Gu Nianruochu

The weather in February is very cloudy and cloudy. There was a light rain at noon, but it cleared up completely in the afternoon. Color filled the gaps, and the thick snow on the road soon began to melt, mottled on the ground.

Wei Siyuan sat on a double sofa next to the floor lamp by the window and looked at the endless stream of vehicles and pedestrians outside, Yin Xu hurriedly spread the suitcase on the bed and packed things by himself, never mentioning whether he needed help, lest Wei Siyuan seized the opportunity to say "Don't move if it's such a troublesome thing" to block his way out.

Whether a person needs you is actually so simple and clear that there is no need to ask, as long as he makes the first reaction of staying away from you at any moment that can keep you, that is no need.

Wei Siyuan cannot be forced. He seems to be in a position of passive compromise, but in fact he is completely in charge of this relationship that is not yet clear. It's just that he doesn't realize it. He can command Yin Xu with ease just by his intuition. The distance between him and him, as long as he takes a step back, Yin Xu will be unable to move an inch.

So Yin Xu would rather not give Wei Siyuan any such questions, and he didn't want to force himself to pretend not to know after getting a clear answer.

He was walking around the room alone, and the heating temperature was a bit high, and sweat broke out on his forehead after a while. He put his coat on the position next to Wei Siyuan, and took off his sweater, leaving only a thin one. At this time, the cell phone in the coat pocket rang, and Wei Siyuan quickly turned around to remind him.

"Help me find out what's the matter." Yin Xu said, walking towards Wei Siyuan, reaching out his hand to touch his reddened face, "Why is your face a little hot, take off your clothes, don't If you're bored, you'll catch a cold."

"No, I'm not hot." Since Wei Siyuan entered this hotel room, he chose the place farthest away from Yin Xu to nest, and as long as Yin Xu approached him, he wanted to curl himself up into a ball, and now he was caught After touching his face, his neck and half of his face were retracted into the scarf.

Yin Xu watched him closely curiously, "Why do I think you are nervous now?"

"No." Wei Siyuan denied it flatly, but he was so bored that he was about to suffocate, and his back was sweating. How could he and Yin Xu not be nervous when they stayed together in a hotel room in such an ambiguous environment.

As soon as Yin Xu stretched out his hand, Wei Siyuan hid to the side to express his refusal, but he was stuck in the corner of the sofa and unbuttoned a few coats, the scarf was also torn off, and the top two buttons of his shirt were also undone. After a few pushes, I couldn't push it away. I was sullen and unhappy, and then I sneezed.

"Look at you." Yin Xu squatted in front of Wei Siyuan, his face was full of gentleness and patience, he looked up at Wei Siyuan, and just gently touched his knee to comfort him, "Don't move around, I I don't want to take off your clothes, I'm going to sweat if I move again, aren't you hot?"

Wei Siyuan ignored him, and read the message from his phone, "Liu Yi said that she bought a plane ticket, and she will leave after you finish the performance at the New York Philharmonic, and I will ask you for reimbursement."

"You tell her we're here, let her come over, and I'll write her a check." Yin Xu said.

Wei Siyuan replied according to his original words, within 20 seconds, the doorbell rang, Yin Xu was flipping through his checkbook, Wei Siyuan got up to open the door, Liu Yi did not expect Wei Siyuan to stay with Yin Xu, so When the door opened, she was obviously stunned, and then smiled, "Mr. Wei."

Wei Siyuan put on a very serious expression, "You can just call me Wei Siyuan, it sounds awkward to be too formal, Miss Liu."

Liu Yi laughed out loud, she glanced inside, saw Yin Xu who was wearing a dress and was dripping with sweat, then looked at Wei Siyuan who opened the door for her with a disheveled face and blushing face, her eyes wandered back and forth It suddenly became meaningful, and the smile was a little teasing, "What are you doing in there, so... so hot?"

Wei Siyuan's expression was stunned, and he subconsciously turned his head to look at Yin Xu. Yin Xu turned on the heater calmly, "The room temperature is too high. Come here Siyuan, don't let this perverted woman covet your masculinity."

Wei Siyuan turned around and returned to the room, standing on the other side of where Yin Xu was standing, within reach of his hand.

