goodbye midsummer

It is evening.

When people left school and walked out of the school gate, Qin Yang saw Shen Yi standing at the school gate, and was a little shocked for a moment.

It's only been a few days since I saw him, and Shen Yi seems to have lost weight.

Shen Yi also spotted Qin Yang who was walking out of the school gate, waved to him, and slowly walked up to him.

"Why are you here?" Qin Yang pondered for a while before saying the first sentence.

"Go home and have a meal?" Shen Yi looked at him softly.

He wants to say no.I don't want to refuse.

Just when he was hesitating, Shen Yi took his arm first and pulled him forward.

So, although there was no explicit agreement, the two still walked on the path home tacitly.Shen Yi held his arm tightly as if he was afraid that he would run away.

To be honest, it hurts a bit.But Qin Yang didn't make a sound.

On the way, the two of them chatted one after another.The sun gradually disappeared in the sky, leaving only the sky full of clouds shining.

"It's been cold recently."

"Ah."

"Do you have enough clothes?"

"Ah."

"Have you eaten well recently?"

"Ah."

"Then how did you lose weight?"

Qin Yang turned his face slightly and looked at him: "Didn't you lose weight too?"

Shen Yi was startled, and smiled: "Because I have eaten alone recently, and I have no appetite."

It was a very common word, but it made Qin Yang feel slightly warm and a little sour.

"Why did you suddenly decide to go to the United States?" Shen Yi suddenly asked, "I only found out about this when I received a call from Aunt Xue yesterday."

Qin Yang tried his best not to show any flaws in his expression: "Didn't you persuade me to go to the United States before? I just listened to you."

"That's right." The smile on Shen Yi's face was bitter no matter how you looked at it.

The rhododendrons protruding from the wall on the side of the road swayed gently in the evening wind, the stars in the distance were looming, and the night was coming soon.

"If I tell you not to go, won't you go?"

Suddenly, Shen Yi said so.

Qin Yang stopped abruptly and looked at him slowly: "Would you do it?"

will you let me stay

Perhaps it was because of the slightest expectation in his eyes, Shen Yi suddenly looked away and didn't speak any more.

The heart with a glimmer of expectation suddenly fell to the ground again.

Qin Yang lowered his head and smiled, laughing at his delusions.Mingming knew Shen Yi's answer early on, why should he make such impossible hopes and expectations.

"After I leave, you can move back to the school dormitory." Qin Yang said lightly, "There are roommates to accompany you at school, so you will never eat alone."

This time, it was Shen Yi's turn to nod: "Yes."

"If you can't find a partner, you have to eat well by yourself."

"Ah."

"Remember to bring an umbrella when you go out on cloudy days."

"Ah."

"Don't always leave your keys at home."

Shen Yi smiled a bit: "It's as if I won't see you in the future."

Qin Yang didn't follow along with the smile, but lowered his head meaningfully.

Shen Yi's heart skipped a beat: "Will you come back?"

"It depends on the situation." Qin Yang deliberately stepped forward with a slightly faster pace, leaving only his back, "However, I will definitely come back to attend your wedding."

The breeze was blowing gently, and the young man took great strides. He could only see his back standing upright under the dark blue sky, but it was impossible to guess what expression he had now when he said this sentence as if nothing had happened.

A small dining table is placed against the wall, and several small jars of seasoning are placed against the wall.They sat facing each other, with a small warm yellow lamp above their heads.

The small dining table can't accommodate one more person, but it's just right for two people.

Suddenly returning to the familiar scene, it makes people feel like they have gone back in time and returned to the ordinary daily life one after another.

Shen Yi cooked a few home-cooked dishes, which Qin Yang usually likes to eat.

The two sat facing each other and ate in silence.The air was a little too quiet.

Light fell from overhead, casting shadows of eyelashes on cheeks.Shen Yi put some vegetables into his bowl, he froze for a moment, then looked up at Shen Yi.

This was probably the first time their eyes met after entering the door.

Both felt a little embarrassed, but couldn't look away.

"Aren't you coming back to live?" Shen Yi finally opened his mouth, "Wouldn't it be inconvenient to live in a classmate's house all the time?"

There was a hint of hope in his tone.

He moved his gaze down, staring at the beige wood grain on the dining table, without speaking.

"Since you have decided to leave, let's come back." Shen Yi continued, looking down at the uneaten food in his bowl, "I don't have much chance to live in this house."

"You don't think it's natural?" Qin Yang put down the bowl slowly, and peeked at his face from the corner of his eyes, "People who have confessed to me will continue to live under the same roof with me, and they won't feel uncomfortable ?”

Shen Yi's eyes flickered slightly, and he looked up at him with a sad expression: "Qin Yang, as I said, you are very important to me. I like you very much, but—"

"It's just not my kind of liking. I know." After stealing his words, Qin Yang felt that his heart was calm, like a pool of stagnant water, and nothing could wake it up.Only the constant exhaustion and sadness gradually seeped into his bones.

