door of eternal life

[The text of this chapter: So everything is so absurd, when and how low must it be.He finally learned to reject Yu from the bottom of his heart, and it wasn't difficult. 】

This week, Qing received several calls from his mother asking him to go home for dinner on weekends.He knew that his parents were worried about his health, and that he would aggravate his stomach problems if he was hungry and full after eating, so they always wanted him to go home to eat.

For Qing's parents, no matter what age they are, in their eyes, Qing is a child who will never grow up, and they always worry about their health most. Of course, there are personal problems in recent years, and they often mention it to Qing. When it's time to solve personal problems, Qing will say: "I'm celibate." If they talk too much, Qing will keep silent, so silent that it will immediately make people feel that his whole body is sealed in an ice cellar, so cold. Iceman was also so cold that it made them feel distressed, and gradually they didn't dare to mention this matter with Qing anymore, and they knew they couldn't control Qing.Ever since he was a child, Qing has been a good boy that no one can control.

Over the years, Qing has been very afraid of going home, afraid of hearing people and things he doesn't want to hear, but sometimes he really wants to go home. His home is where his parents are, and the home that is waiting for him to go back to that warm moment , He wanted to go back and listen to his parents calling him, and heard his mother say: "Qing, what kind of food do you want to eat?" "Qing, I saw a new medicine. A few bottles, you can try it, if the effect is good, I will buy it for you." He also wanted to hear his father call him: "Qing, come and play a game of chess with me!" "Qing, come, come, come, have a look." How about this brush calligraphy I wrote!" Those voices were warm and tolerant.

Hang up your mother's phone, it's time for Qing Xiang to go home and have a look, no matter what time it is, your parents will always be the ones who love you unconditionally.

Qing habitually sent Zilan a message saying, "I'm going home tomorrow, will you go back and see your parents?"

Zilan quickly replied to him: "We will come back when you come back, the two little guys are always arguing to see uncle, see you tomorrow!"

The next day, Zilan's family arrived as scheduled, and their parents were very happy. The family sat in the living room and chatted. The little guys knew that their uncle was a great writer, and they all admired her. They pestered Qing to tell them stories, like ordering food. Like, click on the topic and let Qing talk about it one by one.

Song Ya said: "Uncle, tell me a story about a princess who was robbed by robbers and the prince went to save her!"

Wen Shao said, "Uncle, tell me a story about pirates capturing a warship!"

Song Ya said: "Uncle, tell me another story about an elf helping the poor."

Wen Shao said, "Uncle, tell me another story about a great detective solving a case!"

……

Qing was contemplating in her heart while speaking with emotion, a little joy rose in her heart in an instant.Zilan saw Qing's momentary relaxation and happiness, even cuteness, she thought, a child-like person is the most relaxed when he is with children.

It wasn't until Zilan couldn't bear the two little guys' entanglement with Qing, and kicked them out to play, that Qing calmed down for a while, and sat in the living room with her, listening to Zilan and Hao Ze chatting with their parents.

Qing's mother watched the two children run out the door with a smile, and said, "You will all be parents of two children soon. Yu's second child will be born in a few months."

Zilan didn't answer after listening, Qi Haoze asked: "Oh, how many months? Boys and girls?"

Zilan wished he could kick Qi Haoze out the door.

Qing's mother said: "Five months, boy. I was conceived in September."

……

Qing was about to change the channel, but suddenly stopped, her throat seemed to be choked, and it became very difficult to breathe, staring at the TV screen, where seventy-eight eighty-eight shopping advertisements were playing in turn, I don't know what was going on What.I feel dizzy.

Zilan said: "Qing, did you not sleep well? You have dark circles under your eyes. Just now the two children have been pestering you a lot, why don't you go to sleep for a while and call you again at dinner time."

Qing's ears seemed to be filled with water, and Zilan's voice was buzzing, far away.He responded, walked into the bedroom, locked the door, and sat on the chair.

September is the month of his birthday.

That day Yu came to celebrate his birthday, and then they did it too, with passion, enthusiasm, and lingering.He also made a wish: "Just be together like this, this life." Yu also said to him: "I love you."

He couldn't imagine how Yu hugged that person after hugging him, or how he hugged him after hugging that person.

How did Yu do it...how did he do it!

