Ambiguous addiction

Outside the window is the pale pink sky, with a quiet and sweet glimpse, and the twilight outlines the outline of the buildings in the distance.

Ji Er looked up at the sky outside the window, and heard Lu Churan ask him, "Are you reconciled?"

He turned around and raised his glass to touch them. The alcohol was wrapped in sweetness and flowed down his throat, carrying a scorching track. His eyes were deep and his voice was cold, "No, he came back from the United States this time. It was to find someone to marry, so I let him go, I told him that I don't love him anymore and let him go and get married without worry."

"I don't believe that He Shen won't marry a woman when he has you in his heart. You are basically the same kind of people. If you have one person in your heart, you can't stand by the other. Besides, what's the difference between that and a fraudulent marriage? Love him." Lu Churan's face tensed, and she looked at Ji Er suspiciously.

He thought over and over again what Ji Er said just now, and he was sure that none of the words in it were true, otherwise why would he still say that sentence [IwishIknewhowtoquityou] in the circle of friends with unclear meaning.

"It doesn't matter if you don't believe it, as long as he believes it." Ji Er paused for 30 seconds, exhaled lightly, and smiled indifferently.

Ji Er also didn't want to hide from Lu Churan, he couldn't hold back all the things piled up in his heart, and those things were already overloaded for him.

"I can't use my love to hold him hostage. I know that as long as I want, I can get it, whether it's him or his love, but I can't be so pushy in life. I have already got enough benefits, so I have to accept it as soon as I see it. As long as he is happy now, I can bear the rest alone, and it doesn’t matter if I leave all the pain and burden to me, I don’t need to bother his life.”

Ye Xi kept silent at the side, trying his best to reduce his sense of existence. He reached out and poked a piece of fried banana into his mouth with a toothpick. His eyes swept over Lu Churan's expression of disapproval. It was rare to see him treat someone other than his sister. There will be such deep feelings.

He heard Lu Churan retort, "Love is used to solve problems, not to avoid them. Let's be frank. Why do you break up with love? If you break up, you don't love anymore. It's not like you're dead. Since you've been thinking about it, why do you still love me?" Want to break up with self-deception?"

Ji Er's tone suddenly became a little impatient, as if all the conflicts were fermenting and expanding in his body, but he couldn't find an outlet to vent, "Does it mean that our family members are exhausted by our relationship and have no peace before I admit defeat? I don't want to quarrel with you. He Shen came to quarrel with me and you come to quarrel with me. I'm tired and I don't want to explain anymore. Lu Churan, things are not as easy and beautiful as you imagined, that's because you are not in the body Therein lies the fantasy."

"You deserve to be bullied for being so weak." Lu Churan said, "Can't you think of other ways if you can't be head-on? You have to give up to show how great you are? Haven't you ever thought about being brave once for your love? Say Maybe you can stand at a height high enough to surpass other people's criticisms and not be at the mercy of any coercion? Try your best and pass it, or you will lose and cry."

Ji Er snorted softly, the corners of her lips curved strangely, as if Lu Churan laughed angrily but couldn't laugh out loud, "Reality is not about making movies, it's not about a decadent scumbag who wakes up and works hard to reach the pinnacle of life. In reality, if you lose, it’s too late for anything, and it’s irreversible. Don’t try to persuade me. I’ve already thought about everything you can think of, and it’s useless.”

Lu Churan was so annoyed by this pessimistic and cowardly anger that he couldn't speak and suddenly hiccupped, turning to look out the window with a gloomy face.

The air outside is filled with a thin layer of mist, and the whole city seems to be living in cotton candy, with a lingering warmth and softness floating around.

Ji Er's complexion didn't get any better, and he got up with a sullen face and went to the bathroom.

Cold water fell from the faucet. He took a handful of water and patted his face. He heard footsteps behind him and felt someone standing beside him.

He moved a little and stood up straight, with tiny drops of water still hanging on the tip of his eyelashes. He raised his eyes and saw a tall and familiar figure next to him in the mirror, and he was stunned for a moment.

