Traceable

Gu Xun's eyes were sour, and he was about to hug him back, but he heard Lin Yuyao say again: "But why?"

Gu Xun's raised hand froze in the air, feeling that the next sentence would tear him apart.

Sure enough, Lin Yuyao said: "Why can you treat me well while doing that kind of thing with others?"

When an accident happened while doing an activity, Gu Xun remembered to protect him; when Qi Le entered the room, he rushed back in a hurry to prevent Lin Yuyao from having an accident.But on the other hand, he can be ambiguous with others, go to bed, flirt, and have no scruples at all.

What did Gu Xun say when they fell in love?He said: "In the future, there will only be you alone."

What the man said in bed was unbelievable, Lin Yuyao knew it, but he couldn't help but believe every vow and sweet talk, and was overturned by reality again and again.

Gu Xun couldn't explain it, and said in a shy voice, "I thought you didn't care."

The breakup was tragic, Lin Yuyao gave wrong information, he thought he was indeed cheated, and was furious.What's the big deal, it wouldn't matter if Lin Yuyao was missing.Then indulge in sensuality, and develop a relationship with others to that point.

The physical pleasure is pleasurable, but not the mind.He maintained a relationship with Qi Le for a period of time, and would deliberately get intimate with him in front of Lin Yuyao.He hoped that the other party would respond, but it never did.He thought the other party didn't care, but he didn't.

"I care." Lin Yuyao said.

Gu Xun reached out and pushed him, saying, "Then don't touch me, I'm dirty."

Lin Yuyao was caught off guard for a moment and was pushed away by him.

"I'm sorry." Gu Xun said.

Lin Yuyao realized what he said, and kept shaking his head: "You don't need to apologize, it's not your fault. It was I who chose to break up with you and pushed you to someone else. I've done it myself."

"Don't say that." Gu Xun said earnestly.

"It's my fault." Lin Yuyao bit her nails, "It's all my fault."

Gu Xun wanted to hug him, but he didn't dare to go forward.

"It has nothing to do with you!" Gu Xun raised his voice, "I didn't want to understand my feelings for you at the time, so I got angry and had that happen to someone."

Lin Yuyao was stunned by his yelling, gradually calmed down, and said, "Sorry, I shouldn't have called you dirty."

Gu Xun shook his head helplessly: "You can say it."

Lin Yuyao buried her face in her knees and refused to speak any more.

At night, they still sleep alone on the bed and the other on the floor.Lin Yuyao didn't fall asleep until early in the morning, he turned over lightly, crawled to the side of the bed, and saw Gu Xun's face by the dim light.

Gu Xun should be tired and slept soundly, but his brows were furrowed, as if an annoying dream was haunting him.There is still a Band-Aid on his arm, which he scratched when he was grabbing a fruit knife with himself.

I still have lingering fears when I think about what happened that evening.Lin Yuyao felt a burst of difficulty breathing, and his stomach twisted together like a spasm, making him curl up.

Gu Xun was affected.

Getting along with someone like myself day and night, Gu Xun's emotions have reached a critical point, and the appearance of the other party going crazy today is very creepy.He could never have imagined that Gu Xun would have such a crazy side.If his mental condition was worse, would the knife really stab Gu Xun today?

Thinking of this, Lin Yuyao felt extremely uncomfortable. He had been avoiding thinking of Liu Hongyun all this time, but now he suddenly remembered the torment she had given him when she fell ill, and suddenly felt scared.

——Will I do this to Gu Xun in the future?

He can still restrain himself to stay awake, and can communicate normally with people—for example, with Zhang Tingyun.But he could feel that his psychological defense line had retreated again and again, and he didn't know when the turbulent waves would break through the embankment.

Song Ping went back to her hometown some time ago, why didn't she come back for so long?Lin Yuyao knew vaguely in her heart that she had been by Liu Hongyun's side for a long time and could no longer bear the torture, so she chose to run away.Gu Xun will do it too, the other party has already been affected by himself and his mood is not good. If things go on like this, his mental state is getting worse and worse, so Gu Xun will also be infected.