No wonder the last time, when Yu was lying next to him, she looked at him very seriously and asked him to find someone to marry, saying that he could find anyone on his terms.Hearing this, he felt as cold as ice, and said to Yu at that time: "You don't have to come here anymore, I don't have to ask you to accompany me. You don't need to rush me to someone else's side." Yu only He didn't mean that, he just wanted someone to take care of him.

I see.What is Yu worried about?Afraid that he will pester him?Afraid that he will interfere with his family?Afraid that he will destroy everything he has won so hard?

Hehe, now that I think about it, has Yu really understood his special liking and deep-rooted love?Why did he ever need someone else to take care of him? It's not enough for him to suffer all his life alone, and he has to drag another person into his life?Yu thought they were the same?Is this just for fun with him now, like a short-lived dewy favor?If you want to come, you will come, if you don't want to, you will not hear from me for several months.Could it be that the love Yukou actually had was this kind of love?

After all, they are different people after all.

Qing's mind seemed to have been hollowed out, empty, wandering, without concrete, unable to think.He was sitting on the chair, his heart beating bluntly, slowly and violently, causing his whole body to keep shaking up and down, like a cold and pale statue being shaken.

"I understand, I have found... the answer to my entire life. In fact, everything I understand can be attributed to the fundamental thing of absurdity." A voice slowly sounded in my heart.

Yes, absurd, too absurd.

I thought... I thought... I kept deceiving myself that Yu would never touch that person again... But why should I think so?Why always wishful thinking that Yu will return to him again is because Yu listened to the true voice in his heart, because he loves him and only wants to be with him, even if the family on the surface still needs to be maintained.But for such a long time, couldn't Yu's behavior explain everything?This is also... too ridiculous.Have you fallen to this level?But, who is to blame, this is what he wants, because he is too greedy for Yu's embrace, because he is too reluctant for the tenderness Yu gave him, Yu never forced him, didn't he.

When and to what extent should I be humble.

He raised his head, his dry eyes had nowhere to settle, his headache was about to split, as if a long nail had been wedged into it.

Zilan didn't come with him again.She no longer knew how to comfort Qing.If time can go back, she will take care of Qing tightly no matter what, even if she fails to go to college, she will not let anyone hurt him.However, now Qing's wound is too deep and too heavy, like a bottomless abyss, which will never heal.

Who can tell her how to heal a pure and perfect child who is wounded to pieces by vulgarity, fame and betrayal, with blood flowing like rivers.

She saw that Qing's world had collapsed, but who could help him build it up again.

Bin first postponed the wedding date for more than half a year on the pretext of going abroad for further studies, and then postponed the wedding date for another half a year on the pretext of going abroad for training, and then said that he would go out to the resident to shoot a film.... But after only staying at home for a week, I ran out to make films again, running all over the country.During this period, he did not have any contact with Qing.

Half a year later, Bin came back in a hurry. As soon as he came back, he sent a message to Qing, telling Qing that he would look for him the next day, and then he went into the dark room and worked all night. The film shot outside came to Qing's apartment.

Long time no see Bin.When Qing first saw Bin, he found that the feeling he gave him had changed significantly. Some vicissitudes, some pain, and some haggardness were attached to every expression and every texture of Bin.Looking at Bin, his heart felt sour.

Bin didn't say anything as soon as he entered the door, first he gave Qing a tight hug, then looked at Qing and said, "Didn't you eat well?"

Qing didn't have the heart to push Bin away, so she smiled and said, "It's been a long time since I saw you, can you change the subject?"

Bin also laughed, let go of Qing and said, "Okay, let's change the subject and show you my achievements during this time."

It is a set of road pictures.Qing picked up a photo and looked at it for a while. In the photo, a winding road folded back and forth on the towering mountain like a long ribbon, circling all the way to the top of the mountain, and there was a U at every turn. font, asked Bin: "Where is this?"

Bin took a look at the photo and said, "This is the Huanghuaqiao section of National Highway 320, one of the 29 dangerous highway sections in the country. In Pingxiang City, Jiangxi Province, the locals call it the terrifying Bermuda."

Qing said "Oh", looked at it again, put it aside casually, took out another one, and asked, "What about this one?"

"This is the famous U-turn of the devil, the Taike Highway. It is about 31 kilometers between Taiyuan and Ningwu. This section of the highway is also like the Bermuda Black Triangle. From [-] to now, almost every Every week there will be a traffic accident with a car here, the real car crashes and people are killed, this is not considered an injury, it is very dangerous."

