Ambiguous addiction

Three days later, when Ye Xi returned to Lu Churan's house, it was already evening, the sky had just darkened, and the light had not completely faded from the horizon. A summer breeze blew away, blowing away the soft hair on Ye Xi's forehead.

There seemed to be a burst of violin sounds echoing in the air, accompanied by the melody of the piano, as if even the time had become melodious and long.

Lu Churan hasn't come back yet, he may be in "tobecontinued", or he may be at his parents' house, Ye Xi doesn't know where he is, and he doesn't know what plans he has today. Ye Xi knew that others knew him.

Ye Xi touched the darkness and turned on the light in the living room with a "snap". The place was as clean and tidy as ever, just like when he first came here, as if there had never been a trace of his life.

He was on a business trip for three days, and had no contact with Lu Churan for three days, and Lu Churan did not take the initiative to come to him to say a word, from the first day they met to now, even if Lu Churan was willing to respond to every sentence he said words, and never took the initiative to talk to him.

He found that his existence was dispensable, like a wisp of smoke inhaled into his lungs, coming and going, leaving no trace of his existence before being exhaled and diluted in the air.

He knows that Lu Churan doesn't like to pay attention to other people's lives. Lu Churan is the kind of person who knows what he cares about and what he doesn't care about, so he only cares about the things he cares about, and he probably is far away from that position.

Ye Xi threw the dirty clothes in the luggage into the washing machine and went to the bathroom to take a hot shower. When he came out, he was wearing a pair of high school uniform shorts, because the pajamas he brought to Hong Kong had been washed, and he had no other home pants to wear. up.

He has grown a bit taller since graduating from high school, and his figure hasn't changed much, but his muscles have become stronger since he started exercising.

Isn’t it all like this, when you were young, you pretended to be mature and secretly wore adult clothes, and when you got old, you pretended to be young and went to wear school uniforms, what you can’t get, what you can’t get, and what you can’t get back, it’s nothing more than that.

Ye Xi was bored alone in the living room for a while, lit a cigarette, took two puffs and then extinguished it. He felt that doing everything was boring and meaningless, and he was hungry, and his stomach was throbbing.

He stood at the door of the kitchen and hesitated whether to order takeaway or steamed custard at home. He just likes to eat steamed custard, which is smooth, sweet and delicious. He used to hear that steamed custard is the taste of his mother. He didn't know it Will my mother make steamed egg custard when she was born? Anyway, my mother doesn't have any, so I can still have the taste of my mother.

Thinking of this, he poured some water into the pot to heat it up, then went to the refrigerator, took out an egg, knocked it into a bowl and mixed it well, when the water boiled, he threw a steaming rack into the water and put the bowl of egg liquid in it. Going up, I also learned how the people in the food show professionally put a plate on top of the bowl, and then put the lid on the pot.

After 10 minutes, he lifted the lid of the pot, opened the plate, and looked inside expectantly. The porcelain bowl was broken into several pieces and lay on the steaming rack. It sticks to the bottom of the pot and the steam rack in lumps.

Ye Xi cursed secretly in his heart, and instantly his self-confidence was frustrated to the point where he didn't even have the mood to eat.

He tidied up the things in the kitchen, wrapped the cracked bowl in newspaper and threw it away, cleaned the pot quickly, and wiped the cooking table with a cloth. He knew that Lu Churan was a bit of a clean freak, and neither was he. A very casual and sloppy guy, so they hit it off pretty well in that regard.

After finishing these things, he looked at the time, the hour hand had already pointed to seven o'clock, and Lu Churan still hadn't come back, Ye Xi didn't know why he started to feel a little irritable.

Lu Churan knew that I would come back today, why didn't he go home earlier, why didn't he tell me in advance if he was coming back late, can't he take the initiative to talk to me a little bit?

He took out his mobile phone, resisted the urge to call Lu Churan, then nestled on the sofa and began to watch the video of someone eating ten instant noodles live online.

He is a bit envious of people who can enjoy themselves eating alone at home, but he can't. When he is alone, he can't do anything well except sleep and play with his mobile phone.

Isn't it possible to get used to everything, but Ye Xi has been alone for so many years and is not used to being alone, more numbness and helplessness.

He doesn't need anyone's sympathy, sympathy is too cheap, and it feels uncomfortable to be sympathized by someone whose life is a mess. To be precise, even understanding is unnecessary, he just wants company.

But companionship is also a luxury. Everyone walks alone in the world, and no one is obliged to spend time with others for a short time. There is a price to be paid for companionship, so he learned to use beautiful language to please others , in exchange for other people's lingering with an ambiguous relationship.

Equivalent exchange, Ye Xi turned to think of such a word, he has always known that no matter what he gets, he must pay the corresponding price, because no one will love others regardless of the price.

