon has gathered, following the setting sun and disappearing at the end of the line of sight. There is always a traffic jam on the road during rush hour. Even if Ye Xi returns to the company, he is about to leave work.

"I'm not going back to work, just take me where you want to go."

After Ye Xi finished speaking, the two of them fell into an angry silence again.Ye Xi rarely showed a hostile look on his face, while Lu Churan was completely expressionless, and there was rarely obvious anger in his eyes.

"You still know that you want me to see you off? Didn't you ignore me?" Lu Churan looked at the road conditions and broke the silence with a cold voice.

"I didn't ignore you, I was just busy." Ye Xi said, equally indifferent.

"Don't provoke me if you're busy." Lu Churan was annoyed immediately, and turned to look at him.

"I can't help it, I won't do it next time." Ye Xi was poked in the heart, retorted in a muffled voice, turned away and looked out the window.

So there was no more words along the way, and after the natural wind blew for a while, Ye Xi's alcohol smell gradually faded away, and Lu Churan's sullenness gradually calmed down.

They finally returned to the store when the night began to darken. Ye Xi got out of the car and followed Lu Churan silently. The moment he stepped into the room, he escaped into the darkness.

There was a power outage, and it was dark everywhere. Xiaotong turned on the flashlight of her mobile phone to take a picture of the people who came, said hello to Lu Churan and Ye Xi, and then called the management office to ask what was going on. They said that it was a temporary failure. For internal maintenance, ask them to close the main gate of the store first, and they will call back after calling.

Lu Churan went to close the main gate, told Xiaotong to stay outside, temporarily suspend business during the power outage, returned and took Ye Xi's arm all the way into the lounge in the dark, and closed the door.

Ye Xi felt that the cold barrier between him and Lu Churan seemed to melt in the darkness, his anxiety and hesitation were swallowed up by other interfering emotions, and something was about to burst from the bottom of his heart.

The eyes are chaotic and unclear, so the senses of hearing, touch and smell have become more sensitive. Ye Xi can feel Lu Churan's breathing, his body temperature, and his familiar smell.

He followed these clues and approached Lu Churan inch by inch, and Lu Churan waited for him in the dark until his warm lips landed on Lu Churan's impartially.

He backed away in less than five seconds, he couldn't see clearly, couldn't distinguish Lu Churan's expression at the moment.

He panted slowly, and approached again, as if he was asking for permission, but also as if he was afraid of being rejected, he pressed against Lu Churan's lips, stretched out a little tip of his tongue to test between his lips, his breath intertwined with him, The few seconds of blank waiting for a response brought him inexplicable panic.

Panic spread from the bottom of his heart, and when he began to hesitate whether to leave, Lu Churan's hands finally wrapped around his waist, tightened, and the wet and hot tip of his tongue included his tongue, entangled with him repeatedly.

Ye Xi's heart throbbed inexplicably, the feeling that had been empty for half a month was finally filled, he whimpered, the tip of his tongue withdrew from Lu Churan's mouth, and said in a low voice, sober and precise, It is no longer the raving when you are half asleep and half awake, "I miss you."

Lu Churan smiled, kissed him again, and hooked the tip of his tongue back.

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