i have a chromosome want to meet you

Chu Xiuyuan heard Song Yu talk a lot, but he didn't seem to say anything. He felt that this period of time was very long, and it seemed that he just blinked in a daze. When his discrete consciousness returned, he only heard Song Yu say: "I know those It's all wrong, but I can't control it, I sometimes feel very scared, if I pass a frying pan on the street, I will put my hand in it."

Teacher Bai stopped Song Yu: "If you are worried about this, then this matter will not happen. Song Yu, you have to believe that although these symptoms make you painful, your condition is not serious. For patients who are much more serious than you, if you stick to the treatment, if it is slow for five or six years, or if it is fast for one or two years, it will always be fine."

Song Yu: "Teacher Bai, I believe I can do well."

"Okay, then let's talk about your illness. Is it related to him?"

"I..." sounded hesitant.

Chu Xiuyuan straightened his back, opened his mouth wide like a drowning patient, and forced himself not to make a sound. The whole day today, his brain was almost overwhelmed by the huge amount of information.

This time, it was obviously the whole winter vacation that Song Yu lost contact with.

He chewed on Song Yu's farewell to him that day, without missing a single word. Song Yu said, "I'm not in a good state recently, very bad. A lot of things happened at home. After I came out, they couldn't understand me at all. I have A lot of behaviors they don't understand, their excesses have had some serious consequences, I'm tired, I'm in pain."

It wasn't until this moment that all the meanings behind this sentence were truly revealed.

Song Yu fell ill, and Song Yu was screaming and struggling in his own way, telling Chu Xiuyuan, but Chu Xiuyuan didn't notice it.

If the illness was also because of him this time, he didn't know how to face himself, how to face Song Yu, maybe stabbed him in the heart, and he didn't know that Song Yu was more painful when he learned that it was because of him.

After Song Yu called me, there was a full five seconds of silence. The needle drop could be heard in the consultation room. Fu Jue snorted and asked, "Song Yu, did you say it yourself, or should I say it for you?" His voice was as cold as ever.

"I'll do it myself." Song Yu sighed again, "Because he doesn't want to come out with me..."

Chu Xiuyuan's wide mouth suddenly bit down on the bent knuckles of his index finger, biting so hard that deep teeth marks were formed in an instant.It's me again, it's me again...

"I know that he has difficulties, and I know that my request is too much, but when he rejects me, I can't control myself from thinking whether he will leave me or whether I am not important to him at all. It’s just that he still has a fresh toy for the time being. Will he give up on me in the end because of the obstruction of his parents? Even if my reason tells me that he likes me and he is willing to lie under me for me, I still can’t stop myself. Think about it all the time."

Following Song Yu's narration, Chu Xiuyuan found that there was a wave of emotions accumulating in his body, and his thoughts were entangled one by one by Song Yu, entangled outside his heart. He was in pain.

It's actually because of coming out of the closet...

If Song Yu could tell him frankly, he would definitely think of other ways, and he would have to think of a way to persuade his mother and come out with Song Yu together, so that Song Yu would not get sick, and would not suffer for the whole winter vacation .

Why don't you just tell me...why...Chu Xiuyuan opened his eyes wide and almost couldn't help gasping, it's because of him, because he told Song Yu that he would hate sometimes, if there were no mental illnesses in this world It's good, all the depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder will disappear, and never appear in front of him.

All because of him...

Those emotions that had built up inside added a sourness that he couldn't understand.

sorry Sorry……

I was just angry, really just angry...

Chu Xiuyuan has lived for more than [-] years, and he has never regretted it for a moment, hated himself so much because he was full of hostility and spoke out.Song Yu yearned to confess all the time, longed for Chu Xiuyuan to discover his abnormality, but because of Chu Xiuyuan's words, he endured and suppressed and endured the pain.Several times he hesitated to speak, but finally chose to conceal.

Song Yu didn't leave him because of this, but he hurt Song Yu deeply.

The heart hurts so much, the thin threads wrapped around the heart tightened, and the pericardium was strangled, the blood soaked the thin threads, and dripped down to his internal organs.

What Fu Jue said is right, I always hurt him unintentionally and caused him pain, but I didn't pay anything for him.

Chu Xiuyuan clenched his fists, why am I so stupid...

Regarding Song Yu's illness this time, Mr. Bai later analyzed a lot for Song Yu, but the appearance of a symptom is not like the hysteria written in the novel. It can disappear easily when you realize the cause, and it will take Song Yu a long time Overcome and comprehend by yourself.

Teacher Bai: "You brought up the idea of ​​not contacting him, which indeed reduced the occurrence of new symptoms. We can continue to try. But I know that it is difficult to resist not seeing each other for a long time if you like someone. If you really can't help it, Please don't force yourself, let nature take its course, when you want to see him, tell me, and I will judge for you."

Just as Song Yu said hello, Fu Jue continued, "Teacher Bai, when I went to see Song Yu during the winter vacation, he was in a bad state, but he was in a trance and said that he had missed a very important piece of information that he had been keeping from us."

"Fu Jue..." Song Yu stopped, but failed.

