door of eternal life

[The text of this chapter: The nightmare is entangled, the soul is broken, he stretched out his hand in the darkness, trying to grab something, but he couldn't grab anything.He wanted to sleep peacefully and well. 】

A few months passed, and Yu came home late every day. He thought that since Qing already knew about it, there was no need for him to find excuses to prevaricate Qing when he dated with her. In society, it is common sense and the right way for men to start a family and start a career, and Qing has no reason to object.

Qing didn't know why Yu didn't move back to his own apartment, was it because she couldn't bear him?Still worried about him?His own little conjecture also gave him a little comfort, at least Yu still cared about him.Sometimes he wanted Yu to move away, so that he wouldn't have to wait for Yu to come back every day, because Yu would never come back, but he also knew how much he was afraid of Yu moving away deep in his heart, and how he hoped that one day Yu would turn back and be with the prodigal son. He said, I don't want to leave you, let's stay together as before.Although Yu basically just came back to sleep now, and went to work early the next morning.In the past few months, he and Yu haven't spoken a word. He no longer stands in front of the door to greet Yu, and he no longer deliberately waits. He doesn't even want to wake himself up. In it, you can let time pass by quietly, you don't have to suffer in waiting, and you can escape a day.

——He walked in a narrow alley, but the narrow alley was a dividing line, with modern high-rise buildings on one side and quaint blue-tiled bungalows on the other.He turned at an intersection in the alley and walked into the bungalow area. He saw a well platform on the side of the road, a water tap from an external connection, and a millstone at the door of some people's houses.No one, empty, strangely silent.He suddenly squatted down and vomited out a mass of grayish-white stuff. He subconsciously caught it with his hands and held it in his palm. Looking at it, he could still feel the slight heat and weak beating of the thing. ——

Qing opened his eyes without warning, the dream just made him a little confused for a while, and his mind still stayed in the dream.Then he saw Yu.Yuzheng was standing by the bed, seeing that Qing was awake, bent down, gently stroked his face with his hand, looked at him silently, could smell the alcohol in Qing's breath.Qing also looked at him silently, on Yu's face, there was a slight golden powder reflecting the light, dazzlingly flickering, it was the trace of women's cosmetics.

Qing closed her eyes and didn't look any further.

Hearing that Yu closed the bedroom door, he made a low voice call in the living room, laughed a few more times, then hung up after saying a few words, the sound of water in the bathroom sounded, and after a while, he walked into the bedroom, sat on the bed, turned around and hugged her. Hold him and kiss him.Qing opened her eyes slightly, without refusing, avoiding, or responding, she let Yu kiss him silently, very deep, very gentle, and very sad, as if she wanted to swallow him in.

And so often.

Drunk and dreaming, muddled, Qing didn't know how many days had passed, the torment and burning made his whole body ache, and the relapse of stomach disease for a long time, tormenting him day by day.The nightmare haunted him in pain, madness, and depression. Sorrow eroded every inch of his skin, every texture, and every pore was filled with pain. Every day, every day, made him almost collapse. Gradually, he began to Afraid to sleep, but he was also afraid to wake up.

The night was heavy.Qing was still awake all night, the anesthesia of alcohol, physical exhaustion and sleeping pills could no longer help him fall asleep for a long time, he heard Yu mumble something vaguely in his sleep, and then laughed happily a few times.Qing seemed to be strangled by a devil, and his heart was clenched tightly by a pair of dry and terrifying hands. He couldn't breathe. He turned his back and stared blankly at the ray of moonlight leaking in through the cracks in the curtains. , but no starlight can be reflected in the empty eyes.

Hate the Lord is not like Jiang Louyue, north-south east-west, north-south east-west, only with each other.

In the morning, Yu was about to go to work, Qing was still lying on the bed, he was awake, but did not open his eyes, Yu walked into the bedroom, kissed him on the lips, then gently closed the bedroom door, and left.When Qing heard the sound of the door closing, she opened her eyes and stared blankly at the curtains. After a long time, she blinked her eyes, got up from the bed, walked to the kitchen, took out a bottle of newly opened red wine, opened it, and filled it up. cup, closed his eyes, held his breath, poured out a few pills, swallowed them in one gulp, suppressed the feeling of wanting to vomit, fell back on the bed, and fell asleep drunk.

Drinking and taking medicine after waking up, then going to sleep, drinking and taking medicine after waking up, this cycle goes on and on every day, he doesn't want to see the pace of time, time goes too slowly.

Woke up in a daze, turned to look out the window, it was already dark.I don't know what time it is, Yu hasn't come back yet.Qing got up groggy, poured another glass of wine, drank it, and fell asleep.

