goodbye midsummer

That night seemed to be a dividing line.

The days of keeping secrets are on the left, accompanied by the pain of hesitation and the sweetness of secrets; the days of letting go of secrets are on the right, followed by more and more confusion and distress.

Keeping secrets is not more miserable; telling secrets is not happier.

But no matter what, Qin Yang didn't regret it.

For Qin Yang, confession is not the end, but the beginning.In the past, he kept this secret tightly in his heart, repeatedly torturing himself between telling it or not.However, now, Shen also knew that the shock and pity he showed that day had already prepared Qin Yang mentally.

As he had told himself a long time ago - this is a relationship that will not lead to results, whether the other party knows it or not.

Shen Yi would feel sorry for him and hug him, but would not love him.

This is where he is extremely gentle.It is also where he is extremely cruel.

All this, Qin Yang was so clear in his heart.

That's why he said that sentence after the breakdown: "Forget what I just said."

Just act like nothing happened.So that I can go through every day in the future, as if nothing happened.

But everything has happened, and it is impossible to go back to the past.

Life is like an overloaded train that has gradually derailed.

In the morning, Shen also prepared breakfast, and knocked on the door of Qin Yang's bedroom as always, asking him to get up for breakfast.

Qin Yang gave a simple answer as usual, then opened the door and walked to the dining table in the kitchen.

The dining table was against the wall, a small table, just big enough for the two of them, and couldn't fit any more.There was already a milk and ham sandwich on the table.

Very simple breakfast, just like the past countless repeated days.

Shen Yi had already sat down in his usual seat, drinking milk with his head down.He sat down opposite Shen Yi and picked up the sandwich in silence.

He didn't speak specifically, just like countless ordinary days in the past.

After breakfast, he got up and went back to his room to get ready for school.From the open bedroom door, I heard the sound of running water and the crisp sound of tableware colliding from the kitchen.

Just like countless dull days in the past.

He picked up his schoolbag and packed the textbooks for today's class, and put on his shoes in the hallway.The moment he put his right hand on the doorknob and was about to unscrew it, he hesitated for a moment.

If it was those days that were repeated and ordinary in the past, no matter what Shen Yi was doing at home, no matter whether he could hear it or not, as long as he was still at home, Qin Yang would say: "I'm going out."

Like a report.

Small daily rituals can bring a wonderful sense of peace.

But today, he couldn't grasp whether he wanted to shout like this.

He was hesitating, when Shen Yi's warm voice came from the living room: "Be careful on the road."

Just like countless ordinary and nostalgic days in the past.

He was absent-minded for a moment, and then responded with a "hmm".Unscrewed the doorknob and walked out.

The plane flew over the sky, and its low roar came from an extremely far away place.

Under the shade of the tree, Qin Yang raised his head and saw a bird with outstretched wings slanting across the sky.The backpack was pressed against his back, and the few textbooks in the bag shook slightly as he resumed his steps.

I don't know why, but I feel that the street in front of me and the sky above my head have an unreal feeling.

He continued walking without any sense of reality, and at the moment when he reached the fork in the road, he suddenly couldn't remember which way he should go.

Occasionally, this kind of situation will happen: obviously you are doing the same thing as usual, and you are obviously in the middle of talking to others, and you will suddenly have a feeling like your soul is out of your body, and you will feel completely unfamiliar with the things and people in front of you. .The familiar thin layer of clothing that is often worn in daily life seems to be suddenly unloaded.The location, characters and scenery all seem to be different from before.

However, this usually only lasts for a second or two.Although it makes people feel strange, it will not affect daily life.At most, it will be considered distracted by the person who is chatting.

But since last night, Qin Yang has had a constant sense of strangeness about the environment he is in.

He seemed to be out of his body, the soul floating in the sky blankly watched his body act according to the habits formed over the years, but he was as awake and strange as a bystander.

This world is gradually becoming unreal.

He gradually felt powerless.

Standing at the fork in the road, he gave up the route to the school, turned around and walked towards the small park beside him.

There was no one in the park in the early morning. He sat down on the edge of the wooden bench and suddenly felt exhausted.

He obviously didn't do anything, and this was just the beginning of the day, but he was already so powerless.

On the blue sky above the head, which is a bit like a fake curtain, there is a thin layer of clouds like fish scales.

Shen Yi seems to have told him that such a sky is called Yuscale Sky.

