Wei Lan

更新时间：2013-04-2501:26:18字数：7707

From the moment I made up my mind to give up Ming completely, I tried to minimize the chances of meeting him.

There are as many excuses as I want, although Ming always calls to complain, I still hard-heartedly refused him.

Since I am not your love, let my scarred heart be free.

After a long time, it will fade away, just like the four years in college.

After living for more than twenty years, my life is still a pool of stagnant water.

I'm not reconciled!

I still hope that there will be such a person in the dark to make my life appear slightly!

And this feeling gradually became stronger.

I can't go on with Fang Jie anymore, I have neither the heart nor the energy, so why bother the two of us?

It's time for me to draw a line between women and me.

I can no longer use them selfishly, thinking of this or that man in my heart.

Naturally, I date her less and less, I am looking for an opportunity, an opportunity to break up!

Everything in the unit is going smoothly, the relationship with colleagues is harmonious, and the work is safe and effective.

The director also admired me very much, always saying that I was a young man with a bright future.

Can someone like me really have a great future?

I don't expect it, I just hope that I can live quietly and be with him who I am waiting for.

In the afternoon, Fang Jie called and said that he would meet me anyway today.No matter how busy I am, no matter what reason I have.

She insisted on having a good talk with me.

Listening to her tone, I think the opportunity has come.

Surprisingly, today she didn't choose the date location outside, but at her home.

When breaking up, usually the faces of each other are not very good-looking, she is very considerate.

When we first met, as I thought, her complexion was really ugly, she almost stared at me.

"Why don't you keep looking for me recently? I always say that I don't have time when I look for you! Do you have something to hide from me?"

You started asking me to tell the truth before you married me?Sorry, I'm not an honest person.

"No, what can I do, I've been busy recently." I started to play innocent again.

Then continue to stage the "boring man gets dumped" drama.

"You are always busy! You always have a reason! Before, you were not like this!" Fang Jie roared at me excitedly.

"But it's really busy."

"You don't even have time to call me?"

"This... I'm sorry."

"Hmph! Actually, you don't need to say anything! I know what you're thinking!"

It's good to know, then there is no need to say anything, anyway, I am sorry for you.

"I also know why you are like this! I didn't expect you to be such a man! It surprised me!"

what? !

she knows?

Is it...

No way……?

probably not! !

"what do you know?"

"Wow, it looks like you really have a ghost in your heart, look at your face has changed!" Fang Jie's eyes changed from anger to contempt.

despise!I can't stand this look!Did she really know? !I want to get out of here immediately.

"Yes! I have a ghost! Since you know everything, there is nothing to say, I'll go!" I stood up excitedly.

"Stop! Shao Hui, you go, you will only make me look down on you even more!"

"Anyway, I'm not the kind of person to be looked up to!" I turned my head and strode towards the door!

I admit that I was impulsive at this moment, and I didn't even think about defending myself subtly. Isn't I always the most reluctant to let people know my secret?

He struggled to open the door, but his sight was blocked by the figure in front of him.

"Sorry, I heard you guys arguing from outside. Can't you just talk about it if you have something to say?"

who?Looking up, it feels like deja vu.

"Brother, why are you here? Didn't I tell you not to come?" Fang Jie spoke to the man in a bad tone.

It's him!Fang Qicong!

It turned out that he was really Fang Jie's brother.

"I'm sorry……"

Fang Qicong lowered his head in frustration, and from such a close distance, I could clearly see a far-fetched arc drawn from the corner of his mouth.

"I'm leaving, let's talk!" I walked sideways from him.

"Shao Hui, if you are a man, speak clearly in front of my brother, don't be so unclear!"

"Brother, this matter has something to do with you. Since you are here, it's just right."

"What?" I was a little confused.

Isn't it already clear?Or are you trying to embarrass me more? !

Besides, what does this matter have to do with your brother?

"It has something to do with me?" Fang Qicong also looked at his sister who was barking her teeth in confusion.

"It's not all because of you! I hate you!" Fang Jie became hysterical.

"It's all your fault! All the men who liked me ran away! Why don't you die?" Fang Jie had completely lost control.

I really wonder if there is something wrong with my ears, why can't I understand a word she said?

