i have a chromosome want to meet you

Looking at the handkerchief, Chu Xiuyuan was very happy.

Dissatisfaction with public health and rebellion in class are all unconsciously looking for an outlet for the pressure that he has nowhere to vent, but as the deadline for changing majors is approaching, no amount of venting, no amount of hostility can be consumed He was upset in his heart, he was bad when he had a small temper, but now it got worse, he was more irritable than before, every moment, his heart was burning with a flame of urgency, but he couldn't extinguish it with his own strength, he could only watch helplessly The flames burned more and more vigorously, and there was nothing to do.The sense of powerlessness and pressing despair made him more irritable, weakening his self-control ability all the time.It was only when he was with Song Yu that he could get a moment of joy.

By Song Yu's side, he becomes able to restrain himself and temporarily forget the pressure. Song Yu is too special to him, he likes every minute and every second with Song Yu.

Seeing that Chu Xiuyuan gradually calmed down, Song Yu let out a sigh of relief: "Why can't you help? Last time Wang Xinghe said that he wanted to change your major for you, have you considered it?"

Chu Xiuyuan shook his head: "I tried it during the summer vacation of the college entrance examination, and it was terrible."

Song Yu frowned.

Chu Xiuyuan turned to Song Yu and pointed to a half-centimeter-long scar at the corner of his eye: "Did you see this scar?"

There is a scar on the upper corner of the right eye, which is close to the crease of the double eyelid. It is not easy to find, but if you look carefully, you will find that the scar is not long, but it is very deep. From this, it can be inferred that there must be a lot of blood from the injury.

"On the second day after I received the notice, I went to a psychiatrist who gave my mother individual treatment. Later, I found out that my mother's previous compromises were all lies. She had already made up her mind to tamper with my will. She said she figured it out, and it was just a trick to make me relax my vigilance." Chu Xiuyuan calmed down after venting, but the truth he told still shocked Song Yu, "Every time I wanted to talk to my mother afterwards, she would She avoided it, for fear that I would bring up the idea of ​​changing majors. She has always believed in her heart that as long as I study medicine, I will be stabbed to death. She has an incomprehensible sense of fear about me studying medicine."

"As long as her thinking mode does not change, it is difficult to convince her." If the patient does not cooperate, the doctor will be helpless.Song Yu looked at Chu Xiuyuan's red and swollen eyes, no longer vigorous and fierce, showing a rare fragility.

Chu Xiuyuan was helpless: "Yes. Later, she didn't even let me mention individual treatment. She was worried that I would put her in the hands of a doctor and instill some strange thoughts in her, making her accept the fallacy that being a doctor is safe. ', she resisted any possibility of me becoming a doctor. Even the conventional treatment wanted to refuse. My dad and I had to compromise. I promised that I would not change my profession to stabilize her emotions."

Refusing conventional treatment...?The more he listened, the tighter Song Yu's brows became.

"Probably at the beginning of August..." Chu Xiuyuan gasped and clenched his fists. He thought of that nightmare summer.Song Yu put his hand on the back of Chu Xiuyuan's, only to realize that Chu Xiuyuan's hand was extremely cold.

"Take your time..." Song Yu's voice became softer, like the warm sun, "I'm always here."

Chu Xiuyuan tightened the hand wrapped by Song Yu, which made him inexplicably relieved. He let out a soft "um", relaxed his body, and snorted: "At the beginning of August, I saw that my mother's mood was stable. So I asked my dad to make a side note, and mentioned it briefly during dinner, but I didn't expect my mother to be afraid and dropped the bowl, and the pieces fell all over the floor."

A laugh: "I immediately explained that I can study medicine first, but I don't want to be a doctor. Do you know her reaction?"

Song Yu: "She doesn't believe you?"

"No." The arc of ridicule became wider, "She said that medical students are going to practice in hospitals, and maybe I was stabbed to death by a patient before I graduated from university."

You'd never guess where their deformed brains were focused.