He can't hurt Gu Xun anymore.

Lin Yuyao curled up under the quilt, with only one arm exposed. His fingers trembled a few times, trying to touch the sleeping Gu Xun, but he stopped when he was a few centimeters away. He stopped for a long time, and finally retracted it again. .

Love is - wanting to be close, but also wanting to stay away.

Lin Yuyao didn't feel sleepy at all, he kept staring at Gu Xun in a daze by the light, when the sleeping person suddenly moved and opened his eyes.

Lin Yuyao's reactions and movements slowed down recently, he closed his eyes hastily to pretend to sleep, but Gu Xun had already seen him.

"Why didn't you sleep?" Gu Xun often woke up in the middle of the night to see if Lin Yuyao was asleep, but today when he opened his eyes, he found that the other party was still awake.

Seeing that he was exposed, Lin Yu opened his eyes again: "I slept for a while during the day, but I can't sleep now."

Gu Xun didn't care whether the words were true or not, and said, "Then I'll chat with you for a while."

"No need." Lin Yuyao looked at his bloodshot eyes and said, "I'm a little sleepy."

"Hmm." Gu Xun said.

The two were lying down, Lin Yuyao closed his eyes and forced himself to sleep, but his body seemed to be being bitten by thousands of ants, and he felt uncomfortable everywhere.He lay upright, enduring the torment of being uncontrollable psychologically.

Gu Xun turned over and sighed softly.

Obviously Lin Yuyao hugged him, which meant that the other party didn't want him to leave, but wanted him to stay.But in the next few days, Gu Xun clearly felt that the other party was avoiding him again.One step forward, but one step back.

The feeling of powerlessness came back to my heart again. Gu Xun was not a professional psychiatrist, so he couldn't help Lin Yuyao relieve the pain, so he could only do his best.Zhang Tingyun went out to film and rarely visited the house these few days. Gu Xun had some free time and spent most of the day in Lin Yuyao's house.Usually the other party is sleeping, drawing, reading, and Gu Xun is playing games beside him.Sometimes the two watch movies together.

Gu Xun asked him euphemistically if he wanted to take on a movie.

Lin Yuyao shook his head and refused.He has no energy, loses interest in everything, and sits or lies in a daze for a long time every day.

Gu Xun couldn't force him, after all, Lin Yuyao didn't even want to go out now.

Although Gu Xun was with him every day, he was absent for two hours a day.Lin Yuyao thought that the other party was taking advantage of this time to go out to relax or do other personal things, so she didn't ask.

He took a nap as usual, but he didn't fall asleep for a long time. Thinking of throwing the unfinished half of the book on the sofa, he got out of bed and left the bedroom.As soon as he entered the living room, he met Gu Xun face to face.

"You didn't take a nap?" Gu Xunqiang asked calmly.

"I want to read a book for a while, what did you take?" Lin Yuyao saw the bottle in his hand.

"Aunt Zhu is cooking. I don't have cooking wine over there, so I'll borrow yours." Gu Xun explained solemnly.

Lin Yuyao debunked him: "Then why are you wearing an apron?"

Gu Xun looked down and forgot that he was still wearing an apron, which really didn't fit him, but after scrapping a few shirts one after another, Gu Xun had to wear it.

Actor Gu, who was caught on the spot, was indisputable.

Lin Yuyao followed the "stealing" Gu Xun to the opposite side. After being caught, the other party honestly admitted that he was cooking, but encountered a problem.

This was the first time Lin Yuyao entered Gu Xun's house, it was a bit messy, things were placed in disorder, there was no order at all.Entering the kitchen was even more of a disaster. Lin Yuyao couldn't help sighing as he looked at the kitchen full of garbage.

Gu Xun put down the cooking wine and started chopping vegetables to cover up his embarrassment.

"I poured water for you, you can sit on the sofa for a while." Gu Xun coughed.

Lin Yuyao watched him cut vegetables: "What do you want to cut? You can't cut it like this if you shred it."

"Really? It's not like that?" Gu Xun didn't know anything about the kitchen.

"Forget it, just cut it like that."

