door of eternal life

[The text of this chapter: "No matter how good a fish is at swimming, it can't swim in the rivers and lakes of love." He, Yu, Kuo, Bin, they are all people in the world.Finally mustered up the courage, but was no match for the overturning hand of fate. 】

There was a knock on the door, Qing immediately opened the door, and Yu stood at the door.

Qing stared straight at Yu, stepped back a few steps, and let Yu in.Yu smiled at him gently, and casually put the car keys and briefcase on the entrance cabinet, bent over to change his shoes, stood up, Qing was still looking at him.Yu directly hugged him into his arms.Qing's face fell on his shoulder, a little dizzy.

Neither spoke.

After hugging him for a while, Yu let go of him and took off his coat. He watched Yu's every movement, took the coat tacitly, and went to hang it up. Yu followed behind him, hugged him from behind, and then turn him around.Qing could hear the sound of her heart beating violently, it was his and Yu's too, her warm lips immediately covered her, pressing down on his somewhat pale and cool lips, making him suffocate.

Too sudden, unprepared, too late to pretend.

Yu's lips parted temporarily, his arms were loosened, he looked into his eyes, said "I miss you", and hugged him vigorously, rubbing his hands heavily on his back, breathing gradually Heavy, Qing felt Yu's desire, and after a long time, Yu gasped and whispered: "I'm going to take a bath."

"Oh." Qing heard herself say, and Yu's warm panting lingered in her ears.The phrase "missing you" made him feel relieved and happy.

Qing went to the cloakroom and took out the light blue plaid pajamas from the bottom of the pajamas drawer. Instead of going into the bathroom, he put the clothes on the washstand outside the bathroom.He turned around and sat on the sofa, poured a cup of tea, drank it in a few sips, turned on the TV again, and the commercial was playing, he stared at the screen, took a deep breath, took a deep breath, took a deep breath, and then took a deep breath. Taking a deep breath, I was still a little helpless and a little nervous.

After taking a shower, Yu was wearing that set of pajamas, and with tenderness in his eyes, he walked over to Qing and sat down.Qing stared at the TV without moving.Yu stretched out her hands to grab his shoulders, turned him to herself, looked and looked, then gently touched his face with her palms, held him, leaned closer, and kissed him again, slowly, warm hands began to Walk all over his body.Qing felt a little uncomfortable for a while, her skin was slightly stiff after not being caressed so lustfully for a long time.

During the years when they were separated, Qing had been in a state of abstinence, even when she was with Kuo, she was still limited to kissing.For him, the word lust means that there must be affection before there can be lust, and only when there is love can there be sex, and when his love is gone, he will not have any sexuality.

However, Yu can always arouse Qing's lust very quickly.Everything between them is still so natural and tacit. They are familiar with every part of the body and every thought, so that Qing has the illusion that they have never been separated... This is a real confusion. Crazy and unrestrained, a feeling I haven't felt in a long, long time, they all are.

Yu still cleaned Qing up habitually, then lay down and hugged Qing, and kissed Qing's lips, cheeks, and forehead. Qing still found the most comfortable position between Yu's neck and shoulders familiarly, rubbed gently, and listened. Feather gradually breathed evenly.

"You're still the same, you haven't changed at all, you're just a little thinner." After finishing the work just now, Yu stroked Qingqing's red and swollen lips with his fingers, and his voice was low and gentle.

Qing looked at Yu, with the corners of his mouth slightly raised, but actually he didn't want to laugh, and his nasal cavity was a little sour.Yes, he has not changed, he has been parked in the same place, waiting in the same place.

Before Yu left, he hugged Qing tightly, kissed for a long time, let go, took a look, hugged tightly again, kissed for a long time, and finally whispered in his ear: "I'll come again when I'm free."

After closing the door, Qing sat down on the stool in the porch, dazed, as if waking up from a dream, and they just...are together again?Is this... okay?Many memories flooded up like a sinking ailment, bits and pieces he thought he had forgotten had already sunk into the black pool in his heart, and the black invisible things were stirred up by Yu with one hand.It turns out that memories will never be forgotten, but they are hidden behind the tree. When you approach the tree, you will startle the sleeping memory, like a startled golden pheasant, flapping its wings and bringing countless noises And grass clippings, flying and whirling in the sun, making you unable to breathe.Painful, joyful, happy, sour, helpless, angry... all made him dare not look directly at him now.

