we are all gay

The contract has not been negotiated yet, we need to stay in Shanghai for a few days.When I was in the hotel at night, I sent a text message to Mr. Zhu, saying that the matter was not finished and I would not be able to go back until a few days later.Mr. Zhu did not return, he often worked overtime.I threw my phone on the bed and went to take a shower.

When he came out, his phone displayed a WeChat message with a profile picture of a pig and the young master.The young master said on WeChat: "Meizi, you are in Shanghai." There was a full stop.Damn, this guy majored in psychology and can read minds through his mobile phone?I haven't dried it yet, so it's not convenient to type.Just sent a location.Then there was no sound.I didn't care, the phone was thrown on the bed again.Went to the bathroom to dry my hair.

When it came out again, four missed calls.The same person: Master.I was just about to go back when the fifth call came.I turned on the speakerphone, and while brushing my half-dry hair, I asked, "Hello—"

On the phone, the young master said: "Meizi, I'm downstairs, you come down." Then he hung up the phone.Hang up... hang up.I scolded my mother, wrapped myself in a bathrobe, took my room card and mobile phone, kicked and pulled a pair of disposable hotel slippers and went downstairs.

From the entrance of the hotel, from a distance, under the dim street lights beside the road, the young master lowered his head and leaned against the car door, with a cigarette in his drooping hand.I yelled, kicked and ran over with my slippers.

The young master heard me shout, raised his head and stood under the streetlight.The smoke in the two fingers gathered into the palm of the hand, rubbed it twice, and threw it into the trash can next to it.

It was chilly in Shanghai in February, and I stood in front of the young master, wrapped in a bathrobe, and said, "What's the matter?"

The young master looked at me for a while, opened the car door, and said, "Get in the car."

I was puzzled and asked, "Why?"

The young master said, "Something happened in Baili."

I was startled, and cursed: "Fuck, I didn't say it earlier." Then I rushed into the car.

At this time at 01:30 in the morning, the hotel we stayed in was in Songjiang.The young master drives the car and is skilled in driving.It was so cold in Shanghai, I huddled in the back of the car and couldn't stop sneezing.I rubbed my nose and asked, "What's wrong with the fat man?"

The young master didn't speak.After a while, the young master asked, "Meizi, what are your plans for tomorrow?"

I said, "Let's talk about the contract at eight o'clock."

The young master looked at the time and said, "Sleep for a while, I will call you when we arrive."

I didn't speak, squinted, and didn't fall asleep.The car ran wildly for an hour, I didn't count, probably ran a few red lights.

The young master lives in Xujiahui.After getting out of the car, I asked, "Master, how many red lights did you run through when you went to Songjiang?"

The young master said, "I didn't pay attention."

The young master lived in a hotel apartment in the center of Xujiahui. As soon as he entered the door, he could smell the smell of water mixed with ethanol.There are a lot of bottles and cans in the living room, and a lot of meat rotting on the sofa.That pile of meat is fat.

I walked to the sofa with my slippers on, kicked the fat man's feet, and said: "Hey, fat man." on the feet in slippers. 180 catties of meat fell on the feet, and it was more sour than the old altar sauerkraut.

Maybe it was the shock of falling to the ground, maybe it was diaphragmatic by my feet, the fat man finally opened—a crack.This guy was stunned for half a minute when he saw me, and then he hugged my leg with his oily hands and howled loudly.

"Meizi, Meizi, why are you here! Meizi, why can't people be treated equally! You said I like her meat so much, why can't she like mine! You said she doesn't If you like it but don’t like it, why do you still say I’m like a pig! Meizi, how can I look like a pig! How can a pig be as smart as me? Pigs can’t read psychology, but I still read psychology! Fucking psychology is all fooling around Man! I have been studying hard for four years just to find a girl, so it’s easy for me! Meizi, why do you think I’m so miserable!”

The fat man wiped his snot and tears on my nightgown, seeing howling like ghosts and howling like wolves, he really didn't look like a pig, he looked like a howling pig.I was just being hugged by his legs, not because I didn't want to break free, but because my feet were still pressed and couldn't move.

The fat man howled for a while, and finally stopped.During this period of time, the young master cleaned up the living room.The fat man grabbed my nightgown, wiped my face, and blew my nose. After finishing the work, I raised my hand and lifted it up, and asked inexplicably, "Meizi, why aren't you wearing any clothes?" I held back my anger and took a deep breath. I couldn't hold it any longer, punched him, and scolded: "Have you cried enough! Why don't you get up for my old lady!" Then the fat man climbed onto the sofa very aggrieved.

As soon as I lifted my foot, it hurt and numb, and I couldn't walk, so I fell directly on the sofa.He took a pillow and threw it at the fat man who was pretending to be dead on the sofa, and said, "Isn't it lovelorn? What's the point of crying like this? Who hasn't been lovelorn before!"

The fat man curled up on the sofa with a pillow in his arms, like a little daughter-in-law who was bullied, and said with a mournful face: "I'm not broken in love, I was dumped! Also, this is my first time in love! First love!"

I hurriedly said: "Okay, okay, you were dumped, you are the most wronged, you are the victim. Your first love...you are a big-headed ghost! You fucked more girls in college than instant noodles. Have the face to say that you are your first love!"

The fat man sobbed and stared at me, pretending to be dumb.The young master handed me a cup of hot coffee, and I took a sip of it. I didn't know the brand of sugar-free black coffee, but it was delicious anyway.Then he handed the fat man pretending to be dumb a glass of boiled water, but the fat man refused to take it.

