[Main Wenye] I met Dazai after jumping off the building

*Tips before reading:

There is a private setting about Oda Sakunosuke.

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Oda Sakunosuke still remembers why he became a killer.

He wants to fill his stomach.

The cold of winter and the hunger in his stomach are enough to slowly lose the consciousness of being alive, so when he can drink hot soup in a warm room, the feeling of "I'm still alive" will return to his body.This feeling was so wonderful, so wonderful that he would never let go of his hand holding it, no matter what it was - even if it was a killer.

The young Oda Sakunosuke never experienced what "warmth" is, no one taught him this, and no one helped him.He was born without father and mother, and being able to support himself in food and clothing was already the limit.For him, people outside are cold, and only the food in his stomach is warm.

So he keeps himself alive by taking the lives of others.

This kind of life lasted for six years.

Even if you do what you like to do every day, it is easy to kill all your enthusiasm for six consecutive years, not to mention that it is just a tool used by Oda Sakunosuke to maintain a basic life.Six years later, Sakunosuke Oda was already able to afford food and shelter, and even had some spare money to drink coffee and read books in the old bookstore.

His life is the same, killing people, taking money, and buying food.It made him numb, stiff, and... dazed.He feels like a robot, and he lacks something compared to others.If he has parents at this time, then they will definitely tell him, son, you need to do something meaningful, you have to really live.

But he has no parents, no friends, no one to tell him this, just like no one helped him six years ago.

So he likes to read books.There are different worlds and lives in the book, which can make him temporarily forget the dazedness and numbness around him that make him anxious.

But in a study room on a rainy day, the man and the book he brought changed his life.

The killer in the book is somewhat similar to him, but in the end the man chose not to kill any more.Why?He looked at the content that was torn out behind, his mind went blank, and he couldn't figure it out.But he understood that besides filling his stomach, he finally had one more thing he wanted to do—he wanted to know why that man stopped killing people.

And the only way to get the answer is to let him complete the ending.

From then on, Oda Sakunosuke stopped killing people.

"It's still hard to imagine that you were a killer before." Kitano Ryo listened quietly to Oda Sakunosuke's memories.Oda Sakunosuke actually told her about this matter, but it was not as detailed last time as this time.

Oda Sakunosuke put his eyes into the distance, "In retrospect, I also feel that it was a very floating experience."

"float?"

"Hmm... Maybe that's the way to say it." Oda Sakunosuke hesitated, "I haven't been to school, maybe I didn't express it very well."

"No." Bei Nailiang shook his head, "Maybe I'm not qualified enough to understand it."

Oda Sakunosuke did not refute.He is not the kind of person who is very polite. In fact, when Bei Nailiang stated the purpose of her suicide, he explained it carefully so that she could try to understand what he wanted to express.

Bei Nailiang continued to speak calmly, "I'm a little confused."

"Well, because I haven't finished." Oda Sakunosuke put the cigarette in his mouth into his mouth, "Later, I joined the port mafia."

It is said that he has joined the Mafia, but Oda Sakunosuke is the member at the bottom. He is responsible for some sanitation work and trivial matters on a daily basis, and will not do murderous things anymore.During this period, he met Osamu Dazai.

At that time, Osamu Dazai was not as frightening to the enemy as he is now. He is not a full-fledged member of Hong Kong gangsters, but he is doing important tasks that many full-time members cannot do. Oda Sakunosuke called it the entrustment of Hong Kong blacks to Dazai.

How he and Osamu Dazai became friends is actually not very impressive to Oda Sakunosuke.At first, he had no contact with Osamu Dazai, but then it seemed to be a mission. At that time, there was a traitor in Hong Kong, and when he was chased by Osamu Dazai, the traitor met Sakunosuke Oda who was cleaning in the backyard.

All the gangsters in Hong Kong know that Oda Sakunosuke has a gun in his waist but never kills. The traitor tried to snatch Oda Sakunosuke's gun to compete with Dazai Osamu, but was knocked down by Oda Sakunosuke.

It was only later that Oda Sakunosuke found out that it was Osamu Dazai who forced the traitor to the backyard out of wickedness. He wanted to know what kind of strength this man who always cleaned the backyard all day long had.