Song Yu was silent, Mother Chu was too horny, she went too deep.

"I thought she was making trouble for no reason at the time, so I refuted her a few words, and she got sick..." She was helpless, "She thought I didn't understand her, and my dad found out from the doctor afterwards that my mother got sick because she was afraid The white-haired person sent the black-haired person, and my disobedience made her feel that she was very useless. If I insisted on being a doctor, I would deny the meaning of her existence in this family."

Song Yu secretly thought something was wrong and denied the meaning of existence. This should be the reason why Chu Xiuyuan's mother committed suicide.

"I was very angry at the time, and impulsively told her that I must become a doctor and change my profession. Then that night, at about two or three o'clock in the morning, I heard movement in the living room and the light was still on. I got up and saw that Mom was sitting in the living room, holding the ceramic fragments that were broken during dinner..." Chu Xiuyuan covered his face, recalling the scene at that time, trembling all over, Song Yu stroked Chu Xiuyuan's back over and over again, only to hear Chu Xiuyuan said intermittently, "She took the fragments and cut her wrists over and over again, the ground was full of blood..." Chu Xiuyuan thought that after several years of treatment, his mother's condition had improved, but he found out that day that her mother's mouth was full of blood. The hanging word suicide has never been a joke.

"I got scratched on my eye when I stepped forward to stop it." Touching the scar, Chu Xiuyuan chuckled, the smile was uglier than crying, "If I came a step later, my mother might leave... I I don’t dare to bet my mother’s life on my future.” The only thing that should be thankful is that TV dramas mislead people, idiots cut their wrists like TV dramas, but they didn’t cut their arteries, and they were still alive.

He wanted to scold, but when he saw his mother blaming himself and saying sorry to his blood-stained cheek, while trying to help him stop the bleeding regardless of the blood on his wrist, Chu Xiuyuan didn't say the last word.

Song Yu finally understood why Chu Xiuyuan said that he could not change his major. Between life and ideals, Chu Xiuyuan chose blood relatives.

No solution.

Song Yu never knew how much suffering Chu Xiuyuan had endured when he made this decision, and he finally understood why Chu Xiuyuan had more hostility than ordinary people.

His grievances, his unwillingness, and his despair cannot be told to the source, but can only be expressed in extreme ways, which are the subconscious choices of the human body's self-protection mechanism, if they are not vented, Chu Xiuyuan will completely collapse after a long time .

Chu Xiuyuan turned all his helplessness and despair into hatred for the public guard and hostility towards the outside world.

Song Yu was reluctant to say even the slightest bit of accusation.From now on, he will become Chu Xiuyuan's accomplice.

Does Chu Xiuyuan have a bad temper?It was indeed rough, but at this moment, Chu Xiuyuan's tears soaked his neckline, and Song Yu's only thought was that he should let it out.

They will have a long, long time in the future to allow time to create a truly wanton and optimistic Chu Xiuyuan who is occasionally venomous but cute and indulgent.

"Has mother's condition improved?" Song Yu asked, "Depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder can be controlled and improved through medication and talk therapy."

Chu Xiuyuan shook his head: "I've seen it for several years, and it's still the same. It keeps repeating. When it repeats, it's often worse than the previous one."

More serious?

Song Yu's back shivered, and a trace of doubt crossed his mind. Depression will indeed recur, but if he persists in treatment, it is impossible for him to get better in three years.Thinking of Chu Xiuyuan revealing that his mother seems to have a tendency to resist treatment...

"Did you try it later?" Song Yu asked.

Song Yu's fist under the palm of his hand was suddenly clenched, and his knuckles were pressed against his palm in an instant. Song Yu quickly slid his thumb and rubbed repeatedly on the back of Chu Xiuyuan's hand to ease his uncontrollable emotions: "Relax."

Chu Xiuyuan laughed at himself: "No, I dare not..."

"She keeps repeating, I dare not..."

