you are so tender

Xu Man stretched on the sofa, and then said, "Xiao Hui, what you said just now about our daughter and our son made me feel infinitely warm. Tell me, am I too selfish after all?"

"Where did you say that?" Tian Xiaohui was puzzled.

"I lost my daughter because of divorce. Strictly speaking, it can't be considered a complete loss. I just left Jiaojiao. I couldn't be with her, and I couldn't witness her growth. But I am still her mother. This will not change. But Jiaojiao doesn't recognize me as a mother anymore. I'm the one who feels sad about it, not Jiaojiao. Jiaojiao doesn't seem to have lost her mother. I can see that, I believe you can also see that Zhou Lijuan loves Jiaojiao very much, Jiaojiao Obviously, she has regarded her stepmother as her biological mother. My daughter, our daughter, is extremely lucky. Think about it, how many stepmothers can really treat her as her own? I think Zhou Lijuan is worthy of my gratitude for the rest of my life. So , I suddenly thought, do I have to let Jiaojiao know that I am her biological mother?" Xu Man said.

Tian Xiaohui did not expect Xu Man to have such a change of mind.In the morning, I met Yang Guangzhi's family unexpectedly. Xu Man was so sad because mother and daughter could not recognize each other. The two came to the cafe to discuss how to solve this problem.They drank a big pot of coffee before they had time to think about the specific plan, and she felt that Xu Man's topic was a bit far-fetched, and she couldn't see how Xu Man's so-called major premise could help solve the specific problem.

Tian Xiaohui was deeply inspired by Xu Man's views on the essence of marriage.She found an important clue to guide Lala's future life.Marriage, as part of the existing legal system, is essentially a contract between two parties.The contract of this form of marriage should be based on love, but not necessarily based on love. It can have nothing to do with love, because the provisions of the marriage law cannot detect whether there is love in it.And the two lesbians find each other to live together for love, not necessarily by resorting to the form of marriage.This made Tian Xiaohui feel relieved, as if outside the marriage system, in the cracks of social life, she saw a place for Lala's love.Of course, the gap is a bit narrow, and the road to walk is also rough, but I believe that lilies are blooming like lilies, and they will definitely be filled with love and let love pass through it.Tian Xiaohui felt that the ray of thought emitted by Xu Man illuminated her anxious life path.Just like Xu Man took her famous sentence - love is the basis of oneself, as a guiding light for lesbians to know themselves and bravely choose their true colors in life.

However, Tian Xiaohui wanted to solve the problem of Xu Man's mother-daughter recognition as soon as possible. Seeing Xu Man coming back from the bathroom, she thought that Xu Man would start from the main premise and find a way to break through the ice.Tian Xiaohui didn't expect that Xu Man's lightning-fast thoughts took a 180-degree turn because of thinking of their son Xiaolei.

Since Xu Man proposed divorce, Yang Guangzhi has taken a resolute opposition all the way, and Xu Man is very clear about this.Even after the mediation of her mother-in-law Chen Caixia, the two finally reached a divorce agreement, Xu Man still believed that Yang Guangzhi really didn't want to leave her.Xu Man knows that Yang Guangzhi still doesn't understand why she wants to divorce. From Wang Feng's song "Existence", she understands that Yang Guangzhi can only choose to spread his wings and remain angry when he can't find a reason to continue living.Xu Man was able to understand Yang Guangzhi's feelings. Although she didn't expect her ex-husband to be so decisive, she could understand and accept it helplessly.The reason why she did not and could not reveal the truth to Yang Guangzhi was the fundamental reason that led him to take extreme measures.Xu Man always knew that she was brave, but when it came to divorce, her courage was nothing more than a divorce at any cost.As a lawyer, she does not need to be reminded by others, nor does she need to remind herself. She should fully estimate that divorce may cause serious consequences other than divorce.Since all consequences are reckless, all consequences must be suffered, whether they are predicted or accidental.Now that things have happened, Xu Man doesn't know whether to belittle her courage, or question her own selfish thoughts.

Xu Man once asked herself, many times, but she couldn't answer the question.

"Am I really unable to confess the real reason for the divorce? In fact, I didn't even think about it at the time. I just knew that I couldn't, and I couldn't specify it. However, can I really not? How could I not think about it? Yang Guangzhi, as my husband, as One of the parties involved, he has the right to know why his wife is divorcing. I ask for a divorce from him for no reason and regardless, who can accept it? Yes, I can not love him. Love is love, not love , I just don’t love. Love is a last resort, and I can’t force it. But even if I don’t love him, I can’t hurt him! Especially, I can’t completely ignore the other party, that is, my ex-husband Yang Guangzhi, under circumstances that can be avoided as much as possible instead of being forced to do so. It's..." Xu Man couldn't think of a suitable word for a while, and felt that "rights" was not appropriate, and "mood" was too an understatement, and then he thought of a word-spiritual loss, yes, it was spiritual loss, it was indeed his spiritual loss .

"It was I who made him so angry. He wanted to let me die in his rage. However, he couldn't really let me die, so he pretended to let me die, like acting. No, it's different from acting. It's not acting , in the eyes of my daughter, I was really dead, and completely disappeared like death. Yang Guangzhi did it, he completed the fatal blow, although - if anger becomes his spiritual loss, it may not be able to recover all his losses.

