goodbye midsummer

I have been thinking about what love is, but I have never thought about the answer.

I have also been thinking about how you will leave me in the end.

Although I also pray at the same time, hope this never happens.

On the way back, we passed a small park.

His gaze swept across a bench in the park inadvertently, and then found a familiar figure from behind.

"Qin Yang."

The boy on the chair was stunned for a moment, then turned around.

"Skipped class?"

Shen Yi sat down beside him as if nothing had happened, the shade of the trees covered them, and there were only the two of them in the silent park.

Qin Yang retracted his gaze, didn't speak, lowered his head and clasped his hands slightly.

"Just sitting here all the time?" Shen Yi continued to ask.

He nodded slightly, his eyelids drooping, and he looked listless.

"Didn't you sleep last night?"

He didn't answer, and Shen Yi didn't care, and smiled faintly: "I didn't sleep either, I thought about it all night."

A cool wind blows from the side, rustling the leaves overhead.

"I like you too, Qin Yang."

The sunlight fell from the gaps in the leaves, shaking like being cut into pieces.

Qin Yang suddenly felt that his heartbeat seemed to have stopped.

"But not your kind of liking."

Can't hear my own heartbeat.

"I've always been very glad that I can be your brother. Because I like your brother very much."

The wind slowly went away.

"I'm sorry I didn't notice your mood sooner."

The shaking of the leaves gradually stopped.

"I also said a lot of cruel things to you when you were distressed. I am really, too dull."

Qin Yang felt that his eyes were a little dry, probably caused by the wind.

"No matter what, you have always been my younger brother, and you are the person I value most in this world."

This person's voice has always been so gentle.Even in such a cruel moment, it is true.

"So, I don't want to give you false expectations."

I never had any expectations.

When I catch hope in myself, I destroy it with my own hands.

Today, I finally heard the answer with my own ears, not in imagination but in reality.

Exactly the same as I imagined thousands of times.

In the breeze, Qin Yang stood up and turned to look directly at Shen Yi.

This is the first time since last night.

"I see. Thank you." Although the voice was a little low, it was firm.

Instead, it was Shen Yi who looked at him with guilt.I was almost about to say the "I'm sorry" again.

"I also expected such a reply."

The fine sunlight fell on Qin Yang, making the young man feel as if he was in a brightly colored oil painting.

"I'm glad I met you. Regardless of the outcome."

Thousands of times of imagination, after all, this is the end.But he neither regrets nor complains.

Qin Yang stared at him, apart from indescribable emotions, there was obvious tenderness in his eyes.

The distant wind blew again, blowing the slightly curled hair on the young man's head.His face was full of sadness and affection that a 17-year-old should not have.

"Thank you."

Shen Yi was taken aback by the sudden thank you.

"In my life."

As he said this, he suddenly took a step forward, bent down, and kissed Shen Yi's lips.

A very light kiss made Shen Yi stunned for an instant.

"Goodbye."

The boy said so in a very low voice, and disappeared in an instant.

Only Shen Yi remained stunned, covering his lips involuntarily in the shade and cool wind.

I always involuntarily imagine the original appearance of this world.

There may be no wind at all, no flowers, no trees, nothing at all.

Why do we gradually believe that the wind is the wind, the flower is the flower, and the tree is the tree?

If we can name and define these creatures and phenomena in nature.So how do we define love?

It doesn't really "exist", it can't be seen, it can't be touched.Everyone will have a different understanding of love.

Why do we have to give it a general definition like wind, flowers and trees?

Why love can only happen between men and women?

I don't understand it, and I don't agree with it.But this seems to be a "fact" that the world generally agrees on.

Even when I had someone I wanted to "love", I was annoyed, hesitant, and confused about why I fell in love with him of the same gender.

Have we been bound by the so-called "definition", the so-called "ordinary", the so-called "normal" for too long?

I don't want to be a fighter who challenges social stereotypes and breaks the principles of the world. I just want to like someone openly and love him.

But I thought, I can't even do that.

Not because the world is holding me back, but because he doesn't love me at all.