Yu didn't know if it was right for him to come to Qing today, but he just couldn't hold back, and finally couldn't hold back.These years, the ring has been locked in the desk drawer of the company. When he is free, he will often turn and look at the ring in his hand, and he will think of Qing Niannian's surprised face.When I missed Qing very much, I would occasionally send Qing a message, but it was always in the water, and then he didn’t have the courage to send a message again, because Qing never replied to him, and he dared not make a phone call. Occasionally, he could hear about Qing from his aunt's house, and sometimes he would pretend to mention it unintentionally, hoping to get more news about Qing.

He didn't know what Qing was thinking in his heart, he must hate him very much.He quietly bought Qing's works and read them quietly in the company.In the past, he didn't read because of his cowardly feeling of closeness to his hometown. Now, he wants to read, wants to read Qing's heart, and wants to catch Qing's heart again.Qing's writing is just like the book reviewers said, the story is meaningful, the characters are vivid, the emotions are sincere, the joys, sorrows, sorrows, and joys are brilliant, and when you write about sadness, there is always a heart-wrenching pain that makes people cry... Although, The ending of the story is always happy, but in that beauty, he feels Qing's pain and sorrow, and only he can feel Qing's pain and sorrow.

When Qing once talked to him about Jane Austen, she said that Jane Austen's own emotional experience was very sad. She once fell in love with a lawyer, but the two families did not recognize each other's economic and social status. Under the circumstances, they had to separate. The lawyer obeyed the order of her parents to marry the daughter of a wealthy family and have children, but she insisted on herself and never married.But in her works, although they are also in that era, and they also face various problems, contradictions and pressures in terms of family background, economy, social status, etc., the hero and heroine always stick to their love, fight hard, and break through the layers. Finally, the lovers get married and live a happy life, such as "Pride and Prejudice", "Sense and Sensibility".It is precisely the author's own sadness and disappointment that makes her endow the love in her works with a fullness and harvest. This is her own desire for beautiful love and a happy life.Feelings that cannot be found in reality can only be realized through works, which can be regarded as a kind of comfort to myself.And this happy ending also reflects the sadness and pain that occupied Jane Austen's heart all her life, the best proof of which is that she never married.

His heart ached, as if being crushed by a huge stone.Qing is lingering in his mind, he wants to see Qing immediately, wants to hug him tightly, kiss him, that is his Qing, the Qing he has never forgotten... The confusion in his mind made him lose With all the ability to think, he couldn't calm down, he no longer had worries, his courage was like a sail full of wind, which prompted him to dial Qing's phone, listening to the beeping waiting sound on the phone, he was uneasy, pacing back and forth, I don't know if Qing will answer his call... Thank God, Qing answered.

Just like the winter vacation in his senior year, he came to Qing without hesitation.

After sitting in a daze for a long time, Qing turned on the phone.As soon as it was turned on, a bunch of notifications came jingling, two missed calls from Bin, five text messages, two from Bin, one from the editor, and two from... Kuo.

"Qing, how can you change your name temporarily! Let me be happy for nothing, alas! Well, it's settled, you invite me another day, and it will be fulfilled this week!"

"Qing, can you not turn off the phone! Also, in order to make up for the damage you have caused to my young heart by breaking promises this time, you have to be a model for me again and let me take a group of photos. Not many, not too tired You. If you don’t reply within three minutes, I will regard you as the default, so it’s settled!”

Qing Tan smiled, feeling a little sorry for Bin, so let’s shoot as soon as possible, as an apology, and replied to Bin: "Okay. I must treat guests and make an apology, and I must also be a model."

Then he opens the message broadly.

"I'm in Shanghai, I just got off the plane."

"I've already checked into the hotel. I've been missing you since I left."

Kuo left today to go to Shanghai to discuss a business deal.Qing looked at the screen, fell into silence, thought for a while, and then replied "Safe trip".

The editor asked how the manuscript was going. In fact, Qing never delayed the manuscript, and the editor trusted him, but he always had to ask a question out of habit.Qing immediately went to the study and re-examined the manuscript written in the morning. There was nothing to be revised, and it was sent to the editor's email.

