the world in which he exists

The streets full of lanterns are full of crowds and bustling.The street lights on the side of the road are always on, and the music in the store is changing. It is a lively scene. At the end of the bustle, Gu Chaoming sent a message to Lin Jianfan and heard the voice he least wanted to hear.

"Morning."

The voice she least wanted to hear became a little old and weak, and it also carried Gu Chaoming's most contemptuous pretended kindness.

Gu Chaoming didn't feel a trace of sincere love from the tone of pretended kindness, he only felt the shock and the nausea after the shock.

Gu Tao called his name again in this tone, as if he was a conscientious father and he was a rebellious son who ran away from home.

Disgusting, hypocritical.

Why does it still appear in my life? !

Why show up when I thought you'd never show up again? !

Gu Chaoming clenched the phone that almost slipped after hearing Gu Tao's voice. At night, he was worried that the abnormal Gu Tao hadn't come to him for so long to find out if something happened to him outside, but it didn't mean he still wanted to Goodbye Gu Tao.

He's just uneasy.

An overly secure life made him feel uneasy.

The ordinary and stable life that others live every day is his hard-won happiness. Gu Chaoming is always worried that Gu Tao will suddenly appear and take it away.

I’m afraid like last time, take him back to that home and tell him that the escape you thought was just a dream of running away from home, you will still return to this home after all, because your roots are here, because your blood flows in here.

Gu Tao came to rob him of the stable life he had so hard to get, Gu Chaoming looked at the stretch of street lights, as if seeing himself who was forced to follow Gu Tao home that night.

He remembered the night when he met Lin Jianfan, the first time he stretched out his sinful hand to Gu Tao, the police car on the side of the road, the flashing lights on the police car and the silver-white handcuffs in the dark night.

There was wind that night, and when he thought his life was safe, he thought of the wind that night again.

The wind of that night penetrated him tonight.

The mania in his heart grew rapidly, like thorny vines, tightening his heart.

asphyxia.

Gu Chaoming suppressed the mania in his heart, turned around with his heart tightened by thorny vines, and saw a familiar face behind him.

The familiar face was slovenly and yellow, the hair was knotted, and the clothes were normal, but the person became thinner a lot. Coupled with the sallow complexion, the whole person showed a weak look of malnutrition.

Gu Chaoming's eyesight is very good, and he can catch all of Gu Tao's changes in one glance at night.

Gu Chaoming didn't know what Gu Tao was doing, he turned around and was frightened by Gu Tao's sallow face, but he hid his fright very well, under the plainness and disgust on the surface.

Gu Tao approached step by step. The approaching steps and approaching body made Gu Chaoming want to back away.

Gu Chaoming steadied his footsteps, not letting himself show fear.

"Where have you been? No one is home." Gu Tao stood in front of Gu Chaoming.

Gu Chaoming stood still and did not retreat, while Gu Tao stopped outside his acceptable range.

He could accept the distance from Gu Tao before, but now he wants to stay away no matter how far Gu Tao is from him.

Do not appear in my life again!This is Gu Chaoming's only request to Gu Tao.

"I moved out." Gu Chaoming said flatly and without emotion.

The more distaste for Gu Tao is the consequence of living an independent and stable life.

"Why move out?" Gu Tao seemed to have forgotten what happened that day, as if Lin Jianfan had never tried to persuade him in a calm tone in front of him.

Gu Chaoming didn't know how a person, a father, a father could be so shameless.When asking for money, he was a crazy beast, and after he went crazy, he pretended to be a kind and caring father.

Gu Chaoming still had a flat and fearless tone: "I can move if I want, and you know the reason why you moved out."

Gu Chaoming didn't play his tricks of beating around the bush with Gu Tao, he explained his words to break Gu Tao's pretending that he didn't know anything, so that Gu Tao couldn't continue to pretend to be stupid.

Gu Chaoming didn't give Gu Tao a chance to pretend to be stupid, so Gu Tao pretended to be stupid in another way.

"Because of that kid? What's his name?" Gu Tao made an expression of reminiscence, "What's his name? Just the little boyfriend who took you away."

Gu Chaoming suppressed the anger in his heart, he didn't want to hear Lin Jianfan's name from Gu Tao's mouth, hearing Lin Jianfan's name from Gu Tao's mouth was like Lin Jianfan's name given to him by his parents was tarnished by Gu Tao.

Gu Chaoming didn't want Lin Jianfan to appear in their conversation, so Gu Chaoming said flatly, "It's none of your business."

Gu Tao glanced at Gu Chaoming, and laughed regardless of Gu Chaoming's eyes: "I left a bad impression on your little boyfriend, it's the first time I met my parents, hahaha... no, I saw you at the school gate last time." .”

Gu Tao seemed to be thinking of something important, so he slapped his hands: "Oh, then I didn't seize my future last time..."

Gu Tao moved his eyes to Gu Chaoming as he spoke.

Gu Chaoming looked at him coldly, without any expression on his face.Gu Tao shamelessly brought up the past, since Gu Chaoming does not allow him to treat the past as if it never happened, then he will treat it as no big deal, as if those things are not wrong, but ordinary fathers who love their sons and take them back home. Home.

The surface was plain, but Gu Chaoming felt nauseated inside.

For 17 years, Gu Chaoming and Gu Tao have lived together for 17 years, and they already know how to digest Gu Tao's shamelessness.He hid all his disgust and nausea in his heart, his surface was as cold as frost, and he was not moved by Gu Tao's words at all.