"Do you know why I never call you brother?" Qin Yang looked straight into his eyes with a calm voice, "At first I really didn't regard you as a brother, but later... I didn't want to use the relationship between brother and brother to bind me My feelings for you. I have always disliked people treating you as my brother, although legally, you are indeed... But I really don't like this title. "

Shen Yi avoided his sight and lowered his head slowly.His face was hidden in the shadows cast by the lights.

"Shen Yi, it's impossible to go back. Before you knew it, I thought everything was bearable. But now that you know it, I don't have the courage to face you and live with you."

"I'm not that strong, Shen Yi."

There was the patter of rain outside the window.I don't know when it started to rain.

After dinner, Qin Yang insisted on going back to Dazhi's house even though it was raining outside.

Shen also stopped insisting, put the umbrella into his hand, and sent him downstairs.

He opened his umbrella and walked into the rain. The street lamp in front of him looked a little hazy in the rain, and the already dim light became more ambiguous.Against the backdrop of night rain and street lights, Qin Yang turned around and glanced at him.

"You go up. I'm leaving."

After finishing speaking, he turned around and walked away slowly holding an umbrella.

Shen Yi stood in the shadow of the front porch and watched his gradually receding figure, with an indistinguishable expression on his face.

Only the street lamp in the night rain flickered on and off, as if responding to his mood at the moment.

Just like the winter night when he heard the news of his mother's remarriage, he looked at the bright light of the cigarette burning in the dark night, and suddenly felt both sad and warm.

Suddenly, I want to smoke again.

Only this time, probably no one will find out.

The boy who followed him back then and stubbornly told him "no more smoking" is now far away from him.

What should he do, what should he do to keep him?Why can't they stay together as brothers?What went wrong?

Sometimes he ruminated on these questions, and bothered him to the point of driving himself crazy.

It was while thinking over and over again that Shen Yi realized that he was actually a rather selfish and ruthless person.

After knowing Qin Yang's feelings for her, she still wanted him to stay by her side—no matter how painful it would be for him.

Even after hearing the news that he decided to go abroad, the first thing that came to mind was to keep him.Wishing to influence his decisions on his own terms—regardless of his reasons for making them.

Shen also felt that he was really a selfish and ruthless person.

Obviously unable to reciprocate this emotion, but still couldn't help but go to see him.Trying to pretend that nothing happened, and continue to live together as if nothing had happened.

Just because - he didn't want Qin Yang to leave.

If only we could turn back time.

It's my selfish wish, but it would be great if we could go back to the past.

The procedures for going to the United States were completed very quickly, which was a bit unexpected.

Qin Yang has always lived in Dazhi's house, and only moved back in the last few days - in order to pack his luggage.After Qin Yang left home, Shen Yi gradually moved back to the dormitory and returned to collective life.Therefore, during the few days when Qin Yang went back to pack his luggage, the two did not meet each other, which avoided a lot of embarrassment.

On the day of parting, Shen Yi sent him to the airport, and the two of them didn't talk much all the way, as if something was blocked in their hearts, it was very uncomfortable.

The friends from high school had already bid farewell in advance, so Shen Yi was the only one who saw him off.The two went to the counter to print the boarding pass silently, checked in the luggage, and sat on the bench in silence all the way.

They all seem to have something to say, but they can't say it.

It wasn't until the boarding time was approaching that Qin Yang stood up: "I'm going in."

Shen Yi nodded and followed him all the way to the security checkpoint.

"Goodbye." Qin Yang looked straight into his eyes and said very solemnly.

Like never coming back.

Shen Yi also wanted to say "goodbye", but he couldn't make a sound in his throat, so he nodded: "Yes."

"Take care of yourself."

"Take care of yourself."

Qin Yang forced a smile, walked slowly in the empty passage, and when he was about to reach the security checkpoint, he suddenly turned around and looked at Shen Yi fixedly.

In his eyes, sadness seemed to overwhelm him.

Shen Yi looked at him and suddenly wanted to cry.Over the past month, many inexplicable emotions surged at the same time in an instant, as if they wanted to knock him down.

I wanted to run forward, hug the boy, and tell him not to leave, but to stay.

But in the end, he held back, stretched out his hand tremblingly and waved to him, even though his voice was trembling: "Go over there and live a good life."

Qin Yang pursed his lips tightly, looked at him with red eyes, nodded slowly, and suppressed the sadness in his eyes.There is only helplessness and disappointment in the eyes.

Then turned around and walked towards the security checkpoint step by step.

Shen Yi watched him move away step by step, his heart seemed to be covered, and he couldn't breathe.

But the boy's figure, no longer nostalgic, quickly turned and disappeared at the security checkpoint.

The passageway was empty, and there was no one else.He suddenly called out in a daze: "Qin Yang!"

No one should answer, no one will answer.

He squatted down, and the tears that he had endured for a long time finally flowed down his cheeks.

In the evening, Shen also received a text message from Qin Yang: "It has arrived safely."

After that, I seldom heard from him again.

Like, he really disappeared.

A month later, Shen Yi packed his luggage and moved back home.

The hostel is always too noisy.

The house still maintained the appearance when Qin Yang left, but no one lived in it for a month, and some dust inevitably accumulated on the dining table and the floor.Shen Yi opened the windows of each room to allow for air circulation. When he walked into Qin Yang's bedroom and saw the empty desk and empty bed, he suddenly felt a sense of loss.

