Happy Life [Rebirth]

I don't know why Gu Tingsheng said such things, and I don't understand why he is sorry for me. I only know that he looks so sad now. I can't even believe that a 16-year-old boy can be so painful. His appearance, his hunched back for a moment, made me feel that he had the illusion of being old, and he didn't look like Gu Tingsheng.Gu Tingsheng always kept his back straight.

But now he lowered his head, weeping hoarsely, like a person who has nowhere to go, as if he has suffered a very big and insurmountable setback.

I had no choice but to support his shoulders. I suddenly felt very sad. My panic and panic were gone. Seeing Gu Tingsheng like this, I was only sad.I said to Gu Tingsheng: "It's okay... I like you, does it make you feel like a burden, but it's okay."

I told Gu Tingsheng: "It's okay if you don't like me."

"So stop crying." I said, "Brother, it hurts to see you like this." I felt like my heart was going to break.

When Gu Tingsheng calmed down, two to three minutes had passed. During this period, other students passed by here, and they would look at us both curiously. They kept turning their heads. A long, mournful cry was heard only by me.

But he kept his head hanging behind, his hands covered his face, he didn't make any sound, and couldn't see the expression on his face, but everyone who saw it could see that he was sad Extremely.

I helped Gu Tingsheng to sit on the stone bench under the vines. After Gu Tingsheng put his hands down, I went to look at his eyes. His eyes were red and wet after crying, and his black eyes looked not as dark as usual. Indifferent and alienated, like a puppy looking at you sadly.

I suddenly thought, I really want to kiss him, kiss Gu Tingsheng's eyes, tell him not to be so sad, it's nothing, if you hate me and think that I like you is disgusting, I can stay far away from you, I will be very careful Looking at you from a distance is enough.

I shouldn't have been so greedy in the first place, I always wanted to be with my elder brother, and when my elder brother got a girlfriend, I would stay away from him silently and calmly.

But love is something you can't hide. If I stay by Gu Tingsheng's side all the time, someone will always see that I like Gu Tingsheng.I have always understood that it is the great luck that fate bestows on me to be able to see Gu Tingsheng again after being reborn. I should not greedily hope that my elder brother is only by my side, nor should I deceive myself.

Gu Tingsheng looked at me, his voice was still hoarse, it was too hot, he was crying like that, and sweated a lot.Gu Tingsheng's face was wet with sweat, he took a deep look at me, and said to me in a hoarse voice, "Yang Lu, sit here and wait for me, don't leave."

When Gu Tingsheng came back, it was only 2 minutes later. When you go out of the small garden, turn right and you will find a water faucet. The school workers usually connect pipes to the water faucet to water the flowers and plants.

I was sitting under the vines, and there were other students here, but compared to other places in the school, there were already fewer people here.

When Gu Tingsheng came back, I saw that the front of his collar was wet in a large area, and there were drops of water on his face that were not completely dried. He ran back, and he walked lightly and slowly when he was not far from me. come over.

I thought a lot during this process, thinking that if I tell him now, what Jon said is groundless, and what I said about liking him is just friendship—after all, friendship can also be possessive.Will Gu Tingsheng be persuaded by me?

I am a novelist myself, and I have always known that language is an art. As long as you have the intention to make an excuse, and the excuse is reasonable, the other party can be persuaded.

For example, I can say to Gu Tingsheng, I used to have no friends, only the two of us together, but now in high school, I see you make new friends, we are not always inseparable, I just because of this sudden change of situation Feeling lost, not that "like", just a friend's like.

But when I saw Gu Tingsheng sitting across from me, I couldn't speak when I looked at him.

But I regret it, the previous anger is long gone, how indignant I was when I said it regardless, even at that moment I really hated the world, hated men and women, hated the conventions of the world At that moment, I truly hated the world I was in with gritted teeth.

But now when I look at Gu Tingsheng, I regret what I said before, and I feel that this world is actually good, because Gu Tingsheng is still in this world.

