Don't fight with your first love

To this day, she still avoids saying "I love you" to others. It's not that she doesn't love you, but it's just because Chinese people's restraint and reservation are engraved in their bones and blood. This is especially true for her who has been influenced by Chinese culture since childhood.

She always thinks so paranoidly that the frankness from Western culture is too violent, if she learns it by herself, it will always make her use up the few shyness that she remembers.

She is timid and introverted. She is afraid that if she says something too early and too full, it will be erased by time, so she has been silent.

But later, when the sun was long, the yearning and love for Guan Nanyi intensified, saving too much eventually burned all her reason, so far, the three words that are easiest to say are no longer enough to express her affection, so she just It can only be said in the letters written by Guan Nanyi every month:

Dreaming every night, the moonlight is alluring.

Guan Nanyi, seeing words as faces.

***

"Can you like me again?"

Shi Qingyu's voice was approaching and far away, as if separated by a long time, and also as if separated by thousands of rivers and mountains. Guan Nanyi couldn't understand it, let alone understand it. In the end, it took her a lot of effort to understand it. What Shi Qingyu said:

She seems to have heard Shi Qingyu say that she likes her?

Shi Qingyu likes her?

...What does this mean? !

Why do I have to say it again now, what I said last night, can't everything in bed be taken as the truth? ? ?So what does it mean now? !

Guan Nanyi blinked in a daze, and looked a little cute. Shi Qingyu's confession came too suddenly, but it was long and affectionate. Guan Nanyi didn't prepare, and just froze there. He didn't slow down for a long time. Come.

Such an appearance fell into Shi Qingyu's eyes, it was extremely cute, her heart softened into a puddle of clear water, and in the end she couldn't help but took a step forward and kissed Guan Nanyi's eyes, the latter cooperated subconsciously He closed his eyes.

Shi Qingyu said softly: "So can you like me again? Guan Nanyi."

Guan Nanyi's eyelashes twitched slightly when his name was called, and he slowly opened his eyes. What he saw was Shi Qingyu's cold, indifferent and alienated face.

Sometimes Guan Nanyi couldn't figure out why he fell in love with someone like Shang Shi Qingyu, this person was rigid and stubborn, he didn't know how to adapt, didn't know human relations, and he was aloof and repulsed to everything and everyone. Outside of the appearance, there is nothing pleasing to the eye.

But Biansheng has such a face, but she has been inexplicably in love with such a person for many years, for so many years.

Unwilling to be put down, and unwilling to be put down, even hating is another form of love, isn't it?

She looked at Shi Qingyu seriously, as if she was looking into her soul through Shi Qingyu's body, after watching for a long time, Guan Nanyi unexpectedly said to Shi Qingyu in a calm tone: "Do you like me? "

Shi Qingyu frowned, nodded earnestly, and was afraid that she would not be sincere enough, so she said with a dry throat, "Yes, I like you."

Hearing this, Guan Nanyi frowned, avoided Shi Qingyu's gaze, looked out the window, paused, and said expressionlessly, "Can you go out for a while? I need to change my clothes."

Shi Qingyu didn't expect Guan Nanyi to say this, she opened her mouth, and wanted to say something more, but she was not an eloquent person, and the words just now probably overdrawn her balance for several months , coupled with a dull pain in her heart when she looked at Guan Nanyi's stubborn side face, she couldn't say anything anymore, so she had to stand up and say: "...I see."

She whispered: "I... I'm going out now. "

After saying that, he turned around and went out, closing the door behind him, his back was unusually bleak, but Guan Nanyi's eyes never fell back on her.

***

After the door was closed, the room fell silent. Guan Nanyi maintained that position for a long time. She didn't move until her neck was sore, but she just exhaled a long breath, and then lowered herself. The head doesn't know what to think.

Fortunately, she didn't maintain this position for a long time this time. After about ten minutes, she raised her head again, moved her lower shoulders, then got out of bed, walked to the closet, and raised her hand to open a door:

The clothes in the closet are neatly arranged by category, the colors are mostly cool tones, and the black suits are the most. Looking at each piece of Guan Nan's clothes, I can't help but sigh in my heart that Shi Qingyu's appearance is sexual/cold inside and out. What to do, who can stand it.

I was thinking about it, but unexpectedly saw some clothes that obviously did not match the style of the entire wardrobe, including white sweaters, yellow sweaters, beige long coats, tight leather pants, leggings, winter skirts, etc. wait.

These are obviously not the clothes that the owner of this house would wear. Guan Nanyi lowered his eyes and thought for a while, then reached out and took out one to compare with himself. It fits and fits very well.

She suddenly remembered that the clothes that the other party gave her at Qing Yu's house when she first came that afternoon fit her in the same way.

She always thought it was Shi Qingyu's own, so she felt at ease wearing it. Now that she saw this, she thought, could it be that Shi Qingyu bought it for her specially?

Also divided into two houses?

Still in your master bedroom?

She thought to herself, could it be that this woman wanted to sleep with her long ago?Then didn't she just throw herself into her arms last night just what Shi Qingyu wanted?

……Hold.

There was another burst of regret in her heart.

Then she opened another wardrobe door, and she was stunned after opening it. This wardrobe was only a little smaller than the one just now. It might be clothes that I can't wear that season, but when I opened the door, I found that the inside of the wardrobe had been changed into many small grids, arranged horizontally and vertically, with different sizes. She looked closer and found that each The things in this grid are familiar to her.

... It's all hers.

There was the pencil sharpener she had used. She remembered that it disappeared after Shi Qingyu's make-up class. She thought it was lost on the road and didn't pay much attention to it.

