you better not like me

Bye.

After half a minute.

Zhan Ke: It's late, why don't you come back?

Chen Yan didn't return.

Zhan Ke: I'll pick you up

Jian Le was still crying, but there was no sound, but she couldn't hold back her tears.Quanliu Chen Yan's clothes are on.

Chen Yan waited for him to finish crying.

The phone rang again, and the caller ID was still Zhan Ke.

He was probably in a hurry because he didn't reply to the text message.

The night wind was blowing comfortably, Chen Yan picked it up after thinking about it, he might not be able to carry this drunk back.

"It's late, let's go home." As soon as the connection was made, Zhan Ke said anxiously.

Chen Yan supported Jian Le with one hand, and gave an address.

Immediately afterwards, I heard the sound of Zhan Ke picking up the key and closing the door. Zhan Ke said as he walked, "I'll be there soon."

Chen Yan didn't care how long this was going to be, but he just wanted to tell Jian Le that he had to finish crying as soon as possible.

But he was afraid that speaking out would interrupt his crying mood, thinking about letting him cry all at once, Chen Yan remained silent.

When Zhan Ke came, he saw Jian Le lying on Chen Yan's body from a long distance away, not knowing what he was doing.

But for a moment, he was angry, and strode over without thinking.

Something sounds wrong when you get close.

is crying?

Chen Yan waved his hand at him, signaling him not to come over.

Zhan Ke took a step back, stood aside and waited quietly.

Not only did Chen Yan not wait for Jian Le to finish crying, but he waited until he cried harder, more wronged and louder.

In the end, a complete sentence could not be uttered.

"I'm all crying, that's fine." Chen Yan raised his hand to wipe his tears, "Still uncomfortable?"

Jian Le backed away a little, raised her hand carelessly and wiped her eyes twice, "No, it's not hard...uncomfortable."

Zhan Ke stood aside and listened for half the time. Just as he was about to come over to help, he heard Chen Yan say, "You lead the way."

Jian Le turned around, only to find that Zhan Ke was there.

He was a little embarrassed, but couldn't stop hiccupping.

After getting in the car.

Both of them were sitting in the back seat. Chen Yan knew that it was difficult for Jian Le to speak normally, so he simply stopped talking.

The air in the car was eerily silent.

Zhan Ke still controlled the speed of the car at the maximum speed. This place is not far from home and will arrive soon.

When I got out of the car, I found that Jian Le was asleep. Chen Yan said to Zhan Ke: "Help me up, and I will carry him."

Zhan Ke didn't say a word, grabbed Jian Le by one arm, bent down slightly, and carried him on his back.

Chen Yan raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.

After putting Jian Le on the bed, Chen Yan said "Thank you", and then signaled Zhan Ke to leave.

But the latter seemed to be stuck in place, unable to move a step away.

"Aren't you leaving?" Chen Yan asked.

Zhan Ke said awkwardly: "If he wants to vomit, I'll do it."

"It's not that I can't help him." Chen Yan felt a little funny.

"Let me do it." Zhan Ke insisted.

Chen Yan didn't say anything, just let him go.

Jian Le was the same as last time, she would vomit if she drank too much, and it didn't take long before she rubbed against the bed in a daze.

Zhan Ke quickly helped him out of bed, took him to the bathroom, and watched him vomit while hugging the toilet.

"Didn't you just eat? Why are you still drinking so much?"

The whole house smelled of alcohol, Zhan Ke had a short-circuit just now and didn't even ask Chen Yan how much he drank.

I didn't even smell the alcohol on him.

"I met his father." Chen Yan leaned against the door of the toilet, and said in a flat tone.

Zhan Ke probably understood something, "Let him go home?"

Chen Yan gave a "hmm" and then said, "Go home and see a psychiatrist."

Psychologist.

Zhan Ke stopped talking.

This time Chen Yan didn't intend to provoke Zhan Ke, he felt quite tired,

He didn't even watch Zhan Ke's painful mood. He walked over and pulled up Jian Le who had almost vomited, and asked softly, "Do you want to vomit again?"

Jane Le shook her head.

Chen Yan helped him to go out.

