The Swan Bay Murders

Brother Bai Chuan left, leaving me the prepared meals and a note.

I feel very sorry for him, obviously he suffers more than me, but I make him worry all the time.

When I woke up in the morning, my whole body was sore. When I walked to the living room, I saw the post-it note on the coffee table. I read it several times before I understood that simple sentence.

My brain may be broken, and I don't know if it will stay broken or it will slowly get better.

Brother Bai Chuan's handwriting is very different from Berlin's. It can be seen that the two brothers have completely different personalities.

Berlin is a bit sharp-edged, while Brother Bai Chuan is more stable.

Maybe it's because I'm used to the role of "brother".

He told me he was back in Canada and it was time to come clean with his parents about Berlin.

He asked me to eat well and rest well, waiting for him to come back.

After I finished reading, I took the post-it note to my room and put it in the book next to my pillow.

I couldn't fall asleep yesterday, so I took a book to read.

"Love in the Time of Cholera", with a red cover, was bought from Berlin, and I haven't read it since it's on the bookshelf.

It just so happened that this sticky note was used as a bookmark by me.

I had no appetite, and looked at myself in the mirror, looking haggard and ugly like never before.

The doorbell rang, I guess it was Xu Zhao.

I looked around but didn't find my slippers, so I went to open the door barefoot.

As soon as Xu Zhao saw me, he raised the bag in his hand, and I smelled the fragrance of rice.

"I know you haven't eaten." He came in with a smile, and looked down to see me stepping on the floor with bare feet.

He frowned and said to me, "Stand still."

He ran in, put the bag of food on the table, and ran back.

I looked at him inexplicably, and when he came to me again, he hugged me.

I was startled and almost fell off.

"Running around with bare feet, it's strange if you don't get sick!" His tone was complaining, but there was a smile on the corner of his mouth.

I didn't speak, and was carried to the bed in the bedroom by him.

"Where are your socks and slippers?" He looked around but found nothing.

"The room opposite." The room we are in now is reserved for Brother Bai Chuan, and the room I slept in last night is opposite.

This house is a two-bedroom house, and it's really not convenient to live in when Berlin's parents come.

"You wait, I'll get it for you." Xu Zhao patted my head, and I looked down at the back of my hand, where there was a piece of hair that I fell out of.

He came back quickly with my socks and slippers. It was strange, he seemed to find them right after he went in, but I didn't see them at all just now.

I reached for the socks, but Xu Zhao dodged them.

Then he crouched down in front of me.

I frowned and pulled my foot back.

"I wear it myself." I know I'm a bit awkward, but I can't accept Xu Zhao's care, it's too much.

I have known since I was a child that if you are not going to be with someone, then don't accept the other person's kindness too much from the beginning, and explain it to the other person in a timely and appropriate manner.

Xu Zhao looked up at me with an embarrassed expression.

I snatched the socks from his hand and put them on myself.

Sure enough, wearing socks is much warmer.

"Let's talk," I said, "Berlin's brother just isn't here."

"Okay." He sat next to me and looked out the window with me.

When I was a child, I recited an ancient poem, "Withered vines, old trees, and crows". Now it's almost like this outside. Winter is here, and a heavy snow has already fallen, but the snow can't cover the dark red blood of Berlin.

"The Berlin case, do you have anything else to hide from me?" I didn't look at Xu Zhao, I don't know why, I don't like to meet his eyes recently.

He was silent, as if he didn't intend to say more.

"I know everything I need to know, but there are some things I don't understand." I touched my pocket, and suddenly remembered that I had torn up the letter from Berlin and almost ate it.

"He did commit suicide." Xu Zhao finally said, "The reason for suicide is obvious. He knew that he would not live long, but whether he tried to cheat the insurance is not conclusive. His suicide method is very special. First use Hanging yourself with the knife again, you know all of this, so I won’t say more, but there’s one more thing I didn’t tell you.”

I suddenly remembered that Berlin told me to take a good look at his body in the letter. When I entered the house, I was frightened and stupid. I didn’t even dare to look at the photos of the police scene.

"What is it?" My voice trembled a little.

"His heart carved your name with a knife." Xu Zhao looked at me with eyes deeper than the sea.

Engraved my name...

Suffocating again, I wish I could go back to the scene a few days ago immediately.

When he wrote the letter, he said that he wanted to find a knife and engrave my name on his heart.

I shut up, something in my body is pouring out.

I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand again, but there were no tears, I really couldn't cry anymore.

