The Swan Bay Murders

Li Jiangluo told me a story, not long, with a few words, I couldn't believe it.

His face was pale and his tone was calm, but his eyes were full of pain and despair.

After I finished listening, I stood aside for a while, trying to use time to digest what he just said.

In the past few days, I have been forced to receive information beyond my imagination, which made me a little bit broken. Before, I didn’t understand why Li Jiangluo kept saying that he killed Berlin. Now I understand.

He said that he was a patient of "sexual aversion", and explained his illness to me clearly in a few simple sentences.

But I don't believe that this kind of disease really exists in this world.

Sounds funny, doesn't it?

I need calm down and time to think.

I came out of that room, eagerly opened the laptop I carried with me, and typed the three words "sexual aversion" in the search bar of the browsing page.

After row after row of search results, and what Li Jiangluo said to me, I understood the reason for Berlin's derailment.

But understanding does not mean that you can accept and forgive. It is my brother who made the mistake.

Not being able to have sex is not the reason for his cheating, but inner instability and primitive and ugly desires are.

I am still disappointed in him, and I am still sorry for Li Jiangluo.

He didn't tell me too much, he just stated his illness lightly. Although he tried his best to downplay it, I still caught the pain revealed in his words.

People, the words that are spoken are all processed in the heart layer by layer. The initial sadness, resentment and desolation have been carefully polished from the heart to the mouth, and then to the words. Its owner Always wanted it to look light and unobtrusive.

No one wants to truly show their worst side to outsiders. It is a scar that can be hidden as long as they can. If it is not a last resort, no one will want to show it to others.

Especially people like Li Jiangluo.

Probably, it took a lot of courage for him to be with Berlin.

For Xing Bolin, this dramatic death and the letter full of love but full of hurt may make Li Jiangluo completely disappointed in love.

I closed the computer, touched my pocket, found a pack of cigarettes, and it was empty again.

I sat in the living room for a while, and felt that I had to have a good chat with Li Jiangluo.

I pushed open the door again, and Li Jiangluo was still sitting on the bed, holding the quilt in his arms.

On the ground in front of me were scattered pieces of paper, which were my brother's suicide note, which Li Jiangluo tore up and tried to eat.

I probably will never forget the picture I saw when I came in before. For a moment, I thought Li Jiangluo was crazy.

Well, he's not there yet, but I feel like if I don't get him out soon, soon I'll have to take care of a madman.

"Do you want to eat?" I walked over, picked up the bowl and asked him again.

He stared out the window in a daze and didn't respond to me.

I scooped up a spoonful of rice and handed it to his mouth. After a pause for a few seconds, he opened his mouth.

I don't know what's going on, why I have to take care of his lover after my brother passed away.

Oh yes, I remembered, because my brother was sorry for him.

Li Jiangluo has always said that the whole thing is his fault these two days, how can I make him understand that they are all responsible for such a tragedy.

I don't want him to continue like this, and I don't want to watch him blame himself so much.

I am also dissatisfied with him, and even feel that if you have this disease, you should not fall in love and do harm to others.

But this is the end of the matter, what's the use of complaining.

The damage Berlin did to him was real, and I couldn't just sit back and watch it all.

Berlin still loves him, no matter what the reason is, I think I should give Li Jiangluo a hand.

But while taking care of him, I also thought, he is not the only one suffering, and I am trying to save him, so who will help me?

The funeral in Berlin has to be held as soon as possible, and I have to inform my parents before the funeral.

That will be the biggest difficulty I will face.

I can't watch my family suffer, and I can even imagine how their elders would react when they heard the news.

Their youngest son, Berlin, who liked to walk around the square with his arms around his father, died like this.

"Are you ok?"

Li Jiangluo suddenly opened his mouth.

I froze for a moment, and found that my hand holding the spoon stopped in mid-air, and half of the rice in the spoon fell on the bed.

I made up my mind, handed him the rice bowl and spoon, and said while tidying up, "I'm fine, you can eat by yourself."

Li Jiangluo looked at me holding his job bowl, and said to me: "Brother, don't worry about me, I'm fine."

As soon as he called me "brother", I inevitably thought of Berlin, my only younger brother, how could others understand the brotherhood.