I looked at Gu Tingsheng, I had a lot of words in my heart, thousands of words, but when I opened my mouth, I said, "Brother..." I called him, and I found that I couldn't even say the rest of the words.

Gu Tingsheng looked at me, he looked at me with very complicated eyes, it could be seen that he was thinking and forming words, I didn't take the initiative, Gu Tingsheng spoke before me.

He asked me: "You are only 13 years old, do you understand what liking is?"

I look at him, I think I should climb down the pole, I don't understand, I think about it now, it was just a moment of impulse, because we are always together so I hope you can always be with me, I just It's so lonely, think about it, it shouldn't be liking.

I did say that, and I said to Gu Tingsheng, "...I'm not sure."

I can't go on.

Gu Tingsheng had a look of relief on his face, I looked at him, he smiled a little, although the smile was ugly, like a wry smile, he said: "Yeah, you are only 13 years old, you just confused The relationship between the sexes, because the two of us are always together, so you have an illusion."

Gu Tingsheng stopped his voice, I think it was probably because I was looking at him very intently, I started to regret and feel helpless after the anger fell, but now I moved my lips, my calm words brought the anger that came again .I didn't even know that I would also feel angry towards Gu Tingsheng.What am I angry about?It may be because of what Gu Tingsheng asked me, but I understand, of course I understand.How can you say that I don't understand? Anyone can say it, and it shouldn't be you.

I looked into Gu Tingsheng's eyes, and told him softly and calmly: "But when I look at you, just like now, I really want to kiss your eyes."

Gu Tingsheng: "Xiaolu—"

"And your lips." I looked at Gu Tingsheng's rosy lips, "Why did I avoid you during the summer vacation, because every time I saw you, it was so easy/hard/to get up."

"Brother, I'm also very scared." I told Gu Tingsheng.I am afraid that after you know, you will hate me and stay away from me.

Gu Tingsheng looked at me, and he trembled slightly. After I said those words, I began to regret it again, but I was also very relieved. At least I don’t have to wait until I die in this life. No one knows that there is a person in this world. The person named Yang Lu loves Gu Tingsheng.If I were brave enough, I should go on to say that my love for you is not shallow at all, I like you with the kind that I could die for you.

I felt like a prisoner on the guillotine. After I spoke, the rope of the guillotine was already crumbling, and I was just waiting for Gu Tingsheng to give me the final sentence.

What would he say, disgusting, in fact, I think about it, probably not, he will probably continue to persuade me, telling me that because of my young age, I misidentified liking and dependence.But I am not young anymore. I am 39 years old when I add up my previous life and present life. I stand at thirty, rounded up, and I have lived most of my life.

She hasn't gotten rid of her liking for Gu Tingsheng for most of her life, and it's possible she won't get rid of it in this lifetime.

Gu Tingsheng was obviously dumb. I looked at his expression, and he showed that very painful expression. At this time, I always thought that it was because I was his best friend, and he existed like a brother and relative, so I liked him. , means a kind of incest, which makes him feel that it is a burden and a burden, that's why he is in such pain.

I later learned that his pain did not originate from this, and the pain he bore was far beyond my imagination.He suffered so much because he carried my death on his back.

But now I don't know, I stood up, bent over him slightly, I stretched out my hand to touch his hair and face, I wanted to hug him and stroke his back like before, tell him not to do this, no matter what happens I will be by your side no matter what.

But if for Gu Tingsheng, his pain was caused by me, I thought, then I should leave, if I make him feel pain, then I should leave.

But Gu Tingsheng stretched out his hand, and he made a movement like trying to grab my hand, but his hand stopped in mid-air.

I watched him look at me with that indescribable, very painful expression, as if I was standing in front of him, but he looked at me with a very distant gaze, as if I was far away from him Like a long distance.