Yin Xu glanced at where Liu Yi bought the air ticket, quickly wrote the check and signed it to her, and then sent her away very rudely, Liu Yi secretly hooked Wei Siyuan while he was not paying attention , beckoning him to come over.

Wei Siyuan sent the person to the corridor. The corridor where no one passed was quiet and the lights were dim, so Wei Siyuan walked a little distance before asking in a low voice, "Is there something wrong?"

Yin Xu and Liu Yi said that they are boss-subordinate relationships, but in fact they get along more like friends, because their personalities are too similar, and they always go to extremes when doing things. After making a decision, there is no room for retreat, so some choices actually mean something, Liu Yi can fully understand Yin Xu's meaning.

"I want to tell you that Yin Xu has actually fired us, or that our contract relationship with him has been terminated, because he has found you, and he no longer needs to run around for concerts, and there is nothing for us to help Seeing that Wei Siyuan's expression changed, Liu Yi explained to him, "Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to blame you for making us lose our jobs or something, we've already found our next job , Yin Xu recommended us to go there."

Wei Siyuan listened to Liu Yi's words in silence, and nodded his head to express his understanding, but he didn't quite understand why the other party had to tell him such a thing on purpose, so he showed a puzzled look.

"Yin Xu really wants your forgiveness. He came to you this time and made all the preparations to be with you. The relatives and friends who don't understand and don't support him directly cut off contact and stopped contacting each other, and the concert Most of the income is saved for living with you in the future." Liu Yi thought about Wei Siyuan's expression, and said hesitantly, "I don't know what he was like in front of you before, but I can see Come out, after you are not by his side, he is not doing very well... He often suffers from insomnia, migraines, and stomach discomfort. It may be because of anxiety. Every time he sees something about international students on the news, he will I couldn’t sleep for several days and nights, and once I fainted and went into shock at the residence due to exhaustion, and then I regained consciousness and woke up before calling him and me to go to the hospital for an examination.”

Wei Siyuan stared down at the carpet in the corridor, his face instantly became worried, but the words he said were unexpectedly cold, "The problem between me and him will be resolved one day, but I have no plan to talk to him after that. He's together." He tried to isolate his reason from the fleeting feeling of distress, pinched his palms to keep calm, "I can still be friends with him, or cooperate in concerts, if he really He needs my care and I can live near him, but we are unlikely to be lovers."

"Why?" Liu Yi widened her eyes in surprise when she heard him say this, "Aren't you going to forgive him?"

"It's not a question of not being forgiven. I have been separated from my feelings for him for more than a year, and I finally liked him for the first time in a long time. I stood in his position and thought for him. Why did he do that before?" Do, treat me that way, and then suddenly realize all the concerns he's shown about my feelings before. He's the kind of guy who naturally wants to date girls, and if he ever wants to settle down, he'll marry a woman , a beautiful woman who is spiritually compatible with her family background and has her own children, and my feelings for him will make him deviate from this expected life track. I can understand now that no one Willing to give up a stable and smooth life to choose an unknown prejudice and twists and turns. I am very different from him. I am a person who has nothing. I can like him without giving up anything. My parents don’t even accept me. How can I understand the pressure to give up when he has everything?"

Wei Siyuan frowned slightly, as if he had stabbed his heart with a knife used to resist harm, then shook his head and smiled, "Although I don't agree with his actions until now, I can already understand. Before I like it as long as I like it, and I have never regretted it. It is my own personal choice to be good to him willingly, and I never intend to use it to ask him for anything. Self-impression is not a reason to get something in return.”

When Liu Yi heard this, she knew that Yin Xu still had a lot of thoughts that she hadn't been able to explain clearly to Wei Siyuan, so she couldn't help becoming a little anxious, but some things were not suitable for her to say as someone else, so she could only focus on the key points Said, "But Yin Xu doesn't think that way, he really likes you."

"I know, and I can feel it." Wei Siyuan paused, his eyes darkened, and there was a little struggle, but it quickly disappeared, "It's enough to feel it, and it's not necessary to have it. After all, love is such a thing. Things can't last for a lifetime."

"You still think he'll be with someone else in the future, don't you?"

Wei Siyuan remained silent.

