door of eternal life

[The text of this chapter: Love is a habit, once you are familiar with it, it is hard to forget it.Bin looked at the two kissing figures in the camera, insisting that he had lost motivation. 】

Qing opened the refrigerator and found that there was no food in the refrigerator except for the stored tea. She remembered the last time she went back to Jinse Garden and found that the rice at home didn't seem to be too much, so she planned to buy some from the supermarket near the community and send it back.There were very few people in the supermarket on Monday. Qing bought rice and prepared to go to Jinse Garden. It took about four to ten minutes to drive. There were not many cars on the road. Qing drove at a leisurely pace, watching the vehicles coming and going on the road, thinking What kind of life and what kind of story will everyone in every car have.

While waiting for the red light, I saw a car on the opposite side also waiting for the red light, like Yu's car.Qing's heart beat wildly for a while, and she stared straight at the signal light, not daring to look any further, and only quickly glanced at the license plate when she passed by, it wasn't.

Started to wander again.

He has been with Kuo for more than a year, but Yu's breath is lingering in his mind and heart, and he can't get rid of it.When I kiss Kuo, I always think of the taste in Yu’s mouth; when I’m hugged by Kuo, I always think of the cologne scent on Yu’s body, which is mild and gentle; when I go to the supermarket with Kuo, he can’t help thinking of choosing things with Yu in the supermarket. At that time, Yu held up a bag of imported chocolates and asked him, "Do you want to eat?" Going shopping with Kuo to buy clothes, watching Kuo trying on the clothes on his body, he would think that what Yu was wearing should be another one. This kind of demeanor reminds me of the youthful years when Yu turned his head and said with a smile, "Qing, I will carry you!"... The best time in life was spent with Yu's ears and temples.

He was familiar with everything about Yu and got used to everything about Yu.So many years later, just a shadow in his heart can easily block the person who loves and takes care of himself wholeheartedly in reality, and can still make him feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable with the intimacy of others.

The days when I was with Yu were too happy.

Blessings are unbearable.

When we are together, we will hold hands, hug and kiss, but that's all.When Kuo passionately kissed him, he could feel Kuo's desire, but there was always an invisible wall in his heart, which he couldn't get over, and He Kuo couldn't make that step.Last night, even if Kuo didn't stop immediately, he would stop eventually, he knew himself.

Compared with the mutual possession and touching of the body, he prefers hugging.He likes to be hugged by Yu, he has liked it since he was a child, he has a kind of stability and carefree in this world.When Kuo hugged him, he didn't feel this way, and sometimes he felt faintly uneasy.

Kuo never forced him.He knew Kuo was waiting, waiting for him to be willing.But he didn't know when he would be willing, and he didn't know if there would be such a day.

Maybe he... will lose money.This feeling has been vaguely emerging in his heart, like rootless duckweed, although there is no real basis, but it is always floating up and down on the water, even if he wants to ignore it, it still exists.

Love is a habit.He suddenly realized that he could no longer get rid of the habit called "Yu", that shackles, since his junior high school year, had been locked on him by the hug Yu gave him from behind.

Could it be that in this life, Yu must be the only one.And he and Yu are absolutely impossible to be together again.

What kind of despair is this.

Arrived at Jinse Garden, put down the rice, Qing was about to leave, his mother called him: "Qing, why don't you leave after dinner? Yu and the others are coming tonight, you haven't seen each other for a long time, right?"

Qing's heart seemed to be disturbed by a knife, but she smiled and said, "No, I have other things to do at night."

After speaking, he drove away in a hurry, as if he was on the run.

It was after one o'clock in the night that Bin finished his work, came out of the magazine office, got on the motorcycle and drove to the apartment.Along the way, there were almost no vehicles or pedestrians, and the night breeze was blowing, quiet and comfortable. He stopped at the side of the road, straddled the motorcycle, took off his helmet, and wanted to enjoy this rare refreshing comfort.The weather is clear and clear, even the night sky is extremely clear, the full moon shines on the ground, it looks like a layer of snow in a trance, and there are scattered stars hanging on the night, twinkling, bright like... blue eyes.Seeing the calm lake below the road, the waves are calm, reflecting the stars and moon in the night sky, as peaceful as... green.

Over the past few years, his family has been urging him to find a girlfriend and get married, and he has been forced to go on a blind date, but he still can't give up on Qing, just like his family has been perfunctory, pushing back and forth like practicing Tai Chi.The longer I know Qing, the deeper I feel for Qing, and I always think of Qing inadvertently, just like this moment.But Qing always keeps a distance from him, no matter how half-truthy and half-jokingly he expresses his heart to Qing, Qing always passes by lightly, Qing is smart, she will not be ignorant of her own feelings, but Qing is always on the sidelines. He refused in his way, never saying anything, but it also made people feel that there was no hope.

