aftershock

I don't want to hear that, after the sound of footsteps left, the scorching sight behind him was finally withdrawn, Jiang Yuan opened his eyes, stretched out his hand from the quilt, looked down at his slightly trembling palm, the corners of his lips were slightly curved It's an arc, but it's really not a smile.The bitterness slowly diffused from the bottom of my heart like a persimmon that just turned red on the top of a tree, before I could taste the sourness, the astringency was like sand being poured into the body by a funnel, from the mouth to the heart, it took so much effort to open my mouth.

Jiang Yuan lay on the bed all morning, and his aunt came over in the morning, and seeing him with his eyes closed, he closed the door and went out quietly. He thought that after dinner time, Gu Lv would be able to have sex together if he was angry. It's a bad time.Jiang Yuan recalled that when he was in the second year of middle school, he often heard a song in which he sang "eating alone is a journey". He resonated with that sentence, because eating alone is really like a journey, very lonely The journey is painful and long. Of course, the reason why it is like a journey is often because Gu Lv is not around.

In fact, in the last period of his stay in China, every day was like a journey. He was both grateful and afraid that there would be no end point, so that he didn't know how tired he was, and he didn't think about stopping.

Later, when he went abroad, he couldn't eat anything during the period when he was in a bad mood. A bowl of noodles in front of him could make him collapse. He also mistakenly thought that it was because of loneliness and missing.

Until one day later, he accidentally heard that familiar song again. It turned out that the lyrics were "eating alone this early in the morning." It's not because of loneliness, he just simply doesn't want to eat, that's sick.

Jiang Yuan knows better than anyone what it will be like if the disease continues. First, the cheekbones will protrude, the eyes will be sunken, the face will be yellow, and the hair will fall out. The arms will be like gnawed goose wings. , People will think of the little zombies in Plants vs. Zombies. In short, they are very ugly.

As if seeing his own appearance in the mirror again, Jiang Yuan couldn't help sighing, thinking of this, he planned to go down for a meal.

Jiang Yuan got lazy when he took the coat to wear. He sat on the edge of the bed and reached for the hanger. He tore the clothes off the floor, so he had to stand up. When he picked up the clothes again, he found that there was a pile of dirt on the carpet. He was surprised Next, he shook the clothes off and took a look. This time, not only the carpet, but also the cuffs of the clothes were covered with traces of dust and mud. Jiang Yuan walked a few steps, thinking that the clothes could no longer be worn, and had to be taken down for cleaning , but when he reached the stairs, he stopped suddenly. He seemed to suddenly remember something, hesitantly and stiffly put his hand into his pocket.When he touched the things in his pocket, he seemed a little numb, his eyes fixed on his fingertips, there was a lot of soil, mixed with gray and black, filling his chest in pocket.

"Ohara, are you awake?"

The auntie stood at the bottom of the stairs and called out, but Jiang Yuan didn't answer. Seeing Jiang Yuan froze, she stood still and walked up to him in a hurry, afraid that he would fall in a daze and block her mouth, "Xiao Yuan? Xiao Yuan?"

"Xiao Yuan" was a chubby figure wearing a white apron and walked towards him with a smile. There was a smell of food on her body, rich and sweet. It might be stewing pumpkin porridge or steaming sticky rice cakes. Jiang Yuan likes sweetness. "Xiao Yuan." She called out with a smile.

"mom...."

The aunt was startled, and quickly reached out to hold him, "Xiao Yuan? What's wrong with you?"

Jiang Yuan was shaken, and he quickly woke up. The kitchen aunt in front of him was sweating anxiously on her forehead, and there was warmth in the palm of her arm. Jiang Yuan took a breath and repeated it several times, barely maintaining his expression "Auntie "

"Hey, kid, why did you stop halfway, didn't you sleep well?" She patted her heart and let go of her anxious expression.

