i have a chromosome want to meet you

After returning to school from the hospital, the dormitory was empty, and everyone went to class.

Chu Xiuyuan gently sat down at the desk for a long, long time.

He looked at "When Nietzsche Cried" which he threw on the desk, and thought of the protagonist Dr. Blair's obsessive obsession with Bertha because of his obsessive thinking. "Abnormal Psychology", why didn't he realize that in the whole book, the most tattered pages are the pages of obsessive-compulsive disorder?How could he take the name Song Yu wrote on the book as a sign that Song Yu liked him?

He took out the "Abnormal Psychology", opened it, and turned to the blank page, touched the depression of his name on the page, and touched it over and over again.

The deep handwriting is not because of liking, but because of pain.

"Crack!" The book was suddenly closed, and Chu Xiuyuan raised his head and blinked vigorously, as if this could force back his fragility.

He looked at the place on the bookshelf that was vacated after pulling out "Abnormal Psychology", it was as empty as his chest.The empty space was filled by the slowly falling book without relying on it, and Chu Xiuyuan pulled out that book again, "Psychology".

Turn it over, and turn to the page with the milk tea coupon. The blank space on the top is the same as "Abnormal Psychology", with his and Song Yu's names written on it.How happy and sweet he was when he wrote the names of the two at that time, but now it is so ridiculous and glaring.

Looking at the two names side by side, he grabbed the pen on the table and drew a line on the three characters "Chu Xiuyuan". Looking at the name that was cut in half, he drew another line, and then another line. One line, until the original handwriting could hardly be read, until the paper was torn, and the next page was also dented by his extreme force.It's like a ceremony and a farewell. I shouldn't be standing by your side. You might feel better without me.

tick.

A drop of clear tears fell on the scratches, blurring away the ink stains.

Why do I like you, why do I hurt you, why do I make you suffer.

He wrote a lot of words under Song Yu's name, and after he finished writing, he was covered with new teardrops. He wiped off the water droplets vigorously, but he couldn't beat the more and more tears rolling down.

Seeing the new line of handwriting almost blurred into indistinct pictures, Chu Xiuyuan took a deep breath, gently closed the book, and stuffed it back into the gap in the bookshelf.

Picking up "Abnormal Psychology", Chu Xiuyuan climbed into bed, he wanted to find something to do for himself, and he wanted to recite every word about obsessive-compulsive disorder without missing a single word.

An hour later, when he put down his book again, he seemed to calm down.

But in the next second, the calm was broken again.

"Can I lay by your side, next to you..."

"And make sure you're real right..."

Ringtones.Chu Xiuyuan didn't answer, didn't even take out his phone to see who was calling, he just listened to the music blankly, the melody was on his lips, so familiar, he had sung it many times before, but now he never Can't hum along to the music, can't hum, can't hum a single sound.

He finally understood why Song Yu liked this song, and why it resonated with this song that Chu Xiuyuan heard depressing loneliness, carrying crazy longings and heavy feelings, and longing and despairing.

Because Song Yu was lonely, because Chu Xiuyuan couldn't accept his desire, because he was desperate.

The phone rang again and again, and it took a full 5 minutes before Chu Xiuyuan took out the phone stiffly, the word mother was written on the screen, and connected: "Hello..."

The voice was low and hoarse, as hoarse as rubbed rust, Chu Xiuyuan couldn't even recognize it, it was his own voice.

As soon as the mother's originally high-pitched son finished speaking, she was startled by Chu Xiuyuan's voice, and asked cautiously, "Son...? What's wrong? Is something wrong?"

"No..." Chu Xiuyuan took a deep breath, "No..."

"You're like this..." Mom paused, "How can Mom believe that you're okay?"

Chu Xiuyuan sighed: "Mom, what's the matter, let's talk about it in two days..."

Mom suddenly became nervous: "Xiuyuan, is something really wrong? Tell Mom, Mom can help you find a solution. "

"Mom, I'm in a bad mood, can you leave me alone?" It's so bad that I don't even have the strength to argue.

"Is there anything you can tell mom..."

Chu Xiuyuan interrupted with a gasp: "Mom, when I beg you..."

There was a long silence, only the breathing of the two people in the microphone.

Maybe it was because she really realized that Chu Xiuyuan was in a bad state, or that Chu Xiuyuan had never begged her so lowly before, and her mother abnormally didn't ask Chu Xiuyuan like many times before: "Ah, oh, then my mother died. You have to be happy. If there is anything that cannot be resolved, you must come to us to know."

"Understood. Goodbye, Mom."

Chu Xiuyuan clicked on the song and played it in a loop, over and over again. He bent his knees and hugged himself, staring blankly at the clean and white wall after he tore off the Kardashian poster, listening to the song over and over again. Singing "You said I don't have to cry because you left, but I'm flooded with thoughts and pain, and I want to stay with you, to make sure you're okay. You break my heart, drive me crazy, please Leave me, keep me by your side."