I really don't know how long I can hold on.

He took out the camera from his backpack with his backhand, and wanted to take a picture of the night scene of the lake with the same color of water and sky. Qing should like it.Constantly changing the viewfinder and pressing the shutter.He saw two people sitting on a bench by the lake. Judging from the silhouettes, they must be lovers. They cuddled together. This day, this place, this lake, this quiet night... Bin couldn't help feeling envious, and quickly pressed the shutter.On a whim, I zoomed in on the camera and froze, it seemed to be... Qing.Get closer, the two are standing up, a tall man hugged the green-looking man into his arms, lowered his head, and kissed him, the green-looking man hugged the man's waist back, She raised her head slightly to welcome the kiss.Bin closed his eyes, but the camera didn't move away. He didn't dare to look again, fearing that the person was Qing, but he couldn't help but want to confirm, hoping to confirm that the person was not Qing.After hesitating for a long time in his heart, he opened his eyes again. The two people had already walked directly under the street lamp. In the camera, he saw Qing's smiling face, and the man was walking closely together with his arms around Qing's waist. Then, the man turned sideways and kissed Qing's lips without any defense. He didn't let go for a long time, and Qing stood still until the man let go of him. Qing looked at the man, smiled, said something, and again He was hugged tightly by the man and walked towards the parking lot.

Bin froze like a lightning strike. I don't know how long it took.He didn't know how he started the motorcycle, how he rushed out, and how he hit the railing on the side of the road.He even forgot to bring his helmet.

Qing knew that it would be half a month before Bin was hospitalized.

After Bin woke up, he lay in bed for several days and thought about it for several days before he finally sent a message to Qing: "I've been very unlucky recently, choking on drinking water, choking on eating, stumbling while walking, and riding a motorcycle. The car fell. What's more unfortunate is that I was hospitalized, so come and visit the patient."

Qing held a bouquet of bright red carnations, came to the door of the ward, knocked on the door lightly, pushed the door open and entered.There are two beds in one room, one is occupied by Bin, and the other is still vacant.Bin's head was wrapped with a thick layer of gauze, his left arm was in a plaster cast and bandaged, and the calf of his left leg was also in a plaster cast, which was hung high.A beautiful, thin girl was sitting by Bin's bed, feeding Bin water.

Qing glanced at the girl, and felt an inexplicable feeling in his heart. He smiled and said to Bin, "I'm here to visit."

The girl hurriedly stood up, smiled shyly at Qing, took the flowers in Qing's hand, turned around and took an empty vase from the window sill, and went into the bathroom to fetch water.

Qing asked, "How did you fall?"

Bin frowned, and sighed: "Oh! I was distracted while riding, and I accidentally bumped into the railing."

Qing was surprised, and asked him: "What are you thinking, you can bump into such an obvious railing."

Bin smiled: "I didn't think about anything, who knows why I ran into it, it's a disaster that can't be avoided. How are you doing recently, I haven't seen you for about two months, are you okay?"

Qing smiled and nodded: "It's okay." Kuo's figure flashed in his mind.

At this time, the girl had already put the flowers in a vase, placed them on the window sill, and went to stand by the bed again, a little shy.

Qing looked at Bin, smiled and said, "Why don't you introduce me?"

Bin glanced at the girl, and grinned: "This is my girlfriend, I only met through an introduction last month."

The girl smiled at Qing Qing, but didn't talk much.

Qingben was not good at talking with strangers, and Bin seemed to be not very interested, and the three of them didn't talk much. There was a moment of silence, and Qing couldn't sit still, so he was about to leave.

Bin watched him walk to the door of the ward, and shouted at him: "Take care of yourself!" Qing turned around and smiled, nodded, opened the door and left.

A few days later, when Qing wanted to visit the hospital again, Bin said that he had already been discharged from the hospital and was recuperating at home, so he didn't need to visit again.Qing will give up.

When there is nothing to do, Qing has no habit of actively contacting others. He always feels that everyone has his own life to live, and if others don't look for him, he doesn't want to disturb others.Bin has not been in contact with Qing since he was discharged from the hospital. Qing thinks it is better not to contact each other, let Bin and that girl concentrate on their relationship, and don't let yourself affect them.