"I..." The man next to him frowned in pain.

what happened?Where does it have anything to do with him?Is it not my problem?

"It's all you! It's all you damn gay! Shao Hui has already started avoiding me! He's about to lose me!!"

Shock!Extremely shocked! !

What did I hear?gay?Fang Qicong?

what! !

Am I misunderstanding?

"I... don't know, even if we live apart, it will cause you trouble. I promise you, I won't appear in front of you again in the future. "

it is true!He admitted it! !

"It's better like this! You don't want to disturb my life anymore! I've had enough of you brother!"

I can't make a sound, my brain is still in shock.

Thinking about it carefully, it is indeed impossible for Fang Jie to know about me, it is a secret that I have never revealed.How can she know?

Feeling the man's gaze fall on me, I hastily and nervously raised my head to look at him.

"I'm really sorry. It's all my fault. I didn't expect you to mind my existence so much. It has nothing to do with her. Don't abandon her because of this. She is a good girl."

The pain is so deep in a man's eyes, what kind of eyes that blame themselves!

This look deeply shocked me.

"me……"

What should I say?what?

How could things be like this?

Chaos, chaos!There are many things I still don't understand.

"Shao Hui, you've heard it, he won't disturb our life. I've made it clear, are you still planning to avoid me in the future?"

"I don't know……"

"Don't you already understand?" Fang Jie looked at me puzzled.

"I don't understand anything!"

"what happened?"

"I still want to ask you? I don't understand your brother, what has anything to do with him!"

"Wait, didn't you avoid me because you knew my brother was gay?"

"I've only met him once. I don't even know if he's really your brother, so how could I know that kind of thing!"

"Isn't that why you avoid me?"

"Of course not!" You have too much imagination.

"Then what are you... for?"

"I, I have no feelings for you..."

It's impossible to be a victim at such a time, so go ahead and get slapped a few times by her!

"What!!" Fang Jie took a big step back.

"sorry."

"You bastard!!"

He was punched heavily in the abdomen, and a man's angry voice came from his ears.

Was beaten, as expected.It's just that I didn't expect to be beaten by a man, a man who was despised by his sister, and he hit hard...

"Get up, you brat! How dare you play with my sister! Don't you feel it? Damn it, I'll kill you bastard!" the man growled

It turns out that you care about her very much, even though she looks down on you so much...

Fists fell like raindrops, hitting every part of my body fiercely.

"Ugh..." It hurts...

Finally got retribution...

"Brother, stop! Stop hitting!"

The consciousness is so fuzzy, it is Fang Jie's voice.

It feels like the fist that landed on my body is gone.

"I'm venting for you!"

"My business...you don't have to worry about it."

"..."

Ha ha, so ridiculous.Even if you are brother and sister, Fang Qicong, you are rejected by your sister.Who made your body flow with the same sinful blood as mine?

"Shao Hui, I'm asking you for the last time, and please tell me the truth."

The figure in front of me shook so badly.

"say!"

"kindness……"

"You really...don't love me? Why?"

"Although...like, but never...never...loved. I have...someone who...have always...liked. I'm sorry...you."

The heavy consciousness fell into the bottomless abyss.

***

"Well...it hurts..."

The bones in my whole body are about to fall apart, this is the first time I have been beaten for nothing.

It's so ruthless...

"Know it hurts? You deserve it!"

Who is speaking?

"Are you a man? Why do you want my sister when you have someone else in your heart? I despise a man like you the most!"

It's Fang Qicong!

"Ah!" I opened my eyes abruptly.

This is where?Why is he next to me?

"Hmph! I'm a bit harsher. You fainted because you couldn't bear it. I carried you back. This is my home."

"Why did you do this?"

"I don't know your family."

"You can ask Fang Jie." This man is baffled!

"She...she ran out after you fainted, and told me to get lost..." Fang Qicong frowned again.

"I thought it would be uncomfortable for her to see you when she came back, so I carried you back. After all, I acted harder."

"Hmph!" A little heavier?Does this make me fall over?

反正，我也被揍过了，就当是还清了方捷的情债。

I want to go home.

"what are you doing?"

"What are you doing? Go home!" I struggled to stand up.

"You can't go back now?"

"how?"

Fang Qicong looked at me in embarrassment, and without answering, he silently helped me to the bathroom.