With that said, Gu Xun was even more unable to do anything.He touches here and cuts there in a disorganized manner, occasionally looking at the recipe.

Lin Yuyao looked at him in a hurry, and couldn't help but said, "If you want to eat something, let Aunt Zhu cook it."

Gu Xun gave a hand to cut vegetables: "It's not that I want to eat."

Lin Yuyao didn't understand.

"I wanted to cook for you, but it seems that I really don't have the talent. After several days of cooking, I haven't made any decent dishes." Gu Xun said in a low voice.

Lin Yuyao's eyelashes trembled a few times: "For me?"

Gu Xun nodded.

"That's not necessary." Lin Yuyao said softly.

Gu Xun didn't speak, and cooked with unfamiliar skills.

"Actually, you really don't need to be with me. You can go to work and play, and you don't have to do anything for me." Lin Yuyao said.

"It's what I want to do myself."

"Because you pity me?"

Gu Xun looked up at him: "Why do you think so?"

He has no family, no career, and psychological problems. He looks really miserable.

"You pity me because I need you. Right?"

Gu Xun put down the knife, walked towards him, stretched out his hands to hold his shoulders, but didn't dare: "No, it's not that you need me, it's that I need you."

Lin Yuyao shook his head: "No one needs me."

"I need you, you see I can't even cook such a simple dish, I need you to teach me." Gu Xun coaxed.

"I'm serious, Gu Xun." Lin Yuyao was not deceived by him, "You don't have to accompany me, you have no obligation to do these things."

"This is my own business." Gu Xun said bluntly.

"I will lose control of myself more and more, and everything I say or do will hurt you." Lin Yuyao finally expressed his worries.

"You have to think on the bright side, and you will get better and better."

"No, and one day you will not be able to bear me." For some reason, Lin Yuyao rolled out the secret hidden in his heart along his throat.

Gu Xun's face changed, and he held his shoulders with both hands, his eyes were serious: "I can't give you an exact guarantee, but as long as I can persist for one day, I will persist for one day."

Lin Yuyao's eyes felt hot, and his heart also felt hot.These words did not symbolize eternity or a lifetime oath, but they moved him far more than those.

He lowered his head, his eyes blurred.

Gu Xun continued, with a soft voice full of temptation: "If you are afraid of hurting me, then let's go see a doctor, and work together, we will all get better."

Lin Yuyao didn't answer for a long time.

Gu Xun knew that it was useless to force him, so he let go of his hands after waiting for a while, went to the cooking counter to continue cooking, and changed the subject briskly: "I cut peppers the day before yesterday, and I didn't notice it when it stuck to my hand, then I wiped my eyes, The whole eye is red..."

Gu Xun rambled on, trying to adjust the atmosphere back.

"By the way, you don't like to eat mint..."

"Okay." The person behind him interrupted him.

Gu Xun raised his hand in the air, but he didn't react for a long time.

"what's good?"

Lin Yuyao sniffed and smiled: "Go see a doctor."

Gu Xun couldn't describe his mood at this moment. He hadn't seen Lin Yuyao's smile for a long time—the smile towards him was like a spring on a dead tree, a glacier thawing, and the moonlight shining through the clouds.

However, the treatment process has not been smooth.The doctor they sought was Dr. Huang, Liu Hongyun's psychiatrist.Lin Yuyao had been in contact with her several times, and they were quite familiar with each other. At first, she was a little restrained, but after going there a few times, she got better.

It's just that the recovery from mental illness is a slow and repeated process. Sometimes Lin Yuyao still can't restrain his emotions, and he will regret it after calming down.The attitude towards Gu Xun is also a seesaw of one step forward and one step back.

Dr. Huang is a middle-aged woman with a gentle and approachable appearance.She liked Gu Xun quite a lot, and found him interesting and full of life.

"I think it's good to have someone like Gu Xun by your side. He has vitality in him and can drive you up." Dr. Huang said gently.

"But I'm worried that it will affect his mood and make him like me." Lin Yuyao said.

"He is very tough, don't be afraid to reach out to others." Dr. Huang comforted.

