I'll forgive you when you're crazy

Wu Tian knelt and approached me with staring eyes, reaching out his hand to touch me, but trembling slightly.

I closed my eyes and completely shrank my head.

Closing his eyes, his eyes became dark, sleepiness hit him, and he fell asleep at some point.

In the dream, I seemed to wake up again, sitting on the sofa alone in a daze.

I used to think that most people who have a nervous breakdown must have suffered a huge mental blow, but I feel that I gradually collapsed in an environment where frogs were boiled in warm water.

In countless dark nights, I imagined that Wu Tian would suddenly return to me.

But no miracle happened.

Later, I got used to living alone, and I no longer had any hopes or illusions, just thinking about gradually forgetting the past.

It's just that some embarrassing and trifles that I encounter occasionally in life will also arouse my fantasies about Wu Tian.

I remember one day in winter, when I received a task to deliver drawings, I was lost in an unfamiliar environment because I was not familiar with the place, and there were hardly any people or vehicles passing by, and the battery of my mobile phone was only a few percent. My head and toes are so cold that I can't feel it. I can't help but think that if Wu Tian was here, he would never let me fall into such an embarrassing situation. Waiting for him to pick me up.

I also thought about starting another relationship with someone else, but I was laughed at by the other party: "Brother, it's just a date, you don't really think there is any possibility between the two of us, do you? You don't piss and look in the mirror , are you rich and beautiful or have eight-pack abs? What are you talking about with me?"

Faced with such cynicism, I didn't feel much, but I just realized the reality more clearly.

I thought I could make do with the other party, but I never thought that no one would make do with me.

In fact, the unlucky dilemma in life and being ridiculed by others are not the most frustrating. For me, the last straw that broke the camel's camel was actually the alienation from my friends.

The relationship between me and them did not suddenly become alienated, but as time went by, the friendship that was not in frequent contact would gradually become weaker.

I also understand that there is nothing to complain about. It’s just that when I still had fantasies and hoped that they would help me find connections and clear contacts, I realized that their power can’t change anything. People, they helped if they could, but it didn't change my current situation at all.

I know their intentions are helpless, and I am grateful to them for their continued willingness to help me even if they did not make trouble.

But after all, I also want face, and I have no face to ask them for more, even if this request was not considered a request at all in the past.

For example, I just want to find someone to chat and drink, but since they know that I am gay, I still have a grudge, so what do I want to chat with them?Spit bitterness?is that useful?

At that time, I felt a kind of depression that I couldn't talk to anyone, and a kind of loneliness that couldn't be understood surrounded me.

So I became more and more out of gregariousness. I was not isolated by the world, but I made myself a prison and separated from social communication.

After I lost my lawyer’s license, I didn’t immediately transform into a designer. I used to work as a real estate agency in order to find a job, but I didn’t do it for a long time. Because the threshold is low, the competition is fierce. Sometimes it’s obvious. It will always happen that the client I find is careless at the end but the transaction is intercepted by others. This kind of intrigue is very disdainful in my eyes. Unless I am in the same boat or always on guard, I basically cannot survive in that environment, so I choose I gave up, not because I looked down on them, but because I was really too lazy to worry about these things that I think can't be put on the table.

Later, I found a job as a courier. I joined the job at the peak of Double Eleven in the winter. Express delivery should be very simple, but after I did it, I realized that not only do I have to get up early every day, eat late at night, and eat irregularly, but also climb up and down stairs. Even so, I think the simpler life is worth it.

But things went against my expectations. The management of the courier point where I joined was very irregular. The old employees were assigned to office buildings or schools and hospitals, which are good places with a large number of centralized personnel and a lot of personnel. However, new employees like me were assigned to the family area. , Not only does it take a lot of effort to get familiar with each unit, but also the residents are loose. They only need to send dozens of pieces at a time and send a text message at a fixed place by the guard. Not only do I have to call one by one to check whether I am at home, and sometimes I have to make two trips .

And these hardships are acceptable to me. After all, this profession is suffering. Of course, you have to suffer this kind of money to earn this money. But if you meet a leader who is incompetent in management and only blames for complaints , that is really more tiring than the body.

Normally speaking, the first-arriving items are delivered first, but when the Double [-] warehouse explodes, the warehouse will be squeezed out, so looking at the couriers piled up in the room, it really takes a long time to distribute, maybe before One day’s deliveries have not yet been delivered, and the new day’s express delivery arrives again. Experienced old employees will take out the old ones and put the new ones in, and deliver the old ones first, which will greatly reduce the situation of lost items and overdue deliveries. .

And no one told me about this, and it was not a hard and fast rule, so in the beginning, in order to save trouble, I delivered according to the people who were relatively close to the location.

Every day, I receive various inquiries about when their packages will be delivered. Some of them I have never seen before, so I will receive complaints again. I don’t know which link caused the loss of the package.

And if it is shown that the courier has delivered, but the consignee has not received it, then the loss of the courier will fall on the courier, and the courier will pay for the compensation.

After working for a month, after Double Eleven and Double Twelve, I chose to leave, because I found that there are many hidden ways in it. The last one who made up his mind to leave was a customer who mailed a mink coat to me, thousands of dollars, without premium, and lost it.

If the car has already departed, it has nothing to do with this point, but the status of the item has remained unchanged since it was received. The customer found me, and I found the back office at that time, and finally adjusted the monitoring to confirm that the item was indeed received. , but just don't know when it is lost.

In the end, the boss said that he could only pay three times the shipping fee. Of course the customer would not do it, but the boss felt that he was being reasonable, so he didn't let go. But he didn't expect that customer to complain to the broadcast media, and then attracted reporters to interview him.

After this process, in order to avoid damage to the image, the boss can only accompany the money. During the telephone interview, he also said that he negotiated with the customer very well, and finally the problem was solved, and half of the compensation was deducted from my salary. Lost.

I know that this is illegal at all, but I am too lazy to go through the legal process. I don’t know when I have become the kind of person who is worse than one thing. If I am serious with this boss, He'd probably get someone to beat me up, and then the nature of the case changed again.

So things escalated step by step, and I felt tired just thinking about it. If it really broke me, even if the other party lost money, wouldn't it be me who suffered in the end?

After I quit my job, I realized that instead of earning money, I was putting money into it. So when I got home, I drank and got drunk by myself.

Life still needs to go on, so I then found a job wearing a puppet costume and handing out leaflets at the door. At first, I thought it was interesting because I was wearing a puppet head. This kind of disguise even made me feel relaxed. Not much, although the salary is meager, but at least it is a job.

But this job is not a long-term solution after all. I robbed the jobs of children who worked part-time during winter and summer vacations. The employees in the store looked at me with sympathy and contempt, so I resigned again.

In the repeated encounters, I almost used self-abuse to make myself gradually forget any good expectations. As long as I have a little fantasy, the sharp sword hanging in my heart will stab down, piercing the already broken heart again. riddled with holes.

If you don't want to be strong, if you don't think about anything, nothing can hurt yourself.

When there is nothing left, there is nothing left to lose.