you better not like me

Chen Yan's tone was gentle and calm, but Zhan Ke felt that he had been hit in the head with a stick. He was instantly dizzy and his brain was congested, and his eyes were also red.He only felt a buzzing in his ears, and what Chen Yan said was played in his ears repeatedly, becoming clearer and clearer.

From being vague as if separated by a wall at the beginning, to being engraved in my mind, it seems that I will never forget it.

In the past 28 years, Zhan Ke believes that he has experienced ups and downs.But he had never faced a situation that made him powerless.It's very illusory, and it makes him unable to use his strength.But it was very real, the pain was as if the heart was tightly held, the blood in the whole body was drained, and the bones were smashed joint by joint.

He stared at Chen Yan for a long time, and traced the outline of Chen Yan in the darkness. In the end, he could only helplessly shake his head like a child, using the stolen oxygen to support his breathing, and said, "No, no."

His brain couldn't react at all.

His mind went blank for a moment, and he almost forgot how to speak.

He couldn't say anything except the "no" that was imprinted deepest in his mind, the heaviest and clearest.

Loss of language organization.

But even so, he should be very clear in his heart.

Chen Yan chose to say these words to him, which already meant that he could not stay.

Then, the strange emotions that had been suppressed in my heart for many days were also explained.

He felt it.

He clearly felt Chen Yan's recent differences, but he still denied his doubts.

He was just so self-righteous, thinking that he could satisfy him, that Chen Yan could accept people like himself, and that they were getting better soon.

The end point of self-deception is the blow of reality.

Only he thinks passionately about the future.

Zhan Ke felt that even the air in the room was crying.

He didn't want to hear anything from Chen Yan tonight.

"Tired? Go to sleep." He covered Chen Yan's stomach with the quilt, his voice was slightly hoarse, but also gentle, "Go to sleep."

go to sleep.go to sleep.

Stop talking, go to sleep, and forget everything you said tonight.

Forget it, all of this can be treated as if it never happened.

They don't need to be separated, they can always be together, and they will have a common future.

Forget, forget it.

Chen Yan put his hand on his neck, and with just a little leverage, he got closer to him.

Zhan Ke wanted to escape, but he was reluctant to give up this hard-won opportunity.

He probably knows how people are contradictory.

Even in the face of such an important moment, he couldn't judge clearly and couldn't make a choice.

Chen Yan's voice was so close that it seemed to be right next to his ears, and Zhan Ke could clearly hear the inadvertent trembling of a certain word of his.

"I didn't plan to tell you at first, but I planned to leave one day when I couldn't hold back. But after thinking about it, I still feel that there are a lot of things I want to tell you. But as soon as I said it, it was exposed, just like now."

Zhan Ke took Chen Yan's hand, placed it on the side of his face, and lowered his head to press a kiss on his palm.

"Don't say it, my dear, don't say it." When he spoke, the heat from his breath fell on Chen Yan's palm, which was hot and itchy.

Chen Yan knew very well that Zhan Ke was trying to paralyze himself.

But today, even if he let go of everything and no longer wants to hurt him, it is inevitable for him to recognize the reality.

He said cruelly: "Zhan Ke, I said we are going to separate, did you hear me clearly?" He spoke very forcefully.

Zhan Ke shook his head, "Stop talking, go to sleep, it's late and go to bed early. If I disturb you, I can leave now. Don't talk anymore."

His tone was tougher than he had probably been since April.

But Chen Yan couldn't bring up his temper at all.

Because all he heard was begging.

Chen Yan felt something slip out of his eyes, crossed the bridge of his nose, and stuck to the eyelashes of the other eye.

He closed his eyes uncomfortably, buried his head on the pillow and pressed down hard.

"Don't do this." Chen Yan said: "I want to open up to you, let's be fair, and you have to open up and listen to me."

After waiting for about 10 minutes, so long that Chen Yan thought he was asleep, Zhan Ke said in a hoarse voice: "We get along very well these days. If this continues, one day we will really get better. right?"

Chen Yan said lightly: "No."

Zhan Ke gritted his teeth and insisted, "Yes."

Chen Yan smiled and repeated: "No."

"If you're like this...I suddenly feel that I can't die. I can't control myself and walk on the road of slow suicide while thinking that I can't die, I can't commit suicide."

When he said the word "suicide", Zhan Ke's body froze for a moment, he slowed down, and pressed Chen Yan tightly into his arms again.