Maybe the parents would, but Ye Xi didn't.

Maybe there is in love, but Ye Xi doesn't believe in that kind of thing.

Ye Xi was slowly sinking in loneliness again, as if he was slowly sinking into the water and was completely submerged until he lost his breath. Chronic gastritis was still tormenting him silently.

He found a cup of instant noodles from the suitcase, put it on the dining table, and prepared to boil the instant noodles for eating.

Depression turns into depression, he knows that he can't eat nothing, and being able to live alone without relying on anyone is his vision many years ago, so whether he is happy or not now, he has to grit his teeth and live a good life to be worthy of his past vision.

At this moment, he was changing his sitting position with a little discomfort, when he suddenly heard the sound of the door lock turning, he turned his face to look at the door.

Lu Churan pushed the door open and came in, seeing that he had no surprise on his face, as if he had never left in the past three days, and appearing here was the most common thing.

Lu Churan looked down at him naturally, and greeted him, "Have you been back for a long time?"

"More than an hour." He stared at Shanglu Churan, and then turned back to the screen of the phone as if it was hot. He didn't know why he suddenly didn't dare to look into his eyes. Maybe it was because he was afraid of the loneliness that couldn't be hidden in his eyes. Your bitterness will be seen through.

The sky outside was already very dark, but in the darkness, I suddenly recognized the figure of a familiar person, and this kind of lonely scene that I was accustomed to suddenly became warm.

"Have you eaten?" Lu Churan changed his shoes and sat next to him, and glanced at what he was looking at curiously. The people in the video were still eating instant noodles, and they had already eaten their sixth cup. Lu Churan immediately He frowned, "I can smell the cheap monosodium glutamate of junk food like instant noodles through the screen."

"I think she still eats quite deliciously, and I feel greedy looking at it." Ye Xi shook his head and muttered.

Lu Churan shifted his gaze to the instant noodles he put on the table, pointed with his finger expressionlessly, and said in a very repulsive tone, "Hurry up and throw away this kind of thing, don't make such a poor and cheap smell in my house."

Ye Xi immediately tossed the instant noodles into the trash can without hesitation, and glanced at Lu Churan. After not seeing him for a few days, this person is still so good-looking, even under the ordinary incandescent light, no wonder I went to "tobe continued" with him before. "When the female customers in the store always love to ask him the Wi-fi password.

He suddenly realized what he was thinking, and immediately put this thought aside, am I crazy, it's hard to see where I haven't seen someone for three days.

"Why didn't you call me when you didn't eat? I can pack something for you from the store." Lu Churan said, got up and poured himself a glass of water, and poured another glass for Ye Xi.

Ye Xi's expression was a little embarrassed for a moment, he lowered his head and took a sip of water, his tone slowed down to figure out Lu Churan's face, "I was going to steam the custard, but I cracked the whole bowl... sorry, I can put I will pay you the money for the bowl."

"Do I look like I'm angry?" Lu Churan pointed blankly at his paralyzed face, then suddenly smiled, "How did you steam it? How did you steam the bowl?"

"Just mix the egg liquid well, boil the water, put it on and steam it..." Ye Xi recalled the steps, but couldn't figure out what was wrong with him, so he asked Lu Churan confidently, "Your porcelain bowl can't Is it hot?"

"Did you add water to the egg liquid?" Lu Churan asked again, ignoring his question, then saw Ye Xi stunned for two seconds, then suddenly realized, and finally smiled with embarrassment blushing, "Egg liquid is not What kind of custard are you steaming with water, are you an idiot?"

Ye Xi put his cup half in his lips and didn't speak. He looked at Lu Churan's silly smile, and couldn't help looking into his eyes, but when Lu Churan cast his gaze back, he felt unnatural turned away.

He was thinking, I might really be an idiot, but you shouldn't use such a smile to set off my idiot, okay?

Lu Churan carelessly reached out to rub his hair, thinking that his innocent and shy look was cute, "There is cold rice in the refrigerator, do you want to eat rice?"

"Anything is fine." Ye Xi sat up straighter and answered.

"Then you can do it yourself." Lu Churan said.

"Then I won't eat." Ye Xi nestled back on the sofa again, rubbed his abdomen, bit his lower lip quietly to endure the stomachache.

"You threaten me even if you don't eat, you deserve a beating, don't you?"

"..." Ye Xi turned his face away. He didn't know if Lu Churan did it on purpose. He found that this person was sometimes very bad, as if he had clearly seen that he was afraid of horror movies before, but he said something to tell him to go back to his room to watch. Gv masturbates by himself, now he obviously knows that he can't cook, but he just steamed the bowl and asked him to do it himself.

Lu Churan glanced at him angrily, and studied for a few seconds the weird sitting posture where he bit his white lips and curled up in the corner of the sofa. For some reason, his heart suddenly softened, as if he had been poked, and felt inexplicable for a while. The throbbing is fleeting.