Teacher Bai: "Song Yu, I said that we are undergoing treatment. I hope you can trust us completely and don't hide anything."

Afterwards, Fu Jue uttered a piece of news that surprised Chu Xiuyuan so much that it seemed like the sky was falling: "In fact, there is no such thing as Song Yu who can't help it because he likes it, because it is very likely that he is not as he stated, so Like that one."

What's the meaning?What do you mean Song Yu doesn't like me that much?

Chu Xiuyuan held his breath for a moment. In their mouths, his name was always replaced by that one or him, but Chu Xiuyuan knew that they were talking about himself.

His heart was barely beating.

"Don't like it that much?" Teacher Bai hummed suspiciously, "This is the important information you mentioned?"

"No." Fu Jue's voice sounded again, "Did you say it yourself, or should I say it for you?" Obviously he was asking Song Yu.

Song Yu suppressed his voice and let out a low moan. There were two gasps from his throat. The pain and struggle made Chu Xiuyuan's heart ache, and the pain made him panic. He had never heard Song Yu moan in such pain. The torment gave Chu Xiuyuan a very bad premonition. He instinctively told himself that he couldn't listen any more, and couldn't let Song Yu continue talking, but he couldn't make a single sound.His finger was already bleeding from his bite, and his lungs ached from the breath he held, but he couldn't stop Song Yu.

Then, he heard Song Yu confess in a low hoarse voice: "The first time I spoke to him was at Wang Xinghe's lecture."

Teacher Bai: "You mentioned it before."

Song Yu: "Well, at one o'clock in the afternoon, I was in the first seat in the first row and spoke the first sentence to him. I thought it was a signal, so I started chasing him."

Teacher Bai let out a small gasp, but behind the screen, Chu Xiuyuan's nostrils flared, eyelashes trembled, and even his lips trembled.

1点01分，第1排靠门第1个座位，第1句话。

The first seat in the first row is Song Yu's exclusive seat. Every time he and Song Yu attend class together, Song Yu almost always sits there.

He never asked why Song Yu was sitting, the first seat in the first row...

Chu Xiuyuan tightly closed his eyes.

ERP, an exposure/ritual behavior prevention method, Morita Therapy.

And Song Yu said that he could not control his thoughts and his own resistance.

Uncontrollable behavior and anxiety pain.

The details of each scene flashed before his eyes, and they were pieced together by Chu Xiuyuan.

In the end, when he and Song Yu were arguing about who to attack and who to suffer, what Song Yu said after kissing the tip of his nose: "Xiu Yuan, I am obsessed with the number one, let me be one."

All the pictures and all the words frantically flooded into Chu Xiuyuan's mind, and the world rushed back into Chu Xiuyuan's eyes. He looked at the white roof and the blue screen, and the pictures gathered into an answer, and he pieced together seven words.

Digital compulsion.

OCD.

When he saw these seven characters, he seemed to have exhausted all his energy.

Song Yu chased him because of obsessive-compulsive disorder, because he happened to appear at that place, at that time, and didn't he really like him?

This is what Fu Jue said, Song Yu doesn't have the reason why he likes you as you imagined?

Chu Xiuyuan buried his hands in his palms, and the knuckles of his index fingers were covered with dried blood, which was shocking. He heard Teacher Bai ask, "So you don't like him?"

Chu Xiuyuan's heart was lifted by that question, and his muscles tensed. He wanted to know Song Yu's answer, but was afraid of hearing Song Yu's answer.

There was a long silence.

Chu Xiuyuan raised his face anxiously, and held his breath again.

Half a minute passed, and one minute passed before Song Yu said, "I'm not sure...I want to be with him, but I'm not sure."

There was darkness in front of my eyes.

Ha ha ha ha ha……

Ha ha……

At this moment, Chu Xiuyuan finally knew what the emotions and sour emotions accumulated in his body were.

are his tears.

He never owned Song Yu.

He enjoys what Song Yu has done for him, he makes Song Yu suffer, but he has never owned Song Yu.

Song Yu didn't like him.

Everything was like a farce, torturing Song Yu and torturing him.

When I liked you so much, you told me that you wanted to be with me, but at that moment the obsessive-compulsive disorder broke out and you were forced.

"Clap."

Tears ran across his cheeks silently, dripped on Chu Xiuyuan's clenched fist, dripped on his blood-stained knuckles, melted the blood, dyed it red and slowly slid down.

His vision began to blur, but the details and pictures that Song Yu had experienced in his mind emerged from the mist one by one. He could not see or realize anything before, but now it is so clear.

After the mist cleared, he saw Song Yu poking his puffed cheek after the lecture in his memory, saying, "When OCD occurs, my hands itch, and I can't help but want to poke."

When tidying his hair, he said, "The hair is raised, and it looks uncomfortable. It is killing obsessive-compulsive disorder."

Song Yu once told him very seriously, "When I eat, the first chopsticks must pick up vegetables. If I know that a classmate farted in the classroom, I will want to study the density of E. coli in the classroom air." " I'm sick, I'm crazy, I'm really sick."