Put it on the phone to get hot, let the roommates talk loudly and push the door in, but it still doesn't close.

Liang Lichao asked him over and over again if he had decided which courses to choose, but he never answered a single word.

Put Zhu Zhao into the dormitory, looked at Chu Xiuyuan who was sitting on the bed blankly, and asked the other three people in the dormitory: "What's wrong with him?"

Zhang Junming shrugged: "I don't know, we looked like ghosts when we came in."

Xu Hehui: "The music played for almost half an hour, and he just sat on it motionless, as if he was broken in love."

Zhu Zhao frowned: "Broken love?"

Immediately climbed onto the bed and sat down cross-legged opposite Chu Xiuyuan, only to find that Chu Xiuyuan's eyes were downcast, with unwiped tears and red marks in the corners of his eyes, embarrassed and fragile.

Zhu Zhao's heart skipped a beat, and he reached out and patted Chu Xiuyuan's knee: "You..." After hesitating for a while, he suddenly plucked up the courage to ask, "Are you and Song Yu separated?"

Chu Xiuyuan suddenly looked at Zhu Zhao and stared at him in surprise. How could Zhu Zhao know?

Zhu Zhao scratched his head: "Actually, what happened between you and Song Yu... not only I know, but all three of them know..."

all know?

Chu Xiuyuan opened his eyes wide, and slowly turned his head and neck to look at the three people in the corridor. They... all know Song Yu and me...?What are you kidding?

Liang Lichao laughed awkwardly: "Actually...it's not too difficult to guess."

"You..." Chu Xiuyuan's eyes were trembling, and his chest was aching with tightness, "When did you know?"

Xu Hehui looked at Chu Xiuyuan cautiously, hugged himself tightly, and said weakly: "Actually, I was the last one to know. I didn't think much about it at first, but who told you to come back from Song Yu's place very late every time? There are strawberries..."

Chu Xiuyuan touched his head and neck reflexively, what?

"I didn't expect Song Yu to be so enthusiastic..." Xu Hehui laughed awkwardly, "Oh, it's so embarrassing."

Chu Xiuyuan: "..." I'm also embarrassed now, okay?

Liang Lichao slapped Xu Hehui from the back of the head, and in exchange for the bamboo stick he groaned in dissatisfaction: "Don't hit the head, you're stupid!"

Liang Lichao gave Xu Hehui a disgusted look, and asked Chu Xiuyuan, "Are you having a conflict with Song Yu?" It seemed that he was asking a very common question, like asking if you would eat pork chops at night.

Chu Xiuyuan opened his mouth: "Don't you feel disgusted?"

Xu Hehui was born with few tendons, and now he laughed very happily: "I'm not happy enough to lose a competitor who will grab our girls!"

Chu Xiuyuan went to look at Liang Lichao and Zhang Junming again, but he didn't see any disgust or reaction on their faces, only two very calm faces.

Zhang Junming said seriously: "We are your friends, you don't steal or rob, I don't know what can make me sick."

Liang Lichao patted his big belly: "Rather than disgusting you when I have time, I might as well eat more skewers."

Zhu Zhao held Chu Xiuyuan's cold hand: "Why are you so stupid, they can be friends with me, so why would they think you are disgusting?"

Xu Hehui: "Yes, life is already so difficult, why do men make things difficult for men!"

Looking at the sincere eyes of his roommates, Chu Xiuyuan suddenly smiled: "Thank you..."

Zhu Zhao put his arms around Chu Xiuyuan's shoulders: "Actually, I guessed it when I saw the sexuality test on your mobile phone. It's just because this road is not easy to walk, so I didn't support you. I still hope that you can come back. To the mainstream of society, after all, 46% of people are just inclined, and they can go back. I still believe that you can go back.”

Chu Xiuyuan looked at Zhu Zhao's expectant eyes waiting for an affirmative answer, and slowly shook his head.

Zhu Zhao sighed: "I don't want you to be like me, to be beaten for no reason while working part-time, and to bear the strange eyes given to us by a seemingly enlightened but intolerant society."

"I know." Chu Xiuyuan gritted his teeth, "But I can't go back."

Tightening his palms tightly, Chu Xiuyuan said, "I didn't know until I met Song Yu. I'm neither heterosexual nor bisexual. I'm a natural homosexual. I can't go back at all."

Zhu Zhao withdrew his arms in surprise, folded his hands, and was a little at a loss. Like me, he was born purely gay?

"Really can't go back?"

Chu Xiuyuan nodded: "I really can't go back."

Zhu Zhao was a little confused: "So we have changed from good brothers in China to good gay honey in China?"

Chu Xiuyuan: "..." I really want to hit you like this.

The other three climbed onto Liang Lichao's bed, and Liang Lichao asked, "Then you and Song Yu..."