- The fog was thick and heavy.He felt that He Yu was holding hands and walking continuously, and then stopped, why did he stop?he does not know.Although the surrounding area was gray, he knew that they stopped at an intersection that they would usually pass on their way home.Still can't see anything, including Yu who is holding hands, and can't even see their holding hands.But... why did the hands separate?He stretched out his hand, he knew that Yu was nearby, less than one meter away from him, but he just couldn't catch it.Once the hands are separated, they can no longer be grasped...Sorrow is like a dark tide, drowning him silently, he feels himself sinking, sinking...Looking around, at a loss, wanting to shout, wanting to call Yu Laila When he looked, there was no one, no sound, nothing to see, nothing to hear. ——

Opening his eyes suddenly, what he heard was his own heavy breathing, and his chest was so painful that it was about to burst.He didn't dare to move, he didn't even dare to breathe, he didn't dare to blink, the dream was vivid in his eyes, the moment his hand separated from Yu, the emptiness, hopelessness and deep fear were still clear, he was afraid that if he moved, this feeling would come again Come up and devour him.He stared at the ceiling lamp until he unconsciously fell asleep.

——He was fleeing in the foggy and desolate mountains and forests, and many people were chasing and intercepting him with swords and sharp weapons. He didn't know why this happened, there was no reason, and there was no crime.He couldn't run anymore, so he had to hide behind a rock. Through the cracks in the rock, he saw his pursuers jumping and searching in the forest, and they were about to come near the rock where he hid.What will be waiting for him?Whether it's cutting with a knife, cutting with a sword, or cutting a corpse into pieces... No one can save him.He was so frightened that his heart seemed to break free from the shackles of his body and jump out, but he no longer had the strength to escape. ——

Qing panted heavily, the air seemed to become thinner and thinner.He woke up with a start, and there was darkness all around him.

Feather is still not around.Misty Zhongqing heard someone talking, it wasn't a hallucination, nor was it a dream.His whole body was sore and weak, he struggled to get up, walked to the living room, did not turn on the light, and looked at the wall clock on the wall with the light coming in from the window, it was twelve o'clock at night.

Yu was standing by the window on the phone, when he heard Qing coming out, he turned to take a look, then turned back and continued talking on the phone.From time to time, some flirtatious laughter spread into Qing's ears, without any scruples, it's only natural.

It's... harsh.

Why does he think he can be so unscrupulous? !Qing suddenly became angry, his whole heart was trembling uncontrollably, he couldn't control the trembling of his hands and feet, and his breathing was also trembling intermittently, he walked tremblingly to the window, stood in front of Yu, His eyes stared at Yu without blinking, like a young leopard being driven to a dead end. Although powerless and useless, it still opened its frightened and angry eyes, raised its back, and exploded its markings all over its body. His trembling limbs kicked the ground stiffly, and he roared with all his might.

Yu glanced at him, smiled and said very gently to the person on the other end of the phone: "Well, see you tomorrow. You go to bed early too... Hehe, I miss you too, good night." Then quickly hung up the phone, looked at green.

Qing raised his hand and slapped Yu's face hard, but he was still shaking.

When a "slap" slap fell on Yu's face, Qing remembered what Yu had told him before, no matter what happened, he was not allowed to slap him in the face.

But just now he hit.Yes, he did, and the beating made him feel a thousand times more painful than Yu.But did he hit Yu?

Yu looked at Qing silently for a while, then turned around and walked into the study, turned on the computer, turned on the speakers, turned on the game, and started the gunfight.

Qing stood stiffly in place, and suddenly stopped shaking, but couldn't move either.

After an unknown amount of time, Yu walked into the bedroom.

Qing stood like a cold sculpture in the darkness, he heard Yu's slight snoring, at this time the severe pain in his stomach hit him again.The pain was so painful that he couldn't stand up straight, the bursts of chill raged and quickly spread to his whole body, causing his esophagus to convulse, and he wanted to vomit, and in an instant, cold sweat dripped down, soaking his whole clothes.He stumbled into the bathroom and vomited as soon as he lay on the edge of the toilet. His internal organs were all twisted together, and the lacrimal glands gushed out a lot of tears due to the stimulation of vomiting, which couldn't be stopped.After vomiting the wine, he vomited water, vomited up the water, and vomited bile, until he couldn't vomit anything, and his whole body collapsed on the ground, exhausted.In the deep winter night, the floor tiles were cold, but he couldn't stand up. The cold aggravated the pain in his stomach.When he woke up from the cold, he was still lying on the floor tiles, Yu was still asleep, and the surroundings were still dark.

He opened his desperate eyes, stretched out his hand, and stopped in the air, in the darkness, trying to grab something.It's like learning to swim when he was young. When he sank to the bottom of the water, he stretched out his hand for help to grab anyone.At that time, Kuo lifted him up from the bottom of the water.

