sleep in your heart

You Zeyi doesn't like to cry, he thinks crying is a sign of cowardice, the world doesn't allow him to be cowardly, he doesn't have the qualifications.

Weakness, fragility, and cowardice are reserved for those who have someone to rely on. He has no one, he only has himself. Tears will only make him appear more useless, and will only make him feel that life is more bitter.

But when Zheng Zhi hugged him, he finally collapsed.

All the emotions that had been suppressed for many years erupted at this moment, and all his pain and grievances were wrapped in tears and flowed out.

Zheng Zhi stroked his back lightly, without saying a word, giving him time to vent, sometimes, quiet company is more real than useless comfort.

You Zeyi finished crying, tired of crying, lying in Zheng Zhi's arms in a daze.

Zheng Zhi asked him softly, "Are you hungry?"

You Ze shook his head and said in a muffled voice, "Can you give me a tissue?"

Zheng Zhi was amused by his words, got up and handed him a box of paper towels: "If I want one, I'll give you a box."

You Zeyi took it and wiped his face, then blew his nose.

"What else do you want?" Zheng Zhi leaned to the side and looked at him with a smile, "Give me to you too, how about?"

You Ze, who had just blown his nose, had a red nose. Hearing what he said, he was taken aback for a moment, then shook his head: "No."

"...no fun." Zheng Zhi stood up and went to fetch water for him, "Are you in a better mood after crying?"

"Hmm..." After crying enough, I began to feel ashamed.

You Zeyi didn't want to make himself too miserable at all, but for some reason, when the two chatted, they always went in a heavy direction.

"Actually, it's nothing," You Zeyi said, "I'm doing pretty well now."

When Zheng Zhi received the water, he couldn't help curling his lips helplessly. He suspected that You Ze had some misunderstanding about "living well".

"At that time, the school wanted to expel me. In fact, there was still room for turning around, but I was not sure." You Zeyi said, "This matter is quite complicated."

That year, You Zeyi was admitted to a fairly good university, and he worked as a tutor while studying, and with the student loan he applied for, he basically didn't have to rely on his aunt's family.

When You Zeyi was just in college, it was a rare period of relaxation and happiness after an accident at home. He was very busy and hard every day, but he enjoyed it.

He felt that his life was going up.

However, just when he thought he was about to survive, the avalanche broke out.

Who knows who actually found out the photo of the incident in his middle school, and he, an unknown student, quickly became the focus of the college.

Compared with middle school, colleges and universities are more open-minded, and the treatment of homosexuality is not so harsh, and it is more of good-natured curiosity.

A few classmates in the same dormitory that You chose did not show too much rejection towards him, everything was as usual, and they still called each other brothers.

He was not used to being paid too much attention, and he was a little anxious at the beginning of the matter, but slowly, it became nothing.

More importantly, during that time, You Zeyi finally began to face up to this problem, and understood himself better.

However, it still affected his life.

I don't know how the family he was tutoring heard about this. That family has always treated him well, and even a few times he went to class very late, and let him stay overnight after the end.

But after this incident happened, the hostess of that family dismissed him tactfully.

She said: "We really don't discriminate against homosexuality, and we know it's not a disease. However, our child is only in middle school, and as parents, we don't want to give him this kind of guidance..."

You Zeyi didn't say anything, and left with the fee he had settled and never went there again.

He has begun to understand their thoughts, and he will no longer harbor resentment, but he just feels very sad. This society seems to be tolerant to everyone, but in fact, it has never been tolerant.

He can understand that if he is a parent, he does not want his children to be gay. He knows how difficult this road is.

If possible, any parent hopes that their children will have a smooth journey without encountering any ups and downs, but gay people encounter more than just ups and downs, they are ravines and mountains.

Without the tutoring job, You Ze kept looking for new part-time jobs.

Restaurant waiter, supermarket cashier, as long as he can find time, he uses it to make money.

No way, he has to live.

If these hardships are just a prelude, then the later thing is the most intricate syllable in the stave that can make the player collapse.

During the holidays, You Zeyi did not go home as usual, lived in school at night and went out to work during the day.

During that time, there were quite a few students staying in school, most of them were preparing for postgraduate entrance examinations, and teachers hardly came to school.

One day when he came back from get off work, he happened to meet a teacher in the department at the school gate.

There are scum everywhere, but You Zeyi overestimated the teacher's morality.

The teacher asked him to help in the office, but he didn't expect to encounter the most direct and naked nightmare for the first time in his life.

You Ze has always respected every teacher, but he didn't expect that one day his teacher asked him to relieve his dirtiest desires. The teacher said it bluntly and obscenely. He was smoking a cigarette and asked You Ze to untie his belt.

