put pen to paper

Second, the Shen family

Because he was born with great difficulty, Shen Shu has many half-sisters, and the only one he really treats as his younger sister is Shen Xueyin who brought him up like a half-sister since childhood.

Speaking of which, Shen Xueyin's experience is still a bit miraculous. When she was four years old, she had a serious illness and almost died. After miraculously improving in the winter of the same year, her personality also changed drastically, and she became much smarter and more sensible.Shen Xueyin, who had already changed her soul from modern times, noticed little Shen Shu not long after she came to this world. From the perspective of the 27-year-old single, highly educated female soul from modern times, she was six years old. Xiaoshu is a very loving and worrisome child. He was adopted at birth to Chen Yue, the main wife of the patriarch Shen Yi—the woman who was jealous because her husband married too many concubines. Having seen the biological mother, no one even knows who the biological mother is, and intrigues are prevalent in our compound.At a young age, the child always imitated his father's solemn and cold face with a very cute face. Even so, his father rarely gave him family affection other than obligations. Contrary to the naturally stubborn Xiao Shu, his father Shen Yi is a very indifferent and cold person by nature, and his appearance is also that kind of good-looking but cold feeling.Perhaps Xiao Shu's paranoid character and soft, white and bright appearance come from his unknown mother.

When I was young, Xiao Shu didn't like to laugh and looked lonely, especially aroused Shen Xueyin's motherly love desire. Anyway, he didn't have many friends, so he always went to play with him every now and then. We went to play together, and secretly taught him. He has a lot of modern knowledge, and slowly the simple-minded Shen Xueyin has the momentum to treat him as half a son, and almost imparts everything he has learned in his life.It's a pity that Shen Xueyin is not made to be a good mother. He taught Xiao Shu knowledge but failed to teach him to be a kind, cheerful and sunny person. The nature of liking and how to gain the trust of others for your own benefit.Still being deceived, Tuan Tuan Zhuan naively believed that this little child who was brought up by himself must be a healthy and well-rounded child, kind and upright, not deceitful, and a good child appreciated by everyone.

And Shen Yi's main wife, Chen Yue, looks glamorous, beautiful, dignified and virtuous, outsiders can't fault her, but everyone around her doesn't like her.Even though Shen Yi is weak in nature, only cares about "national affairs" and regards "love between children" as nothing, and marrying so many concubines to carry on the family line that it is almost impossible to count, Chen Yue always loves Shen Yi in her heart.For the sake of Shen Yi, no matter how painful it is, she still plays the image of the perfect Shen family mistress on the surface. The pain of not being loved for a long time makes this woman a little crazy in private, because of this crazy, she is not liked by others.

For the unlucky Shen Shu, she just felt that this woman was really hysterical, she had cast countless shadows on her childhood, and occasionally she would have nightmares when she saw her, but now she is very upset when she sees a woman, especially when she sees a woman in love, she really wants to slap her across the face .If it weren't for this woman, it seemed more painful to live like this than to die. Sooner or later, I would kill her to make myself clean.

In addition, no one knows that Shen Shu has been very keen in reading other people's minds since he was a child, and he has always known in his heart that whether it is his own father or his friend and comrade-in-arms Su Qin for many years, the one who cares about him most Whether it's his family member Shen Xueyin, they all prefer to see the side of him that he deliberately pretended to be. Everyone's favorite side is different, but none of them will be close to the real him.The real Shen Shu doesn't understand warmth due to the lack of his mother's teaching. His heart is like a child who is not grown up, stubborn and extreme, rational and cold-blooded, and always thinks differently. Everyone is afraid.He didn't want to see these people afraid of his gaze.The real self that has been hidden for a long time begins to distort due to loneliness and depression, and often becomes full of negative emotions and becomes even more terrifying.He really hated the Shen family's almost ubiquitous surveillance, with few opportunities for people to catch their breath.For so long, no one has come to really save him.If only I could meet people in this world who can accept me no matter what I am, this kind of thinking has long since ceased to be extravagant.

But then Shen Shu met Ye Luo.

Because she is keenly aware of other people's moods, she can be easily liked, and she can always pretend to be a good person. That's why she is sure that Ye Luo is a special person.

In the beginning, it was really because he needed such a person to take advantage of, but after getting along for a while, Shen Shu had a strange feeling that if it was this person, maybe he could be accepted.This person is not a person who grew up in the capital city or any other bustling big city. He doesn't have much mundane atmosphere on his body, so that he is more like the breeze, mountains, streams, etc. He is clean, pure and warm, as if he can tolerate all kinds of people.This person seems to be lonely but actually calm, looks withdrawn and cold but is actually gentle, being with this person will always make people feel comfortable and involuntarily relaxed.Shen Shu thought, spending a little more time and effort might make this person gradually fall in love with my true side, if this person can really like me - that would be great, I want to leave the capital and follow this person It would be great to go to his hometown together and walk around with him, it must be much more interesting than being in this terrible place.

