door of eternal life

[Text of this chapter: Humble begging can never bring you love.It turns out that it is so easy to persuade others, but it is so difficult when it comes to oneself.He was pushed to the edge of life. 】

After several years of development, Splendid Life has become more and more perfect. Yu doesn't need to travel frequently, and has a lot less entertainment. Sometimes he doesn't come once a week, and he always comes back on time.Qing's cooking skills were clumsy. When Yu didn't come back for dinner, Qing usually made noodles with green vegetables to make do with it.They would often sit in the garden and chat after dinner, Qing would lean in Yu's arms, and Yu would talk about major and minor matters at work.Qing listened with great interest. In fact, he couldn't understand some of the professional vocabulary Yu said, but he liked to hear Yu talk to him in a nutshell. It seemed that just listening to it was another part of Yu's life. In a world, the connection with Yu will be deeper and closer.On weekends, they would drive a car back to Jinse Garden together, chatting and laughing, playing cards and mahjong, and not coming back until evening, or simply staying for another night and playing for another day.

In the past few years, Qing really didn't take off his ring, except when washing or when he felt it was really necessary.There are clear ring marks on the ring finger of his left hand.On the contrary, Qing seldom sees Yu wearing it. Yu only wears the ring when resting at home, and from time to time puts his hand and Qing's hand side by side, looking at both hands and rings, as if he can't get enough of them.

Qing protested to Yu: "You asked me to wear it every day, why don't you wear it every day?"

Yu kissed him on the cheek and said: "You don't go out often, you meet very few people, and basically no one will ask you. I have to see the company's partners, subordinates, and customers every day, but I actually don't Girlfriend, not to mention not married, if someone asks, I really can't explain it, and I don't want to always explain it. Besides, this is a matter between the two of us, and it's fine to wear the ring for the other party to see. "

What Qing Xiangxiangyu said seemed to make sense, there was something he wanted to say but he didn't say it, and he didn't want to get entangled in this matter anymore.

He wanted to say, "Don't bother explaining, just say you like wearing it."

Happy days are never too long, and they always pass quickly. Just when Qing thought "it will always be like this in the future", Yu suddenly became busy again.

The number of times Yu returned home late gradually increased. He had to socialize four or five nights a week, and he also went to work all day on Saturdays. He seldom went back to Jinse Garden with Qing, seldom went to the supermarket together, and seldom went to the shopping mall together... In short It's because they seldom go out together.Yu said that the company has been rectified recently and is preparing for the inspection and evaluation by the superior industry.But Qing felt that since the company was on the right track and the operations of all departments were improving day by day, how could Yu be so busy.But he didn't ask anything, he never took the initiative to ask about Yu's company, unless Yu took the initiative to talk, then he just listened, he was always a good listener.Qing also found that Yu no longer adhered to the timeline of coming back before nine o’clock, and no matter when he came back sooner or later, Yu would always lock himself in the study, sit in front of the computer and play war games, put on all-inclusive earphones, and turn on the stereo. It was so big that Qing stood at the door of the study room and could hear the rumble of guns and guns in the earphones, and Yu always played until late before going to bed, so Qing had to write manuscripts in the living room.

After nearly half a year of this kind of life, Mr. Qing thinks that Yu is too busy and tired during the day, and the pressure is too great, and he needs to adjust it by playing games, but he also faintly feels that something is different, it is not him, it is Yu, Yu gradually changed and became different from before.I remember once he jokingly asked Yu, if our country passed the same-sex marriage law, would we be able to get married?Yu only grunted indistinctly in his throat, but did not answer.At that time, his heart was cold, even if it was a symbolic comfort to him, couldn't he agree?In the past, Yu once told him that he wished to take him with him everywhere, so that his friends and colleagues could see it.

Doubt occupied Qing's thoughts, like a tangled vine, first climbed to the foot of the tree, then gradually wrapped around the tree body and trunk, and grew wildly with the feathers, and wrapped around every branch of the tree , completely covered the tree airtightly, entangled green and painful.

In this way, when November came, Qing's mood was extremely gloomy, and Kuo's birthday also came.Kuo called and asked Qing to have dinner together, but he didn't mention the birthday, and Qing didn't think of it at all.Yu was going out to entertain again at night, so he wanted to adjust his mood, so he readily agreed to Kuo's invitation.

As soon as he sat down, he saw the ring on Qing's ring finger at a glance. He endured and endured, and finally asked: "Your ring...?"

"Oh," Qing looked at the ring and said, "I wear it if I like it." In the past, when I made an appointment with Kuo, in order to avoid Kuo asking about it, in fact, I didn't want Kuo to know that this ring existed. Pick it off and put it in your pocket, and forget to pick it up when you lose your mind today.

"Then...why do you wear it on your ring finger? Does that mean...you are married?"