There is also the meal card she used when she was in high school. If she remembers correctly, she once took it and said proudly that she would invite Shi Qingyu to dinner, but in the end she had no money after eating in the cafeteria. When it was clear rain, it was considered repayment if he said yes.

I didn't expect the other party to accept it. At that time, I really don't remember clearly. Now it seems that I didn't expect that the other party not only accepted it, but also accepted it so well. At that time, she thought that Shi Qingyu was purely out I only accepted it because of the teacher-student relationship.

Phew, prudish.

Looking at the grid like this, all that is expected are her things: her handkerchief, her hair tie, her pen, her mp3, her magazine, her picture book, her access card, her meeting Records, and her composition...

Some were confiscated by Shi Qingyu when she was in class, some were given to each other with a smile on their faces after they reunited, and some were lent to each other at a time she forgot.

She seems to have forgotten a lot in these years, and now when she saw these things from before, she suddenly remembered that she had existed so vividly by Shi Qingyu's side a long, long time ago.

She couldn't even remember it herself, but the other person sealed it up bit by bit, sealed it up in this small closet, and waited by the owner of the room day and night.

I am ashamed to say that Guan Nanyi can only remember the rough outline of that ridiculous youth in high school, scattered, she followed behind Shi Qingyu with a shameless face, claiming to send him home, but only cared about her. Seeing that the other party didn't pay attention to his feet, he stumbled a big somersault, sprained his foot, and finally was carried to the clinic by Shi Qingyu.

Also, she used to sit in the last row of class and used a gel pen to draw Shi Qingyu's back on the paper. In the end, because she was fascinated by the painting, Shi Qingyu didn't notice it when she approached, until she was caught The other party received her picture book memory.

There are also memories of her skipping class exercises, taking a math book and running to the Chinese group to ask Shi Qingyu about the meaning of the ancient poems she taught in the last class... There are more, which she has forgotten, or she does not want to think about again .

Those memories were buried deep in her heart, and she didn't want to remember them again, but when she opened the wardrobe door, those memories finally returned to their original positions after a lapse of time and moonlight.

...It turned out that they had known each other for so many years, she sighed and regretted, she reached out and opened her old notebook, there was only one essay in it, the title was "You I Like So Much".

Look line by line:

"I like you so much:

Some people like mountains and seas, some people like clouds and evening tides, some people like snow and spring, but I am different, I only like you, because I have seen mountains and evening tides, touched the sea and clouds and moon, and there is still heavy snow in my dreams I have basked in the sun in the spring, and the sun is lazy.

After sleeping for a long winter night, I heard you calling my name from a distance, so I turned into a blue sea and rushed to your side day and night.

You said that you want to see the beautiful scenery in the distance, so I turned into a majestic mountain range again, allowing you to stand on my shoulders and look at the world. Look at my well-prepared performance.

You don't have to guess my purpose, because I like you so much, that's why I want to give you the best.

But sometimes I am a little worried, I am afraid that if I like you so much, if I like you too much, will I not be able to keep it for a long time?But I asked myself, how long will this take?At least long enough for your hair to turn gray, right?

I don't want you to grow old, but I heard that there is a feeling called white hair as new. I am not a good person, and even a little bad. I badly hope that when you get old, my love for you will still be the same as it is today.

You are a kind person, I like you so much, you will never forget me.

You're a lot older than me so you must think I'm not a woman and I do too, which is why I sometimes wonder if I could have been born a few years earlier so I could have sex with you when you were in kindergarten Classmate, I tell you three times a day that I like you, which subtly affects you. If you can like people, follow the order, shouldn't you like me first?

If you like me, then you have no chance to like others, because I am very good, at least with you, if you don’t like me, then my only goodness will disappear, to be a teacher, You take it as your own duty to influence people, teach karma and resolve doubts, so naturally you will not let my goodness disappear..."

The payment was made in the summer five years ago, when she had already graduated, she heard in the office that Qingyu was revising the composition, and after asking about the topic, she took a notebook and wrote the composition.

When she handed it to Shi Qingyu, she said with a smile: "When I was studying, I often handed in blank essays. Is it too late to make up for you now?"

Shi Qingyu accepted it indifferently, and then returned the notebook to her the next time they met.

In the restaurant, she opened the notebook with a smile, and what she entered was Shi Qingyu's merciless comment to her:

"Failure to answer as required, zero points."

When she was young and public, she didn't know what rejection was, so she took a pen and wrote after that sentence, "How much do you think about it?"

But she never got the notebook back later.

She touched with her fingertips and caressed every word she wrote when she was young. She still remembers the scene when she wrote this article. It was a sunny summer day. She sat in the office and opened a book. This is a new notebook, thinking of Shi Qingyu standing in front of the desk teaching, holding back the smile in his heart and writing it word by word.

It's just that Shi Qingyu didn't get an answer to that question, so I was really disappointed.

As she thought this way, she ran her fingertips across the paper, turned the page, and looked away. Almost at the same moment, her body trembled suddenly, and her eyes turned red for a while.

On the new page, there are only those two words written by Shi Qingyu, stroke by stroke, the writing is particularly correct, very much like her.

"Full score."

"..."

Guan Nanyi laughed again, and said softly to himself: Look, the person you have loved for so many years, it turns out that she has put you in her heart long ago, but she sticks to her own morality and is firm in herself I refuse you because of the principle, and refuse to tell you, just look at you laughing and crying for her from afar.

Shi Qingyu, who do you love more?

The author has something to say: Of course he loves me more.

At this time, an author of double updates passed by arrogantly.

Guan Nanyi [cursing]: Please lose face.