You Zeyi refused, stood at the door, and said to him: "Teacher, you can't do this."

Then, the teacher sneered and cursed.

How dark human nature is, You Ze has seen it a long time ago, but he thought that he would never meet that kind of world again in his future life, but he didn't expect that the other party threw all the dirty words at him, and said him in a bad way It's worthless, as if if he doesn't give it to that person, he's just being a bitch and setting up a torii.

He didn't understand how he could say such a thing as a teacher, but to his own students.

You Zeyi said: "Teacher, I'm leaving. I can keep today's matter a secret for you, but I hope you won't do this again in the future."

But in the next second, he was punched, and before he could react, he was pressed to the ground and tore his collar.

You Zeyi doesn't like to argue with others, but in this kind of matter, there is absolutely no way to accept it.

He resisted, and after pushing the other party away violently, he held his mobile phone and wanted to call the police.

The teacher laughed at him, saying that nothing had happened between the two of them, and the police would not care at all, let alone the two men, there was nothing to talk about.

You Ze's heart was cold for a while, he became ruthless, kicked that person, and then escaped.

After running to the door of the teaching building, he took only a few steps before he vomited with nausea. What disgusted him was the world and those obscene and dirty hearts.

It won't be dawn, You Zeyi thought at the time, so he really can only walk in the dark.

What made him even more unexpected was that the teacher who molested him even sued the villain first, reporting to the school that he was gay, behaved indiscreetly, and seduced a married teacher.

At that time, there was a lot of trouble in the school, and the school came forward and asked You Zeyi to apologize to the teacher.

At that time, You Zeyi thought it was ridiculous, why did everyone believe that a wolf that almost killed him turned black and white?

He refused to apologize and told the truth, but the result was that the school didn't believe his words and wanted to suspend his class on the grounds of "beating the teacher".

During that time, You Zheyi was completely desperate, and his only thought was not to let the wicked succeed.

He confronted the school alone, and posted notices in the small square and all the publicity boards, stating the truth. Several people in the dormitory supported him and tried to help him clarify.

However, no matter how thick the arm is, it can't twist the thigh.

The teacher went so far as to sue him for violating his reputation.

This incident was like a snowball, getting bigger and bigger, and even involved several people in the same dormitory. You Ze felt sorry for it, and asked them not to interfere any more, and face everything by himself.

In the end, of course he lost the lawsuit, and no one could produce evidence, so he had to apologize and lose money.

He will never forget the proud look on that teacher's face, he hates so much that he wants to die with this world.

After this incident, the school wanted to expel him on the grounds of "bad behavior" and "infringement on the legitimate rights and interests of others", and several people in the dormitory began to try to find a way for him. Rao give in, at least finish school.

But You Zeyi sometimes has a very stubborn temper. He feels that this has touched his bottom line. If he apologizes, it means that he admits that he was wrong.

He was right, it was the world that was wrong.

If you are expelled, you can be expelled. At that time, You Ze thought about it, anyway, there is nothing worth nostalgic about such a school.

In the end, he didn't apologize to the teacher, and the money for the compensation was paid by his aunt's family.

Because of these things, my aunt was sad and disappointed. She wanted to find a way to live by herself. She said: "Our family has exhausted its benevolence."

As soon as You Ze understood, it was he who was sorry for her.

In the next few years, You Zeyi desperately tried to find ways to make money, and all the money he saved was remitted to his aunt. He tried to make up for it, but the money was repaid little by little, but the other party's disappointment with him could not be made up.

Many times You Zeyi felt that fate was unfair to him, why he couldn't even have the most ordinary life, and his greatest wish was to live an ordinary life.

As soon as You Ze finished speaking, the water in the glass was already cold.

Zheng Zhi stared at the cup silently, feeling that there was something stuck there, he was speechless.

"I didn't want to tell you," You Ze smiled and took a sip of water, "It seems like I'm selling myself."

He put the cup away and stood up: "It's late, do you want to rest?"

Zheng Zhi lit a cigarette, then looked up at him and said, "I'm sorry."

"Huh? Why?"

"I'm late."

You Ze smiled: "It's not your fault that I have a bad life."

"It won't happen in the future." Zheng Zhi took a puff of his cigarette, scratched his hair and said, "Absolutely not."

You Ze stared at him for a while, watching wisps of smoke forming and dissipating, he said, "Zheng Zhi, I didn't say this to seek your sympathy, it's all over."

Zheng Zhi nodded: "Yes, it's all over."

He put out the cigarette butt, then stood up, walked up to You Zeyi, and said to him: "Then let me ask you, have your feelings for me passed?"