Yin Xu saw that Wei Siyuan had been out for such a long time and didn't come back until he packed his luggage, so he couldn't help but open the door to look, and found that he and Liu Yi were still standing in the corridor, not knowing what to say for so long, Fearing that Liu Yi was going to expose him behind his back, she hurriedly called Wei Siyuan back, "Siyuan, I packed it up, come here quickly, we'll go back to your house first and then go shopping."

Hearing the sound, Wei Siyuan glanced back at him, and said goodbye to Liu Yi. Before he turned around, Liu Yi said one more word, "Wei Siyuan, can you give me your contact information?"

"What did Liu Yi tell you?" Yin Xu re-buttoned Wei Siyuan's coat, wrapped it in a scarf, looked at his dazed face, and couldn't help asking.

"Nothing." Wei Siyuan shook his head.

"Did she speak ill of me to you?"

Wei Siyuan still shook his head, and then asked him, "Do you have anything bad to say?"

"No, I'm very good." Yin Xu stood in front of him honestly, looked at him for a few seconds, then smiled again, as if he was happy just seeing him, and held his fingers in his palm.

Wei Siyuan remembered that there were still things he hadn't done, "I'm going to the landlord's auntie tomorrow, the house is not mine, and I need her permission to let you live here."

"Okay, I'll go with you tomorrow."

Yin Xu left the hotel with Wei Siyuan, and his car was parked in the hotel parking lot. After picking up the car, he put his luggage at Wei Siyuan's house, and then went shopping together. Because of the heavy snow in the morning, most of the schools All classes were suspended, and many people went shopping after the weather improved in the afternoon.

The two stood in front of the shelf with the small heater, Wei Siyuan pondered for a while, and asked Yin Xu, "Did you sleep well last night?"

"Ah?" Yin Xu was a little flattered by Wei Siyuan's sudden concern, and stammered, "It's pretty good, except it's a little cold."

Wei Siyuan bit his lip, this is a small movement he often has when he is thinking, which makes Yin Xu always want to go to kiss him, "Why don't you come to my room to sleep, my room is more heated, I'll go to sleep sofa."

"That's not okay. How could I let you sleep on the sofa." Yin Xu refused decisively, and then looked at Wei Siyuan's face carefully, "Are you so unwilling to stay in the same room with me? I don't I will eat you, I am not grandma wolf."

Wei Siyuan met his eyes for a few seconds, and then his eyes suddenly softened, as if ripples appeared on the calm lake, "Okay, then, I'll buy you a mattress and spread it on the floor for you to sleep on."

Happiness came so suddenly, Yin Xu felt that his heartbeat rhythm was out of order, so he stretched out his hand and embraced him, and the passers-by walking nearby couldn't help but turn their heads to look at them. I don't know why this big boy is so happy all of a sudden.

"Really?"

"Yeah." Wei Siyuan let him go without too much resistance, but for some reason, he always felt that Wei Siyuan's mood had been a little absent-minded since he left the hotel, and he seemed to be suppressing something.

When Wei Siyuan finished buying the cushions and it was his turn to buy a coat, he chose a black woolen knee-length coat that was basically the same style as his. Seeing that the price tag was in four digits, I immediately said no, and was about to leave.

"Siyuan, didn't we all agree to give each other gifts?" Yin Xu chased from behind and grabbed Wei Siyuan's arm, but followed him from the shopping mall to the outdoor parking lot, Wei Siyuan didn't answer him, so He gradually became a little anxious, and pulled him to a quiet corner, "Why did you suddenly stop? What's going on?"

Wei Siyuan finally met his eyes and looked directly at him, and answered him with certainty, "I don't want you to give me expensive gifts, and I don't want things that other people can tell at a glance that they don't match my identity. I don't want to look so useless to myself, I don't want to feel that I'm relying on you, I don't want to take advantage of your liking..."

I don't want to make myself inseparable from you, because you will not be mine after all.

When he thought of this sentence, he closed his mouth. He knew that his mind was a little confused now, and if he was alone with Yin Xu, he might lose control of his emotions. He should hide and calm down.

After he listened to what Liu Yi told him about Yin Xu's condition during the time he was away, he felt a sense of guilt and uneasiness stuck somewhere in his heart, making him breathless when he saw Yin Xu unnatural.

But that was so strange, he felt two opposing thoughts tearing at him.

He doesn't want to be with Yin Xu.

But she felt sorry for Yin Xu who was not with him.