Hearing this, Kitano Ryo nodded, "It is indeed something Mr. Dazai can do."

"That's how he is." Oda Sakunosuke smiled slightly, "Later, he and I gradually became familiar."

Of course, Osamu Dazai is not the main character in this memory. After Oda Sakunosuke finished this part, he mentioned the following thing, which shocked the whole of Yokohama at that time...the Dragon Head War.

"You probably don't know about this." Oda Sakunosuke recalled Kitano Ryo's files, "You should have been studying in junior high school in Tokyo at the time."

Oda Saku didn't recall this incident carefully, and his focus was on the end of the war.

"At that time, I picked up Saki Le. Her parents died in that war to protect her."

Along with Saku Le, four other children were adopted by Oda Sakunosuke, and they became the children of a single man, Oda Sakunosuke.Oda Sakunosuke had no parents, but he became someone else's guardian.

"I don't know how to take care of children." Oda Sakunosuke said frankly, "I don't know how to raise them. When I was the same age as them, I was still running around for food every day. So I can only entrust them to Mr. Misawa, Mr. Misawa His son died in the Longtou War, and he has special affection for these children."

Although it was entrusted to them, Oda Sakunosuke had already taken care of them in his heart.He often goes to see them, three or four times a week, and there are usually snacks and new clothes, because those are the things that Oda Sakunosuke lacked when he was young, and he will only give them these.

"They just entered my life." Oda Sakunosuke subconsciously took a puff of cigarettes, but nothing entered his lungs.

Bei Naoliang was stunned when he heard this sentence, this sentence was very familiar to her and Yu Dazai.

She and Osamu Dazai broke into each other's lives just like that.

"But slowly, I found that they gave me much more than I gave them."

Speaking of this, Saki Le ran over. She went to the East Street to look for the last child Yu who hadn't come home, but she couldn't find it.She threw herself into Oda Sakunosuke's arms in frustration, asking if Yuu might not come back.Oda Sakunosuke hugged her and patted her on the back, Yuu will come back, Oda Sakunosuke said firmly.

"Just like you insist on coming back and looking for him, he will definitely come back,"

Oda Sakunosuke's voice was very firm, exactly the same as when he said to Kitano Ryo a few days ago, "They will definitely go home".Encouraged, Saku Le emerged from Oda Sakunosuke's arms, with a look of encouraged determination, she clenched her fists and said yes!Yu will definitely come home too!

Oda Sakunosuke patted Sakule on the head with satisfaction, Sakule gave Kitano Ryo an embarrassed smile, and ran away again.

After watching this short episode, Kitano Ryo looked at Oda Sakunosuke.Oda Sakunosuke looked at Sakule's back and said, "They always say that I gave them a home, but in fact, they gave me my first home."

They taught Oda Sakunosuke what love is, what is warmth, and what is caring.Oda Sakunosuke finally got these, ended the previous 20 years of "floating" life, and fell to the ground calmly.

"I came back to life." Oda Sakunosuke looked into Kitano Ryo's eyes, took the cigarette out of his mouth, his voice was hoarse, but with a little tenderness, "They really made me come back to life."

Bei Nailiang said: "Maybe... I want to live."

"They really brought me back to life," Oda Sakunosuke said.

The four children who went to search for You all returned without success. They sat in the yard with some frustration, discussing the search route for tomorrow.Oda Sakunosuke was still sitting next to Kitanosuke, it was rare for Kitanosuke not to go to see Osamu Dazai today, but to listen to what Oda Sakunosuke had to say all afternoon.

"So when they left, you were already dead." Bei Nailiang looked at the four little radish heads and came to a conclusion, "Even if you didn't die when you took revenge, to you, you are still dead .”

Oda Sakunosuke didn't speak, he looked at the street in the distance.

After a while, Kitanoliang said, "Mr. Oda, I would like to... ask you a question."

"Yeah." Oda Sakunosuke responded from his throat.

"Mr. Oda, you...what do you live for?"

For food, for writing, or for children?

"You have received the warmth they gave you, but your life has been firmly locked on those children." Kitano Ryo said about Oda Sakunosuke, but his tone seemed to be recalling, "In this case , once one of you leaves, you will suffer tremendous pain."