Fortunately, he supported me, otherwise I would probably fall down again with my current physical strength.

But I won't be grateful to him, the culprit!

"This... can't be..."

Looking at myself in the mirror, I think there is really no way to go back.

Her face was so swollen that she didn't even look like her own, and the skin exposed by the torn clothes was covered with many bruises, large and small, blue or purple.

This kind of self will definitely win [-]% return rate when walking on the road.

"I think you should stay with me first?" Fang Qicong looked at me a little embarrassed.

Really honest.Obviously I was wrong, you are avenging your sister, and I would do the same if it were me.You don't have to be embarrassed.

But in this case, how can I live down?I was beaten up by you!

"I have to go to work tomorrow."

Man's dignity is still needed.

"Just ask for a leave of absence. I really feel sorry for you."

"no need."

"..."

"Or, are you afraid that I...infect you?"

quiet--

By the way, he is also the same person as me, why was he beaten up so much that he even forgot about this?

"Stop being self-righteous, I didn't know that homosexuality is contagious!"

Fang Qicong looked at me in surprise, as if he couldn't understand my reaction.

"Look at what?"

"You, you don't mind?"

It is easy to see if they are all of the same kind. It seems that I have concealed it too well.

"Yeah, no big deal."

The reason why I can say it so bluntly is because I am using my heterosexual appearance as a cover.

I'm nothing!

"It surprised me that……"

Fang Qicong was even more surprised, and then he leaned against the door weakly, his eyes looked at the ground, and the corners of his mouth moved weakly.

"You're the first to say that."

"..."

That's because I'm a despicable person, I dare not admit it, but I pretend to be indifferent.

"After I knew I was such a person, I was afraid for a long time... After thinking about it for a long time, I finally decided to be myself..."

I looked at him quietly, I also had such a moment, but I finally dared not be myself.

"My mother passed away when I was a child. My father was originally in poor health. Because of me... he was so angry. My sister took me as a stain and drew a clear line with me. All my relatives left me... Actually I'm no different, I actually love them."

speechless...

"Because I was hit, I don't dare to expose myself anymore. I'm afraid that even the few things I have now will be lost..."

"..."

"I often want to live in such a cover-up, hiding everything about myself. What is the meaning of life to me? I am not even myself! Then what am I? I am not happy at all. Do I want to end up like this? lifetime?"

"..."

You are much better than me.Even if I have everything, my heart is empty.

"Strange, why are you telling me this? I'm sorry, it's probably the first time I've met someone like you. I didn't expect that although you have a heart, you don't have any prejudice. You can be considered a good person." Fang Qicong took a puff. With a tall nose, she looked at me weakly and gently.

My heart was deeply moved, what kind of pain was that?

The soul of the same self-resonance surges out from the depths.

I suppressed the soreness all over my body, ran over and hugged him uncontrollably.

"Don't cry, I'm not a good person! I'm the most despicable, nasty, nasty person in the world! You are a good person! A good person!"

What a strong man you are!It is impossible for me to be like you in my life!

I lived a dirty life, lived for more than twenty years, and wore a mask for more than twenty years!

I loathe myself so much, yet I'm still alive!

"Don't cry, don't cry!"

Why am I still alive?Why?

"This... tears, I didn't fall..."

"what……"

I reached out and touched it, and it turned out that it was my own tears.

I looked at the transparent liquid in my hand in surprise, and couldn't believe I dropped it.And I actually cried in front of a man who I just met and beat me like a panda.

When was the last time I shed tears... By the way, it was the day I left home for college.

I cry, not because I am about to say goodbye to my caring and loving parents, nor because I am afraid of staying alone in a strange city for four years, nor because I am reluctant to leave like a little girl; That long and hopeless secret love wrote a rest.

At the station, Ming and several other classmates who had a good relationship with me came to see me off.

I heard him shouting to me through the glass window, "Take care, keep in touch, and don't forget our good brothers when we get there."

I kept nodding, and looked closely at Ming, whom I had been secretly in love with for six years, as if I wanted to engrave his figure deeply into my mind.It is so hard to give up in my heart, but this is my own choice. I want to go to the far north and leave him. Maybe in four years, I will really be able to regard him as my brother.