"Well... I like to wear it on this finger, so I didn't think too much about it. Besides, which finger to wear and what it means is defined by others." Qing smiled, with an irrelevant expression on her face.

Kuo thinks that this is indeed in line with Qing's temperament, not bound by other people's opinions or secular rules, not caring about other people's opinions, and only acting according to her own preferences.He took a sip of beer, looked up and saw two men eating in a cubicle not far away, talking and laughing in a low voice, the movements were very intimate, so he whispered to Qing: "Look at the two people over there, I'm sure It's a couple."

Qing glanced at it, nodded and echoed, "It looks like it should be."

Kuo went on to say: "They are brave. In this society, they have to face a lot of pressure and a lot of accusations."

Qingyun smiled lightly and said: "There is no gender distinction in emotional matters, there is no right or wrong, as long as they feel happy, it doesn't matter what others say." The pain in his eyes flashed away.

Kuo didn't notice, but looked at Qing with bright eyes and smiled.

After driving Qing back, Kuo rushed to the nightclub without stopping. Ye Rong and a group of friends had already gathered, and when Kuo arrived, they had already finished drinking a dozen beers.Ye Rong severely criticized Kuo, saying that he "emphasizes sex over friends".Kuo laughed and didn't refute. He just enjoyed drinking with his friends, and after drinking, the group went to sing again.

At around 11:30 in the evening, Yu came back, and put the briefcase on the entrance cabinet, glanced at Qing standing in front of the door, smiled, took out the wallet from his pocket, put it together, and changed it. shoe.Yu had never come back so late before, and he sent a message to tell him that he would play cards with customers in the restaurant after dinner.Qing felt that the smile was a little tired, and Yu's body didn't smell of alcohol or smoke, so he was a little surprised.

Yu went to take a shower, Qing saw that Yu's shoes were a little messy, and was about to put them away, when he caught a glimpse of a paper slip under Yu's wallet, which was long and thin, like a settlement account.Qing took it for some reason, and usually he never casually looked through Yu's belongings, and Yu knew this too.

He held the paper sheet in his hand and looked at it for a few seconds. Qing felt that all the blood rushed to the top of his head, and his eyes turned black. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, turned around and walked outside the bathroom door, leaning his back against the Wall, legs trembling a little.This is the bill from Zhang Music KTV. Today, the order was placed at 11:30 pm and the bill was paid at [-]:[-]. It was already [-]:[-] when Yu came back. The drink and popcorn in the list are double, Desserts are double servings...everything is double servings... Yu said he was treating clients to dinner and play cards, but where did Yu actually go?Who are you with again?

"What did you do at night?" Qing opened his mouth and said as soon as Yu came out of the bathroom.

Yu was taken aback by the protruding question, speechless for a moment.

After being taken aback for a moment, Qing knew that perhaps he had guessed right.At the same time, Yu also knew that he couldn't hide from Qing anyway, Qing was too sensitive.

Yu said that Zhang Minghai wanted to introduce him to a girl several times, she was Zhang Minghai's cousin, and he shirked it a few times, but today he couldn't shirk it anymore, so he went to see her, just went to have a meal together and chatted.

"And then." Qing looked at him.

"Then I came back." Yu replied, turned around and walked to the sofa, and sat down.

Qing stared at Yu, short of breath. He closed his eyes, and after a few seconds, he walked slowly over to Yu. In front of him: "You should have finished your meal before seven twenty."

Yu was stunned, and then fell silent.

"And then." Qing stared at Yu closely, he didn't know what answer he wanted to hear.

"Go...to sing." Yu replied hesitantly.

"Oh... It's just the first time we met. It's not enough after dinner, but you still want to sing?" Qing coldly squeezed out a sentence from his teeth, as if his whole body had fallen into an ice cellar.

"...Actually... I've seen it a few times..." Yu bit the bullet and said.

Qing did not speak, he hated others for lying to him.He never thought that there would be a day like this, there would be such a scene where he interrogated Yu like a jealous woman, let alone that Yu would lie to him, even lie to him!How could he lie to him!You lied for so long!What were their past relationships?How to say it is light, it will be light, and if it is not, it will be gone?

"...Our relationship has not changed, and no one can replace it... But to the outside world, I always put on a superficial gesture, so as not to be suspicious..." Yu looked up at him.

"If it's just superficial, why bother to sing after dinner. Even if the other party proposes, you can answer that you don't like singing."

Yu was speechless.

"If I didn't find out tonight, how long are you going to hide it from me?!" Qing Jianyu remained silent, her heart trembling.

"I... I don't know either." Yu pondered for a moment before saying.

Qing's face was pale and his body was still trembling. He turned and went into the bedroom. He didn't say a word to Yu or look at Yu all night.