There are too many, so many that Chu Xiuyuan can't recall them all.

There is also the torn "Abnormal Psychology", the page after the stress disorder has Chu Xiuyuan's name written on it, but this is not a sign that he likes Chu Xiuyuan, because it says Chu Xiuyuan's name On the page, "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" was printed.

Chu Xiuyuan's heart was cut to pieces by the entangled thin thread, pieces of flesh fell down, and there was a hole in his chest in an instant, where the heart used to be, but now there was only the whistling cold wind, blowing Chu Xiuyuan away. Every inch of capillary and every cell is frozen.

Maybe Song Yu never liked me, everything is his symptoms.

All his symptoms.

He started chasing me, not because he likes me.

When Fu Jue walked behind the screen, what he saw was Chu Xiuyuan like this, with pale complexion, bloodshot eyes, tear stains on his cheeks, and even tears stuck to his eyelashes, so terrifying and so fragile, the trembling corners of his mouth told watching his heartbroken pain.

Fu Jue pursed her lips, stepped back quietly, glanced at Teacher Bai beside her, and shook her head.

Teacher Bai sighed: "Let him think about it."

One minute later, Fu Jue said to the screen, "Chu Xiuyuan, the treatment is over, let's go back to class."

Chu Xiuyuan wiped away his tears and walked out of the screen, nodded his thanks with Mr. Bai, and was taken out of the consultation room by Fu Jue.

Fu Jue took Chu Xiuyuan to the entrance of the stairs and asked, "Do you know why I want you to stop looking for Song Yu these few months?"

Chu Xiuyuan smiled wryly, his smile was uglier than crying, and he answered irrelevant questions: "Is it because he doesn't have money for not going to individual therapy?"

Fu Jue didn't get the answer he wanted, and his expression was serious, but he still responded to Chu Xiuyuan: "As I said just now, his parents hardly gave him living expenses, and the only little wages and scholarships he had every week, except Living expenses, I can’t pay for individual treatment at all, 500 is the norm for an individual treatment, 800 for Mr. Cao’s one time, he doesn’t look down on it at all. You have seen it, Mr. Bai, although it is free but..."

"Let him watch." Chu Xiuyuan interrupted Fu Jue suddenly, "Let him watch, I will pay for it."

Fu Jue suddenly had a different expression on his indifferent face, surprised: "What did you say?"

Chu Xiuyuan's voice was cold and hoarse, but with unspeakable firmness: "I said let him go to the doctor, I'll let him go see whatever excuse you want, and I will send you the money on time every month .”

Fu Jue was stunned for two seconds and didn't know how to reply: "He may have some feelings for you, but you heard it during the treatment just now, his feelings for you are not pure, even he himself can't tell whether he likes you or not. Is affected by symptoms. Have you ever thought about it, it is very likely that when he is cured, he is emotionally separated from you. He is no longer obsessed with you, and he no longer wants to be with you. Long-term pain is worse than short-term pain. Leaving him is the best choice, but why do you help him?"

Chu Xiuyuan smiled, hiding his sadness but still being firm: "I have a mother with depression and mild obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have seen many painful moments of her with my own eyes. I know how sad they are when they get sick, and I can't see Song Yu is in pain."

"Even..." Fu Jue looked at Chu Xiuyuan seriously, "He may no longer have feelings for you or like you after he is cured."

"No." Chu Xiuyuan shook his head, "Even though he never liked me."

The author has something to say: All information about OCD comes from textbooks, counseling, that psychology novel, the Internet, and interviews with patients.I am not born in professional psychology, there may be discrepancies, welcome to discuss, but I reject the accusation that the individual is the world.

Every individual is different, so everyone's performance will certainly not be exactly the same.

When we were in class, the psychology teacher said a word when he mentioned these obstacles. The concepts summarized in the book and the cases listed are all the most typical diseases according to the concept, but in reality, typical diseases are not common. , most of them are mixed with other symptoms. For example, the typical depression is blue, and when combined with the anxiety state yellow, it becomes green. Then this depression is green, so it cannot be used in textbooks. The concept is generalized.

For example, a patient I interviewed, she was controlled by her parents very strictly since she was a child, and she dared not resist. Later, she wanted to control her children like a parent, and she had a strong desire to control, but she couldn't control it, plus many other reasons , such as life pressure, family conflicts, etc., began to suffer from anxiety and insomnia, and after a year of insomnia, she was diagnosed with depression, which tended to be anxious. Her performance was similar to that of Wenli Chu Xiuyuan's mother, but obviously, such symptoms and Actions are different from the explanations of terms in textbooks.

So I thought about it again and again. The symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder are not exactly the same as those inherent concepts, and the causes of obsessive-compulsive disorder are very, very complicated, and the symptoms are much more complicated than depression. It is indeed a disease that is difficult to generalize.Of course, the symptoms I wrote are all my own extensions after checking the information, and the possibility of errors cannot be ruled out.

But one thing is, the symptoms of counting E. coli do exist in reality, and they really do exist.Surprise is not surprise, sting is not exciting.