"Don't, don't cry, it's all my fault! I didn't know you were such a sentimental person."

A man's uneasy and eager voice came from my ear, pulling me back from memory to reality.

Really, I forgot that there was someone next to me, and it was really embarrassing to be caught in my own memories like this.

"If I had known it, I wouldn't have said it, and I really am, I can't stop talking, and I don't even look at you... Sigh, look, I don't even know what to say." Fang Qicong looked at me awkwardly, and gestured in front of me The look of paddling is a bit ridiculous.

"It's okay." I lowered my head in embarrassment, and reached out to wipe off the liquid called "fragile" on my face.

"I'll get you a towel."

Fang Qicong hurried into the bathroom, took a dark blue towel and walked in front of me within a few seconds.

Just as I stretched out my hand to wipe it for me, I suddenly realized that it was inappropriate to do so, and hurriedly stuffed the towel into my hand at a loss.

"Also, you can do it yourself."

"okay, thank you."

When I took the towel and brought it close to my nose, I could smell the faint scent of soap on it.

"I think you should stay here tonight." Fang Qicong looked at my face worriedly and said.

"No way, my eyes must be very red now, so even if I can go to work tomorrow, I won't be able to see anyone." I answered him while wiping.

"You mean you agreed to stay?"

"Yes, I'm here. I'll trouble you today." I said to him embarrassedly.

"Don't be so polite, it's all my responsibility. It's really wronged you to let you live in my small, broken house."

"You're being polite, your place is pretty good, it's not broken at all."

"Really? It's best if you don't mind, and it will be more comfortable to live in."

"I don't mind at all."

***

At night, I lay on Fang Qicong's bed, the pain in my body prevented me from falling asleep peacefully.My face is also a little hot, alas~ Don't have a fever, I have to get out of bed and drink some water to reduce the fire.

As soon as he turned over, Fang Qicong twisted his body curled up on the love sofa.

Because his feet protruded a lot from the sofa, they were hanging out of the armrest of the sofa in an unnatural position.Looking at it like this, I knew he must have had a hard time sleeping.Just now you insisted on being brave and gave me the bed.What a fool.

Most of the quilt fell to the ground, and his entire back was exposed.Suddenly remembering the humorous politeness of the two people when they agreed to stay, I couldn't help laughing.At that time, I didn't care at all that he was the culprit who hurt me.

I got out of bed, picked up the quilt and gently covered him, and looked at his sleeping side from a close distance, filled with admiration.

I know that there are not many people in this world who dare to admit that they have homosexuality, and there are even fewer people in China where the thinking is still very conservative.Many people use marriage as a protective cover to cover up their true selves, and staged life tragedies one after another; some people were despised and betrayed because they confessed their sexuality to others, and have since degenerated into unhealthy children in this society.How many people are there who can face themselves calmly like you, work hard to protect their precious things, and insist on not falling?

I don't think I have the courage like you. I just live in this world. The real me dare not even show my shadow under the sun. I can only be the dark side of this society.I wish I could be as strong as you.Unfortunately, I will never be you.

"Qicong, you are a strong and good man. Don't worry, you will definitely find your own happiness." I closed my eyes and whispered my sincere wishes in front of the sofa where he was curled up.

***

"Shao Hui, wake up, get up and have breakfast."

"Well..." I felt a hand pushing my shoulder.

"It's already eight o'clock and you're still lazy on the bed, get up quickly."

Listening to the sound that seems to be far away, I feel very irritable.

Don't make noise, let me sleep, my head hurts from your screaming.I'm so sleepy, so sleepy...

"If you don't get up again, you won't have your share."

That hand was still pushing my shoulder without giving up.

I tried to open my eyes to see the person shaking me clearly, but my eyelids felt very heavy and I couldn't open them no matter what.

"what happened to you?"

"I..." This voice was a little familiar, I wanted to ask who he was, but when I opened my mouth, I felt my mouth was dry, and even I knew it was hot.

"You have a fever!" The hand quickly moved to my forehead.Feeling slightly cool, very comfortable.

"Damn it! It's all my fault that I hit too hard and didn't grasp the severity. I'm sorry, Shao Hui, I'll take you to see a doctor right away."

It turned out that I was sick...