She still remembers Oda Sakunosuke's screams of pain in that disaster, that voice will always remain in Kitano Ryo's heart, even she can imagine Oda Sakunosuke's despair and heartache at that time.His heart must have been so painful that it was hard to breathe, like it was torn apart and crushed under his feet.

Because of that pain, she also felt it.

"After experiencing that pain once, I will never want to experience it again." Bei Naoliang's black bangs drooped and touched her eyelashes.

"Ah." Oda Sakunosuke responded, "I really don't want to experience it again, it's more unbearable than hell."

"Don't you think it's dangerous? This sounds like a shame, you have the possibility to bear this pain at any time. And then even... die for it."

Oda Saku thought for a while, and said, "In this way, if I hadn't adopted them, maybe I would still be alive now, and I could even save enough money to buy a house by the sea, and then write there, to write that book ending."

"But Kitano," Oda Sakunosuke didn't add "Miss" this time, but directly called Kitano Ryo's surname, as if they had been old friends for many years, "I can't write an ending like that of."

Bei Nailiang said, "Perhaps you can find other things—things that are safer and can save you from such great pain."

Oda Sakunosuke chuckled, he rubbed Kitano Ryo's head like an older brother, "Sometimes you and Dazai are not as mature as children of this age, it always makes me mistakenly think that you are already adults."

"What do you want to say?" Bei Nailiang had a premonition, and then she said, "Do you want to say that I am too young to understand many things?"

Oda Sakunosuke was stunned, he looked at Kitano Ryo's expression, and there was a little understanding in his eyes.

"It turns out that someone has already told you this sentence."

"What do I not understand?"

She wanted to ask this question seven years ago, but the woman didn't give her a chance to ask it, because after that, the woman jumped off the building.

"Bei Nai, everything is fair. You have to pay as much for the benefit as you get."

"Do you think I don't understand this? But I understand, I just want to exchange a price. Compared with that kind of pain, I can exchange it with other things. Life, time, feelings... and many more They are priceless things, they are nothing compared, no worse than this."

"Yes, they are equally precious." Oda Sakunosuke looked at Kitano Ryo and said, "But not everyone has the opportunity to choose."

"Bei Nai, it's not that you don't understand equivalent exchange, you just don't know how precious that opportunity is."

"I waited for this opportunity for 20 years. Kitano, how many 20 years can a person have in a lifetime?" Odasaku sighed softly, "Some people will never have such an opportunity in their lifetime, let alone choose to use it." What kind of price is exchanged for what kind of opportunity. When we are alive, we can catch a light, just one, and that is already a great blessing."

"It's impossible to wait for salvation to line up to find us. We have no choice but to actively seek it, and then we have the opportunity to hold it tightly."

The sky had already darkened, Oda Sakunosuke and Kitano Ryo looked at each other, Kitano Ryo didn't know what she was thinking, but she didn't speak any more, but remained silent, like this in the night.

The silence was interrupted by a crisp sound.

Kitano Ryo and Oda Sakunosuke turned their heads to look at the voice at the same time, it was a thin figure under the moonlight.He stood not far away, staring at them blankly, with an expression as if he was about to cry.At the moment they looked at each other, Oda Sakunosuke immediately stood up, ran towards him, and shouted, "Your!"

Oda Sakunosuke hugged Yu tightly in his arms.

Immediately afterwards, the four children also rushed out, shouting, calling Yu's name loudly in this night.

Saki Le hugged Yu sadly and excitedly, crying in her tone, "Where have you been...We are looking for you every day, but we can't find you..."

"I don't know—" Yu's expression was also very broken, "It's so strange there, they said things I couldn't understand... I, I took a plane, and there was a tram, it was my first time to fly, and I never I haven’t been on the tram for so long... I thought I would never come back—but, but I want to come back, I guess you must also want to come back, I, I must come back..."

You hugged them tightly, and vomited all the sadness along the way with a mournful face.He talked upside down and messed up, but the most he said was "I must come back".

Kitano Ryo looked at them, and what Oda Sakunosuke said just now echoed in her mind.

—It is impossible to wait for the redemption to line up for us.We have no choice but to take the initiative to find it, and then we have the opportunity to hold it.

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