you better not like me

When walking at night, Zhan Ke seemed to have worked hard to prepare in advance.Pull out and talk about recent events—whether online or in reality—one by one in an extremely blunt manner.

Chen Yan laughed while chatting, and couldn't help asking him: "Are you free to watch these things all day long?"

Zhan Ke was a little embarrassed, "No... I'm just afraid that it will be awkward if I don't have to talk."

"Did you just find out?" Chen Yan asked.

Zhan Ke didn't understand, "What?"

Chen Yan said calmly: "I just realized that there is actually nothing worth talking about between us."

When they were together before, Chen Yan always faced such a situation, afraid that it would be embarrassing to talk about, and also afraid that what Zhan Ke was not interested in talking about.

"Actually, we are not from the same world at all." Chen Yan was very indifferent, "It was the same way before. I have to try my best to find topics to make it appear that we are very warm."

Zhan Ke disagreed very much, "It's my problem, it's just because I'm so boring, and someone with another personality will definitely not stand out." He was unwilling to admit the so-called "people who are not from the same world".

Seeing his insistence, Chen Yan had no choice but to say: "There is also this reason."

He can chat well with everyone, because he has been in contact with a lot of people since he was a child, and he has to learn to talk nonsense when he sees people.

Alone Zhan Ke.

There is really nothing to talk about, no matter from which point of view.

When the two walked to the lake, the night wind was full of moisture, and Chen Yan's calf was cold.He bent down to touch it, and it was shockingly cold.

"What time is it?" Chen Yan asked.

Zhan Ke squinted against the glare of the phone to check the time.

"Twenty past eleven."

Before I knew it, it was so late.

The topics he found by doing his homework in advance are still useful. He has been talking to Chen Yan for nearly two hours.

"Thirsty?" Zhan Ke asked.

Chen Yan said, "Soda."

Hearing the sound, Zhan Ke was silent for a moment, then pointed to a small shop not far away, "Let's go."

Chen Yan took the can of Coke and went out, and Zhan Ke followed after paying the money.

The two walked for a short distance, and Zhan Ke suddenly said, "Do you remember what you said to me?"

Chen Yan took a sip of Coke, and let out a puzzled "Huh?"

Zhan Ke looked at the Coke in his hand and smiled, "I can't recite the original text either. But I think you said, you used to love soda and now you don't, and you used to love me, but now you don't either."

Although the focus is on the first half of the sentence, when it comes to "I don't love now", Zhan Ke's voice is still shaking with pain.

Chen Yan lowered his head and thought for a long time, then smiled and said, "I can't remember."

Zhan Ke said, "It's okay, I remember."

He looked at the Coke in Chen Yan's hand and asked, "Now that you love to drink soda again, will you... suddenly love me again?"

Chen Yan fell silent.

After a long time, he threw the empty soda can into the trash can and said, "I seldom drink it. I'm just tired and still used to drinking soda."

Zhan Ke pursed his lips tightly, unable to speak for a while.

"You don't have to be sad because of these things. Love is too mysterious. Let's not talk about it in the future." Chen Yan slipped on Zhan Ke's back in a mysterious way, seemingly comforting, but he carried a knife in every word.Zhan Ke, who was stabbed, couldn't breathe, and felt that walking had become a physical exertion.

He walked more and more slowly, Chen Yan simply said: "Are you tired? Go home."

His tone is always gentle now, and his speech is no longer so smug, but Zhan Ke also suffers from pain and flustered.

Even if Chen Yan said "go home", he still felt his heart was pinched so hard that he couldn't beat.

Does Chen Yan treat him well?

Zhan Ke still wanted to say—OK.

Even though it hurts so much, he still feels that Chen Yan is giving him room.

"Go home?" Chen Yan asked again.

Zhan Ke suddenly turned around to face him, and hugged him tightly without consent, very hard, as if he wanted to melt Chen Yan into his body.

There are still many pedestrians on the road, but it is too late to see each other clearly.

Under the protection of the night, same-sex feelings are also protected by the world, and everyone bypasses them one after another, not to disturb them.

"I can't breathe anymore." Chen Yan struggled with both hands and could only push to Zhan Ke's waist, but he couldn't care less, so he pushed his hands around Zhan Ke's waist twice.

The latter consciously let go of him a little, but still refused to let go completely.

"You've been weird recently." Zhan Ke whispered into Chen Yan's ear with some grievances: "Obviously you are much better to me than before, but I just feel that you are getting farther and farther away from me."

Chen Yan was stunned for a moment, then hugged him back.

His hands were wrapped around his waist, very empty and unreal.

Zhan Ke said softly, "Hold tight."

Chen Yan looked to the side: "It's outside."

Zhan Ke said hoarsely, "Hold tight, please."

Chen Yan couldn't listen to a single plea.

He didn't realize it until Zhan Ke returned a hug with all his strength.

As always, I can't see him being wronged in the slightest.

They were on the main road, surrounded by pedestrians coming and going.

They hug each other tightly.

No one will know that these are two people of the same sex bound together by love.

Darkness faked their acceptance.

Chen Yan didn't know what Zhan Ke was thinking in less than a minute, he only heard a short sob.

After parting, I heard Zhan Ke sniff again and said, "Go home."

On the way home, the two tacitly stopped talking.

Along the way, it was as quiet as before.

Chen Yan was quite at ease, but Zhan Ke became cautious every step of the way.