Waiting for a long time every day, waiting for that person to come back, time moves little by little, old-fashioned, walking so slowly, it seems to be stagnant, stopping there, making him infinitely more than every moment This is suffering all the time... I want to stop thinking about it, but I can't. The more I don't want to think about it, the more I can't help thinking about it, thinking about that person holding her hand into my palm, and She hugged her tightly, kissed her passionately, lingered with her... came back and hugged him, kissed him... her head was about to explode in pain, her heart was always tightly clenched by a pair of cold hands, and there seemed to be a huge boulder in her chest Pressing it tightly, he couldn't breathe, his stomach seemed to be put in a hole in the ice, which made him tremble continuously, his throat seemed to be blocked with blood, he couldn't spit it out, he couldn't swallow it, the bloody smell was overwhelming. It rushed to the forehead, and I couldn't stop wanting to cough, as if I wanted to cough up all my internal organs, but nothing came out.He clenches his fist and beats his head hard, inserts his fingers into his hair, pulls hard, tells himself to stop, stop, stop, don't think, don't think, don't think, but he can't stop, there will always be things he doesn't want The picture he saw was rampant in his head, laughing ferociously... Even if he closed his eyes, it would not help, he would always see it, so clear, so cruel.

This kind of nightmarish torture made him go crazy, go crazy, thinking about it, tears streaming down his face, streaming, laughing, laughing, silently.

That feeling is better than death.

He wanted to see what was wrong with him, how he could be like this.But he couldn't see it.The black hole in his heart is rapidly expanding, getting bigger and deeper, bottomless, thick and thick like a vacuum rising rapidly, silently, unstoppably, forcibly spreading, constantly Drowning, devouring him continuously, the luster gradually lost from his eyes, it was dim, and his breathing was so light that it was barely audible.Then I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't see anything.

He finally understood what it meant to lose all hope.

"God makes people get used to all kinds of things, and uses them to replace happiness." However, before he got used to all this, happiness was already gone.

It's not that it can't be carried, it's just that I don't want, don't want, don't want to be constantly shrouded, ravaged, trampled, swallowed, suffocated by this cruel feeling in the long years...

I really don't want to, because... like cutting out my heart, like Ling Chi.

Make people crazy.

He was suddenly calm, like a quiet and deserted beach after a tsunami.He stood up with strong support, walked to the study room swaying, opened the drawer under the bookcase, took out a brown medicine bottle from the deepest part, poured it full into his palm, and poured a glass of red wine.Raising the cup, the light from the street lamp in the distance came in from the window, reflecting the liquid in the cup, which was as red as blood.

He smiled wryly, Yun Ziqing, you still have today.

He suddenly put all the medicine in his palm into his mouth, took a full sip of wine, swallowed hard, and the feeling of vomiting bursts, he suppressed desperately, swallowed desperately, tears poured out like a flood, unstoppable.He kept pouring wine into his mouth one gulp after another, swallowing all the medicine in his mouth with difficulty.Suddenly, dizzy and weak, he turned around and stumbled back to the living room, almost fell into the sofa uncontrollably, and closed his eyes.

Oh, the world is so quiet.

I can finally sleep well.

Yu fell into a deep sleep, and suddenly his body twitched, and he woke up with a start.The sky is still not clear, and I don't know what time it is. I touched my side, but I didn't touch Qing.With sleepy eyes, he got out of bed and came to the living room, turned on the light, saw Qing lying on the sofa, fell asleep, and slept deeply, and wanted to wake Qing up and let him go back to bed to sleep.Bending down, stretching out his hand, he saw the paler face, felt like being pricked by a needle in his heart, when he touched Qing's body, a cold and abnormal chill came from his fingertips quickly, he He tried to pick up Qing again, but his body was limp and weak. He lay down next to Qing's ear and kept calling Qing's name, "wife", and "baby", but Qing didn't realize it, and fell asleep peacefully, hiding in the I don't want to come out of my dream.

Deathly silence.

Yu was stunned, fear gripped him, his heart was beating wildly, and suddenly, he shook Qing's body violently again and again, countless thoughts were rushing in his mind, Qing should wake up, usually The sleep was so light that the sound of a needle falling on the ground could wake him up.But now, what happened to him?What's wrong?What's wrong? !It smells like alcohol, but no matter how drunk you are, you won't be so drunk, let alone the smell of alcohol is not particularly strong at all.fell?I didn’t hear the sound, or I slept too deeply... Some time ago, Qing couldn’t sleep and took sleeping pills. He once because the medicine was too irritating to his stomach, and he didn’t want Qing to take it, so he poured the rest of the medicine into the toilet Rush away... Yu rummaged around like crazy. When he stood at the door of the study and turned on the light, he saw the medicine bottle and the empty red wine bottle on the table at a glance.

He suddenly slumped to the ground.