I heard myself sigh, and I stretched out my hand to hold his hand actively, with my ten fingers inserted/inserted/into it, and my fingers interlocked. I felt that Gu Tingsheng's palm was warm and moist, with a somewhat rough touch and also With the temperature of a fresh and vigorous life.

I said to Gu Tingsheng: "I don't want to hide it from you anymore, how far do I have to keep this secret, brother..." I said softly: "I am much better now, but in July, it was just like this When I touch your hand, I get an erection."

I have been embarrassed by this for the past few months, and now I look at him calmly, and I even want to use the language of youth pain literature to say, is my current gaze a kind of peaceful sadness.

I peeled off all my shame, and told Gu Tingsheng: "That's how I feel about you. I hope you're only by my side. I'm going crazy with jealousy. I hate the way those girls look at you by the basketball court, and I hate After high school, you weren't always there for me."

"I'm gay, I don't like girls." I said to Gu Tingsheng, "I only like you."

After I finished speaking, I began to wait for the final verdict. When the guillotine falls, I can completely calm down from now on, and I will always stay by Gu Tingsheng's side as a friend. If Gu Tingsheng is willing, I will stay by his side as a friend. if.

But what I waited for was Gu Tingsheng's sad eyes, and he said to me sadly: "It's all my fault, I shouldn't be so close to you."

I just thought about it for a moment at this time, and thought about it in another direction, such as whether Gu Tingsheng's reaction was too profound and exaggerated. He didn't show a disgusted expression. Apart from self-blame, his pain and sadness It's so real.

It's not like the sudden sadness and pain every minute and every second, it's like what the guitar girl said, after a long, long time, the accumulated years have disappeared, layer by layer, repeating the constant sadness and pain , the final accumulated emotion at the moment.It made me feel that Gu Tingsheng's expression and feelings now are a kind of heavy sadness.

"I..." I suddenly became frightened. I thought that Gu Tingsheng was suffering from depression. Did I irritate him like this?

Gu Tingsheng closed his fingers at this time, and he held my hand. The sadness and pain on his face seemed to be slowly fading away, and the water droplets on his face evaporated in the dry heat of summer.But I still smelled the boy's sweat on his body, which was really warm, hot and slightly salty, I took a breath, and really wanted to embrace such a Gu Tingsheng, hold him tightly, and rub him into my arms.

It's like a real man telling him, I just like you, you can give me an answer, yes or no, instead of crying and crying about my liking sadly and sadly like now.

At this moment, Gu Tingsheng finally opened his mouth to announce my terrible confession. He looked at our clasped hands, and I also looked at our clasped hands. Gu Tingsheng let go.

I think if there is something promising, I should say to him now, I am really sorry, I shouldn’t like you and trouble you, or the girl learning guitar generously, say let’s try, have you ever liked anyone, try Not at a disadvantage.

But don't you feel disgusted when a boy says this to another boy?There are thousands of rules in the world, some have been overthrown, some have been rebuilt, only men love women, marrying wives and having children has never been refuted—it is wrong.

I can tell many people that I like Gu Tingsheng, and I like him longer and more seriously than anyone else.But a sentence that is wrong has no meaning at all.

After Gu Tingsheng let go of his hand, he said to me: "You are too young."

"What should you do if you regret it in the future?" Gu Tingsheng looked at me.

"I won't regret it." I told him.

"Brother is with you." Gu Tingsheng suddenly smiled, but his smile was not pretty at all, and he began to feel that distant and peaceful sadness again.

"Brother is with you." Gu Tingsheng repeated it with that heavy sadness, I thought it was my liking that made him feel burdened.

He said sadly to me: "Let's try it. As long as you regret it and think it's inappropriate, it's actually your feeling that it's wrong. Big brother quits at any time and will never pester you."

The author has something to say: The next chapter is from the big brother's perspective.

What a day...

If you don’t see the big brother’s perspective, everyone will not understand the big brother’s thoughts in this chapter...(___)ノ｜士