"Yes, yes." Jiang Yuan followed her downstairs, "I want to drink porridge"

Hearing that he wanted to drink porridge, my aunt immediately laughed again, "Oh, this is good. Auntie bought yam and pumpkin in the morning. Let's make some pumpkin porridge. Auntie knows you like pumpkin porridge."

"Okay, pumpkin porridge."

Jiang Yuan clenched his clothes tightly, the corners of his eyes were slightly red, he sniffed silently, and smiled quietly behind her obediently.

Gu Lv closed the document, as Xu Jingxing said, this is a very detailed police report, even though Gu Lv had seen Xu Xuan who was pushed down the stairs by Jiang Yuan, he never thought that the scene of the other two people was like this The gore borders on brutality.

Xu Sheng told Gu Lv in the hospital that there were two dead and one injured. He thought the injured was Xu Xuan, but the injury written in the case record was indeed someone else's name, and the injured Gu Lv felt familiar, so he couldn't think of it for a while. Where did you see it.

The cause of the incident was extortion. Xu, the party involved, was jealous of the perpetrator Jiang for a long time, and his mentality was unbalanced. He gathered his classmates and social friends (Liu, Chen, Hong) to kidnap Jiang in a planned way. The assailant was beaten and insulted by words and deeds, and continued to intimidate and threaten Jiang for several days. At 7:20 am on July 9, Xu met Jiang again and insulted him verbally. On the way back to the residence after being pushed downstairs, Xu's companion knocked him unconscious with a stick, and kidnapped him to an abandoned warehouse on XX Road. The three men threatened Jiang, who had a mental breakdown and over-defended on the way to snatch the knife with passion. Injuring others, resulting in two victims (Chen and Hong) bleeding to death. The assailant, Jiang, was stabbed twice. Because the surrounding residents called the police, he was rescued and escaped with the survivors.

The appraisal conclusion on another appraisal report also stated: the identified party had mental disorders, neurasthenia, cognitive impairment and other mental illnesses.

On the final case report, Gu Lv saw Jiang Yuan's autograph, and even Xu Xuan's.

The two dead people both died of excessive blood loss, and their bodies were covered in messy knife wounds. The blood red all over the ground made people feel chills on their backs, and made people involuntarily want to move the picture farther away, but the police record There is also a sentence in the Internet, which is that the police who appeared at the scene described the assailant as "mentally disturbed and cruel".

Gu Lv stared at the eight characters, unable to move his eyes.

He couldn't imagine what Jiang Yuan was like at that time,

This may indeed be the truth, just like a corner of the gauze covering the wound has been lifted, Gu Lv knows that there are more bloody things waiting there.

He didn't recall any signs of Jiang Yuan being blackmailed at that time, but even he was so angry and blamed Jiang Yuan for hiding everything, let alone Xu Xuan.

It was his arrogance that hurt Jiang Yuan, and it was his indifference that encouraged Xu Xuan.

He hated Liang Ji, knew that Xu Xuan was still alive, but intentionally let him live at the bottom of the society since he was a child, lived the most chaotic life, got into all kinds of bad habits, and hated Jiang Yuan, the sweetness of smiling at himself every day made him He has everything that is the most prosperous and happy, but he doesn't tell himself what kind of life Xu Xuan lives so close to him. In those days far away from Jiang Yuan, he hated Liang Ji's scheming and blamed Jiang Yuan for being cruel, so even Jiang Yuan Every day at school, waiting downstairs in the cafeteria, he avoided it as much as he could, and never showed a good face for a moment.

The last time they met, he supported Xu Xuan and looked up at Jiang Yuan standing on the top of the building. At that time, Jiang Yuan was still good and complete. Gu Lv couldn't imagine that if he knew that only a few hours later, the accident would happen. , Will he abandon Xu Xuan and hold Jiang Yuan?

He can.

Those two knives made Jiang Yuan lose his normal organs, no matter what the price was, he couldn't get back his organs, the agility in his eyes and the freshness in his life.