Ye Xi probably didn't realize that his pretty face with his stubborn and fragile expression that he tried his best to bear but accidentally exposed could easily arouse Lu Churan's desire to protect, maybe not only Lu Churan, but also other men. That's why he was so liked by his "friends", of course, the premise was that Lu Churan still agreed that Ye Xi's bed skills were not very good.

Lu Churan asked him, "Are you uncomfortable?"

"Stomach pain." Ye Xi replied weakly.

Lu Churan sighed softly, took out the cold rice from the refrigerator, took out some pork and chopped it into minced meat, cut the stalks and shredded pickles, soaked some dried shrimps, boiled the water in the pot, and put the cold Pour in the rice and seasonings and cook the rice.

Ye Xi got down from the sofa and followed him to watch his movements curiously. Although he knew that no matter how serious he was, he still wouldn't know how to cook, but he just wanted to see how Lu Churan cooked for him.

Lu Churan stirred the boiled rice in the pot with a long spoon, added some salt to test the taste, and added a little more if it felt a bit bland.

Ye Xi froze in place for half a minute, then walked lightly behind Lu Churan and rested his chin on his shoulder, looking into the steaming steamed rice in the pot, those depressed thoughts before As if floating high with the water vapor, he whispered in Lu Churan's ear like a hum, "Lu Churan, do you think I'm a very bad person?"

Lu Churan's heartbeat suddenly missed half a beat, and then it beat faster, feeling inexplicably shy about this subtle posture, and after a full minute of reaction, he couldn't help but pull the corners of his mouth, "You are just selfish It's just a little bit, but it can't be said to be bad. When you were young, no one cared about you, and you didn't have extra care to share with others. If you want to live well, you can only care more about yourself, so selfishness has become an instinct for survival. "

"..." Ye Xi choked on him, his heart beat a few beats faster, and he scolded him with a non-aggressive smile, "Are you analyzing me? Who told you to analyze me? People like you are the most annoying. It’s like living without you.”

"Don't be so naive, you asked me yourself." Lu Churan poured the rice from the pot into a big bowl.

"Can't you just make a fuss and say that I'm not bad and I'm very likable?" Ye Xi followed him out of the kitchen and sat at the dining table.

"No, don't say that, that answer makes no sense at all."

"Hiss..." Ye Xi scooped up a spoonful of rice and hurriedly put it into his mouth, but his mouth was scalded and he was gasping for air. Lu Churan poured him a glass of water and added two grains to it. ice cubes.

Ye Xi drank ice water to cool down his mouth, put the rice in the middle of the table to let it cool off, then stood up as if thinking of something, walked into the room, took out a bag from the suitcase, and held it in front of Lu Churan, She smiled at him with the corners of her lips curled up, "I gave it to you as a thank you for cooking for me. I just came back and threw away those stinky pants that looked like rags on your balcony."

There was fleeting surprise in Lu Churan's eyes. He took it and tried it on in the room. The style was nice and fit him well. He flipped through the price tag and found that the number was quite impressive.

He seemed a little happy to receive the gift, and asked Ye Xi, "How do you know my size?"

Ye Xi stared at his slender legs and cast admiring glances, thinking in his heart that it's because I'm always staring at your lower body, but he used his usual way of speaking to express ambiguously and euphemistically, "I have a good heart. "

"Isn't it because your eyes are wrong?" Lu Churan laughed when he heard this, and hurt him in a good mood.

Ye Xi was exposed and did not dare to answer. He turned his eyes guiltily and sat back at the dining table. He brought the rice back in front of him, scooped a spoonful of it and blew it into his mouth. Some warm emotions gradually swelled up in his heart.

He called vaguely, "Lu Churan."

"What are you doing?" Lu Churan went back to her room and changed out of her trousers, and put on the home trousers.

"Come here." Ye Xi took another sip, silently brewing the courage to tell the truth in his heart, usually too many beautiful and hypocritical nonsense, so whenever he wants to express some true feelings, he always has to be awkward for a long time in his heart.

"What are you doing?" Lu Churan walked behind him expressionlessly.

"Come closer and tell you something, very serious and serious." He put away all the expressions on his face, but his cheeks blushed quietly. He listened to his heartbeat and realized that he wanted to express his true emotions. Time beats faster and more vividly, bang bang, slowly drowning out all the sounds that can be heard by the ears.

Lu Churan sat next to him in doubt, leaned forward slightly in a listening posture, and clearly saw herself in his eyes, "Huh?"

Ye Xi took a deep breath, as if this could show the weight of these words, "I, I, um... miss you very much these few days."

After the words were finished, Lu Churan was stunned for a few seconds, and the corner of his mouth curved upwards without warning.