Lin Yuyao nodded.

Wednesday was cloudy, Gu Xun planned to go to the countryside with Lin Yuyao.The doctor advised them to go out more often. What Gu was looking for was a resort with a beautiful environment and pleasant scenery.They set off early in the morning, and couldn't help but take two more breaths of air when they arrived at their destination. Living in the urban area, it's rare to smell such fresh air.

The resort was not in peak season, so Gu Xun specially picked a time when there were few people. They were wearing masks and hats, so no one recognized them.After lunch, the two of them went out. There was a small hill near the resort, which was usually inaccessible and the scenery was quite beautiful.Gu Xun suggested going over there, but Lin Yuyao had no objection and followed.

When celebrities have little vacation and little leisure time, although they are resting during this period, they stay at home most of the time, and only after coming out for a while do they discover how relaxing and pleasant the peaceful comfort is.

Lin Yuyao was in a much better mood, chatting with Gu Xun while walking.The hillside looks small from a distance, but it has a shape when you get close.The two walked along a path stepped on by their predecessors, and encountered many branches and dead leaves along the way.

"It reminds me of the time I recorded the reality show Going to the Island." Gu Xun said.

"Well, is the reality show still on?" Lin Yuyao asked.

"Still."

Netizens are not idle, they watch the broadcast on time every week, carefully picking up their performances on the show, but some diehard fans think that the behavior of the two in the reality show is not just acting, there must be an unforgettable old relationship .

The crowd quarreled several times because of this program, but the two parties have already faded out of people's sight.

As they walked up, Gu Xun asked, "Are you afraid of heights?"

Lin Yuyao shook his head slightly: "Fortunately, this height is fine."

The dead branches and fallen leaves creaked, Lin Yuyao looked forward, and suddenly saw a woman in a plain blue dress, walking quickly with her back turned to him, even if he chased after him and shouted, she would not stop.

"distant!"

Lin Yuyao was in a trance for a moment, and only heard a shout from the side. Before he recovered, he fell. He was startled and wanted to grab something, but there was only Gu Xun next to him—you can't pull him, Lin Yuyao This thought flashed through Yu Yao's mind quickly, and the hand in the subconscious subconsciously withdrew again, but Gu Xun grabbed him.

The two fell down together and rolled down the slope.

"Ah..." The hillside was not too steep, but the pain was still unbearable when he rolled down directly, Lin Yuyao couldn't help but yelled.

He hadn't recovered from the pain yet, when he thought of something, he was eager to get up to see Gu Xun who was under him.The latter hugged him tightly and said, "Don't move, don't move, let me hug him for a while."

Lin Yuyao stopped moving.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"It's okay." Gu Xun said.

They rolled all over in mud and grass, embarrassed and funny, but they were not in a hurry to get up at this time, but lay on the ground hugging each other.

Lin Yuyao fell and his back hurts, but there should be no wounds, so Gu Xun is letting Gu Xun hold him now.

The mountains are silent, with occasional chirping of birds circling in the sky.At this moment, they seem to only have each other, only the hot embrace of the moment.

"What were you thinking just now, you missed your foot." Gu Xun asked him.

Lin Yuyao was silent for a few seconds, and said, "I'm thinking about my childhood."

Gu Xun held his hand tightly for a moment: "Can you talk?"

Lin Yuyao seemed to be sorting out his memory and wording, and he said after a while: "When I was very young, it should be in the first grade. The class organized a spring outing, which was also mountain climbing. The teacher asked the parents to come together, and she agreed to come. I am very happy. But When climbing the mountain, she walked ahead alone, and I couldn't keep up, and was left behind. The other classmates were led by their parents, but I was not."

Gu Xun listened quietly.

"I really wanted to catch up with her, but I didn't feel well that day, so I couldn't catch up with her." Lin Yuyao said, "I couldn't catch up with her anyway. Later, when I went back to school, the teacher asked me if I had a bad relationship with my mother. I said no, because I pissed her off by skipping dinner the night before, so she's not happy."

Gu Xun hugged him tightly, Lin Yuyao's voice was calm, but her body was trembling.

