i don't want to die again

Xu Shunian immediately looked up towards the door.

The three boys were talking and laughing when they entered the door with their coats in hand. They were stunned when they saw Xu Shunian, and then they showed a look of obvious disgust and indifference, and immediately looked away.

Xu Shunian stared at the three of them for a while, only to realize later that he didn't seem to be well received by his roommates, and it was even obvious that these people treated him like air.

Turning back in frustration, Xu Shunian stared at the timetable in a daze, and heard someone whisper surprised because the dormitory became clean, but he didn't know if it was because Xu Shunian might have cleaned it up, so he suddenly fell silent again.

Xu Shunian buried his head even lower, and a heart with some anticipation fell down.

They didn't have class until one o'clock in the afternoon, and the roommates were discussing where to have lunch together at noon. Although the four of them actually had a class, it was obvious that no one wanted to bring Xu Shunian with them.

Xu Shunian had no choice but to prepare things for class by himself. He originally wanted to tell his roommates about his amnesia, so that they could help him adapt to life here as soon as possible, but now it seems that he has no choice but to give up.

When he was packing his textbooks, one of the roommates suddenly closed the drawer very hard, and said, "Damn! Why is my iPad missing?"

Another person asked him, "Didn't you still hold it in your hand this morning?"

The man scratched his hair, thought for a while and said, "Yes, it was still there when I woke up in the morning. I didn't take it out just now, did I?"

Others asked him to search again, but the man searched everywhere again, but still couldn't find it.

Xu Shunian felt the movement behind him stop, and they suddenly stopped talking, and his heart skipped a beat for no reason. Sure enough, when he turned around, he saw three people looking at him, especially the one who lost something, with obvious suspicion in his eyes.

Xu Shunian shook his head immediately: "I don't know anything."

When looking at the information of his dormitory before, Xu Shunian memorized the names of the roommates in each bed. The boy in the second bed who lost his things was named Hu Fei, and the taller one in the other two beds was named Qi Ye. The fatter one is called Zhang Min.

Hu Fei frowned and looked at Xu Shunian, and asked suspiciously, "When did you come back? You cleaned up the dormitory, right? Why haven't you been so diligent before?"

Xu Shunian was so anxious that sweat broke out on his forehead, he waved his hands repeatedly and said, "Not long after I arrived, I saw that the floor was too dirty, so I swept it casually, and I really didn't take anything from you."

Seeing this, Qi Ye persuaded Hu Fei, "Did you take it out just now? Think again."

But Hu Fei seemed to recognize Xu Shunian's lies, pointed at Xu Shunian and said loudly: "Do you also believe what this pervert says?"

Xu Shunian trembled subconsciously when he said "abnormal", and didn't understand what he had done before to make them so disgusted with him.

At this time, Zhang Min also came to smooth things over: "Why don't you go to the place we just went to have a look and talk about it?"

Hu Fei waved his hand impatiently, walked towards Xu Shunian and said, "Open the backpack and show me."

Xu Shunian felt aggrieved and sad. He lowered his head and let Hu Fei rummage in his backpack. His eye circles felt a little hot, but he tried his best to hold it back.

There were a lot of sundries in the backpack that Xu Shunian had brought from home and hadn’t had time to clean up. Hu Fei searched to no avail, so he simply picked up his backpack upside down, and the contents spilled all over the floor.

Xu Shunian finally couldn't bear it anymore, raised his head angrily and raised his voice to Hu Fei and said, "I didn't take your things!"

Hu Fei paused for a moment while holding the backpack, and then immediately threw the bag on the ground angrily, and shouted: "You are a disgusting homosexual, you are a shit, it's good if you don't let you move out, What kind of nerves do you get here every day!"

Xu Shunian clenched his fists, trying to restrain his emotions, and then without saying a word, he began to take the initiative to turn out the contents of his cabinets and drawers, shook them all out, and made sure that there was no place to hide an iPad. , looked at the few people who stayed there, and said word by word: "I didn't steal anything."

Seeing this, the three of them all had expressions of not knowing what to say, and watched Xu Shunian start to pack up the things scattered on the ground and put them back silently one by one.

Xu Shunian didn't know when the others left, he just felt that his heart had sunk to the bottom again.

When he was packing up, he saw a thick notebook. Xu Shunian froze for a few seconds, stroked the old cover, and then opened the notebook. He saw the paper on the first page at first sight.

Xu Shunian opened the double-folded paper, looked at it for a few seconds, and felt a wave of unspeakable complex emotions in his heart.

Because, he discovered that it was actually a suicide note, which he had written before going to climb the mountain alone.

The content of the whole article is not much, and the structure is very scattered, and it can even be said to be illogical. In addition to thinking that my life is dark and I can't see any hope at all, a name is repeatedly mentioned in it.

Lu Zhan.

Xu Shunian frowned suspiciously. He has no impression of this person now, but it can be seen that he almost engraved this name in his bones and blood before. Even if he only read these few paragraphs of text, he can still feel that kind of An obsession bordering on paranoia.

But it was obvious that he was only unrequited love in the past, and it was even obvious that this crazy obsession disgusted the other party, which was one of the reasons why he wanted to commit suicide.