After recovering from his senses, Zhan Ke hurriedly followed out, and saw Chen Yan bent over and said to Jian Le, who was sitting beside the bed in a daze, "Can you change your clothes by yourself?"

Jian Le's surviving sanity hardly supported him to understand this sentence, so he still shook his head.

Chen Yan asked again: "Then do you want to change clothes?"

Zhan Ke hurriedly said, "I'll change it for him."

Chen Yan frowned, "What's the matter with you?"

Jian Le still couldn't understand, while slowly closing her eyes, she shook her head.

"Then go to sleep." Chen Yan helped him to lie down, and then covered his stomach.

"Get out." Chen Yan reached out and groped by the bedside table, turned off the light with a "snap", and said to Zhan Ke who was standing in the dark.

He walked out first by himself, followed by Zhan Ke.

"It's getting late, I'm going to bed too." Chen Yan urged.

Zhan Ke glanced at the door, thought for a while, and was afraid that it would not be the right time to ask next time, so he asked, "I should be able to help with Jian Le's matter."

Chen Yan's expression loosened a bit, "Huh?"

Zhan Ke licked his dry lips, "I have a friend who is a psychiatrist."

Chen Yan remembered.Zhan Ke's friend is not an ordinary psychiatrist, to him.

Because at the beginning, what he almost wanted to see was "his friend".

"It's not that," Zhan Ke hurriedly explained, "It's not him."

When Zhan Ke doubted himself again and again, the psychiatrist he asked had a big prejudice against homosexuality.Very arbitrarily told him that "it is a disease and can be cured".

How to cure?

Zhan Ke didn't know.

After learning about it later, Chen Yan had already left.He couldn't tell whether he should be sad or happy.

Fortunately, Chen Yan did not continue to stay by his side. If he agreed, he would regret it for the rest of his life.Suicide can't make up for it.

He blocked the doctor surnamed Zeng, and he didn't intend to learn more about this profession.

Working too hard led to a sharp decline in physical fitness, and at the same time, the psychological pressure was increasing.

A client recommended that he should do counseling.

I met an old professor.

"Oh." Chen Yan didn't care.

But I suppressed the overwhelming chill in my heart.

The two sat down and said.

Chen Yan briefly explained the whole story, and Zhan Ke's first reaction after hearing it was: If he meets someone with the same surname as Zeng, he will be forced to get sick even if he is not sick.

Just like... Chen Yan.

He didn't dare to stare at Chen Yan too clearly, so he looked at him from the corner of his eye.

He felt that Chen Yan was too kind to Jian Le. According to Jian Le's description, the two had not known each other for a long time, and they were not close friends.

But it's easy to understand, Chen Yan seemed to see himself back then.

He seemed to see Chen Yan back then.

Just looking at a stranger like this, he will feel pity in his heart.

He didn't know what his reaction would be if he saw Chen Yan back then, he didn't even dare to predict.

But he knew that by helping Jian Le, in Chen Yan's mind, he was helping him five years ago.

"Don't worry." Zhan Ke said softly, "After he goes back, ask him to send you the time to see the doctor."

Chen Yan didn't have much expectation, "Yes."

We're done talking.

Chen Yan continued to urge him to go back.

Zhan Ke didn't have any reason to stay this time.

on Monday.

Chen Yan went to work in the morning and asked for leave at noon to come back.

Jian Le had a mournful face, and originally wanted to smile at Chen Yan before leaving, so that he could feel at ease.

But the last smile was too ugly, and Chen Yan pinched his face.

"Ugly to death."

Jian Le's steps towards the door seemed heavy.

He couldn't explain why, but he always felt that staying with Chen Yan would be safe.

"I'm going back." Jian Le stood at the door with her hand on the doorknob.

Chen Yan gave a "hmm", and then urged: "Bring your mobile phone, charge it enough, call me if you have anything to do."

Jian Le nodded seriously, struggled for a long time, and left.

He didn't let Chen Yan see him off. Firstly, he was afraid that he couldn't help but want to come back with Chen Yan. Second, he was afraid that his parents would see him and misunderstand Chen Yan.

After going downstairs alone, Jian Le buried her head and walked away, suddenly hearing someone calling his name.

"Jane Le."

He raised his head, and Zhan Ke stood leaning against the car door, "Get in the car, I'll see you off."

