you were a boy

Song Yu was still very happy when she saw Shen Jie coming in the afternoon.Sun Yuanjun excused himself to be busy and stayed in the underground garage for three hours, thinking a lot about the past, present and future.

After some calculation, when the new year comes, he will be 28, and he should have a new plan and start in life.Many of his friends and classmates got married and had children long ago, but he, a former top student, seems to have no way to explain his life. Marrying a woman is no longer possible. There are offspring.Song Yu, the only person who can bring happiness and comfort to his life, suffers from such a disease, and Sun Yuanjun feels that it is not an exaggeration to say that his life has achieved nothing.

After Shen Jie walked out of the room, according to the prior agreement, he called Sun Yuanjun.

"Is Song Yu's condition serious?"

Shen Jie glanced at him and said, "It's not that serious, but it's actually more serious than before."

"Before, you mean six years ago?"

"Correct."

"Song Yu and I met six years ago, when I was an intern doctor, and it left a deep impression on me at that time. I think this child is very interesting and very pitiful."

"why?"

"On the surface, it looks very sunny, kind, and cute, but the real self is very depressed."

"Why are you depressed?"

"Do you really want to know the real reason?"

"of course."

"Because he has a nearly perfect boyfriend, he always wants to maintain himself as he likes. Deep down, he has a deep inferiority complex. Of course, I have seen many homosexuals who are inherently sensitive. And low self-esteem, this is too common."

This point, Sun Yuanjun very much agrees.Sun Yuanjun realized his gay status when he was a teenager, and it took a long time to agree with himself.What is different from the mainstream is of course heresy, and the minority in this world will always be in an awkward position, no matter how open the society looks on the surface.In this regard, even Sun Yuanjun was not spared.

"Obviously you've been a source of stress for him."

"I put pressure on him?" Sun Yuanjun remembered that when he was a child, he always supervised Song Yu tirelessly to learn math and sing well.

"Yes, he wants to do his best to accomplish what you want him to be. He has been living on thin ice, but you have not given him the sense of security he needs. Your endless scandals have caused him endless pressure, and he has not released it. The long-standing backlog, coupled with his mother’s suicide, which he also believes is the reason for his homosexuality, has broken the nervous balance that has been carefully maintained for a long time.”

"So his brain is sick?"

"Correct."

"because I?"

"Correct."

"So he left me six years ago because leaving me can cure this disease?"

"No, he left you because he felt that as a mental patient, he was not worthy of you and would be rejected by you. As I said, he always has a deep sense of inferiority when facing you."

Sun Yuanjun's heart knot that has been lingering for several years did not expect to be unraveled today, without betrayal or doubt, but Song Yu's heavy love made him feel heartbroken and regretful. He heard Shen Jie say word by word: "I must Let me confess one thing to you, from the standpoint of a friend today, I will persuade Song Yu to break up with you. Of course, from the standpoint of a psychiatrist, I also hope that you can break up."

Sun Yuanjun asked in surprise, "Why? Why do you do this?"

"Why? You still ask me why?" Shen Jie took out the newspaper from the plane that was kept in his briefcase and threw it in front of him.

"There is a limit to being too much. I now regret very much that when Song Yu was hesitant to get back together with you a few months ago, I advised him to go further. I really didn't expect that you would be willing to give someone who loves you so much. Second injury. I have been in medicine for many years, and I have never seen such a cheerful and cooperative patient. His eyes glowed when he mentioned you. But you pushed him into the abyss step by step."

"Isn't his illness this time caused by the death of that dog?" Sun Yuanjun asked guiltily.

"Just like his mother's death many years ago, it was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Big star, if you just want to have fun, break up early, Song Yu is not the kind who can afford it Man, at least his fragile nerves can't afford it."

"Who the hell told you that I just wanted to have fun?" Sun Yuanjun suddenly asked sharply, and even burst into foul language.

Shen Jie was taken aback by his sudden increase in volume, and then said, "Song Yu's subconscious told me that you just wanted to have fun. He has been trying to believe you, but he couldn't fool himself in the end."

Sun Yuanjun's bright eyes immediately became discouraged.He has always been, Song Yu never questioned him about going out, and never checked his mobile phone.He never even asked about any scandals about him, so it wasn't because he was generous, nor because he didn't care about himself, nor because he was careless.He just simply didn't dare, he was afraid of losing himself, so he willingly accepted all this and accepted his imperfect self.

Shen Jie continued: "Didn't you always ask me why he always appears in the state of his childhood? Because he is escaping from reality, he wants to go back to his childhood, maybe he thinks that you at that time can bring him a sense of security."

After a moment of silence, Sun Yuanjun asked: "I know I haven't treated him well enough, but is there really no remedy other than breaking up?"

Shen Jie raised his eyebrows and looked at Sun Yuanjun, as if to see how sincere he was.

"I'm serious, I'm not acting." Sun Yuanjun explained.

Shen Jie said, "I'm just a psychiatrist. I'm neither a fortune teller nor a prophet. I can only tell you that he really can't stand any more stimulation. Now the auditory hallucinations and visual hallucinations are very serious. , and if it develops further, it will be schizophrenia.”

When Sun Yuanjun heard the word "schizophrenia", his eyes froze and his heart ached to the extreme.

Before leaving, Shen Jie got the money he should have, and asked him to supervise Song Yu to take medicine.

