then spring comes

That's when I saw this poem

who are you to me

Okabayashi Nobuyasu

the depth of your pain

of course i can't understand

why are we so far away

In fact, it's always close at hand

yeah i am me

i can't be you

even if you struggle alone there

I can only watch silently

Both of us are tested

and who are you to me

if everything will fall apart from now on

Then who was I to you

It turns out that the Japanese also have such delicate and deep feelings!I suddenly realized that I am still me, my sister is still my sister, I love him, and he loves me, but we who love each other stay in those innocent years when we loved each other sincerely!Just like no one can go back to yesterday, neither he nor I can go back!Then, let us, who once fell in love with each other, stay forever in the Cherry Valley in that beautiful spring day!But in the past, I have loved like that, and I have been loved like that, after all, this has added a touch of color to my ordinary life, and since then, my life has finally become more complete!

After returning to Xi’an, once I took a bus and passed by the cafe that my sister invited me to when she came to Xi’an for a business trip. The big comfortable sofa on the second floor, next to the floor-to-ceiling windows, where we used to sit and drink tea and chat in winter It looked so quiet under the warm sun, I seemed to see that quiet and comfortable winter afternoon, we were young and still tempting each other, we were still sitting there face to face, we looked at each other shyly, the corners of our eyes and brows were full of happiness and sweetness that couldn’t be hidden , but thinking about how to try my best to show indifference and indifference to the other party!I rubbed my eyes and took a closer look at the empty space and no one there.When I sat there with him at that time, I didn't feel happy, it was just one of my countless ordinary afternoons, but when I think about it today, I found out that I was in that kind of happiness at that time.It turns out that the sweetness and happiness in life are strung together and composed of countless ordinary days and moments.

Maybe it's just like what Sanmao said: what you look for on purpose is often not found, and everything in the world has his time when it comes and goes.Thank you for giving me an empty joy, the good memories we had, let the tears be blurred.Occasionally think of it, the memory is still fresh, just like at the beginning, I love you, there is no purpose, just love you.

This is our story!This is the end of my story with him, and the rest is my one-man show!Since then, he has completely disappeared from my life. On the sea of ​​hope, the ship sank, and there was not even a piece of wood left, as if he had never been here!

Half a year later, Huang Linhui returned to work at the Luoyang Electric Power Bureau, and I also returned to my original unit after graduating from graduate school. I got pregnant by accident in 2014. I was 36 years old this year. I suddenly didn’t want to go to the hospital for an abortion. I thought that since it was a gift from God, I should stay here. Yan, and felt that the burden of raising another child was too great, but he couldn't help me wipe my tears, and when he saw me crying, he softened his heart and said: "Why don't you quit your job and give birth to the child quietly at home!"Fortunately, a private enterprise found me at this time and was willing to offer me to join their company with a salary that was double that of my original unit. I told them the fact that I was pregnant, and they didn’t mind, so I left my original unit. No unemployment and gave birth to a little daughter!

Maybe in the eyes of people around me today, I am still the lucky one who is favored by God, but only I know how I lost the most cherished thing in my life. Maybe I never had it. I risked my life and gave up my dignity I can't keep those things that I once regarded as the most important and precious things, whether it is a misfortune or a blessing for me, no one can say for sure!

On this afternoon ten years later, I revisited the old place with my dearest people now. It is still the green mountain, the turquoise water, and the crystal clear red cherry. A 12-year-old Two-dimensional boy Jinjin gave up his cold image in the past and climbed up the ladder beside the tree to pick the biggest cherry on the top of the tree. An An, who was less than two years old, couldn't reach the cherries on the tree. After eating the cherries that others gave her, she picked them from the ground Eat, her bulging cheeks were covered with cherry juice and yellow mud. She happily lay on the branch of the cherry tree, babbling with her little cousin indistinctly, and giggling out loud!Huang Linhui said: This place is so beautiful, I will bring you to visit next year when the cherries bear fruit!Both Jinjin and aunt cheered: "Okay, okay, let's do it again next year!"Yes, this place is really beautiful, and I have seen the beauty of this place ten years ago!It's just that none of them know that Cherry Valley has always been in the deepest part of my heart!

We went to the depths of the dense forest again. The swing on the small square was still there. Jinjin didn’t dare to sit on the big swing because he was afraid of heights. He insisted on me sitting on it and he pushed me. This 12-year-old boy is very strong, with his father behind him Pushing me alternately, sending me high in a few strokes, the spring breeze is still blowing by my ears, but short hair is popular in 2016, I have cut my hair short, and there is no longer long hair Fly in the wind.Jin Jin insisted on sitting on the revolving swing with me. I told him that this swing has an apt name called the dog chasing the rabbit. The dog sitting on one end chased the rabbit sitting on the other end. Although he chased very hard, he tried his best Chasing after him, but he will never catch up, not even in this lifetime!

On the way back, we drove along a newly built road to the top of a mountain. It turned out that this was the highest mountain in this area. Now it has been opened up as a new resort hotel. Standing on the mountain, you can have a panoramic view of Cherry Valley. In the distance, Cherry Valley is full of green wheat fields and golden rapeseed flowers. At the end of the wheat fields, there is a gray and thick smog that hides the urban area of ​​Luoyang with many high-rise buildings. Grandma said: This is really a good place. Staying in the city for a day is full of cold steel and concrete, which makes people suffocate!Yes, what she said was exactly what I wanted to say. The warm spring breeze blows, and I haven't felt so refreshed for a long time.Huang Linhui said, you sit in a row on the cement slab by the side of the road and I'll take a picture of you!In this way, I, Jinjin, An An, my aunt and grandma, and An An’s little cousin Bingbing sat in a row on the cement slab on the top of the mountain, bathed in the spring sunshine, and took pictures of this scene in the warm spring breeze. A cheerful photo!

When I was young, my elder sister and I stayed in the cherry valley full of flowers and fruits, and even my unforgettable memories faded away and became more and more blurred with the red cherries that year.But what no one can stop is that this year's cherries are red again, and people's laughter is heard again in the cherry orchard, and there are so many happy people leaving their own happy memories here!It's just that the cherries are still the same every year, but the people are different every year!

Besides me, who else remembers our love back then?Is it only the spring breeze in Cherry Valley?Although this is a love that is not blessed and even cast aside by the world, no matter how unpopular she is, no matter how short-lived she is, she has really existed, and she is deeply in the deepest part of my heart. It has taken root and blossomed and luxuriantly bears fruit. Even after ten years of baptism, I still can’t forget it. Then write her down. It can be regarded as a summary of my life from 29 to 39 years old. , It can be regarded as a farewell to my most beautiful years.

I am about to enter the age of [-], and the days waiting for me seem to be long. Life is so ordinary, and the future seems to be visible to the end at a glance.Should I let go of the past and move on now?But what kind of motivation is supporting me to move forward?What is the future waiting for me?