illuminator

--I love you.

In the past, Shu Yuan might not be able to see his own heart clearly, but later it might be because he didn't understand, and later it was after the breakup.After the breakup, it's not that he didn't want to rush to confess, it's not that he didn't think about telling Lu Fei "I love you", he wanted to use this to increase his weight close to Lu Fei and increase his persuasive power.

But looking back on the past, Shu Yuan found that he was not qualified to say it so easily—except for some moments of acting coquettishly and shamelessly, he never said these three words to Lu Fei formally. When it comes to talking, they are already too heavy.

But Lu Fei called him "Yuan Yuan".

It wasn't the cold "Shu Yuan", nor the loathsome "Shu Yuan", but the simple and intimate words made him completely overwhelmed, and he didn't want to hide anything anymore.

There was mist in front of him, Shu Yuan couldn't see Lu Fei's face clearly, and couldn't figure out Lu Fei's reaction.But soon he was rolled over by Lu Fei, and sat on Lu Fei's lap.

Shu Yuan didn't know what this meant, he just subconsciously buried his face down on Lu Fei's shoulder, not wanting the other party to see him crying.And even if what happened next, he couldn't control how Lu Fei would answer, at least now he could lie on Lu Fei's body to his heart's content, absorbing Lu Fei's taste and warmth.

After a while, Shu Yuan heard Lu Fei's voice.

Lu Fei's arms wrapped around him, and his chest was also very broad. His slightly hoarse voice rang behind his ears with emotions he had never heard before: "On the morning of the breakup, I broke that bowl on purpose."

Shu Yuan stiffened for a moment, but still did not let go of Lu Fei's shoulder.

That matter was actually not important at all, even though Shu Yuan had just confessed, his train of thought followed Lu Fei's.

He leaned on Lu Fei's shoulder and asked sullenly, "Why?"

Lu Fei remained silent.

Shu Yuan told him again: "I guessed a little bit that you did it on purpose, you are not so stupid, you can't even hold the bowl. It doesn't matter, I don't care about the bowl anymore."

Lu Fei was still silent for a few seconds before saying: "If I said, after you went back to the room, I stood in the kitchen and within a few minutes I planned how to tie you to a place where no one else could find me. Someone made you disappear."

That morning Shu Yuan returned to the bed in the bedroom after losing his temper, covered his head with the quilt and sulked.

He waited for Lu Fei to coax him, but there was the sound of running water in the kitchen, and when Lu Fei came in, he broke up with him.

This is completely different from Shu Yuan's memory and imagination.

Slowly he stopped sobbing and looked up.Sitting on Lu Fei, he was taller than Lu Fei. He looked at Lu Fei from a top-down angle, and asked doubtfully, "Why." He thought about it again, and was curious, "What are you going to do?" do it?"

Lu Fei took out a tissue and wiped his face for him, and said calmly, "My hometown has a mountain forest where no one lives all year round, and there is an abandoned ranger camp there. First trick you into getting into the car, lock you there, and then Fake your trips and send messages to your parents. At least two or three years, as many as ten years later, when you are completely tamed, I will take you back to the city. During this period, I will not let you see For anyone, in this world, there will be no more Shu Yuan, you can only rely on me to survive."

Lu Fei spoke very carefully, the plan sounded like there were almost no loopholes on the surface, and it sounded like it was true.

Shu Yuan felt a little scared, trembled slightly, and looked at Lu Fei.

Lu Fei's eyelids are deeply creased, narrow at the front and wide at the back, and tend to spread out at the end of the eyes. They are a pair of fickle eyes.His eyes are very dark, dark and deep. When he looks at people like this, people can't figure out what he is thinking and how deep his thoughts are.

But it is also these eyes that contain the deep meaning that Shu Yuan can feel. He used to look at him gently and calmly, just like at this moment.

Then no matter how scary Lu Fei's description was, Shu Yuan wasn't that scared anymore.

He asked Lu Fei: "Do you think I won't let you be locked up, so you have to break up with me?"

Lu Fei asked, "Will you be willing?"

Shu Yuan shook his head honestly without thinking: "I don't want to."

Lu Fei gently touched his face, and said gently: "I know you don't want to. No one wants to be treated like that, and that person can't be you."

Shu Yuan seemed to understand why Lu Fei suddenly told him this, but at the same time he was a little confused.

He seemed to have grasped something crucial, but just like the time he wanted to understand Lu Fei's "I'm sorry", it took him a while to digest the amount of information.

Compared with this, Shu Yuan cared more about Lu Fei's present moment, and he asked: "Then what you say now, do you still want to break up with me?"

Lu Fei's thumb brushed against Shu Yuan's lips, and his black eyes became deeper because of this: "No."

Lu Fei didn't kiss him, even though Shu Yuan thought that from Lu Fei's eyes at this moment, Lu Fei really wanted to do that.

They sat in this position for a while, and Shu Yuan cried for a while after eating too much, and ended with a hiccup unconsciously.

Shu Yuan's face was a little red, but Lu Fei didn't laugh at him.

Therefore, the atmosphere that had just heated up between them was also interrupted, and they could not continue talking for the time being.But at least Shu Yuan knew that Lu Fei would not drive him away, he was thinking, and Lu Fei might be thinking too.

Afterwards, Lu Fei put all the dishes into the dishwasher, cleaned up the garbage, and then took out the leash. Shu Yuan asked, "Are you going to walk the dog again?"