Then he leaned heavily in the chair, staring at the picture of "Fish Playing with Lotus Leaves" on the wall, which was given to him by Kuo who specially went to Beijing to ask a well-known painter to draw it, saying that it could help him to meditate repose.

"No matter how good a fish is at swimming, it can't swim in the rivers and lakes of love." He, Yu, Kuo, Bin, they are all people in the world.

Quietly absent minded.

The moment he hung up Yu's phone, he finally realized that the reason he couldn't really accept Kuo in his heart was because he had been looking forward to Yu's return, and deep down in his heart he always believed that Yu would definitely come back.

Like that box of soap on the washstand.He usually prefers to use hand sanitizer and rarely uses soap, but he still keeps the soap there and never puts it away, just because Yu likes to use soap to wash his hands, every time he sees that box of soap, he can't help thinking , if one day Yu comes, I still need to use it.

But at this moment, when his expectation became a reality, he didn't feel the slightest bit of joy. Instead, a strong bitterness flowed through his heart, seeping through his dry heart, making him feel even more bitter.

Either waited too long, or hurt too much.

Continue to be with Kuo like this, right?

He understood Kuo, what he wanted was his sincerity, but he couldn't give it to him.What he can't give, Kuo won't force.Kuo is a sincere and open-minded person, he doesn't know how to act on the occasion, and he doesn't want to be hypocritical.

Qing stared straight at the picture and sat motionless for several hours.

He decided that he can't cheat Kuo's feelings, he hates cheating, and he can't do things with one mind.

Do unto others, do not impose on others.

He picked up the phone, and he couldn't say some words, he could only use "write".

"Kuo, let's break up. It's been more than two years, and you should be able to feel it. I've tried my best, but my feelings for you have never surpassed the boundaries of friends. I can't be lovers with you. I'm really sorry." Qing said quickly After writing, send it quickly, for fear that you will hesitate.

After a long, long time, Kuo replied: "I understand. I have always felt it, and I have always been prepared in my heart. Qing, no matter what happens to you in the future, I will stand by your side and I will silently guard you. Don't you It's my own business to have any psychological burden. Let's be friends again. You won't take away my best friend after taking away my favorite person, young master?"

"Of course, we're still good friends." Such kindness made Qing feel apologetic and relieved, tears welled up immediately.

Finally mustered up the courage, but was no match for fate.

And Yu's sudden arrival not only broke all his "peace", but also filled his heart with contradictions and anxiety.Originally, he thought that his expectations for Yu had been gradually extinguished in the day after day of disappointment. At first, he thought that he seemed to be able to try to start a new life, but Yu could easily make him flustered.Yu's affectionate words and Yu's thoughtful tenderness ignited him again, making him burn himself dizzily, wanting to burn out.He doesn't know if it's right to be with Yu again like this, and what are he and Yu, he rejects the word "lover" from the bottom of his heart, but now, can he still be regarded as Yu's "lover"?Maybe it can only be regarded as Yu's "loved person".But being with Yu has been together, isn't it what he has been longing for since his third year in high school?

Days passed, ten days passed, and months passed, and Qing began to live in a long wait again, waiting, waiting, waiting for the day when Yu would be free to meet him, to spend time with him.He is willing to wait like this, because this kind of waiting is different from the past. The waiting in the past has no results, only loneliness and pain. Now, although there is pain, there is also sweetness. He can wait until Yu comes, and because he is still in love. With feathers.So, he is willing to wait.

He and Kuo resumed their friendship.Kuo would still ask him out for dinner, but not as often as before, and he was still as considerate, caring and pampering to him as before, and would still call him "Master" with a smile, as if nothing had happened and nothing had changed .For him, he and Kuo went from friends to lovers to friends, and what changed was only their mood, which became more calm and less uneasy.

"Love does not stop, and it takes a lot of courage to go to the end of time." How brave Kuo is.It's a pity that he and Kuo have nothing to do with each other.There is no reason to live in this world, and the sentient beings can tire this life!And Kuo's life will be exhausted by him after all.Looking at such a rich man, Qing knows that no matter how time flies and how the world changes, in the end, even if the whole world leaves him and everyone betrays him, Kuo will definitely be the one who stays by his side only one person.

Qing sometimes thinks, if Kuo and Bin are such friends, what more can a husband ask for.Such a life, whether it is luck or misfortune.