However, even now, the gap between them is still huge, he can't stand to look at him even when he is liked by the other party, Yin Xu can easily pick out a piece of clothing that is enough for his one month's rent and give it to him. And his life alone is enough to form a burden.

Two people who are not equal in every aspect, even the feelings they give seem so incompatible. Yin Xu decided to like him, he had to talk about giving up other equally important things, and he had to be wronged and lowered himself to accommodate him. No wonder he used to No matter how hard I tried to like him, I couldn't get a response.

Because his response was too heavy.

"I don't think it's expensive, I just think that the clothes I gave you that can warm you in such a cold day, it's better if they are the same as mine, it's that simple, and I don't want what I give you to be everywhere The worthless things I bought are not worthy of you." Yin Xu wanted to touch his face, but Wei Siyuan began to avoid his touch again, just like the first night he found him, acting There was obvious resistance, from just letting him hug and get close to the current state of alert, it took only a few minutes before and after, and I don't know why such a sudden change occurred.

Wei Siyuan held back his breath, and after a while, he spoke with some difficulty, his tone still insisting, "I don't want it. And that violin, I don't want it either."

Yin Xu felt sore and uncomfortable at first, but now he could no longer bear it when he heard this sentence. The violin was different from other gifts. It was an important symbolic token between him and Wei Siyuan. With his expectations and feelings for Wei Siyuan, the last time he was rejected was when Wei Siyuan made the decision to abandon him.

"Don't you like it?" Yin Xu interrupted him, the hand holding his arm trembled slightly, "Didn't you like it very much before?"

Wei Siyuan lowered his eyes and said softly, "It's not that I don't like it, it's that I don't want it."

Yin Xu remained silent for a few seconds, his expression faded, and there was a faint pain in his eyes, "Siyuan, are you talking about me or the violin?"

Wei Siyuan was taken aback, and then hugged by Yin Xu's arms, as if he was afraid that a hug that wasn't close enough would give him the possibility of pushing him away, he put him in his arms, "Do you feel that even being liked by me is uncomfortable now? gone?"

Wei Siyuan shook his head, and after a long while, he whispered, "I think it's hard for you to like me."

"How is it possible, I'm staying with you, it's too late to be happy." Yin Xu rubbed the back of his head, such a proud and independent person, a person who can still shine when standing on the command seat, but at this moment Still like a gentle child who longs for love and love, afraid that if he needs others, he will bring a burden to others, "Is it because I treated you too badly before, so now I treat you well and it makes you feel scared and uneasy?"

Wei Siyuan didn't speak, his shoulders trembled slightly, and he shook his head after a while, feeling Yin Xu's palm caressing his back, "Don't think so much, you always think too much. Even if that's the case, then It's also my fault, not your problem. Of course I like you so I want to treat you well. No matter how good it is, it's not enough. Of course I gave you the violin before because I like you. It's just that I did something wrong, so it seems that I The likes are particularly unbelievable.”

"No one will deliberately make themselves uncomfortable just to like others. I'm not a masochist. I just want to cling to you, and I want you to be as happy as I see you when you see me, so that I feel... very happy " Yin Xu let go of him a little bit, and looked into his eyes, which reflected the gentle and strong light of the setting sun, "Since you think it is too expensive and not suitable for your student status and you are unwilling to accept it, then I respect your thoughts, you It’s just the one I’ve worn. I’m going to buy a new one for myself. That’s okay, right? I’ve worn this one many times, and I can tell it’s second-hand at a glance. It’s not even worth three digits at GoodWill. "

Wei Siyuan thought for a while, "That's fine too."

Yin Xu straightened his hair that was blown by the wind, and said to him in a low voice, "Can you not return the violin to me? It's too hurtful. How can someone return the token of love over and over again?"

Wei Siyuan couldn't help laughing, "Yeah. But did I have any relationship with you before?"

"You and I have a 'Luohua, Liushuiruoqing', I am Luohua, you are Liushui, well, it must not be a pure friendship anyway." Yin Xu walked back with his arms around him, humming in his ear, "Baby Siyuan, why is it so difficult to coax, and you have such a big opinion on spending your own boyfriend's money. If it were someone else, they would spend it without even thinking about it, and spend it like crazy."

"What did you say? Who are the others?"

Yin Xu immediately changed his words, "No! No one else!"