After finishing speaking, the two fell into a long silence, and Song Yu kept rubbing the back of Chu Xiuyuan's hand.Feeling the light touch and the heat of the palm, as if there was a steady stream of warmth and strength coming from him, Chu Xiuyuan pursed his lips tightly. At this moment, he was extremely grateful that it was Song Yu who was by his side.

Taking a deep breath: "I communicated less and less with her, and then I found it was difficult for me to control my temper in front of her. I often quarreled with her because of some trivial matters, and the family was in turmoil. I knew she was suffering and innocent, but I I don't want to forgive her at all, sometimes I really...hate her so much..." Tangle, hesitation, and conflicts have torn Chu Xiuyuan day and night for three years, mother was sad because of Chu Xiuyuan's incomprehension, and father was dissatisfied with Chu Xiuyuan's incomprehension. Chu Xiuyuan is ignorant, but who can understand his pain?They always thought that a wish was insignificant, and that it was Chu Xiuyuan who made trouble out of no reason. Later, Chu Xiuyuan himself thought that his wanting to study medicine was a heinous crime and disregarding human life!

He thought that his father, who had suffered from it, would forgive him, and he wanted to confide in him, but the answer he received was always "for your mother's sake, bear it."

There is nowhere to tell, nowhere to vent, he can't even say a word to the outside world, he is afraid that other people's strange eyes on his mother will aggravate his mother's condition!

But who cares about his feelings?

Nobody, not a single one.

"But she is my mother..." His pain, like a sharp blade swallowed into the esophagus, obviously cut the softest tube in his body, but no one could see him. He thought he was safe and sound, only he knew how much pain he had.Because that's his mother.

Oh, mother, what a noble word.

Chu Xiuyuan distorted his face: "Why is there depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder in the world? Why do they put pain on me when they get sick? What did I do wrong? Why should I give up my pursuit of my ideals because of their problems? Why did they force me?! What did I do wrong?!"

It is not my fault!But why should I suffer the consequences!

Without warning, Chu Xiuyuan's emotions were on the verge of collapse: "It's good that they didn't appear in the world in the first place, they all disappear..."

"Xiuyuan!" Song Yu increased the strength in his hands and interrupted Chu Xiuyuan's unspoken word "lose". Looking at the red corners of Chu Xiuyuan's eyes, he pulled the person into his neck again, but his heart Pressing down on heavy stones.

During the three years that Chu's mother was suffering from the illness, Chu Xiuyuan was also suffering, and Song Yu felt distressed.Feeling Chu Xiuyuan's hair rubbing against his neck, Song Yu's heart seemed to be twisted into Chu Xiuyuan's tormented appearance.Are they all gone?How painful it is for him to say such extreme words.

"Xiuyuan, your mother deserves this because you love her." Leaning on his neck, Song Yu's voice sounded humming, but it was still gentle and powerful, "You should also realize that no matter how many times you Your choice will not change. If you lose your mother because of ideals, then you will suffer a thousand times and ten thousand times more than now, and you have chosen the most appropriate path. You have done a great job, really great." It has happened, so don't regret it.

"Really..." Chu Xiuyuan's voice was muffled, but Song Yu's reassurance miraculously calmed him down.There has always been only "you should let your mother go", but no one told him "you are worth it".

"Of course." Song Yu stroked Chu Xiuyuan's back over and over again. He wanted Chu Xiuyuan to understand that the same thing would be completely different from another angle. "I have a guess about your mother's illness. .”

Chu Xiuyuan didn't speak, and rubbed against Song Yu, which made Song Yu's heart feel soft and painful.

The author has something to say: In order to better understand depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder, I went to a psychological consultation clinic. The doctor asked, what do you want to talk to me about, little girl?

I thought it was a bit strange to ask straight to the point, so I thought about it for two seconds: Marriage phobia?

Doctor: Are you not married yet?

Why do I have such a cheap mouth... Do I look that old? !Is the little girl kidding me with your sentence?