"Don't commit suicide, you can't... There are many people who miss you very much. They will be very sad if you are not here."

I can do it too.

But my sad time will be short.

I will be with you.

Zhan Ke didn't dare to say.

He was afraid that something would happen to Chen Yan.

Chen Yan almost couldn't hold back his urge to cry, "I'm really scared. I can't sleep at night, and it's a nightmare when I close my eyes. In the dream, you told me that I was sick and needed to be cured, and at the same time you said you loved me ;As soon as the picture of you saying that if others find out about our relationship, you will kill me, then you hug me and say you miss me very much; a chance."

"I'm really scared. I can't sleep, and I don't dare to sleep. I'm afraid of having nightmares, and I'm even more afraid that one day I won't be able to distinguish between dreams and reality, and I won't be able to wake up."

In the dream, Zhan Ke's indifference, Zhan Ke's cruelty, Zhan Ke's indifference, Zhan Ke's gentleness, Zhan Ke's forbearance, Zhan Ke bowed his head and retreated again and again.

Everything is intertwined, repeatedly switching the screen to appear.

Chen Yan didn't dare to sleep at all.

This is horrible.

Zhan Ke heard his voice getting lower and lower as he spoke, trembling more and more.The uncontrollable crying was accompanied by the sentence "I'm really scared".

It took him a long time to realize why he felt cold on his face that day.

He didn't realize when his tears fell down, and they covered his whole face unconsciously.

He only caressed Chen Yan's face, and then leaned over to kiss his tears away, "I'm sorry, I didn't know... I didn't know that I would put so much pressure on you, I'm sorry. It's my fault, it's all because I didn't know." Okay, don't cry, be good, don't be afraid. I promise you, I promise everything, don't cry. "

Then it was Chen Yan who let out a flood of tears, and said "stop crying" to Zhan Ke.

Chen Yan's slender and fair fingers gently pinched Zhan Ke's jaw, and kissed it.

A kiss that does not see blood but is full of blood smell heralds the end of love.

Mixed with tears rolling down one after another, I can't tell whose it is.

Chen Yan kissed fiercely, and then slowly backed away when both of them were short of breath.

Ambiguously, the silver thread broke silently, and it was strange that the night was too dark.

Chen Yan finally cried wantonly, no longer suppressed, no longer sobbing inaudibly.

He hugged Zhanke tightly.

At this moment, it was like going back to the past, the gangster Chen Yan sneered in Zhan Ke's arms and acted like a baby.

Whisper it hurts.

Say sorry in a low voice.

"I'm really, really scared." Chen Yan's voice trembled violently.

"It hurts too much."

"I love you. I have always loved you. But I will only love you quietly. Loving you loudly hurts too much. It really hurts Zhanke too much."

He has suppressed love for many years and developed the habit of being suppressed.

"I'm in a dilemma."

"It hurts to love you."

"It hurts not to love you."

"It hurts to torture you, and it hurts to treat you well."

"I can't see you living well, let alone seeing you being wronged."

Zhan Ke felt that night came at this moment.

It was suddenly dark.

The person in his arms opened up to him for the first time in many years.

But he was in so much pain that he could hardly bear it anymore.

He couldn't tell whether it was the pain of being stabbed or the pain he felt for Chen Yan.

It seems the latter has prevailed.

It doesn't matter if he hurts or not, he should have gotten used to it.

But he still couldn't bear Chen Yan's pain.

His eyes were glazed over, but when he heard Chen Yan's crying, he would still pat him on the back lightly, once and for all.

"You can treat me whatever you want, it doesn't matter if we are together or not. Don't put pressure on yourself, don't care if I will be uncomfortable or wronged. I will be uncomfortable if you are wronged."

He lowered his head and kissed Chen Yan's forehead lightly, "I love you, and I also hope that you will be well in the future."

He mocked himself in his heart, as long as he didn't show up again, it would probably be Chen Yan's best future.

How could Chen Yan be afraid?

Chen Yan was really scared.

Boys who always dared to say love boldly are now cowards in love.

Now he's going to protect the coward.

The best protection is not to see each other again.

作者有话要说：感谢在2020-07-0400:41:34~2020-07-0419:42:25期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel who threw the grenade: Catherine1;

Thanks to the little angel who threw the mine: 1 autumn;

Thanks to the little angels who irrigate the nutrient solution: Dream Menger, 5 bottles of Yixi Yanshui Shen;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!