Fall in love with special forces

Time still flows quietly as before, and I still read my books at school from Monday to Friday, and only go home on Saturday and Sunday.

Nothing seemed to have changed, however, almost everyone said I had changed and become quieter.I was not a very crazy child, but now, I have become silent, even my parents said, I seem to have grown up.

There is a saying called "love makes people mature", I don't know who said this, but I feel that I have indeed matured and grown up.At least in terms of mentality, I feel that I am far more vicissitudes than children of the same age.

I just, I actually used the word "vicissitudes of life", perhaps, this is just a manifestation of my immaturity!

Another thing is different from before, that is, every Sunday, I will go down the mountain very early, and go to my grandma's house in the town to help her sweep the floor, carry water and do housework.Usually when I am a little bit free, I will also run to grandma's house.I didn't want to use this to increase the chances of "renewing the relationship" with Gao Tianlong, nor did I already have feelings for grandma, I just made a promise to Gao Tianlong.Although I am Shou, the one under Gao Tianlong's pressure, I am also a man.The so-called one promise, one promise, since the promise is made, I will stick to it to the end.Even if Gao Tianlong was very decisive before leaving, I still have to keep my promise.

Until another two months later, a shocking incident happened suddenly in the school, which almost knocked me out of my mind.

That Mr. Li, he once said that he would get married in a few months, but for some unknown reason, when the wedding date was approaching, his marriage with the woman suddenly fell through.And when everyone was asking why, his former fiancée came to our school and revealed to the principal in tears that Teacher Li, who had delayed her youth for several years, was an "unforgivable" homosexual.

Homosexuality is not a crime. Even though this woman "revealed", the principal has nothing to do with Mr. Li.However, we are only a remote mountain town here, and news like this is almost explosive.The fact that Mr. Li was a homosexual spread quickly not only in the school, but also in the whole town.So much so that the principal couldn't bear the pressure at first, so he offered to persuade Mr. Li.

Teacher Li is just a private teacher, and he has no way to lodge a protest with the principal.It was the day Teacher Li left the school—now all the teachers and students in the school are walking around Teacher Li, as if if they get too close to him, they will be regarded as gay.And I'm gay, and I'm more guilty than anyone else!But I watched Teacher Li walking out of the school gate alone from afar, like a remnant soldier who can never lift his head up, my heart suddenly hurt so badly, it hurt so much that I ran out without thinking, and kept running out of the school door.Teacher Li had already stepped on the bicycle, so I quickly opened my mouth and called out.

"Teacher Li!"

Teacher Li crossed his legs to stop the car, and slowly looked back at me.

"It's Xiao Le, what's the matter?" He smiled bitterly.

"It's okay, I just want to say... Take care!"

"I know! Go in quickly, don't let people see you with me!"

He turned to get on the bike again, but stopped again.Looking around, probably seeing no one around, he beckoned to me again, and I immediately walked a few steps closer.

"You know? I took the initiative to tell my girlfriend that I was gay, because I didn't want to hurt her for the rest of my life! I thought she would understand, I thought she was so kind, but it turned out... I was so wrong!" He smiled bitterly, "So, Xiao Le, please, please, don't let people know that you are also gay!"

He stepped into the car and left.I quietly watched his back disappear without a trace, and suddenly, a heart full of sadness welled up.I'm not a boy who loves to cry, even when I sent Gao Tianlong away that day, I just shed a few tears.But at that moment, I couldn't help it no matter what, I squatted down at the base of the wall of our school, hugged my head, and cried loudly.

※※※

Time is still passing, and the departure of Teacher Li has not changed the school in any way.But it didn't take long for me to cry once, another news came, I hid in a place where no one was around, and cried again.

Teacher Li committed suicide!

Principal Huang persuaded him to resign because he couldn't bear the pressure from the outside world, but how cruel he was, he never thought that the pressure on Teacher Li would be thousands of times heavier than what he was under.

I began to understand why Gao Tianlong would tell me: "You are still young, don't position yourself too early, homosexuality...it's too difficult!"

I also understood why he warned me not to invest too much in him from the very beginning, and told me from the beginning that he would not be responsible for me, because he would definitely get married and have children.

I think the reason why he doesn't want to be responsible to me, or to any boy, maybe it's not that he doesn't want to be responsible, but that he can't bear this responsibility at all!He knew how difficult this road was, and his responsibility would only drive him and the boy he was responsible for to a dead end.

That's just like Mr. Li, he wants to be responsible for his girlfriend, and also wants to be responsible for himself.He didn't want to tie his life to a woman he didn't love, let alone ruin his girlfriend's life because of it.However, in the end, when he plucked up the courage to confess the truth to his "girlfriend", the woman not only failed to understand his painstaking efforts, but instead retaliated with kindness and put a blood-dripping steel knife on his neck with her own hands.

I'm still in my school, I'm still reading my book, but I'm more silent.I even started to think, where is my future?Do I have a future?

In the past, although I did not dare to expose my homosexual identity, it was only now that I began to truly understand how heavy the three words "homosexuality" really are.Once you carry your upper body, you will live under tangible and intangible pressure all your life.

The tangible thing is that I have to pretend that I am a normal person, and I have to like women like everyone else, even if I pretend to be fake; the intangible thing is the original longing for the same sex that cannot be cut off in my heart, but cannot be revealed.

Before, I always thought that Gao Tianlong was a playboy, because he wanted to "get on" when he saw a beautiful boy, but maybe he wasn't really a playboy, he just always understood that "being entangled like a man and a woman" would What a hassle.So he, including Zhu Junhao and Su Yuguo, and the vast majority of homosexuals, the reason why they all like to pursue short-term venting is just because they dare not have too much emotional investment.

Because talking about relationships is too extravagant and "troublesome" for homosexuals.And this kind of "trouble" is almost unbearable!