It is true to its name.

As if he had exhausted all his strength, he leaned on the bench, looked at the sky, and closed his eyes helplessly.

No matter how he evaded, that person's name was like a spell, binding him tightly.

What should be done.

Open the floor-to-ceiling windows of the living room, the sky is as blue as a freshly painted gouache painting, and the clouds spread out in large swaths like cloud scales.

Shen Yi breathed the morning air, walked back slowly, and sat down on the sofa.

He was alone in the house, peaceful and quiet.

After last night, my mind is not so much a mess as a blank sheet of paper.There is no way to think about anything, there is no sense of reality, and everything feels like a dream.

From time to time, things from the past come to mind.Thinking of the night when he and Qin Yang first met, thinking of the helpless look on that child's face when he found out that he was smoking, and thinking of the extremely unnatural look of him hemming and hawing when he asked Qin Yang if he had someone he liked.

Thinking about it now, everything is traceable.

It was just that he was too dull at that time, or Qin Yang was too careful in hiding.He never found out.

Is it his fault?Was he unintentionally leading Qin Yang to a deviated track?

How will the two of them get along in the future?

Impossible to go back to the past, right?

How can I go back to the past.

He was terrified and bewildered.I could only lie on the sofa and keep thinking.

The phone rang suddenly, it was Ye Zi calling:

"Hey, where are you now?"

"At home." He replied weakly.

"What's the matter, the voice sounds so dull, hangover?"

"No." He flatly denied, "What's the matter?"

"Yuewei is leaving today. If you are free, would you like to come see her off? East Railway Station, the 10 o'clock bus."

"it is good."

"Okay, then we'll see you at the train station later."

"En." After hanging up the phone, he turned his head and looked at the wall clock, went back to the room for a while to get ready, and then went out.

Anyway, I don't have a clue if I'm bored at home, so I might as well go out and change my mood.

When he arrived at the train station, he turned around in the waiting room, and soon saw the leaf in the corner of the long row of seats waving his hand desperately towards him.

Chen Yuewei smiled slightly beside her, with a backpack on the seat beside her.

He walked quickly in front of the two of them, panting: "Didn't you say you would stay here for a few days, why did you go back so soon?"

Chen Yuewei picked up the backpack on the seat next to her and hugged it in her arms, and asked Shen Yi to sit beside her.

"I've seen everyone I wanted to see, and I still have some business at home, so I moved up the date of going back."

Ye Zi seemed quite reluctant, and hugged her arm while saying: "We don't know how many years it will be until we see you again after you leave."

"There's always a chance." Chen Yuewei smiled and hugged her.

"If you don't come back, watch out for some of us to kill you."

After chatting half-jokingly and half-seriously for a while, the radio rang.The ten o'clock train has arrived at the station, and passengers are allowed to check their tickets into the station.

Chen Yuewei picked up her backpack, hugged them one by one, waved her hand and walked into the platform.

It seems that I am used to seeing the appearance of parting, without tears and sadness.Everything is bland.

After the train started, he and Ye Zi left the train station side by side.

The sky outside is still so blue, but the fish-scale clouds in the morning have dispersed and are now gone.

He was walking with his head down, when suddenly Ye Zi slashed his shoulder with a knife: "You good-looking young man, why can't he die after staying up all night, and his energy is so sluggish. Don't tell me you don't want Yuewei?"

She half-closed her eyes, looking like she wanted to gossip.

"Is that why you want to match the two of us?" Shen Yi asked back.

"No...no." Ye Zi, whose little thoughts were seen through, smiled, "But Yuewei really likes you, I think she came back this time, [-]% of it is because of you."

"We're just ordinary friends, it's impossible." He answered simply.

"Oh, what a pity." Ye Zi sighed, "However, feelings can't be forced. I hope she can find better ones in the future."

Yes, feelings cannot be forced.

Just like between him and Chen Yuewei.

Waiting without hope is very painful, it is better to give up as soon as possible.

At that time, when he didn't know that Qin Yang liked him, he also used such words to comfort him.Thinking about it now, how cruel it was for Qin Yang to say these words from someone who didn't know him.

Seeing his collapsed appearance last night, Shen Yi knew that this child was serious.

Not a whim.But a long-standing love.

It's just that he can't accept it, and he can't give the other party the same thing.

Better explain it to him. — he thought so alone in the sun.

Don't let Qin Yang continue to suffer.