"It was I who caused his mental trauma. Now I can't recognize Jiaojiao's mother and daughter. If you say, this can be regarded as Yang Guangzhi's revenge on me. Regardless of whether the revenge is appropriate, whether revenge can be a salvation, the purpose of revenge The result will be mutual loss, and I must admit to myself that it may be an appropriate punishment for me. I must think so, and I must regard it as punishment, not revenge. Because it is one of my reckless consequences. It was me who reaped the consequences, no wonder others.

"Do you really have enough courage? Xu Man!" Xu Man asked himself again. "If so, why don't you dare to confess to Yang Guangzhi and tell him that you asked for a divorce because you misunderstood your own life, and you discovered that you can't fall in love with him, not only him, but anyone A man. Why don’t you dare to reveal your sexual orientation to Yang Guangzhi, let alone announce your coming out to the world. You and Yang Guangzhi are both classmates and husband and wife. Marriage, guessing blindly at a loss, asking you over and over again if you have another man, his heart is obvious, his love is sympathetic, have you never felt compassion? Yes, you swore to He said, you don't have any other men, and you really don't. But why don't you say you are a lesbian, so as to get rid of all the men from his doubts. You clearly know that only in this way can the mystery be dispelled and the mystery can be cleared. Clear the way to divorce, but you refuse to say anything, and at the same time you want to divorce. Xu Man, don't say you can't, you dare not. Why don't you dare? Don't tell me the reason why you don't dare. Because you dare not, so It takes courage. If you don’t dare to do something, that’s called courage, isn’t it? Do you have the courage? I don’t think you have.”

Xu Man was ashamed when asked by herself, and she was ashamed.Undoubtedly, it is a great courage in itself to be able to reflect on oneself to the point of no escape like Xu Man.However, for Xu Man, this is not enough.She continued to pursue her fiercely, without mercy.

"Since it's me who lacks the courage to face my true identity and walk in the outside world with my true identity, can it be said that in the final analysis it is because of my cowardice, my compromise with myself, and my respect for The servility and humiliation in the strange world finally led to the loss of my own daughter as the price for divorce. Not only that, I also made the innocent Yang Guangzhi pay for it, and suffered irreparable spiritual loss. He has to live in the confusion of life, and he may not be able to enjoy the tranquility of the wind and the sun all his life, because the anger of leaving has completely destroyed his spiritual balance. God! Compared with the price of Yang Guangzhi, compared with my Compared to the unwarranted disaster that I caused him, what is my pain if I lose my daughter, and it's not really lost?"

Xu Man remembered that when her parents heard that their daughter was divorced, they would blame their son-in-law for nothing.She had explained to them that Yang Guangzhi was not to blame for the divorce, it was entirely her own fault, but she was even more afraid to reveal her sexual orientation to her parents, so her parents must have thought that she made such an explanation just to save face and not want to reveal it. The scars are either plagiarism or the dumb suffering from eating Coptis chinensis.Thinking of Yang Guangzhi's unjust injustice, plus what he must bear because of his divorce, speculation and misunderstanding from the surrounding people, possible ridicule and sarcasm, doubts and vigilance written on people's faces without being spoken, Yang Guangzhi In fact, he has borne greater consequences than himself. "And you, Xu Man, didn't cause all of this? Of course, it wasn't caused by the divorce. You can't put the blame on the divorce. You are faithful to yourself, and the world is in my heart, so you want a divorce. It doesn't matter. Wrong. You think that marriage is not based on love at all, but you are after a love marriage, and once you find that there is no love in it, or that the love is elsewhere, you will not hesitate to get out of the marriage. I agree with this point. This is not a willful act, it just proves that you cherish and respect a good marriage, and it is a manifestation of your loyalty to a legal marriage. If you don't do this, you will violate the principle of loyalty in marriage, because Tian Xiaohui's reach and enlightenment Your sexual orientation ignites the fire of love hidden in your heart. If your marriage with Yang Guangzhi continues, you will be in Cao Ying with your heart in Han. This is the soul betrayal and actual betrayal of your marriage partner. The blasphemy of love. So I understand you, Xu Man. Divorce is your only choice. It’s not that you can’t have it, it’s not that you can’t have it, it’s that you have to. This is also inevitable from your premise So, Xu Man, your fault is not the divorce, but your lack of courage, or in other words - although you may be more embarrassing, your fault is not being sincere and frank with Yang Guangzhi. Do you know How can you let Yang Guangzhi understand you? How can you blame Yang Guangzhi for his righteous indignation? Yes, you are worthy of being Xu Man, that is, myself. I am already very simple, very difficult, very extraordinary, My biological daughter called me aunt, thanks to Xiaohui's guidance. Despite this, I did not blame my ex-husband, but focused on finding reasons for myself. However, in this misunderstanding in life, isn't Yang Guangzhi the biggest victim? Because of cowardice, because of not being frank, I have caused him a lot of harm. When I think of mother and daughter, or before I think of mother and daughter, should I think about Yang Guangzhi first? Shouldn't something be done to him?"

At this time, Tian Xiaohui didn't know that the person she loved dearly, the person who gave up marriage because of incomparable courage, was on the road of introspection, and was about to reach the broken bridge.Because Xu Man thought: "I should do something to Yang Guangzhi. I feel too guilty for him, so I should express it. The only thing I can do is to clear up the past and let him know my true identity, so that he can understand that I I failed to fall in love with him, not because he lacked the charm a man should have, and I chose to leave him, not because he was not worthy of any woman's love, on the contrary, it was because I covered up his brilliance, and it was because I entered into a wrong marriage that made him fall in love with him. Missing the opportunity to find love in the best youth. But I didn't do it when I should and could, and I realized I couldn't do it when I should and now I want to. Forgive me, I really can't."