Shen Yi returned home in a daze, and found that the door of Qin Yang's bedroom was open, the inside was tidy, and there was only a note on the desk: I went to live at a friend's house.

He held the note in his palm, sat down on the edge of the bed slumped, and looked at the bright sunlight outside the window.

Wanting to call Qin Yang, I already found his number in the phone address book, but I didn't have the courage to press it.

How should I say hello and what should I say?

let him come back?Now that the matter has come to this, what qualifications do I have to say such a thing?

The messy thoughts in his head kept pouring out, making him feel tired.Only at this moment did he realize that he was actually a rather ruthless person.

Because he really wanted to go back in time and go back to before that sudden confession last night.He would rather continue to live in a world where he knew nothing, at least, he could continue to live with that boy without any grudges.

So selfish, that kind of thinking.

He put down his phone, accidentally pressed his finger on the interface, and a certain music software suddenly started.

He stared blankly at the interface of the music software for a while, and suddenly remembered Qin Yang's mobile phone lock screen password: 0415

According to Wen Yu, it was because Qin Yang liked a song called "April [-]" very much.

After he found out, he was relieved.Now that I think about it, maybe the real meaning of that password is his birthday.

I couldn't help picking up my phone and typing "April [-]" in the search bar.

Press the play button that pops up, and the warm and soothing piano prelude flows in the late summer evening.

Then a gentle and low male voice sounded.He listened to the lyrics, and for some reason, he quietly shed tears.

A wild cherry blossom blooms outside my window

there are birds that come to visit it

Waiting for April [-]th, warm branches

The sun goes down, in late spring and midsummer

I sat by the window and watched her quietly

She crossed the breeze and smiled at me

The page-turning calendar has since stayed at

April [-]th, even if time turns into sand

I would like to engrave her like this

Just not to forget, the past years

A wonderful person who was in my life

Although it's only for a moment, it's enough to worry about

Qin Yang decided to go to America.

Shen Yi learned the news from Aunt Xue's call a week later.

"The kid suddenly figured it out and told me he was going to come to the United States. I was so happy to hear that, and immediately asked him to start the formalities. He refused to come here before, saying that he would at least finish high school. I was still worried. He is suddenly so active now, which really surprised me. It is only because of you to help me enlighten him that he is willing to come here. Thank you so much, Xiao Yi."

"Where." Shen Yi said guiltily into the microphone.

Aunt Xue thought it was all due to him.

But in the final analysis, the reason why Qin Yang is willing to go to the United States must have something to do with him.It's just that the truth is not what Aunt Xue thought.

"Ah, I heard from Xiaoyang that you are very busy at school recently, and the child said he didn't want to disturb you, so he stayed at a friend's house. I'm really sorry, Xiaoyi. Because he refused to go to the United States, your father and I I entrusted Xiaoyang to you. Thinking about it now, you are a college student who has to study and take care of him, and you don’t have any space for yourself. It’s really hard."

Just as he was about to say "no hard work", Aunt Xue preempted him and said, "Now that Xiaoyang has decided to come to the United States, you don't have to run around at school and home at two o'clock, it will be much easier, and you can spend more time in your own home." Friends and hobbies are on…”

Aunt Xue talked endlessly, and the topic always revolved around Qin Yang's upcoming overseas trip and Shen Yi's recent hard work. Shen Yi listened, and gradually lost his mind.

When I hung up the phone, I felt depressed.

It seems to be empty again.

It has always been like this recently, as if my body is a puzzle, originally complete and complete, but at some point, several pieces of the puzzle fell off, and I gradually felt that I was no longer complete.

He is very familiar with this feeling. When he was young, after learning the news of his parents' divorce, he was in a state of missing puzzle pieces for a long time.

Later, when I met Qin Yang, I felt that I gradually became more fulfilled, and even the color of the jigsaw puzzle on my body changed subtly.

Now, it seems to be going back to the previous state.

He was at a loss.

Qin Yang became less and less talkative, and Wen Yu and Dazhi clearly felt this.

Something is wrong with him.A week ago, Dazhi received a call from him, asking if he could stay at his house for a few days, no matter how he asked the reason, Qin Yang would not say anything.