He Shen didn't allow him to resist, so he grabbed his wrist and dragged him into the next compartment, and the lock clicked off.

Lu Churan was still belching out of the window angrily. The handsome guy who had frowned and looked out of the window with a gloomy face was inexplicably happy. The alcohol began to rush into his brain slowly with the blood flow, a little faint of dizziness.

Ye Xi laughed a little dazedly, and sat a little closer and leaned over and said, "Lu Churan, I read on the Internet that hiccups can be stopped by putting your hands in your anus for 30 seconds, let me help you..."

Lu Churan hiccupped again, looked back at Ye Xi, pursed her lips with a sullen look, but a smile appeared in her eyes, mixed with faint drunkenness, and said, "Why didn't I realize that you are a shameless person before?" how about this."

"You discovered it a long time ago. You must have cursed me when you woke me up." Ye Xi smiled again, leaned closer, and asked him in a whisper-like voice, "There are still many things you don't know about me. What else do you want to discover?"

"Is it time to tell the truth?" Lu Churan held his breath and thought, the hiccup seemed to stop suddenly, and his expression was not so dazed, "Then why do you know the scumbag so well? You talk one after another in front of my sister, like Like a veteran in the field of love, isn't she very innocent and has never been in love before?"

"Because..." Because I am a scumbag myself, Ye Xi laughed at himself, of course he couldn't say that in front of Lu Churan, if he wanted to let Lu Churan open his heart, he had to bury his filthy side , "The person who gave birth to me with my mother was a scumbag, so all these years I just wanted to understand why I was abandoned..." Ye Xi paused again, did he turn himself into another scumbag?He was completely amused by himself from the bottom of his heart, and the smile deepened in his eyes, "I have a deeper understanding of the behavior of this kind of person."

Lu Churan stared at his smiling eyes, and stared directly at him for a few seconds, his thoughtful expression became more and more cute, suddenly he raised his hand, and put his warm palm on Ye Xi's head. Rubbing his hair gently, "You are so stupid, isn't this uncomfortable?"

Ye Xi's heart jumped wildly when he touched it instantly, and when he looked into his eyes and saw his face reflected in his pupils, the vibration was so loud that there was an echo.

He turned his eyes away, with a rare shy expression, why is he so flustered, could it be because he ate bananas.

Ye Xi still remembers having an affair with someone before, but he doesn't remember his name, and he also forgets what his face looks like, but he only remembers his weird thoughts.

He told Ye Xi that the tryptophan in bananas will be converted into 5-HT in the human body, and 5-HT will also be secreted when love occurs, so people will feel in love after eating bananas.

Ye Xi told him with a half-smile at the time, "Eating another kind of banana will also make you feel in love, do you want to try it?"

"It's uncomfortable, but it's even more uncomfortable if you don't do this. I always feel that I have been abandoned for no reason. If I did something wrong, I can't stop blaming myself."

Ye Xi was still smiling, with a rare blush on his fair and delicate face, but he didn't look at Lu Churan.

Lu Churan found that he didn't look at him very much today. Ye Xi usually stared straight into his eyes, but today he played hide-and-seek with his eyes abnormally.

"idiot."

So Lu Churan also turned his face away, looking at Ye Xi's smile for a long time made him a little dizzy, and the thoughts in his mind were all sticky from his laughter.

"Lu Churan, I might be kicked out by you."

"Why? Are you planning to abandon me so soon?" Lu Churan froze for a moment, knowing that she had made a slip of the tongue, her breathing stopped for a few seconds.

Ye Xi pretended not to hear, but the smile on his lips betrayed him. He put the back of his hand on his lips, covering up the sudden joy.

"No, I may have to work overtime every day from tomorrow. You usually have such a normal schedule. If I come back late, I will disturb you. So I was thinking, why not go back to my own home." Ye Xi's mellow voice was mixed The voices of the conversation and the singer's ethereal singing seem to be layered especially clearly.

The air seemed to be quiet for two seconds, Lu Churan asked: "How do you live in your house? Do you want to vomit again? You are really stupid if you say you are stupid. What are you busy with overtime?"