In this record that was deliberately sealed for a long time, after ten years, what Gu Lv felt was not fear, but guilt and sadness.

The tragedy that he didn't stop at the beginning was Gu Lu's regret that he had nowhere to go. Everything that Jiang Yuan encountered, including his pain and sudden mental problems, could not have nothing to do with him. Here, Jiang Yuan came back here again, probably the only favor that time gave him.

All bloody, angry, or cruel things are against Jiang Yuan in Gu Lu's eyes, but at a certain moment, Gu Lu also found that he knew very little about Jiang Yuan. Everything he has encountered, including Xu Xuan's anger, and even his poor physical condition, he concealed better than anything else, this distrust of himself seems to deserve it, Gu Lv doesn't know what to do at all.

When he really saw these past narrations for the first time, he suddenly remembered the appearance of Jiang Yuan sitting on the wall the day he returned to China. He must have repaired himself and recovered before he dared to come back to find himself. Maybe, Jiang Yuan They didn't even have the idea of ​​being with him, as if they came back just to see if he was doing well, if not, try to treat him well, live well, maybe Jiang Yuan smiled and turned around and left.

Even if Jiang Yuan was afraid of the dark and stepped on broken glass, he only wanted a hug.

Sick and uncomfortable, others can't find out, he will take medicine by himself, it doesn't seem to matter if he can't bear it.

Make him sad, make him sad, he can bear it as if nothing happened, but if you treat him better, he starts to fear and reject it.

It's not the first time that Gu Lu realized that Jiang Yuan didn't want to be with him, thinking that he was too disappointed and scared of him, but he never thought that he would think that he didn't love him.

However, Jiang Yuan obviously felt that he didn't love him from the bottom of his heart, but he still endured physical pain and mental torture, and stayed by his side obediently. Lv walked away for a while, so he had no hope of Gu Lv's affection, and had nothing to ask for.

This kind of unconscious indifference makes people despair.

When Gu Lu went downstairs, Jiang Yuan was pouring white sugar into the pumpkin porridge. He put two spoonfuls of sugar into the half bowl of porridge.

Seeing Gu Lu going downstairs, he stopped, covered the lid of the sugar bowl and stirred the porridge. Gu Lu didn't look at him. After Jiang Yuan heard Gu Lu tell Uncle Xu that he was going out, he didn't see him again all afternoon. to him.

Lin Qiao asked Gu Lu to meet at the milk tea shop on the first floor of the shopping mall.

After taking a seat amidst the noisy voices, Gu Lv frequently raised his hand to check the time. Lin Qiao across from him had dyed his black hair dark brown at some point, and the two sat by the window, saying it was a view, which was too clichéd. It's more like an expensive luxury decoration inside the glass.

Lin Qiao rested her chin and looked at Gu Lu seriously for a while, "I've helped you with a lot of things, how can you thank me?"

"what do you want."

Lin Qiao's eyes widened slightly, looking excited, "Anything is fine?"

Gu Lu nodded his head and said, "Do my best."

Lin Qiao pouted her mouth and retracted herself. Few people could not put such a delicate expression in her eyes. Only Gu Lv always pretended that she couldn't see it. You buy me something to drink."

"What to drink?" Gu Lv looked at the crowd at the milk tea shop, subconsciously wanting to frown.

Lin Qiao said one by one, "Polar twig nectar is divided into three parts of sugar, taro milk tea does not contain sugar, lemon Yakult removes ice, burnt grass jelly needs to be added with pudding, ah, taro milk tea needs to be packaged."

Seeing Gu Lu's face getting stiffer, Lin Qiao laughed out loud, but still didn't let him go. "Do you remember?"

How handsome can a man who buys milk tea be, let alone Gu Lv who buys milk tea.Lin Qiao is not greedy, she just wants to be a little girl for the last time under the envious eyes of the milk tea shop this day.