I try my best to suppress my emotions and don't want to lose my composure in front of Li Jiangluo again. Now, the burden on my shoulders is too heavy. On the one hand is Li Jiangluo, who my brother is ashamed of, and on the other is my parents who are still in the dark. It feels like a storm is coming, and I don't know if I can really hold it.

"Tomorrow I'm going back to Canada to pick up my parents." I said, "You take care of yourself here, we'll be back soon."

I originally planned to look for a house tomorrow, because I really don't want to live in Xu Zhao's house for a second.

But if the Berlin matter is not resolved, I can't concentrate on other things.

Out of the room, I booked a plane ticket.

Afterwards, I went outside to buy some vegetables, because I didn’t know what Li Jiangluo could eat, and I didn’t bother to ask, so I made some casually and put them in the lunch boxes. Just put it in the microwave.

After finishing these, it is almost time for me to leave.

I didn't know what else to say to Li Jiangluo, so I wrote a note and put it on the coffee table in the living room, and went out with simple luggage.

It was windy and cold.

It took a long way to get a taxi.

On the way to the airport, I happened to pass by the Swan Bay community. I looked over and couldn't find the building where they lived in Berlin.

From the time I saw the neighborhood to when it disappeared after turning a corner, in less than a minute, my heart felt like countless knives had been inserted into my heart. When I closed my eyes, I could hear the sound of blood dripping down and hitting the ground.

My beloved younger brother, who has been separated from me forever, has agreed to celebrate his birthday together every year, and from now on I will be the only one left.

Birthday, I'm afraid it won't be again, we came into this world together, and he is gone, how can I still celebrate the continuation of my own life.

I leaned on the back of the taxi seat, closed my eyes, and heard the voices of two hosts teasing each other on the radio.

This world doesn't seem to have changed much. Everyone is still forced to smile and is pushed away by time. Everything in this world seems to have changed. The home that originally belonged to me has completely changed its appearance.

I have a photo of Berlin in my pocket, the photo of him and Li Jiangluo.

In the photo, my younger brother smiles very brightly, as if his whole body is covered by soft light, and his face is full of happiness.

The photo I saw in Li Jiangluo's box was hidden like a thief.

I resent my brother and I miss my brother too.

On the fourth day of his death, I wanted to hug him more than ever.

I went back to Canada and it snowed a lot here too.

My parents didn't know I was coming back today, and I never called.

The yard at home was swept clean, and the snow piled up together to form a chubby hill, as if waiting for a child to wrap a scarf on it and fill its eyes at any time.

I walked in, pushed open the door, and as soon as I entered the room, I saw my mother falling asleep on the sofa with a half-knit scarf in her arms.

This picture made me even more sad, how can I tell the bad news.

I put down the suitcase, walked over lightly, and knelt down in front of my mother.

I knelt for a long time, tears streaming down my face.

I thought I could tell them the cruel news as calmly as possible, because if I wasn't calm, the family would really be messed up.

But in front of me, I found that I couldn't do it.

I didn't even dare to wake up my sleeping mother.

She's a lovely old lady, although she never let me call her old.

Of course, in my heart she is not old at all, but Berlin and I like to tease her like this.

Before she came to Canada, Berlin accompanied her to perm a fashionable curly hair, taking advantage of her big eyes, young and attractive.

My dad complained at the time and asked my mom to stop going out and chatting with those old men.

This is my parents, kind and lovely, but why, they have to face this reality.

"Bai Chuan, why are you back?"

My dad came out, saw me, and walked over quickly.

The mother who was in a light sleep also woke up, in a daze, and was stunned when she saw me.

I probably frightened her. She dropped the needle and thread in her hand and rushed over, wiping my tears while asking, "Son, what's wrong? Why are you still crying?"

I hugged her tightly and finally burst into tears.

What should I say, what should I do to reduce the harm to them.

Why does someone I love have to suffer like this?

My mother kept asking me and wiping my tears. I gently pushed her away, knelt on the ground and backed away, and kowtowed to her and my dad.

My forehead was pressed against the cold floor, tears dripped down and merged into two small puddles, I was cruel, and finally said it.

"Mom and Dad, I'm sorry, I didn't take good care of Berlin, he..." I clenched my fists and heard them eagerly asking me what happened.

I think of the death in Berlin, and my heart hurts like a knife.

"He killed himself."