He quietly found Wen Yu the next day and explained the situation to her. Wen Yu muttered, "Could it be that I had a fight with my brother?" Then he patted his chest and said that she would ask Qin Yang's brother for clarification.

On the third day, Wen Yu came to the school with a puzzled face, and Dazhi asked her if she had asked anything.However, Wen Yu tilted his head and said with a puzzled expression: "I asked my brother, and the two of them didn't seem to be arguing. But my brother didn't seem to want to talk about it. They are both weird."

"Is Qin Yang safe living in my house?" Dazhi asked.

"I don't know whether he is relieved or not." Wen Yu shrugged, expressing that he didn't understand.

In this way, Qin Yang stayed at Dazhi's house for a week.

Although there was no particularly abnormal behavior, it was obvious that he, who had always been quite indifferent and alienated before, had become even more silent now.

Even in class, he just turned his head and stared out of the window in a daze. The teacher didn't listen to a word of the lecture on the podium.

During the physical education class, he completed the prescribed tasks, and once he was free to move around, he would sit on the steps under the shade of the trees and stare into the distance.

Both Wen Yu and Dazhi felt that he must have been stimulated by something.

Compared with Dazhi, who has thicker nerves, Wen Yu is more sensitive to realize something.

"Are you broken in love?" In a certain physical education class, she came to Qin Yang who was sitting on the steps with his eyes empty, and asked bluntly.

"Yeah." He didn't hide anything, and responded quite frankly.

Wen Yu sighed: "I guessed it, and it really is."

After all, she sat down beside him, and cast her eyes into the distance like him.

"Confess and get dumped?"

"That's it."

"Brother Shen Yi?" She asked.

Qin Yang, who had no expression at first, was startled, and looked at her in shock.

She smiled: "I guessed it. Got it right?"

This time he didn't speak, and turned his gaze to the misty sky again.

It seems to be right.

"I saw Brother Shen Yi a few days ago." Wen Yu still said to himself, when Qin Yang heard that name, Qin Yang's eyes would flicker unconsciously.

"Dazhi is a little worried about you. I don't know what happened to you. I saw that you were also depressed all day long. I thought you had a fight with Brother Shen Yi, so I went to him once. He is not in a good spirit either."

The last sentence made Qin Yang's heart sink.

"Although I haven't met him a few times, every time I met him before, I always felt that this brother was very sunny and cheerful, and always had a smile on his face. When I saw him a few days ago, how should I put it, it was like Like a faded landscape painting, the bright colors of the past have faded, and I don’t smile much.”

As evening approached, the light in the distance gradually weakened.The scenery in front of him gradually seemed to be covered with a layer of gray.

"I think Brother Shen Yi is very worried about you."

"I'm going to America." Qin Yang said suddenly, as if he would be shaken if he didn't change the subject.

This time, it was Wen Yu's turn to be stunned: "When?"

"Just go through the formalities."

"Why? Didn't you say you didn't plan to go there?"

Looking at Qin Yang's tightly pursed lips, Wen Yu suddenly realized: "Is it because of Brother Shen Yi?"

The get out of class bell rang from the teaching building in the distance, and the students who were playing on the court all went back one after another.

Qin Yang also stood up: "I have to leave."

It seemed to be explaining, but nothing was explained.

However, Wen Yu seemed to understand his feelings somewhat.Although in her heart, there is more reluctance.

"Who will play with me after that?" The girl's voice revealed traces of loneliness.

"Don't you still have great ambitions?" Qin Yang glanced at him, "Are you two reconciled?"

Wen Yu waved his hand: "We didn't have a falling out, so we talked about reconciliation. During that time, I avoided him because he confessed to me suddenly. How long has passed now, and we have become friends a long time ago."

"Can you still play together as if nothing had happened?"

Wen Yu thought for a while, then shook his head with a wry smile: "Although we are still playing together, it is impossible to be completely the same as before."

Qin Yang looked at the setting sun in the distance, and said in a calm voice, "He and I are the same, it is impossible to go back to the past. That's why I have to leave."

After all, before Wen Yu could speak, he strode towards the teaching building.

That background is a bit decisive.