When Bin appeared in front of Qing again, a year had passed.

Today's Bin gave Qing a different feeling, it seemed that he was less bright and more gloomy.

Bin stood at the door, not intending to go in. Qing just stood with him, looked at him, and didn't speak.

"I... am getting married." It took a long time for Bin to say something in a muffled voice.

Qing was startled, then smiled and said, "Oh, congratulations."

Bin glanced at him: "I really can't resist the pressure at home. The girl you saw in the hospital last time is very nice. We just met for a few days. When I heard that I was hospitalized, I took the initiative to run to the hospital. The hospital took care of me, my parents liked her very much, and they praised her...but I have been with her for a year, and I...I really treat you...I can't let you go." Bin's eyes were red.

Qing smiled lightly: "Since you have decided to get married, don't think about it so much, just live well."

Bin wanted to say something, but stopped. He just stretched out his arm, but halfway he retracted it. He curled his hand, his fingertips slipped from his blue cheek, and said softly, "I'm leaving."

Qing felt sad for a while, Wei Bin, how many helpless marriages are there in this world.He lowered his head and smiled slightly, said "um", then raised his head, waved his hand at Bin, and closed the door silently.He didn't ask about the wedding date, he knew that it would be good for Bin if he didn't show up on that occasion.

Back in the study, I thought about giving Bin the same wedding present.He researched on the Internet for nearly one night, compared and compared, and finally ordered a Hasselblad H4D60 camera, the same city, and it will be delivered to the door the day after tomorrow.

After receiving the camera, Qing called Bin and asked him to have dinner with him at night.

"It's too...too expensive." Bin saw that the camera was expensive at a glance, "I..."

"Accept it, it's my wish. I don't know much about it. I researched it on the Internet for a long time, and I chose it based on my feeling." Qing knew what Bin wanted to say, and immediately interrupted him.

"But..." Bin wanted to say something else.

"Don't let it go, and don't be so polite. I will take pictures with this camera in the future, and let me watch them first." Qing always thinks that it is a lifetime of luck to have a friend who treats you wholeheartedly, and he and Bin will be forever Therefore, he is not stingy with money and gives it to Bin. What he considers is whether it can meet Bin's use requirements and whether Bin will like it.

"Okay!" Bin didn't evade any more, and he didn't want such a polite relationship with Qing, so he said with a frank smile, "Then it's settled like this. In the future, as long as the photos are taken with this camera, they must be taken first." One for you to see."

When eating, the atmosphere is much more relaxed.Bin didn't mention Qing's participation in the wedding, so Qing naturally wouldn't mention it either.

Several months passed in the blink of an eye.

When the phone rang, Qing was mopping the floor.After being tortured by Bin for a long time, I really couldn't hold it back, so I promised Bin to go to a friend's new western restaurant for dinner at night. Every time they made an appointment, Bin would always call an hour in advance to urge him, lest he would forget.

"Well, I'm Qing." Qing didn't stop, and answered the phone casually.

"it's me."

"Oh." Qing opened his mouth, and then his brain froze, his heart froze, his blood froze, and his whole body froze.

"I want to see you... are you... convenient now?"

"Oh, good." He hadn't recovered from the sluggish state, his brain couldn't think at all, he just blurted out.

"Then I'll be there in a while." The other party smiled slightly.

"Oh, good." Qing felt his eyes darken, and his body shook.

Qing put down her phone, her hands were shaking, her heart was beating violently, her legs were a little weak, and she walked around the room a few times, not knowing what to do, she didn't stop until she saw the mop, and quickly moved the Put away the mop, put the few books on the tea table into the study room, put them on the desk, and hastily poured out the tea leaves that had been soaked twice, washed the teapot and teacups, and brewed a pot of Maojian again.After doing this, I looked around the room again.There was nothing to clean at all, it was spotless already.He turned around a few times, and then walked to the entrance, took out a pair of slippers that had not been used for a long time from the bottom of the shoe cabinet, and placed them at the entrance.His heart was trembling nervously, and it was about to jump into his throat. He swallowed hard, but there was nothing. He poured a cup of tea and drank it. After taking a few sips, he swallowed hard, but his throat was still tight. thirsty.Suddenly remembered something, hurriedly grabbed the phone, and sent Bin a message saying, I have something to do, today's appointment is cancelled, I'm sorry, I will invite you another day.Shut down immediately after sending.Then I sat on the porch stool at the door, waited, and pressed my trembling legs with both hands. The legs stopped shaking, but the whole body began to tremble uncontrollably again, from the inside out.