In order to live comfortably, even if he is a complete lazy person, he still has to clean the house that has not been lived in for a month.

If you don't do anything, just do a big cleaning.

He started cleaning from the kitchen. He cleaned all the kitchen utensils, put the dishes and chopsticks back into the disinfection cabinet for high-temperature sterilization, and when he opened the refrigerator to clean out all the expired food, he found a post-it note on the door of the refrigerator .

A small piece of paper, pasted on the handle, with familiar writing on it:

I cleaned up all the things that will expire in the short term, and there are still a few bottles of milk that expire within three months, so drink them as soon as possible.

The time marked below is the day Qin Yang left a month ago.

He took off the post-it note, and his eyes suddenly became hot.

While cleaning the living room, I found more post-it notes pasted in different places.

The sticker on the remote control of the phone reads "Remember to turn off the TV after the game, don't forget it all the time"; the sticker on the back of the chair opposite to where he used to sit at the dining table is "Eat three meals on time"; under the potted plants on the balcony is the sticker "No need for cactus". Water too much and you will die";

On the umbrella in the porch is "Trust the weather forecast";

There are six boxes of toothpaste neatly stacked on the sink in the bathroom, "You forget easily, I'll help you buy a year's supply first"; Then, behind the door is posted: "Remember to bring the key. In case you forget, I will I can't fly back to save you."

Looking at the familiar text on this light yellow post-it note, Shen Yi wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.The left hand is already full of post-it notes that have been taken down, but Shen Yi is reluctant to take down the one in front of him.

I don't know why, but I find this sentence so sad.

Remember to bring the key.In case you forget, I can't fly back to save you.

Why didn't I find out before, it turns out that this brat is so long-winded.

The kitchen, the living room had been cleaned, and finally his bedroom.

It has been two hours since tidying up, and he felt a little tired, so he stretched himself and threw himself on the bed, intending to rest for a while.

However, the fluttering action was a bit excessive, and his head accidentally hit the head of the bed.The pain made him grin his teeth.

With his head bumped like this, he couldn't help but look at his bed, and the more he looked at it, the more strange it became - he always felt that the position should be moved.

Now that you have an idea, it is better to act immediately.He rolled up his sleeves and began to push the big bed to the corner, but he didn't expect that the quality of the bed was so good.It took him a lot of effort to push the bed to the proper position.

After moving the bed, he sat on the floor and rested for a while. When he bent over and got up to continue cleaning, he suddenly found a line of small writing on the wall that was originally blocked by the head of the bed.

It was written so low that it was impossible to see without removing the bed which happened to be in the way.

He leaned forward to look, it was written with a pencil, very familiar handwriting, but this time, it was not written on a post-it note.

Simple, just a few words:

Can I like you?

Shen Yi's heart tightened.

It was as if he saw that kid squatting at his current position a month ago, with a pencil in his hand, writing down this secret confession carefully, one stroke at a time.

Can I like you?

Did you deliberately write it in such a hidden place, thinking he wouldn't find out?Or do you not want him to find out at all?

If he hadn't suddenly wanted to clean up today, if he hadn't changed the bed on a whim today, maybe he would never have seen this sentence in his entire life.

Can I like you?

He rubbed the words lightly, recalling that scene again, recalling the back of Qin Yang walking away from the security checkpoint of the airport.

Can I like you?

He remembered that winter night many years ago, in the park where the snowflakes were falling, Qin Yang looked at him seriously and stubbornly and said: Stop smoking, it is not good for your health.

During the school sports meeting, he played two-and-three-legged. Although that person kept saying disgusting words, he held his shoulders tightly throughout the game.

When he forgot to bring an umbrella, he would send it to the university specially, although he always said that he passed by by chance every time.

He will hurt him severely when he loses his keys, he will laugh at him who is afraid of ghosts when there is a sudden power outage, he will despise him and force him to sleep immediately when he stays up late to catch up on his paper, Scold him when he eats healthy and gets sick.

It's scary when you're angry, but it's so warm when you smile.

As if they would stay by his side forever.

As if never leaving.

I have always been so strong, stubborn but persistent, and I like him.

Can I like you?

That line of typeface was like a knife, engraved stroke by stroke in his heart.

He buried his face in his palms and wept silently.

No matter what, that boy is the most cherished person in this world.

This cherished emotion even surpasses family affection and love.

But love has made this proud boy so humble, lowered to the dust.

He wiped away his tears and tremblingly picked up the phone.

I dialed the number that I had entered repeatedly in the past thirty days and nights, but couldn't make up my mind to press the dial button.

After a few busy tones.

"What's the matter?" The somewhat cold and gentle voice came so familiar.

As if he knew that he would call.

Outside the window, gray clouds in the distance gathered together at a slow pace, and the sky darkened.

Raindrops began to tap noiselessly on the glass.

He watched the winding rain trails left on the glass, listened to the calm and regular breathing from the microphone, and slowly closed his eyes.

The world is silent.

"I miss you."