Lu Fei said "yes" and said, "Let's go together."

Shu Yuan said "Okay", ran to the bathroom to wash his face, and went out with Lu Fei.

At nine o'clock in the evening, Zhima took the two of them to the usual walking direction.

"Sesame is less than one year old." Shu Yuan walked slowly, really curious about this question, "How do you know how to raise a dog, it's not like what you would do."

Lu Fei didn't answer directly, but asked in turn: "Why did you dye your hair green?"

Green hair color is equal to a green hat in a sense.

Shu Yuan was annoyed: "It's blue!"

"Okay, it's blue." Lu Fei gently hooked the corners of his lips, and said in a flash, "What about the earrings? Aren't you afraid of pain?"

"It's earbuds, you don't need to have your ears pierced." Shu Yuan explained, "Wen Yi gave it to me. He said it was a commemorative model for his boyfriend's cooperation. It was a limited edition. I only wore it once."

They walked along the quiet street, walking more slowly.

Sesame walked and sniffed, and from time to time raised his leg to pee under the roadside tree, doing very doggy things, completely different from cats.

Lu Fei watched the dog's behavior with the usual expression.

But Shu Yuan suddenly realized something, no, he only wore that earbud once when he was on a business trip, and he took it off because it hurt his earbone, Lu Fei must have never seen it before. , why would Lu Fei know?

He asked Lu Fei this way.

Lu Fei said, "I saw it through Moments."

Shu Yuan's eyes are round: "Moments?"

Lu Fei said lightly: "At an exchange meeting, someone introduced me to join Jin Chen, and one day he posted your photo in Moments."

Shu Yuan remembered that the time he wore earbuds happened to be the day he ran into Jin Chen on the plane, why didn't he know that Jin Chen sent the photo?

800 years ago, Shu Yuan deleted Jin Chen as a friend, so naturally he didn't know about it.But just listening to Lu Fei's simple description, Shu Yuan also knew that Jin Chen must have taken the sneak shot while he was not paying attention, and it was the kind that could easily be misunderstood. That guy was really annoying and thick-skinned.

It's not pleasant to be secretly photographed, let alone being seen by Lu Fei, Shu Yuan bowed his head and walked depressedly.

"You came to me to return the earphones in a few days." Lu Fei suddenly changed the subject, "Do you want to know what I was thinking at that time?"

Shu Yuan raised his head and found that Lu Fei was two or three steps behind him, with a gloomy expression.

He didn't understand: "what are you thinking?"

"The day you fell into the swimming pool, you told me that you would meet new people, and you would be with others." Lu Fei paused, and said, "I was wondering why your vision is so bad."

Shu Yuan: "..."

Did Lu Fei think that he and Jin Chen were in love at that time?

Lu Fei walked over again, and continued the question just now: "Seeing you standing at the door of my house, I thought of some things that you can't even imagine. It was worse than what I wanted to do to you on the day we broke up. Or, even Something I couldn't imagine myself."

Lu Fei looked at him with lowered eyelids.

The night wind blows a little cold.

This time Shu Yuan stopped asking what Lu Fei was thinking, his body tensed subconsciously, and his hair stood on end, because Lu Fei had been telling him horror stories all night.

Zhima barked at them.

Shu Yuan was a little scared: "..."

Lu Fei seemed to have thought about it seriously, not joking.

The street lamps stretched their shadows long, and pedestrians passed by from time to time on the street. Lu Fei said: "When I was young, I didn't understand anything, and I couldn't grasp anything. When I grow up, I understand a truth. The more you desire something, the more you need it." Fight for it desperately, as long as I slack off a little bit, it will disappear, making me unable to grasp anything again."

That summer vacation.

Lu Fei agreed to Lin Junci, a classmate he knew in the student union, to be a tutor for the first time.

That arrogant boy doesn't like to study, loses his temper and loves to cry.

The first time they finished their class, they were very unhappy.

But when Lu Fei went there for the second time, the young man even prepared a glass of iced soda for him, and even offered to apologize: "Mr. Lu, are you still angry? Just smile, don't make a fool of the boss! Look at me, I will do it." It's a grimace—"

Even though he found out later that the young man had other plans, he still fell into it hopelessly.

Lu Fei couldn't catch Shu Yuan.

Terrible possessiveness and dark thoughts breed, and swell to the point where he can't control it.

Analyzing all this did not give Lu Fei a reason to excuse himself, nor did he use it to explain the reason for the breakup, so as to show his greatness.

After stating the facts, he looked away at the end of the road, and then said to Shu Yuan, "I called you a car."

Shu Yuan showed some confusion.

After a while, he asked, "Then what about what we said tonight?"

What did Lu Fei think, did he accept his pursuit, and why.

Shu Yuan couldn't figure it out, she couldn't figure it out at all, although Lu Fei tried his best not to give so much information, he just clicked to the end.

"Are you afraid that if I stay, you will really do something bad to me?" Shu Yuan guessed, then frowned and thought for a while, "Then turn it around, can you follow me?"

Under the dimly lit street lights, Shu Yuan seemed to be glowing.

He reached out and took Lu Fei's hand, with a bit of innocence, as if he had never realized the danger: "I don't want to be separated from you tonight."

Lu Fei bowed his head and kissed.

Shu Yuan never thought of refusing, but was a little surprised but still obediently let him ask for it, and then obediently returned the kiss.

It's not clear yet, but it's a good start.