"I lied since I was a kid, no wonder she doesn't like me," he said.

Gu Xun said: "No, you are very good, hardworking, kind and gentle, worthy of everyone's love."

Lin Yuyao buried her face in his neck, shook her head, her voice was vague: "No, it's all fake, I'm not that good at all."

"In my heart, that is you." Gu Xun said solemnly.

Lin Yuyao's breathing was stagnant, and after a while, he said again: "I'm really bad, and I did a lot of things wrong. Many times I dare not think about her, and when I think about it, I saw her last at the police station... If I could have found out that she was gone sooner, she probably wouldn't have died and been in the water for so many days."

"Listen to me, that is the ending she chose, and it has nothing to do with you." Gu Xun pressed his head on his chest, "You are not wrong, you have done a good job."

"Dr. Huang once asked me why I was willing to treat her well when she treated me so well. Actually, I didn't know. I also hated her when I was a child, and she always beat me. But I often saw her crying secretly by herself. I can't afford to hate her when I see it." Lin Yuyao analyzed herself, "I can feel that she is in pain, she can't vent it on others, so she vents it on me. While I want to hate her, while Can't hate her. I don't know why."

It's a good thing that the other party is willing to tell him this.Gu Xun was clear, but he felt uncomfortable hearing this, it turned out that Yaoyao had experienced so many dark pasts.

"It's all over." Gu Xun comforted, "You have done a lot these years, you have not owed her, and you have fulfilled the responsibility of a son to his mother."

Doctor Huang also said.She said that you have worked hard to improve the mother-child relationship between you and Liu Hongyun, and it is enough to have a clear conscience. Whether she accepts it or not is her business. Stuck in the past and guilt.

Lin Yuyao didn't listen to it before, but today he heard Gu Xun's steady heartbeat, and suddenly felt a faint enlightenment in his heart.

"Get up, it won't be good if someone sees it later." Lin Yuyao said, trying to get up from Gu Xun's arm.During this period, he seemed to have kicked Gu Xun's leg, and the latter grunted.

Gu Xun couldn't get up, but firmly pressed Lin Yuyao's hand.

"What's wrong?" Lin Yuyao heard the sudden rapid breathing in his ears, and realized that something was wrong.

Gu Xun finally couldn't help it anymore: "My leg hit a rock."

"Is it serious?" Lin Yuyao panicked all of a sudden, twisting her body to get up to check on Gu Xun's situation.

Gu Xun became stubborn now, restraining his hands and preventing him from getting up.

"Why are you Gu Xun?" Lin Yuyao was really anxious, but he didn't know if he only hurt his leg, so he didn't dare to struggle violently, "Let me call first, please, find someone to come up."

If Gu Xun really hurt his leg, he will definitely not be able to walk by himself later.

Gu Xun said: "If you promise me one thing, I will let you go."

Lin Yuyao became emotional: "Stop making trouble."

"If you agree, I'll let it go." Gu Xun's breath was unsteady, it should be the pain, and beads of sweat were on his forehead.

Lin Yuyao had no choice but to compromise and said, "Say it."

Gu Xun looked into his eyes: "Let go of those things in the past. She was cheated into marriage, gave birth to you, and committed suicide. It's not your fault. Let it go, don't torture yourself."

Lin Yuyao's eyes were moist, and she looked like she was about to cry: "You want me to promise this?"

"En." Gu Xun nodded.

Lin Yuyao looked at him frowning and enduring the pain, wishing to kick him.

"Let go of me, I'll call."

Gu Xun smiled, and let him go as promised.

Lin Yuyao called the owner of the resort, and the other party asked about the location and said that he would come over immediately.Lin Yuyao sat up to check on Gu Xun's injury, he didn't dare to move the other's leg, he only touched it lightly.

"Where was it hit?"

"Did you promise me just now?"

"Is this the time to worry about this?!" Lin Yuyao finally couldn't help it, and shouted at him.

Gu Xun stared at him, his eyes were gentle as if he wanted to drown him.