Staring at the boiled water for a long time, he looked up at the young master and said: "I want to drink coffee too." The young master said: "Black coffee, bitter." The fat man thought for a while and said: "Then I want to drink tea." agreed.I went to tinker with tea.

I kicked off the slippers, looked at the foot that was almost crushed into a meatloaf, and said, "Didn't you study psychology? Why didn't you see it earlier? You have eaten everything you studied in the four years of university."

The fat man murmured for a while before spitting it out, saying: "Why didn't I see it! I saw it the first time I saw her in the clinic. I saw that she wanted to sleep with me. But I only saw her She wanted to sleep with me, but she didn't see that she just wanted to sleep with me!"

Fatty worked in a psychological clinic after graduation, and it was this girl he met in the clinic.

I asked, "What's wrong with this girl?"

The fat man stared at me.

I said, "What's wrong with this girl? Why go to the clinic if she's not sick? Maybe she went to the wrong room!"

Fatty laughed silly and said, "Could it be that you went there for me?"

I was speechless, looking at him, not speaking.

The fat man was very disappointed and said, "She saw me, but she didn't see a doctor."

I nodded and said, "When she sees a doctor, she won't see you anymore."

The fat man cried and said, "She sleeps with me like seeing a doctor. She leaves after she sleeps." After thinking for a while, she said, "After sleeping a few times, she leaves."

I said, "Why don't you leave after sleeping? Waiting to give birth to your baby? Can you still live with the doctor after you recover?"

The fat man didn't speak.

I said: "Sleep as soon as you look at it, and leave after sleeping. The goal is clear, crisp and neat, I like this girl."

The fat man felt wronged again, and said, "I like it too!"

I asked, "Then tell me, what do you like about her?"

The fat man thought for a moment, stared at me from the neck down and said, "There is meat."

"Fuck!" I yelled.

Camels see willows, Mongolia sees wine, and whites see meat.

He also said: "Eat less meat, three highs!"

The fat man was even more aggrieved, and said, "Meizi, why can't she like mine when I like her meat?"

Hehe, fat man, your question is too profound, and he said: "The girl's meat is walking estrogen; your meat... is at best a walking roasted pig." Seeing the fat man's expressionless expression, I comforted me and said, "Maybe that girl doesn't like pork."

The fat man nodded confidently.

Seeing the young master coming with a pot of tea, I asked, "Hey, young master, do you like pork?"

The young master didn't even look at me and said, "I like it."

I nodded in agreement and said, "Look, fat man, not everyone doesn't like to eat pork. Everyone likes to eat Tang's monk meat. But Tang's monk is a monk, and monks can't eat it. Monks are used to eat pork." For chanting scriptures. So pork is better. Pork can be used to make steamed buns, dumplings, steamed, fried, boiled and stewed; pork bones can be used to make bone broth, intestines can be used to make fat sausages, ears can be mixed with wine and vegetables, and pig brains can be roasted. .Look how good a pig is, its whole body is full of treasures."

The fat man was fooled by me and nodded repeatedly, then took a sip of the tea made by the young master, and said, "Meizi, I'm hungry."

I took another sip of coffee and said, "I don't have meat."

The fat man came back to his senses and asked, "Meizi, why are you here?"

Can I swear?

I said, "On a business trip. The young master said you were looking for death and life, and asked me to come and collect the corpse."

I glanced at the young master, and I still don't understand how the young master's walking bone frame transported a lump of [-] pieces of meat here.

The fat man nodded, took another sip of tea, smashed his mouth, raised his head and asked the young master: "Master, what kind of tea do you have, it's quite delicious."

The young master said, "Da Hong Pao."

I looked at the cup of tea that the fat man drank as plain water, and asked, "Where is it?"

The young master thought for a moment and said, "It's from Wuyi Mountain, as a gift from Lao Yu."

Lao Yu is his father, handsome and rich.Saw it once at a college graduation party.The young master specially introduced Fatty and me to Lao Yu.

I swallowed my saliva and said: "When Nixon came to China to play, Grandpa Mao gave him four or two red robes as souvenirs. At that time, the old nun still thought that Grandpa Mao was stingy. Premier Zhou said that the chairman is giving away half of the country. gone."

I raised the coffee in my hand and said, "18 grams of Dahongpao, young master, you are too discriminatory."

The young master said, "You only drink coffee."

I pouted, the young master was right.Fatty seemed to understand, he sniffed it before leaning on the teacup, thought for a while and took a big gulp, then said, "Meizi, how do you know this?"

I said: "Mr. Zhu likes to drink tea." So I paid attention to a lot of things about tea.

The fat man gave me a thumbs up full of admiration, and then said, "Master, have another drink!" I dare say it's beer.Then the young master poured him another cup.I just curled up on the sofa, watching the fat man drink cup by cup, and the young master pour cup by cup.

When the tea was brewed for the third time, the young master said, "Bai Li, there are just eight taels left. If you like it, I'll give it to you."

The fat man paused for a while and asked, "How many taels in total?"

The young master also paused for a while, and said, "Ten taels. Just soaked in two taels."

The fat man nodded, and said with a look of bitterness and hatred, "I drank [-] in a while."

I, Meizi, have admired Fatty all my life.This walking retard.

At five o'clock in the morning, after the fat man drank [-], the young master sent me back to the hotel.Before going upstairs, I saw the young master lighting a cigarette.

Wechat master: "Look at the traffic lights." The young master replied: "Okay."

The author has something to say:

Dazai's nonsense:

Dazai likes fat people, Dazai likes pigs, Dazai likes pigs.The plot unfolded.Everyone is going to be blackened.

In the first part: the fat man and the young master are sweet from the beginning to the end, please take it slowly~