Qing looked at it, put it down, then continued to look, and continued to ask: "What about this one?"

"Arhat cave slope."

"what about this?"

"Yingxiu Highway. From Dujiangyan to Wenchuan."

"what about this?"

"The Badaling Expressway is on National Highway 110."

……

Qing put down the photo, and listened to Bin's description of the customs and various interesting things during the journey, and smiled as he listened.Looking at Bin's tired face and dark circles under his eyes, he didn't want to ask how Bin was doing. He could feel Bin's feelings and feel distressed.Perhaps, only at this moment, Bin's eyes will have the brilliance and ease of before, so let him take a rest.

Bin is gone.Qing's heart was in turmoil, and he felt a dull pain. The pictures of various roads danced in front of his eyes, as if shouting something, which made him unable to meditate, so he wandered around each room with a vacuum cleaner, walking, Gradually stopped, and stood there blankly, the vacuum cleaner spun in vain, making a whistling wind.

After standing for a while, the familiar voice of the message came, and he was stunned for a while before remembering to look it up. He knew who it was, and he had only set a special ringtone for the message at the beginning, and it was received 24 hours a day. It didn't play a role many times, because the number of rings in a year can be counted on the fingers, and it's just one hand.

"What are you doing? :)"

Qing looked at these words, was stunned for a while, and sent them after a while: "The editor is here, and I am discussing the content and deadline of the manuscript with her."

"Oh, about when?"

Qing stared at the screen, feeling a little lost again.

"?" The other party waited for a while, but did not reply, and sent a question mark.

"Probably in the evening, we have made an appointment to have dinner together." After sending out the message, Qing sighed, very lightly and very long.

"Then do you have time tomorrow? Miss you."

Qing instinctively wanted to say "yes", hesitated for a while, deleted it, and re-wrote: "Tomorrow I have to go to shoot a film. I just received a temporary notification. It is a rescue. It will take a whole day." Immediately sent it out, I am afraid that I will hesitate again.

"Okay then, I'll go another day when you have time :)"

"Okay." After sending the message, Qing grabbed her phone and stood alone, as if standing on an empty and endless wasteland.The phone slid from his hand to the floor with a bang, and the vacuum cleaner was still spinning in vain, making noisy noises.After a long time, he bent over and picked up the phone.

He could say "no" to anyone's invitation, but he never said it to Yu, and today he said it to Yu for the first time.

Having said that, I said it, it seems that it is not too difficult, but my heart seems to be missing a corner.

In the evening, he put away the box of soap on the washstand, leaving only the hand sanitizer.

Yu hung up the phone, feeling a little wistful, thinking that Qing really had changed a lot. Before, he was unwilling to let outsiders come to his house to discuss matters, and he usually made appointments in teahouses or cafes.It used to be a world that only belonged to the two of them, and every bit of them remained.

He really wanted to find Qing these few days, but Qing didn't have the time. This seemed to be the first time.In the past two years, whenever he sent a message to ask Qing, saying that he wanted to find him in the past, Qing would immediately reply with "yes", sometimes with an emoji, a big smiling face, seeing this emoji would always make his The mood jumped up with joy.He has always felt that Qing has very few friends and rarely goes out. Apart from filming, he actually doesn’t make many films. Qing said that it is only a part-time job, which probably doesn’t even count as a part-time job. It’s just helping friends occasionally.

He remembered that about a month ago, when they were entertaining clients at night, after dinner, a group of them were walking out of the teahouse, when they happened to see Qing having dinner with two men, one of whom he knew was Sikong Kuo, Sikong Kuo had already He has grown into a tall, big, mature and stable man, and he still has a bit of a scholarly taste, his eyes are piercing under his thick eyebrows, but when he looks at Qing, his eyes immediately become extremely gentle, and he doesn't know what he is talking about.Kuo is always very good at making Qing happy. Qing listens attentively and smiles easily and happily.It's been a long time since I saw Qing's smile like this, at most Qing just smiled in front of him, but that smile always concealed a lot of deep, deep and gloomy things, he could feel it.Because it felt inconvenient at the time, he didn't go over to say hello.

I haven't seen Qing for more than two months, I really miss him.