Chu Xiuyuan looked at the three roommates and Zhu Zhao, and fell silent. He didn't know if he could tell them.

Zhang Junming: "It's good to say it out and vent."

"Yes, we will always be brothers, and we will always support you. We can be your safe haven." Liang Lichao nodded in agreement, "Besides, the bystanders are clear, and the authorities are obsessed. Maybe you can't see clearly the things between you and Song Yu, but we can give you suggestion."

Xu Hehui asked more directly: "You and Song Yu really broke up?" Liang Lichao slapped him after he finished speaking.

Chu Xiuyuan took a deep breath and made up his mind: "Song Yu and I..."

Zhu Zhao straightened his back, and looked at Chu Xiuyuan without blinking. Chu Xiuyuan's answer lifted all his thoughts. He didn't know what kind of answer he was expecting from Chu Xiuyuan. It was he and Song Yu who had returned. Together, bless them hand in hand, or they broke up.

Chu Xiuyuan talked a lot, from the realization of the loss of contact, to the individual treatment today.

When he heard that Song Yu started to pursue Chu Xiuyuan because of obsessive-compulsive disorder, at that moment, Zhu Zhao suddenly had the idea of ​​breaking them up.He didn't dare to confess before, because he always thought that Chu Xiuyuan was a straight man. If he confessed, he wouldn't even be able to be a friend. Later, he didn't confess because he couldn't compare with Song Yu in 1.He didn't have Song Yu's gentleness that could tolerate Chu Xiuyuan's willfulness and hostility, he didn't have Song Yu's outstanding appearance, and he couldn't protect Chu Xiuyuan like Song Yu and solve the biggest obstacle for him to change majors.

He could see the joy and change of Chu Xiuyuan and Song Yu when they were together, watched Chu Xiuyuan's hostility gradually dissipate, and watched him become more and more dazzling. All these were brought to Chu Xiuyuan by Song Yu, and It wasn't Zhu Zhao.

He couldn't compare to Song Yu, and he couldn't act like a third party, so he didn't confess.

But if Song Yu and Chu Xiuyuan broke up...does it prove that he also has a chance?

You can see Chu Xiuyuan's painful eyebrows and eyes when he recalled Song Yu, so fragile and sad, and he couldn't bear him to be separated from Song Yu, even if Song Yu was sick.Song Yu changed Chu Xiuyuan, they seemed so compatible, and only Song Yu could bring Chu Xiuyuan happiness.

Zhu Zhao listened to Chu Xiuyuan recounting every word Song Yu said, every detail that would be ignored by almost everyone when getting along with Song Yu, but Chu Xiuyuan remembered it so clearly, he listened to Chu Xiuyuan again He blamed himself for not discovering Song Yu's silent cry and what was wrong earlier. He knew that Chu Xiuyuan couldn't hold others in his heart anymore, even if Song Yu wasn't there, he couldn't hold other people anymore.

Song Yu filled Chu Xiuyuan's whole heart, and Chu Xiuyuan liked him.

Through the clothes, Zhu Zhao slowly touched his chest and the position of his heart, let this feeling be buried in his heart forever.

"So..." Zhu Zhao frowned, "You just gave up like this?"

"Huh?" Chu Xiuyuan was surprised.

Zhu Zhao: "Song Yu gave you all the hints, didn't he just want to tell you, don't give up on him?"

"Don't give up on him?" Chu Xiuyuan opened his eyes wide, sparks suddenly ignited in the dead ashes in his heart, and then he agitated crazily.

Don't give up on him?Song Yu told himself not to give up on him?

Give up, what a familiar word.Where have I heard it, where have I heard it...

In the next second, Chu Xiuyuan suddenly clenched his hands tightly, causing red marks on his palms from his fingernails.He remembered!He remembered that Song Yu had told him not to give up on him!

When Song Yu recommended the Danmei novel to him, he said that he didn't want to test Chu Xiuyuan with this, but hoped to meet someone who was as persistent as the protagonist of the novel, "Even if I made a big mistake , even if I hurt him unconsciously...don't give up on me."

When they were discussing the song "laymedown", Song Yu also said, "I want everyone to know that I have a sweetheart who is willing to face prejudice and rumors with me. He will not leave me and will not let me Alone, never give up on me."

So that's how it was, so that's what Song Yu meant when he said he wouldn't give up on him!

The author has something to say: Zhu Zhao: Go!Chinese girlfriends.Your journey to save your dear husband has begun!

Song Yu: It's you, little fierce god, IWANTYOU.

Zhu Zhao: If medication and talk therapy are ineffective, we still have electric shocks

Chu Xiuyuan: Do you think I'm Pikachu?Who said before that there is nothing that can't be solved by rolling the sheets once, if it doesn't work once, then twice

Song Yu: If I'm not in good condition, I can't even get up. I'm really using Liushen Pill.

Chu Xiuyuan: ...