Sun Yuanjun wandered around aimlessly outside for a long time, and it was already night when he returned home.

When I entered the door, I heard someone talking on the sofa.It was dark early in the winter night, but the lights were not turned on, and the room was pitch black.

Song Yuzai said, "Let's break up."

Sun Yuanjun's heart skipped a beat, could it be that what Shen Jie said worked?

……

Song Yu: "I have been mentally ill for a long time, and I have never dared to tell you. I am not good enough for you, from childhood to adulthood. I just pretended to be innocent and cute, but in fact I was also jealous. When I was young, I was jealous of those The girl who can ask you about your homework, when I grow up, I'm jealous of the actress who plays emotional scenes with you, now I'm jealous of Lu Shaoling, let's break up while I'm still sober."

After a while, Song Yu felt a wet face kissing his eyes and then his neck. He felt that he had a hallucination again, but he still subconsciously wanted to hug this place that made him warm.

Song Yu rubbed Sun Yuanjun's chest and said, "Brother, I miss you very much." After a while, he asked again, "Brother, why are you crying?"

Sun Yuanjun lay on Song Yu's shoulder, crying like a child. He hadn't cried so loudly for many years.

He asked Song Yu over and over again: "Song Yu, what should I do? What should I do with you?"

Song Yu kept wiping his tears with his sleeve, and asked, "Brother, why are you crying? Did someone bully you?"

"No."

"Yes, you are so good at school, who dares to bully you?"

"School?"

"That's right. Everyone says that you are not only the school bully but also the school grass of No. [-] Middle School."

Sun Yuanjun knew that he would definitely say that he picked up a particularly cute dog on a rainy day two days ago.

The dog was eventually named Langzi.

It especially likes to lie on Song Yu's lap when he is doing homework, and often falls asleep on his stomach.

This dog is very smart, it can always tell which hand of Song Yu has the ball, and can find all the hidden snacks in the house.

This dog is so stupid that it bumps its head every time it encounters a glass door. It is so stupid that it only recognizes one master in its life, and it will always wait when the master is not around.

……

Exhausted, Sun Yuan got up from the ground and reminded: "Song Yu, you haven't taken your vitamins yet."

After Song Yu took the medicine prescribed by Shen Jie, he felt a little sleepy and went to bed.

While lying on the bed, he suddenly asked without thinking: "Why do I have a feeling that my Langzi is dead?"

Sun Yuanjun hugged him tightly, kissed his forehead and comforted him: "Lang Zi's illness will recover soon, and he will be brought back from the pet hospital tomorrow."

Because Song Yu will probably forget what happened tonight again tomorrow morning.

Song Yu has always been up and down like this, often talking to himself, but he doesn't do anything out of the ordinary.When I'm good, I suddenly have to help with housework and clamor to go out to play.When it is bad, it becomes like a child, who needs to be hugged and kissed, and with a pacifier, it seems like a child who still wants to act like a spoiled child.Sun Yuanjun watched it for a long time, and got used to him switching freely like this, and felt unexpectedly cute.

Regarding work matters, Sun Yuanjun thought about it and decided not to renew his contract with the company.Lu Shaoling didn't answer the phone calls either.The first time at first was fraught with guilt.But with the first time, there will be the second time, and the third time will be justified.Su Ke called and scolded him several times.Tell him bluntly that such an idol who is half red and not black and not called fresh meat will soon pass away.

Sun Yuanjun thought that what Su Ke said was not bad, she just spoke too bluntly.Without the company's praise, without the hype of the marketing account, without the CP fans with their own topics to help him stir up popularity, and even offended a lot of people because of offending Lu Shaoling...

The bleak future of Sun Yuanjun's stardom is almost predictable.

However, so what?Sun Yuanjun had already prepared the plan to be overwhelmed in his heart, just like you would be nervous about something if you think about it for a long time, but you have been nervous for too long, and at that moment, because you have enough psychological construction, you can accept it calmly.

Recently, there have been several popular fresh meat combinations in the entertainment industry.Because they are young and popular, the future has infinite possibilities, and many half-red and half-black old-timers can't get things with hard work, but they seem to get it effortlessly.Success comes too easily, and it is inevitable to cause controversy.

A few months ago, when Sun Yuanjun was running an announcement, he happened to share the same plane with them.I saw with my own eyes a bunch of crazy female fans at the airport chasing the two teenagers who were only fifteen or sixteen years old but living in legends like a team of bloodthirsty zombies, and even smashed the glass of the airport.When Sun Yuanjun went to the toilet, it happened that the leader of the group also came to release the water.He is thin and tall, and the black mask can't hide that delicate slapped face, but his beautiful eyes are full of melancholy and fatigue. At this moment, he doesn't look like a big star on the stage, but he looks like More like a sad and lonely puppy.The cries of female fans waiting at the door came from outside the toilet, and the boy frowned.

Sun Yuanjun has struggled for so many years, and he has never been as popular as him, so he may not be able to personally understand the troubles of this young man.But he was convinced at that moment that he understood something.

Ren is in a high position now, so what if he is so popular, his passing is only a momentary thing.

He really wanted to tell the child that no matter how fresh the meat is, it will not last forever, and it is impossible to go to the announcement every day without studying.There are also female fans who must not date, the premise is of course if he likes women.