After Lin Yuyao yelled, she felt that it shouldn't be, after all, Gu Xun fell because of him.He turned his face to calm down for a while, and then went to check on Gu Xun's situation.

The owner of the resort came quickly and sent Gu Xun to the hospital. His left leg was broken and he had to recuperate for several months.

Lin Yuyao was peeling fruit for him by the hospital bed, Gu Xun leaned on the bed and said, "Now I need you to take care of me."

Lin Yuyao has never seen anyone who broke his leg laugh so happily. He stuffed the apple to him, turned and went to the bathroom to wash the fruit knife: "I hired a professional nurse for you."

"Hey, why waste that money." Gu Xun shouted behind him.

The sun shines in, the two are talking and laughing, and it seems that everything is going in a good direction.

Gu Xun had to rest for two months because of a leg injury.Qin Yue's hair fell out in a hurry, Lin Yuyao stopped working due to mental reasons, and Gu Xun's grandson didn't save him trouble. At the same time, he took a long vacation, and the two big cash cows of EL lost at the same time.

After Gu Xun got better, Qin Yue went to the door to appeal, and took him away to work.Don't be afraid of black history, you can always clean it up. Qin Yue still has confidence in Gu Xun, and carefully arranged some suitable announcements for him.

During this period, "Shadow of the Mirror" was released, and Gu Xun followed him to a few film conferences, but the response was mediocre.But the box office was not bad, the box office was not too bad, and the evaluation of the film itself was mixed. Lin Yuyao felt relieved, at least she had an explanation to Chen Xuemin.

Lin Yuyao was watching a movie at home, and the phone vibrated at hand.

Gu Xun was participating in an event outside the city, so he asked him, "Have you eaten yet?"

Lin Yuyao sent him the pictures he had taken, one was the complete lunch on the table, and the other was the eaten one.

"Have you taken the medicine?" Gu Xun asked again.

"Ah."

"What are you doing?" Gu Xun was at a loss for words.

Lin Yuyao patted the screen for him: "Watching the movie, the heroine played very well."

"This movie, the last time I had dinner with the director, he said that the heroine had a bad temper, and she slapped people without communicating with the actors in advance, so she really slapped her." Gu Xun sent a voice continuously.

"...It looks pretty nice."

"People don't look good."

……

The two chatted casually, and the atmosphere was just right.Lin Yuyao's spirit is gradually improving now, Gu Xun can no longer live with him, and they resume their door-to-door living relationship.We usually eat and play together, but the two sides have not made any further performance.This scene is a bit like when they first met, they were in an ambiguous period, but no one pierced the fig leaf.

After chatting for a long time, Gu Xun went back to work. Lin Yuyao chatted with him, lost his energy, and was not in the mood to watch movies again, so he read the letters from fans.This was given to him by Qin Yue, saying that although he has no job during this period, there are still many letters from fans.The ones handed to him should have been carefully selected, all of them were sincere and full of love, and one piece of paper was a little crumpled, probably because the girl who wrote the letter was crying.

Lin Yuyao logged on to Weibo, which he hadn't been on for a long time, and received a lot of messages. He checked them one by one. Some insulted him, some praised him for his good performance in "Mirror Shadow", and some said his performance was bad.A few months ago, it is estimated that he would be overwhelmed when he saw these remarks, but now he is very calm.He slowly flipped through it, and a video jumped into view, which was made by fans. Dozens of little girls talked to him in front of the camera, gave him encouragement, and said that they hoped that he would not quit the circle and continue to act.

Lin Yuyao looked at the sincere and beautiful faces on the screen, feeling sore in his heart.

He thought of Liu Hongyun once said: "You shouldn't be born, you shouldn't exist."

During this period of time, he also doubted several times, whether he really has no meaning of existence.

But looking at these now, he suddenly had an epiphany.

Over the past twenty years, he has received countless malice and hatred, but more of them are kindness and love.It's a pity that he always focuses on the bad ones, ignoring the ones that should be more concerned.It's a pity that I couldn't respond to so many good wishes.

Thanks.He said over and over in his heart, thank you.

He thought that his existence probably made sense.