When he likes me completely and can’t leave me anymore, I will tell him about the pain that no one can accept. What will he say then? With his personality, he will probably say “I know, Although it is different from your situation, the loneliness is understandable. Maybe we all missed learning how to live a normal and happy life with others when we were young, so we have this kind of loneliness?"After all, that person has always been wandering around, and the master can wander around the rivers and lakes with his front feet dead.Don't ask me why I know this, I know everything about him!I also know what method to use!

Man is born alone.It is very tempting to find someone who can love and warm each other in the vast sea of ​​people. It is the desire for warmth in the depths of human nature.It’s okay if you’ve never been warmed by someone, never been treated tenderly by someone you like, but once you’ve felt that kind of warmth, it’s like an addiction, which makes many people lost.Shen Shu deeply understands this point, which is also the reason why he can't sleep at night recently.Shen Shu has an intuition that people like Ye Luo are the same as him, and sooner or later they will be addicted to warmth.

"It's such a pity. It would be great if Luo Bian could not accept other people like me. It would be great if he could not leave me... Think about it. Is there any way." Beautiful Alone in the darkness of his heart, the young man spoke chilling words in a gentle, slightly cautious voice.

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Ye Luo disappeared from Shen's house for a few days in a fit of anger, and when she returned to Shen's house after her mood calmed down, Su Qin had already been in the house for several days. She was indeed as beautiful as a flower, well-educated, generous and sensible as rumored. She is a gentle and gentle girl who treats Shen Shu with respect as a guest. She is regarded as a role model in people's eyes, but Ye Luo has a very strange feeling. Standing together, Shen Shu and Su Qin are like two beautifully dressed girls on a stage. Liang's actors performed a perfect play together, and Su Qin almost didn't care about anything in the Shen family unless it was necessary. If there was anything she could hand over to Shen Shu, she would hand it over to Shen Shu. Usually, if there was nothing to do, she would just close the door. I'm stuck in my house and I don't know what I'm doing.After a long time, it was still the same. It seemed that even if there was an extra Su Qin, the Shen family was still the same Shen family, except that Shen Shu was going to be the head of the family, not much changed.

Ye Luo was surprised that no one thought it was wrong even if it was like this, but they all praised them for being so lucky. Ye Luo shook his head and felt that he always felt this way when he came to the capital. Yes, if it wasn't for Shen Shu, she wouldn't be here long ago.

The young man dressed in black sleeps a little unsteadily today. Usually, Shen Shu lights up the lamp and reads until late at night before falling asleep. He has been lying on the beam above Shen Shu to sleep. Shen Shu left him here today. I went to find Su Qin by myself.At night, he had a strange dream in a daze. He dreamed that Shen Shu told him that he liked him for a long time.

"..." In the dream, he was not as restrained as usual and directly expressed the doubts in his heart, "I always feel that your baby has become more and more abnormal recently, did something go wrong at last?"

Shen Shu said pitifully: "Then I should have had a problem for a long time. The doctor didn't detect the pulse not long ago. I'm afraid it can't be cured. What should I do?"

He hasn't seen such a shameless Shen Shu for a long time, and he seems to think that this is more like the Shen Shu in his impression.

Ye Luo: "It's strange, I don't want you to like me like this, but I want to be with you forever like when we had a good relationship. So, what do you want?"

Shen Shu smiled so brightly that he said strangely: "I, I just want to tell you that I love you." After that, the dream became messy, and everything was messed up on the blank base cloth like a jigsaw puzzle. It is a vague life memory here and there.

The first thing I did when I woke up from the dream was to touch the sword that never left my body, feel the peace of mind from the cold metal, wipe off the shallow tears on my face, and then calmly summed up for myself : I would have such a dream, if either Shen Shu likes me, or I have always liked Shen Shu and didn't realize it.So, whether it is the former or the latter, continue to pretend that you have not discovered it.There are too many reasons why there will be no good results. He and Shen Shu will not be happy. People should not be too greedy. He understood this kind of thing when he was an orphan begging for food.It is actually a happy thing to be able to silently guard Shen Shu like in the past, pamper this young man who always makes me feel distressed for some reason, and let him rely on and trust me.So that's enough.

Although the person you like is not in front of you, it will be very lonely.But Ye Luo felt that she had always been the kind of person who was most used to being alone.

But later, the time of loneliness seems to be more and more, and he decided not to care about it early on, but why is he still so sad? Ye Luo felt as if he had overestimated his ability to bear it.Maybe it's just too sad.I don't know when it started, in order to spend more time with Shen Shu, Ye Luo agreed more and more to any request, her indulgence was simply too much, she was willing to try everything.

People who are too lonely never understand the word love. This kind of situation has never been encountered before, and Ye Luo is very at a loss, although it can't be seen on the surface.

But someone like Shen Shu who pays too much attention to Ye Luo can fully see this anxiety, and then he wants to seize this opportunity to make this confusion and anxiety bigger and bigger. He knows that being able to destroy this person from the inside is a chance to reach the bottom of his heart. A long-standing wish.

