then spring comes

I completely lost sleep that night. During that long sleepless night, I suppressed the urge to text him and call him many times. He may have already fallen asleep, and his wife who is sleeping peacefully is beside him. If my forbearance can It's all worth it in exchange for their sweet dreams!I think of the two sleepless nights after my mother passed away, I think of the sleepless night after I found out that Huang Linhui cheated, and now it is the fourth sleepless night in my life!I used to feel that the night passed so quickly when I was sleeping soundly, and it was dawn when I woke up from a good dream, but now in this dark room, my eyes are shining brightly, and the sycamore tree outside the window is gently swaying in the summer night breeze. Swaying, the mottled tree shadows look so lonely under the bright moonlight, oh, my sister, my dear sister, I only wish you a sweet dream!

The following days were just as I expected, I couldn't control myself, I put down all my dignity and begged him to turn back, but I didn't hear a word from him again!Maybe he cut off all contact with me completely, he never went to porn, he changed his cell phone number.Once a man is determined, it turns out to be such a determination!

But I fantasized crazily that he could turn around and keep me, even though I knew it was impossible, not to mention his loving childhood sweetheart wife, as well as the familiar family, familiar colleagues and their daughters , I am so insignificant compared with any of them, who am I to him?It's just a shady secret lover he met on the Internet!

Like the last time I broke up with him, I set myself one goal after another. If I take the initiative to find him 10 times and he still ignores me, I will let go. After ten times, he still ignores me, so I set It was 20 times, and there was still no news from him after 1.7 times, so I changed it to [-] times, and there was still no word from him after [-] times. I began to fear, did he really stop talking to me?I remembered that when I told him to break up, I actually didn't want to break up with him at all, I just wanted him to come back to coax me to reconcile with me, and love me more!Now that he wants to break up with me, he really wants to break up with me!I revisited the situation I faced every time when I was in a desperate situation: relying on the mountain to fall, relying on the river to run!I don't know who to ask to rescue me from this abyss of pain and despair, only to drown myself in this boundless sea of ​​suffering!When I think about it, I haven't committed any heinous crimes, I never thought of hurting anyone, I can't even step on a fallen leaf on the ground, I just go around it lightly, I just fell in love with someone who also loves me, but But he was so condemned and punished by God!I think of his wife. From what Jiao Yang said, she is a [-]-meter-two slender woman. She is a clinical doctor in a tertiary hospital in Luoyang. From the man's reliance and respect on her, we can know that she is a mature and stable woman who is as good as him. When she found out that her husband fell in love with another woman, how did she feel?Suddenly I feel guilty, I know her feelings best, I have also suffered such pain, the difference is that Huang Linhui mainly asks for sex from the cheating partner, while Jiao Yang and I still have a deep love.Does she realize it?She must have realized this, she realized that her husband has betrayed her from body to soul, then her pain is deeper than mine!The rare thing is that she is smarter than me. Because she loves her husband, she endured her own pain and gave him time to tell him to break up with me. Did she know about the two days Jiao Yang was with me in Xi'an?If she knew, how could she sleep those nights?I dare not think about it, this is what I keep saying that I don't want to hurt anyone!Compared with her rationality, calmness and grandeur, I appear to be so naive, narrow-minded, casual and childlike. Jiao Yang's choice of her is undoubtedly correct!

No matter how much I think about it, I have never missed a step in the painful steps of falling out of love.I first experienced pain, fear, disappointment, despair, and finally anger. I hated his heartlessness and indifference. I gritted my teeth and deleted his account number and mobile phone number. I wanted to erase all the traces he had left, but I was still deleting. In front of his mobile phone and □□ number, I secretly recorded his number in my beloved diary!That's how I deceived myself and cut off contact with him!After doing all this, I got seriously ill. Huang Linhui took a leave of absence from school and came to Xi'an with Jinjin to take me home!At this time, I remembered that I was also a person who took care of my family.It turned out that for this love, I used to be so disregarded.

On the way back to Luoyang, I thought that he was in that city, breathing the same air as me, and I couldn't help crying silently sitting in the back row!In this east-west strip city with a population of more than 200 million, I live on the east side of the city, and he lives on the west side of the city, but we are like two parallel railroad tracks, and there is no possibility of our lives intersecting ever since!In less than a month, the relationship between us has changed from the sea to the sea!It is worth mentioning that Huang Linhui's behavior at this time, I don't know if he noticed the cause of my inexplicable serious illness, but he always said that I was weak due to heavy homework and pressure, and he just took care of me silently. By my side, he took care of all the housework at home, made delicious food for me, and made me soup to replenish my body. After Jinjin came back from kindergarten, he drove us to various interesting places in Luoyang. The car passed by the hospital where my sister worked. At that time, I opened my eyes wide and raised my head so that the tears would not flow out. I no longer had the urge, strength and courage to rush in and hug his leg and cry bitterly!The handsome and masculine man wearing the big red flower in the commendation column in the window is already a passerby with me!I used to be able to show my temper, act coquettishly, and play around in front of him at will, because he loves me, but now I am just the last thing he discarded on the way forward.The reason I belong to him is that it is cumbersome and superfluous, and it is the subtraction of life that he has to do. No matter how beautiful his previous love words are, the fact is like this!I raised my head again!Jinjin said: Mom, what's wrong with you? "Mom is blinded by the evening wind!"

After I came back, I went to the places where my sister and I had been, and I vaguely saw that we were carefree and shuttled between the green mountains and green waters, as if we were happily chasing and frolicking among the mountains and rivers. There, but now I am only desperately looking for his aura here, but I can't find it, even his aura has long since dissipated in the spring breeze at that time!

Will he come to these places again in the future?Will he think of me when he comes again?Remember there was a silly woman who once loved him like that?I think of the last days we were together, he was going to say goodbye to me, but he saw how happy I was to see him, after all, he couldn't tell me, but spent the time with me according to my heart After the last two days, maybe he also thought about confessing to me after getting on the train, and he remembered that I had been with him for two days, and there was still a lot of homework left to be done. If he confessed to me, I would definitely not I was thinking about doing my homework again, so I would definitely be criticized by the teacher in class on Monday, so he chose to have a showdown with me on Monday night. He can even think of such trivial things, how could he not think of the unforgettable pain he left me after leaving? ?Or does he think that after all these pains I have to face alone?I thought that when I first met me, he was approaching middle age and encountered a bottleneck in his career. In the eyes of outsiders, he is undoubtedly a winner in life favored by heaven. He is a natural handsome guy with an education, a career, a happy family, and a loving husband and wife. , but in the world of mortals, in the dead of night, would he feel lonely when facing his own soul alone?Is it impossible to escape the unsatisfactory things in life after all?And did the simple and kind me who Mao rashly broke into his peaceful life bring him the slightest warmth and happiness?If so, I have completed my mission in the course of his life, what regrets do I have?Should I also let go, I also have my own mission!But, how can I live without him? "In the past, the sea was too difficult to be water, except the sky is not the cloud." Who can give me such a delicate, long and deep love?From then on, I am afraid that I will never have the strength and courage to fall in love with others!