After reading it only once, Xu Shunian folded the paper again, and then leaned against the bed cabinet alone for a while.

It turned out that I was such a paranoid and gloomy person, so it's no wonder that I didn't like it, and the words "perverted" and "disgusting homosexuality" from my roommate just now can almost understand what's going on.

After an unknown amount of time, Xu Shunian stood up calmly, put the notebook with the paper back into the paper box, and put the box in the innermost layer of the closet.

Although he can't remember what happened before, and he still saw the decisive suicide note he wrote, Xu Shunian still plans to abandon everything in the past and live a good life.

Maybe there is nothing wrong with amnesia, and it can even be used as an opportunity to start over.

After packing up his things and walking out of the dormitory, Xu Shunian was a little distracted all the way. When he passed the corner of the stairs, he almost bumped into a person. Nian didn't care, and continued to walk away with his head down.

On the stairs of the dormitory, a group of boys were walking upstairs with their coats and basketballs. One of them teased, "Lu Zhan, wasn't that the one who was always chasing you just now?"

The boy named Lu Zhan tugged at his collar, just wanting to go back to the dormitory early to take a shower and change clothes.

Because he just finished exercising, he is only wearing a T-shirt now, and he is steaming all over his body. His tall long legs and a rather handsome face make him still dressed in sweat and sweat even though his hair is messy. Dusty clothes are enough to stand out from the crowd.

Because of the ridicule from his friend next to him, Lu Zhan also thought of the person who almost bumped into his chest just now, and subconsciously frowned. There was undisguised disgust in Junyi's brows and eyes, he twitched the corner of his mouth, and said impatiently: " How many times have I said, don't mention him in front of me."

The others immediately stopped repeating this topic, because they knew that it was really fucked up for a buddy to be pestered by a same-sex person all the time. sporting events.

Xu Shunian, who was about to rush to the classroom, didn't know this at all. He just took a school map and looked around to find the next classroom.

When he finally found it, Xu Shunian went in to take a look, and found that the classroom was still empty, because there was still nearly an hour before class.

He took out a piece of bread that he had just bought along the way, sat in a seat near the middle, and then took out his textbook, while eating the bread, he reviewed the contents of the book in advance.

After eating a piece of bread, Xu Shunian still felt that he couldn't understand what was said in the textbook at all. He knew every word, but when put together, he couldn't understand what was being said at all.

Just when he was overwhelmed, many people entered the classroom one after another.

Not knowing if it was his own illusion, Xu Shunian found that no one seemed willing to sit around him.From the beginning when there were no people, others sat far away from him, and later when the classroom was almost full of people, many people did not sit in the vacant seats close to themselves, preferring to be crowded with others.

Therefore, the seats near Xu Shunian were always vacant when the teacher came in to teach, especially in the nearly full classroom.

It seems that my previous popularity was really bad.

At first, Xu Shunian laughed at himself thinking that when the teacher started class, he would forget about these things and just listen carefully.

Then he was pleasantly surprised to find that although he could not understand the textbook, the contents explained by the teacher were not so obscure and profound. I am very satisfied with the notes on the page.

After class, Xu Shunian was the last one to leave the classroom. When he walked out of the classroom, he thought about what happened in the dormitory in the morning, sighed, and decided to go to the library first.

After swiping his card to enter the library, Xu Shunian found a relatively secluded corner, turned out the textbook of the class just now, compared his notes, and sorted it out carefully, feeling that he had learned a lot from the previous class. Unexpected point, so gave birth to some sense of accomplishment.

Before he knew it, he stayed in the library until the closing time at night, during which he only went to the cafeteria to have dinner, and was pleasantly surprised to find that he had more than 200 yuan left in his card, which was also a reflection of his current financial situation. comforted.

Xu Shunian has decided that when he gets used to school life a little bit, he will go out and find a part-time job to make money.

When he had to leave the library, Xu Shunian's footsteps in the direction of the dormitory were unconsciously a little heavy. After thinking about it, he simply turned around with his bag on his back and planned to take a stroll around the campus to understand the layout of the place. , so as not to find a place in the future.

From 09:30 to nearly eleven o'clock, Xu Shunian walked slowly towards the dormitory.

At this time, the campus was not as lively as it was during the day. Most of the students had returned to the dormitories, but there were also some night owls coming in and out in groups.

When Xu Shunian was walking on the path beside an artificial lake, he was still thinking about his next plan with his head down, but suddenly he felt that someone was following him behind him.

This area was sparsely populated at this time, and there were hardly any other people. Xu Shunian looked back vigilantly, but found that there was no one behind him except the empty gravel road.

He turned back suspiciously, suspecting that he had an illusion, but subconsciously quickened his pace.

Then he was horrified to find that the trailing footsteps sounded again, and the frequency increased along with him.

Xu Shunian looked back again, but still saw nothing, but he couldn't help feeling fear and panic in his heart, and his hand holding the backpack trembled slightly.

The footsteps became clearer and clearer, as if they were getting closer and closer to themselves.

Without even thinking about it, Xu Shunian immediately ran away.

The author has something to say:

Classmate Xu's spiritual journey is about to kick off~