Although there is always a feeling of aloofness and aloofness, Ye Luo is actually very gentle towards people. In Ye Luo's gentle attitude, there is always a sense of alienation that does not want to get too involved with others. This alienation may be It comes from the life of wandering and wandering since childhood, maybe from the quiet environment when the teenagers practiced martial arts diligently, or from the master who also has this sense of alienation.It’s just that his senior sister taught him how to treat others with a gentle attitude, and because of a sense of loneliness that made him want to treat others gently, but he is really not very good at words. To repay Master's expectations of himself, to show that he draws his sword to help when he sees injustice, to always help others secretly without asking for anything in return, to always believe that good people should be rewarded with good things, to treat every sword that has accompanied him for many years with care, to show In pampering someone important.Other than that, there is nothing left but the wandering wind like the wind, and the loneliness and coldness like the moon.

Such a person is not easy to be changed easily, nor is it easy to be too obsessed with something, but Shen Shu has a lot of patience. A simple knight with experience is no better than a young master who has been in the rich and powerful circle with the most complicated interpersonal relationships since childhood, so he always succeeds in finding his weaknesses. Ye Luo's indulgence to Shen Shu forced Ye Luo to compromise time and time again.Coupled with the fact that monogamy was not the norm in ancient times, child prostitution was prevalent in wealthy families, and the social atmosphere was open to masculinity, it would be easier for Shen Shu to get his sweetheart. He will definitely be rejected, not to mention that Shen Shu has long since discovered that Ye Luo likes her.

Shen Shu thought, if he asked Ye Luo directly, Ye Luo would not admit his feelings, so let's get used to the occasional ambiguous physical contact first.

In order to make Ye Luo unable to leave her physically and mentally in the future, Shen Shu got a lot of albums from the most famous Hualou and studied them carefully.In fact, when he was a teenager around fifteen, Shen Shu often lingered in brothels for a while, but it wasn't for romantic affairs, because he didn't like girls very much, and even male prostitutes hated the smell of rouge powder on them.Part of the reason for coming to the brothel is because it is unexpectedly warmer than at home, and part of it is because this is a popular entertainment place among young men of this age in Beijing.The most frequented brothel is a warmer place than Shen's house. Even if they don't like women, few people would hate to talk about their confusion with a gentle and considerate person, let alone for a half-grown child. Very weak desire for maternal love nature.

Ever since the young master of the Shen family became the head of the Shen family, Ye Luo has been able to stay by his side for too little time. Even if Shen Shu's temper has become gloomy and unstable, and he often behaves strangely, Ye Luo is still conniving as always. .

Shen Shu would often be inexplicably angry and toss Ye Luo for a while, and sometimes she would turn into a coquettish child.

Sometimes tolerance will only make others worse. Later, she is often exhausted physically and mentally, and sometimes wants to cry. Ye Luo even starts to worry whether she will develop the habit of crying after a long time.Shen Shu also has animal-like habits. When she is happy, she likes to rub around. When she is emotional, she likes to use biting to convey. Every time, she likes to pull down her clothes and bite at the bottom of her neck. She prefers to leave a clear biting effect. Traces, if the traces left by the last time can be seen after a long time, I will be very happy.But sometimes I feel that he is still the warm and lovely boy in the first impression.

Ye Luo was always inexplicably angered by Shen Shu. Once he really felt sad in his heart, but Shen Shu suddenly hugged him tightly in his arms, gently pressed his head on his chest, and said strangely and happily : "It's okay, I'm here, tell me what you have to say, I will protect you if you have a chance in the future, okay?"

"..." Faced with such a strange situation, Ye Luo felt that what could he say, he could only remain silent as always, thinking that this guy was really ill.

Shen Shu occasionally whispered some strange words in his ear like this, regardless of whether Ye Luo would respond or not, and once she even muttered nonsensically: "Luo, you fell in love with me!" Me? Don’t you have anything to say? Don’t want to admit it so much. It’s really sad. Is it really indifferent, is it like me?”

Another time, Shen Shu insisted on asking: "I have reached the crown, what should I do with my words? Help me think about it."

Ye Luo had no choice but to say: "Then I'll just pick one up, you can refer to it. Yunping?"

Shen Shu: "Luo, do you have any words to say it? I haven't heard you say it."

Ye Luo: "That doesn't matter, it's said that Jianghu people don't care about trifles, and I'm not as particular about scholars as I am."

The corner of Shen Shu's mouth curled up into a subtle smile, and he seemed to say unintentionally: "Then let me think of one for you too, Xun Nian? It doesn't sound good, go Xun Yi! How is Ye Xun Yi?"

Ye Luo: "Your naming level is really not flattering."

As a result, Shen Shuzhen used the word Ye Luoqi later.

The details seem to be woven into a blurred net, and Shen Shu's inner plan behind the net cannot be seen clearly. This net carries a touch of warmth and makes people unconsciously expect.

Ever since Shen Shu got married, Ye Luo fell in love with climbing to the roof of the tallest restaurant in Kyoto at night to drink and enjoy the wind and watch the moon to relax. The irritability in my heart will be washed away with the wind, and I will slowly return to the state where I can meditate at any time.But he understood that his heart really started to mess up in the final analysis.And Shen Shu is not as harmless as he once thought.There is a vague worry in my heart.

But probably as long as he still wanted to stay by Shen Shu's side, there was nothing he could do.