sleep in your heart

Time has an invisible hand, which secretly erases many traces when people don't pay attention.

But there are also some that it cannot erase.

You Zeyi said: "No."

He said to Zheng Zhi: "At that time, I might not even know what 'like' is, but I knew that I liked you. But Zheng Zhi, you should also know that we are not what we used to be. "

Zheng Zhi understood what he meant, and it wasn't that he hadn't thought about this question.

This is very realistic, how many people who once liked each other got together after many years, but ended up breaking up, and all the beautiful fantasies at the beginning were shattered, because they are no longer the person in memory.

"I know, in the past eight years, if we really haven't changed at all, it's actually quite scary." Zheng Zhi said, "But, don't you think, maybe we can start to understand each other again and try to accept each other?"

You Ze smiled: "Zheng Zhi, are you having a great time?"

"What do you mean?"

"You have to find someone to drag your life down."

You Zeyi doesn't think that there is anything about himself that Zheng Zhi likes, but in fact, he also can't figure out what about him that year deserves Zheng Zhi's attention.

"I don't have a degree, I don't have a decent job, I don't have any great survival skills, and," You Zeyi said, "I'm a man. If you are with me, the problems you will face are much more terrifying. I am a living example of."

You Zeyi took two steps back, looked at Zheng Zhi: "I actually regret meeting you again, if it wasn't for me, maybe you wouldn't be so thoughtful."

"What are you thinking?" Zheng Zhi laughed angrily at him, "What is dragging? I am with the person I like, can it be called dragging? What's wrong with you being a man? Who isn't? You have to deal with so many things by yourself You have carried it over, are you still afraid of carrying me again?"

He took two steps forward and forcefully asked You Zeyi: "Do you dare to be with me?"

You Zeyi is not a submissive person, and he doesn't accept aggressive tactics. After going through so many things, he has become terribly calm.

"Don't dare." You Zeyi said, "This is the truth. I'm not being reserved, it's meaningless. You also know that this circle has never been a clean and holy circle. Before you, I... I have dated Many people have had relationships with many people, you shouldn't waste time on people like me. Zheng Zhi, if you are just curious and find it new, we can..."

He paused, then said, "In addition to romantic relationships, we can develop other relationships, such as..."

He bit his lip, but he still couldn't say those two words after mental construction.

Zheng Zhi was angry and thought it was funny, he went back and sat on the sofa, crossed his legs and raised his eyebrows and asked him: "Friends with guns?"

You Zeyi's face turned red "shua".

Zheng Zhi couldn't help laughing at his reaction. This man was obviously very shy and reserved, and lived a well-behaved life, but in order to dissuade him, he tried to deceive him with such poor acting skills.

"You're almost fine," Zheng Zhi said, "It's not like we haven't slept together. Based on your reaction that day, do you think I can believe your nonsense?"

You Zeyi lowered his head and frowned, without saying a word.

"It's getting late, let's go to bed." Zheng Zhi hugged him and walked to the guest room, "To express my sincerity, we will share a room with each other tonight."

The guest room has been unoccupied for a long time, but it was cleaned up by Zheng Zhi.

"Blow dry your hair before going to bed."

"Aren't you going to ask me about tonight?"

Zheng Zhi gave him a hug, then turned to leave, leaving a sentence: "Let's talk when you want to talk."

From now on, Zheng Zhi is really not in a hurry, the puzzles on You Zeyi have been solved little by little, and the rest is just a matter of time.

He can't force him, but gently walk into his dark night.

This is not the first time You Zeyi lived in Zheng Zhi's house, but the last time he didn't sleep by himself.

He was lying on the big bed in the guest room, covered with a blanket, tossing and turning but couldn't fall asleep.

The guest room was relatively simple, with a bookshelf and a table. He got up, turned on the floor lamp beside the bed, and walked to the bookshelf.

Most of the books on Zheng Zhi’s bookshelf are related to the industry he is engaged in. Every book is quite new. When Zheng Zhi went to Shitu together, the man flipped through the music scores in the library for a long time, and vaguely remembered that Zheng Zhi's house had a piano.

Since he was a child, he envied those who can play musical instruments. Every time he heard the sound of playing the piano from someone else's house, he would imagine the appearance of other people sitting there flying notes between their fingers. It's a pity that no one in his family asked him if he wanted to learn , he didn't dare to open his mouth.

You Ze flipped through the sheet music, and found that he really couldn't understand it at all, so he put it back helplessly, and when he lowered his head, he saw two very familiar books on the shelf.

It was a book on homosexuality research that he had borrowed from City Map and had never seen again since then.

You Zeyi took the two books off the shelf in surprise, flipped through them, and found that there were post-it notes inside.