In summer, the temperature can reach [-] degrees, and now the sun is shining brightly. Jian Le walked over without even thinking about it.

"sorry to bother you."

Jian Le reported the address, and Zhan Ke started the car.

Chen Yan has been paying attention to the phone, for fear of missing the call.

But one afternoon when the weather was calm, he began to think, is it because Jian Le's parents plan to lock him up for a few days?

Zhan Ke is not there either.

Also very strange.

Zhan Ke usually finds some excuse to knock on the door whenever he is at home.

But the whole afternoon, no one knocked on the door.

The quietness made Chen Yan feel that he was the only one left in the world.

He sat in the corner of the sofa in a daze.

My mind started thinking about some messy things.

the phone is ringing.

"Brother Chen Yan."

It's Jane Le.

"En." Chen Yan replied.

"I'm safe." Jian Le smiled and said, "Come to report your safety."

"Safe".

Chen Yan smiled, "Then congratulations."

He didn't ask why, nor did he ask about the process, nor did he ask about the current situation.

But happy.

"Yes……"

"Zhan Ke?" Chen Yan interrupted him.

Jian Le gave a heavy "hmm", and then said: "I take back what I said about him being 'difficult to get along with', hahaha I'm just such a fool."

The air conditioner was turned on a little too loudly.

Chen Yan felt goose bumps on his arms.

He touched it.

"Well, is he back?"

"I've been away for a while, haven't you gone back?"

Chen Yan glanced at the door subconsciously.

"It's okay, I'll just ask."

After hanging up the phone, Chen Yan walked to the door very quietly.

opened the door.

Zhan Ke, who was looking for an excuse with his head down, suddenly raised his head, "Chen Yan."

"Thank you." Chen Yan said.

His expression looked relaxed, but Zhan Ke always felt that he didn't seem so happy.

"What's wrong? Are you in a bad mood?" Zhan Ke asked worriedly.

Chen Yan opened the door wide and motioned for him to come in.

Zhan Ke was flattered and walked in.

Although he was let in, Chen Yan didn't seem to have any intention of talking to him. The two sat facing each other, and Chen Yan seemed to be unable to see him.

I don't know where the thoughts flew, and Zhan Ke didn't dare to disturb him.

"How did you do it?" After a long while, Chen Yan asked in a chatty tone.

Zhan Ke said: "That friend..."

As soon as he was halfway through speaking, Chen Yan interrupted him.

"Don't talk about it."

Chen Yan couldn't describe how he felt now.

It is such a contradiction again, all kinds of sharp contradictions are intertwined with each other.

He felt that if he went completely crazy one day, he would probably be entangled and crazy.

He wanted to know how it was done, and whether Jian Le's parents could accept it now.Also happy for Jian Le.

But he was also afraid of knowing how to do it, and afraid of knowing the attitude of Jian Le's parents, and he would not be really happy.

Because once he knew, he couldn't help thinking—what about him?What should he do?

The thought was so selfish that he decided not to let it arise.

If he refused to let him speak, Zhan Ke would not speak.

The two always spend time in silence, Zhan Ke will not feel embarrassed after a long time, he will take advantage of this time to secretly look at Chen Yan.

"Right now he……"

"His parents..."

"you……"

Chen Yan couldn't help wanting to ask, but he was eager to take it back when he asked.

He couldn't help frowning after too many times, and couldn't sit still with anxiety.

He picked up the remote control irritably and lowered the temperature of the air conditioner again.

Trying to ease the restlessness in my heart in this way.

Zhan Ke knew that Chen Yan was stuck in his emotions and couldn't get out, but he was helpless.

Zhan Ke wanted to hug him very much, but was afraid of disturbing him.

It's been a long, long time.

Chen Yan was finally pushed to the extreme by himself.

He broke the can and asked, "What about me?"

The moment he said it, he felt a lot more comfortable in his heart.

It was as if the net that was woven in his heart to wrap his whole heart was finally broken.

Yes, this was actually the question he had been wanting to ask.

Finally said it.

He somewhat hated himself for being like this, but it was undeniable that the anxiety in his heart had been calmed down a lot.

"You can save him, why can't you save me?"