The next day, Kuo called and said mysteriously, Qing, guess who I saw when I sang in KTV last night?Qing felt a pain in her heart, closed her eyes and took a deep breath and said, how do I know.Kuo laughed, I met Yu, with a girl!It's pretty!But he didn't see me.Is he getting married soon?Qing gritted her teeth and said, I don't know, I'm busy, so I hung up.After speaking, he hung up the phone directly, and Kuo only had time to say "oh" on the other end of the phone.

After this night, Yu Wangui didn't even make excuses, and he didn't send messages or call Qing anymore.

Qing sat silently on the sofa every day and waited, in a trance, waiting for Yu to come back, waiting for the hour hand of the clock to go from seven to eight, from eight to nine, from nine to ten, from ten to Eleventh, from eleventh to...he is still willing to believe what Yu said, their relationship has not changed, it is still there.Since the relationship is still there, everything can be redeemed.

After Yu came back, he would always sit next to him and tell him that now that he is a year older, his family and relatives will urge him to get married, and his friends are also very enthusiastic and caring. Girlfriend, others have said it many times, I can't make excuses every time.Instead of seeing people all the time, keep one.

Qing said that you can tell them clearly that you don't want to get married or find a girlfriend now, which is celibacy.If you can't shirk it, you must meet, then just say it's not suitable after meeting.

Yu said that he always said it was inappropriate, what would others think and think of me?Others won’t believe celibacy...and it’s not an option to continue like this. My status and social status are different from before. There are too many acquaintances and friends here, and I can meet acquaintances wherever I go.It is also impossible for us to always appear in public together like before, otherwise after a long time, everyone will be suspicious one day.

Qing said that if we are afraid of being discovered by acquaintances, we can live in other cities, where no one knows us, and we can be together with peace of mind. You come here regularly to handle company business, and now electronic communication and transportation are so developed. Or you can start over in another city.As long as the two of you are together and work together, you will definitely be able to overcome the difficulties at the beginning, and your life will gradually get better, and I am still writing, so there will be no problems in life, even if you are raising you, there will be no problems, you can go to Do what you want without the stress of life...

But Yu said, you think too easily, it is not such a simple matter.

Qing asked Yu if there was something wrong with me, are you bored?If so, tell me and I will try my best to change it.

Yu said that there is nothing wrong with you, no one is as good as you, our relationship has not changed, it is still the same as before.

Qing always sits on Yu's lap, holds Yu's face in his hands, touches Yu's face over and over again, kisses Yu over and over again, all over his body... Yu just sits like that, looking at Qing's face. , didn't move, and then said, I'm too tired after a busy day today, let's go to sleep.

They have officially been together for seven years.People often say the seven-year itch, and Qing thinks they are too.On weekdays, is it because I express my feelings too little in language?Are you too passive in action?During that time, Qing did all the things that he was ashamed to take the initiative to do before, and also said all the things he confessed and begged to be together, which he was never embarrassed or disdained to say before.However, now he has lowered his posture to the lowest level, lowered into the dust, like a humble beggar begging Yu to stay in his love footsteps.

Humble begging, never begging for love.It turns out that it is so easy to persuade others, but it is so difficult when it comes to oneself.

But Qing always had a glimmer of hope in her heart, always trying to make Yu understand that as long as they find a way, as long as they are willing, they can always be together.

Qing also thought about the future, but the future he thought was very simple, and he thought there was nothing complicated in the first place.The future is to be with Yu and live a happy life like a loving couple.

Like the prince and princess at the end of a fairy tale.

But after thinking about everything he could think of, saying everything he could say, and doing everything he could do, Yu still didn't waver or change in the slightest.

Ever since he was a child, Qing has always been an arrogant person. He never thought that one day, he would lower himself to such an extent, put his dignity under the feet of others and trample on it, so humble that even himself Disdain, feel ashamed.

He didn't know where the problem was, when and where his life with Yu went wrong.He couldn't understand anything, and he felt that his brain must be broken.Or the heavens want to punish him for his forbidden love with Yu.

Qing asked for leave from the editorial department, and gave all the manuscripts to the editorial department for the next few columns, saying that he was going to travel and prepare for the next novel.In fact, right now, he couldn't write anything, and he didn't want to go anywhere.He seemed to be trapped in a large swamp, trying to struggle and breathe, but he felt so powerless.If you struggle, you will sink, if you don't struggle, you will sink.Just sooner or later.

He closed himself off, except for the people he had to meet and the things he had to do, he refused everything else, including Kuo.Being rejected again and again, Kuo didn't dare to disturb Qing all the time, he was afraid of arousing Qing's resentment and making Qing unhappy, and then he had to accumulate courage for a while, and then he was rejected again. Only when I was mentally prepared did I dare to contact Qing again.