There was a post-it note written in blue pen: Will he be scared by seeing this?

You Ze took a look at the chapter where he posted post-it notes. That chapter was written in the United States in the last century. Because homosexuality was regarded as a disease, many people had to accept "correction". The way of "correction" was very Cruel, he really felt terrible when he saw this place.

At that time, he was also briefly rejoicing, fortunately, homosexuality has long been de-disease, fortunately, he does not need to undergo such correction.

You Ze looked at Zheng Zhi's post-it note, and smiled with his lips pursed. It turned out that this person also had his own little thoughts, and when he didn't know, he peeked at the book he had borrowed.

He was suddenly curious about when Zheng Zhi knew he had borrowed information, and also curious about when this person read these two books.

He put the book back, felt thirsty, opened the door softly, and walked into the living room.

"...Why haven't you slept yet?" You Zeyi didn't expect that Zheng Zhi was still smoking on the balcony at this time, he walked over, hesitated and said, "Can you give me one?"

He doesn't know how to smoke. After Zheng Zhi lit it for him, he took a puff and coughed for a while.

"You didn't sleep either?"

You Zeyi stared at the cigarette between his fingers, watching it burn little by little.

"Well, can't sleep."

You Zeyi asked him: "What are you doing?"

"Look at the stars."

"Cloudy, where do the stars come from?"

"Why not?" Zheng Zhi laughed at him, "It's just because the dark clouds blocked it, so I couldn't see it temporarily, but aren't the stars hanging there all the time?"

"……sophistry."

"I'm telling the truth." Zheng Zhi took a puff of cigarette and said with a smile, "It's like these years, although we haven't met each other, and I don't know where you are doing well, but I Seems like I've always liked you."

You Zeyi's eyes flickered, but he didn't say anything.

"To be honest, I didn't think about finding you and wanting to be with you every day in the past eight years. Sometimes I even felt that I should have forgotten you. However, you seem to be in my heart, and everyone else I can't go in." Zheng Zhi said, "It's not that I haven't met a good girl, but it seems that apart from you, I can't imagine falling in love with anyone else."

You Zeyi didn't say a word, but felt disappointed.

In the past few years, he has given up looking forward to the so-called love.

It is impossible for him to fall in love with a girl in order to live like an ordinary person, he cannot do such a thing.

And as a gay, he is a sexual minority, or the kind of person who never goes out in social situations, where to find the same kind?

He was alone, and felt he would be alone forever.

When he met Zheng Zhi, the other party walked towards him, and he was afraid, afraid that the other party would go astray because of him, and that he would affect his future because of him.

He feels that he is already like this, and it's okay to be alone forever, but he can't delay others just to make up for warmth.

But Zheng Zhi's words still moved him, or rather, Zheng Zhi moved him.

These years, I have never met anyone who treats him so well, and I think of eight years ago, Zheng Zhi was indifferent and impatient with everyone, but he was the only one who pulled him forward together.

It is true that they have all changed, but You Zeyi still cannot deny that he was once again attracted by Zheng Zhi.

"At first, I didn't think about what it would be like if I could really fall in love with you," Zheng Zhi said, "but tonight, I thought about it."

He turned to look at You Zeyi: "Do you want to hear it?"

You Zeyi stared at him blankly, and nodded uncontrollably.

"Your life shouldn't be like this. If possible, maybe you can take the college entrance examination again."

"The college entrance examination again?" You Zeyi looked at him in surprise, "How is it possible..."

"What's impossible? When I was in college, there was a social candidate in our college. As long as you are willing, nothing is impossible." Zheng Zhi said, "Are you willing to be like this for the rest of your life? Because a person Scum, wasting my life?"

You Zeyi took a puff of cigarette, and coughed again until his face flushed.

"We were in different places for the college entrance examination that year, but this time, if you want, I will always be with you. You don't have to worry about everything. With me here, you just need to study with peace of mind."

"That's not the case, Zheng Zhi," You Zeyi said, "It's been so many years, it doesn't mean that you can pass the exam, and..."

"And you can't rely on me?" Zheng Zhi smiled and leaned against the balcony wall and said to him, "I didn't say to help you unconditionally."

"Ah?" You Zeyi looked up at him.

Zheng Zhi suddenly leaned into his ear and said in a low voice, "You make a promise with your body, and I will accompany you in the exam. What do you think of my proposal?"

"It's not that good!" You Zeyi pushed him away in a panic, "Zheng Zhi, not all dreams can be dreamed."

He turned around and wanted to run, but Zheng Zhi hugged him from behind.

"Think about it. Anyway, you like me too. It's no big deal for the two of us to try."