He was going to look at Chen Yan secretly and carefully from the corner of his eye again.

As soon as he got out of the elevator, Zhan Ke grabbed Chen Yan's hand and pushed him against the wall.The two looked at each other, and Zhan Ke swallowed nervously, as if he was about to say something.

But because of the momentary nervousness, Chen Yan took the lead.

Chen Yan said: "Don't worry, you can tell me slowly at night."

Although Zhan Ke was so nervous that the strings in his brain were tense, his brain reacted the fastest when he received this sentence.

He could suddenly hear his heart beating very fast... as if it was about to burst through his chest.

Chen Yan gently pushed him away, took out the key and opened the door.

Went in, but didn't close.

Zhan Ke didn't fully react until he saw the half-open door.

What Chen Yan meant was that they could sleep together tonight.

While Zhan Ke was excited, the worry in his heart expanded again, and he didn't know what he was worried about.

Chen Yan entered the bedroom, and when he came out, he saw that Zhan Ke was tensely stiff, and he couldn't help laughing.

Throwing the clothes in his hand to him, he said, "Go take a shower. Find the toiletries yourself, there should be quite a few disposable ones."

Although it was cold at night, it was still a layer of sweat after all.

Zhan Ke took it, walked to the bathroom in a daze, stepped in and came out quickly.

Embarrassed, he said, "No slippers."

Chen Yan drank water from a teacup, pointed to the door, "I thought you were going to wash your shoes by the way."

Chen Yan made a joke, and Zhan Ke really wanted to smile to cheer him up.But I just can't laugh.

He didn't know if it was because of excitement, nervousness, joy, or something else.

After he came out of the shower, Chen Yan dozed off and went in to take a shower, and came out soon.

Zhan Ke sat by the bed.

When he saw Chen Yan coming out, he almost bit his tongue out nervously.

Chen Yan was very calm.

It's natural to do anything, Zhan Ke couldn't help thinking in his heart, is his reaction too extreme?

Or, it was because Chen Yan felt that it didn't matter whether he was there or not, so he didn't even bother to move his emotions.

"Sleep?" Chen Yan asked.

Zhan Ke nodded, then shook his head, blushing under Chen Yan's puzzled eyes, "Anything is fine."

As soon as he finished speaking, the lights went out.

Chen Yan walked around to the other side of the bed in the dark, lifted the quilt and lay down in the dark.

It took about a minute or so before I felt the other side of the bed sink in.

The two lay there looking at the ceiling for a long time.

It was Chen Yan who started first.

"What do you want to say?" he asked.

Zhan Ke said truthfully: "I'm a little... nervous, I forgot all about it."

Chen Yan laughed, and Zhan Ke followed suit.

After he stopped laughing, he turned over and lay on his side, facing Zhan Ke.

"I have a lot to tell you."

Zhan Ke couldn't bear it anymore, he moved towards Chen Yan, and hugged him restlessly.

"Let me hold you for a while."

He has lived for 27 years, and no one has ever felt that a hug is so reassuring, just like this moment.

The smell on Chen Yan's body can soothe all the restlessness in his heart.

Chen Yan is very good.

I really let him hug me for a long time without moving.

Finally, Zhan Ke made up his mind to listen.

"What are you going to say?" he asked softly.

Chen Yan exhaled lightly, "I can't breathe anymore."

Zhan Ke relaxed a little.

After waiting for a long time, I heard Chen Yan speak.

"Actually, I don't know where to start." Chen Yan's breathing began to become light and trembling, "You said, I'm too thin, I can't get fat anyway. It's not a problem with my physique. When something goes wrong, it is easy to gain weight. It is at that time that I can’t eat very much, so I look thin.”

Zhan Ke caught his breath.

"You see, if we really find a suitable topic to talk about, it will be so heavy." Chen Yan smiled bitterly: "I have struggled before, and countless people have told me since I started chasing you that we are not alone. People from the world, I don't believe it. But if you look at the reality, it is clear to the bystanders, we really... have never been people from the same world."

"There is no such thing, they don't understand, they are talking nonsense." Zhan Ke reacted greatly.

Chen Yan sighed softly, "If you don't admit it, this is also reality."

"Also. I remember what I said - I used to like to eat roadside stalls and now I don't like it, I used to like to drink soda and now I don't like it anymore, I used to want to have a lifetime with you, but now I don't want to. What I said to you , I basically remember all of them. Actually, I still like roadside stalls and soda drinks. I have been fantasizing about how we will meet again in the past five years, and then we will walk through life."

"That's how I am. Even if you say I'm sick, even if you let me go, I never gave up loving you."

"So you asked me if I would love you suddenly, and my answer is no, because I have always loved you."

Chen Yan's eyes were bright.

Zhan Ke suddenly saw the sunny Chen Yan from before, so real.

"I do love you. But I still want to say—" Chen Yan raised his hand to stroke Zhan Ke's cheek, "We shouldn't be together."

"Let's separate."

"We've been through so much, I don't want to torture each other anymore. I still wish you all the best in the future."

The author has something to say: here we come.

下章继续，我继续码，但不一定能今晚更。感谢在2020-07-0320:45:47~2020-07-0400:41:34期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angels who irrigate the nutrient solution: 10 bottles of smoke and water sink overnight; 1 bottle of meat floss glutinous rice balls and sink and float;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!