What are you busy with?No one has ever asked Ye Xi like this. If others knew that he was busy, they would leave him wisely. No one had ever asked him this way, caring about what he was doing.

The object of ambiguity cannot understand the life of the other party, because once the ambiguity has the sense of reality of life, it will not be pure.

But Ye Xi replied honestly, "I'm planning a new investment plan. In the plan, there is a new stock with a monthly interest rate of 14%. I will start raising funds tomorrow. This is my most important performance this year."

"The interest rate is so high, can I also invest? I seem to have a little savings, and I wanted to leave it for my own children as an education fund, but..." Lu Churan hesitated, "It won't happen so soon. Let’s have a child, maybe there will be no children, so it’s good to make some investments.”

"Of course you can."

There is a thin line on the calm and vast lake, and there is a small hook at the end of the thin line. The hook cannot escape the temptation and lies quietly on the lake, waiting for the attraction to move and sink until it sinks.

Ye Xi didn't speak, and smiled at Lu Churan, his eyes regained his usual calmness, exhaled a puff of smoke, and put out the cigarette in his hand.

Suddenly, there was a crisp applause from a cubicle in the bathroom, followed by a curse, "Get lost."

Ji Er rushed out from inside with a blushing face, with a little water vapor in the corners of his eyes, walked to the side of Lu Churan and said in a trembling voice, "I'll go back first", and then got out of the bar to stop the car, the street was intertwined with neon lights, and faded away His thin back.

Lu Churan and Ye Xi looked at each other for a while, not knowing what was going on, and decided to go back.

The bar is 10 minutes away from Lu Churan's residential area. They walked slowly side by side on the road, gradually moving away from the glitz and glamour, and the noise in their ears suddenly became silent.

Because alcohol numbs a little sense of shame, it seems that talking about everything is not awkward, and there is no feeling of barrier when expressing true emotions in the past.

The long-standing heaviness in Ye Xi's chest seemed to disappear temporarily, and he suddenly said without thinking: "You know, the reason why I haven't been in love is that I don't think love can give me a sense of security, so I don't believe it. It. But you believe it, why don't you fall in love?"

Lu Churan pulled Ye Xi's forearm from the outside of the sidewalk to the inside, and it was rare for him to take the initiative to share his life with others.

"My first love was a man. It happened in high school. I broke up with him peacefully because there was no big quarrel. It was after the Cold War. But he said I was a cold-hearted little bastard. The view of love has changed a lot. If the two parties are not equal, or have inconsistent ideas about the future, no matter how much they agree with each other, they will not be able to reach the end. So after clearly knowing what you want, it is difficult to accept It’s a retreat and accommodating.”

"Poor thing, it turned out to be the shadow of childhood." Ye Xi blinked slowly, fluttering her thick eyelashes like cicada wings, looked down at Lu Churan's hand that grabbed his arm, and then looked up at Lu Churan's hand His side face was still smiling, "But it doesn't matter, many people have said that I am a little beast without a heart."

Ye Xi said comforting words to Lu Churan, but for no reason began to secretly rejoice in his heart, and felt a small but real happiness that someone had missed Lu Churan.

The atmosphere began to turn to silence, falling drop by drop in the space that is close to each other, filling the gap between people.

"Lu Churan."

The night was blurry, the street lights were dim and shadowy, and there were only a few pedestrians walking on the road in a hurry. No one noticed that there were two men hugging at the corner of the street, hugging tightly without gaps.

Ye Xi put his arms around Lu Churan's neck, and when Lu Churan hugged his waist, he pressed it against his chest. The dense heartbeats like drums were scattered together, and he squinted his eyes halfway to smell it. The smell in Lu Churan's arms fascinated him.

There were two overlapping figures on the ground who couldn't tell each other apart. With a soft nasal "huh?", Ye Xi felt a burst of hot air caressing the fluff on the tips of his ears.

"You are very good, I really think you are very good, someone who can be liked by you must be very happy."

If you can't resist, let him sink until he is tempted by me.

I can resist everything except temptation. –Oscar Wilde

I can resist anything except temptation. — Oscar Wilde