"You said that Xing Bolin called you that afternoon and told you to go back as soon as possible because of something at home. You asked for leave and left the company early. You were supposed to be home before five o'clock, but you came back almost a day late because you went to the supermarket temporarily. Hours." Xu Zhao's voice was cold, and I heard him continue, "I didn't tell you before because I was afraid that you would be sad. In fact, after our analysis, Xing Bolin probably wanted to drag you to die together."

I looked at him in disbelief and shook my head: "No..."

But after thinking about it, it would have been okay if he had really dragged me to die together, at least now I don't have to suffer such a torment.

Guilt on the one hand and resentment on the other, between these two emotions, I was really going crazy.

"Jiang Luo, have you ever thought that hanging himself is enough for him to achieve his goal of suicide, why would he use a knife?" Xu Zhao said, "I have a guess, do you want to hear it?"

I kept shaking my head, not wanting to hear what he had to say.

I hid in the bed, trying to stay away from him.

He looked at me and said relentlessly: "Because he has AIDS, if you go home at that time, his knife will work. One result is that he directly kills you and you die together, and the other is One result is that he died, but before he died, he infected you with AIDS. Jiang Luo, this is his conspiracy, and he doesn't want you to have a good time in hell!"

Xu Zhao almost yelled when he said that, the veins on his neck popped out, his eyes stared at me, the more I hid inside, the closer he got, I stretched out my hand to push him, but he hugged me inside.

I don't like this hug. There used to be only one person's hug that made me feel safe and secure. Now it's gone, and I won't have it again in the future.

Xu Zhao hugged me tightly, his side face pressed against my ear, a little cold.

I struggled a few times, but he strangled me even tighter. All the bones in my body were squeezed together, as if they were about to break.

"It hurts..." My voice was probably very low, otherwise why didn't he respond.

Xu Zhao finally calmed down a bit, and his tone returned to his usual tone.

He said: "Jiang Luo, forget about him, he is not worthy of your love, stay with me and let me take care of you for the rest of your life."

I don't know what the hell is wrong with the world why they all want to take care of me.

Obviously I am also a man, I also have the ability to survive, I am no worse than them, of course, if my incredible disease is excluded.

I don't need anyone's care, let alone a "lifetime" commitment.

Where I used to feel nauseous at the thought of intercourse, now I feel sick when I hear promises.

I will never be so stupid to believe in love and people's hearts again. The reality has told me that nothing can overcome desire.

I just want to be alone, to live quietly, from now on, to fend for myself, and no one will bother me again.

I still pushed Xu Zhao away and shook my head feebly.

He was still talking, pinching my shoulders with those powerful hands, and he said: "Jiang Luo, don't you understand my heart after all these years? I love you, absolutely no less than Xing Bolin, and, I will Absolute loyalty, I swear by my badge."

I looked at him, and the person in front of me didn't know why, and the more I looked at him, the more strange he became.

I asked: "What are you planning? How can I deserve your love?"

He frowned, stared at me, and then took me into his arms again.

This time I didn't struggle, and leaned on him with my hands hanging down.

His voice was very gentle, but I was extremely disturbed by it.

"I have liked you since I was a child. Your eyes, nose, mouth, and even hair are just right for me. Jiang Luo, I really love you."

I threw up again and again.

Because Xu Zhao kissed me.

When I was in a daze, he suddenly held my lips. At that moment, it seemed that tens of thousands of ants were running in my body. I couldn't breathe and almost died.

I pushed Xu Zhao away vigorously, and ran to the toilet amidst his shouts.

After vomiting, I wiped my sweat while leaning against the wall exhaustedly, and then I heard Xu Zhao say, "Jiang Luo, I didn't expect you to hate me so much."

Look, that's it.

Everyone feels the same way.

You go to kiss the one you love and he pushes you away to throw up.

Even if he says he is sick, you still feel bad.

Xu Zhao didn't know about me, and I didn't intend to tell him. Since the misunderstanding has already occurred, so be it.

I'm too lazy to explain, I'm really too tired.

Xu Zhao left, brought me hot water and made my bed before leaving.

I didn't drink, and I didn't go to bed.

Sitting on the sofa in a daze.

Think nothing, just let go.

This house is much bigger than the one Berlin and I lived in before, and Brother Bai Chuan is not there, so it looks empty.

Until it was dark and the lights outside were on, I finally felt a little hungry, got up and went to the refrigerator, and took out the meal that Brother Bai Chuan had prepared before he left.

A post-it note was pasted on the lunch box, which read: No matter what, life must go on, eat well, and don’t starve yourself.

I sat down next to the refrigerator with my lunch box in my arms, I didn't bother to heat it up, so I opened the lid and ate directly.

Thinking of the days when I changed my cooking to please Berlin, who would have thought that now we are separated by yin and yang.