Unsurprisingly, Gu Lv just stood there for a while, and several people asked him to jump in line, Gu Lv refused one by one, and despite his impatient face, he still stood there firmly.

He is such a person.

When Gu Lu brought all the desserts, Lin Qiao poked open the lemon Yakult by himself, and said casually, "The person I found is your mother, right?"

"good."

"Aren't you going to see her?"

"no need."

Lin Qiao shrugged as expected, "Okay, then do you want to talk about Jiang Yuan?"

Gu Lu looked up at her, and then looked at his watch. Lin Qiao sighed silently, "I heard from Xiao Wang that you don't want him to go to your house to see Jiang Yuan's doctor."

"I'll take him to the hospital when I have time."

There was obvious impatience and even embarrassment on Gu Lu's face, which made Lin Qiao a little sad. After leaving Gu Lu's house that day, Gu Lu spent a long time consulting with her about Jiang Yuan's condition, and kept looking for him intermittently. He tried to find a solution, but from a certain day, he seemed to give up suddenly, even if she took the initiative to mention it, Gu Lv would cover it up.Lin Qiao didn't know what happened to him, but it was obviously not something optimistic.

She also wanted to reach out and hold Gu Lv's hand on the table, as she did to most psychopaths, but she couldn't. In her opinion, Gu Lv's defensiveness was no worse than Jiang Yuan who was asleep. where.

After a long silence, Lin Qiao suddenly pointed to a coffee shop opposite, "Have you ever had Starbucks?"

"No."

"It's a coffee shop that sells coffee as well as sandwiches, just like this milk tea shop, you must have never drunk milk tea, it's very sweet, most people won't say they like it, but when you drink it, you must Not just a sip."

"It doesn't mean like or dislike. You know what it's called, it's called acceptance."

"Lin Qiao."

"Gu Lv," Lin Qiao interrupted him gently, "It's really hard to admit something.

"But if you don't even admit that he is sick, how will he recover?"

"I didn't." Gu Lv finally frowned, and quickly let go, "I know he's sick."

"But you're afraid that he won't be cured, are you?"

Gu Lv didn't speak any more, Lin Qiao sighed softly, still charming, with a hint of teasing that sounded half-true and half-fake, "Gu Lv, I'm so sorry."

"Someone told me before that it is impossible for a person to like only one person for a lifetime, but I later discovered that this is possible. Some people only allow themselves to like one person for a lifetime."

"Gu Lu, so you like someone so much." Lin Qiao's eyes stopped on the wallet in Gu Lu's hand. The wallet is not old, but it is not new. The corners are even slumped, clean with him. The worth brought by neat clothes and shoes does not match at all.In this day and age, few people use cash, but Gu Lu is still using it. He has not even replaced this wallet for more than ten years. It contains the change money from the waiter. Gu Lu was absent-minded and forgot to put it in.

"Lin Qiao" Gu Lv paused, "Depression is like cancer, the word empathy is too exaggerated in front of this disease."

"It's because he doesn't want to be treated."

"And I just don't want him to misunderstand that I only want to cure him, but I can't accept him who is sick."

"Gu Law..."

Gu Lu said wearily, "He can be cured if he wants to. If he doesn't want me to be with him for the rest of his life, I will allow him to die together when I die."

"But.."

Gu Lu shook his head slightly, "We can't have any more misunderstandings, he can't stand it, I can't accept it."

The relationship between people needs to be chimerized, like a key to open a lock, unsuitable people must be together, the extra part is destined to be squeezed and injured, and the missing part will be empty and out of balance. No one will be so lucky that they just come across a suitable key, and no one will be so unlucky that they will never be able to open a lock for a lifetime.

Lin Qiao took the packaged milk tea away, and before leaving, asked Gu Lv if he wanted to bring a cup of milk tea to Jiang Yuan.

Lin Qiao caught a glimpse of Gu Lu opening his wallet and bought two glasses with the remaining change, and smiled slightly.