Gu Chaoming stood still like the day when Lin saw Fan protecting him, like a machine that only produces mediocrity, no matter what Gu Tao said, he would only respond mediocrely.

"Young people are easy to be shy, don't say it's okay, Dad thinks that little brother is very handsome." Gu Tao said with a smile, "Dad doesn't object to you doing this, anyway, I don't care, but ah, boss Dad still wants to say, you are the only seedling in our family, you are the only one..."

"It's none of your business." Gu Chaoming interrupted Gu Tao unceremoniously.

Gu Chaoming just wanted to praise Gu Tao's turning point. He said he agreed and then said that there was only one single seedling. Hearing the single seedling, Gu Chaoming not only understood what Gu Tao was going to say later, but also understood that Gu Tao was fighting for him before. What is the custody right for.

It was because his name was Gu Chaoming, not because he was Gu Chaoming.

Understanding this truth at the end of the bustling street at night, Gu Chaoming felt a cold wind swirling in his heart. He thought he had already seen it clearly and would not be sad because of this incident, but he still couldn't help but feel sore in his heart.

In the setting sun, the neighbors opposite the new home have a family of four, a newborn baby, a few-year-old child, and a loving couple to form a complete family.Gu Tao was in front of him, and his father was in front of him, but Gu Chaoming still felt that he was alone in the bustling street.

When the cold wind blows, he is alone, when the cold wind stops, he is alone.

Forever alone.

No matter how bright the street lights were, he was still alone.

The street lamps are scattered randomly, and he can have many dark or shallow shadows, but he is still alone.

The lonely wind blows through him and cools his heart.

He always felt so lonely. When he learned that Qu Yingyi didn't want him, when he was told by Qu Yingyi that he couldn't take him to his new home, when he took Yuanyuan and Qu Yingyi to part in the amusement park, he listened to When Yuanyuan called her mother on the other end of the phone, when Gu Tao threatened to kill him if she dared to go home...

Gu Chaoming, who was about to grow up, was overwhelmed by loneliness.Gu Tao was still croaking to him that it was none of his business, but Gu Chaoming didn't listen to a word, he just felt that the night was cold and loneliness prevailed.

The feeling of loneliness is like ghosts walking in the night, turning into wind, blowing through his heart, making his heart cold.

When it is cold, he is always very sensitive to warmth, and the warmth hidden behind loneliness is dug out bit by bit by Gu Chaoming with his hands.

It's not because Lin Jianfan is his boyfriend, and he feels happy for him, so he thinks of him when he feels lonely, but Gu Chaoming has discovered, maybe he has already discovered, that in all his lonely nights, Lin See Fan's company.

In the evening when Gu Tao threatened him, Lin Jianfan took him to the hospital for examination.The first time she heard Yuanyuan called Qu Yingyi's mother, Lin Jianfan chatted with him.When he ran away from home, Lin Jianfan was concerned about whether he suffered from insomnia...

Lin Jianfan was always by his side during his countless lonely times.

It may be just a coincidence, it may be Lin Jianfan's early flattery, and it may also be Lin Jianfan's real concern for him. Lin Jianfan always appears just when he needs it.

Standing in a not-so-bustling part of the bustling street, he just wanted to be close to Lin Jianfan, he only wanted to hear Lin Jianfan talk, just listen to what Lin Jianfan had to say.

Lin Jianfan was the first boy who cried because he felt sorry for him.

He just wants to see him smile, just wants to see him now.

No matter what Gu Tao was talking about, Gu Chaoming picked up the phone and turned on the screen, wanting to send Lin Jianfan a message, saying something casually.

"are you home yet?"

"what are you doing?"

Just to be able to talk to him.

But Gu Tao wanted to take away his only support.

Gu Tao babbled a lot, finding nothing to say, and found that Gu Chaoming in front of him was not listening at all, but picked up the phone instead.Gu Tao, who would get angry if he didn't answer three sentences, became angry instantly, and reached out to grab the phone from Gu Chaoming's hand.

After all, he is a 17-year-old boy, and Gu Tao, who is in his 40s, cannot keep up with the growth rate of a boy. As soon as Gu Chaoming found out that Gu Tao was grabbing the phone, he immediately put the phone back in his pocket.

"What are you doing?" Gu Chaoming finally stopped being calm, and he yelled at Gu Tao fiercely.

Gu Chaoming is no longer plain, and Gu Tao is no longer pretending to be a father. He snorted and said, "Hey, I finally stopped pretending? Let me tell you, I don't agree, and your mother will definitely not agree. Your mother's **** *"

Gu Tao kept swearing uninterruptedly, Gu Chaoming glared at him: "Shut up!"

Gu Chaoming didn't listen to Gu Tao's words. In his ears, Gu Tao's words were all rubbish, and they would only lead to two directions in the end.

One is cursing, the other is asking for money, the latter is more likely.

Sure enough, Gu Chaoming guessed correctly. Gu Tao scolded Qu Yingyi and soon after he stopped him, he brought the topic to money.

"Your mother gave you a lot of money, right? So rich, why don't you give it to dad?" When it came to Qian Gutao's eyes, the light in Qian Gutao's eyes turned into the light when a jackal smells fishy meat.

"I've worked so hard to take you with you for so many years, so it's okay to give Dad a little bit, and you can transfer the money to me..." Gu Tao said, and gradually stretched his hand to Gu Chaoming's pocket for his mobile phone.

Gu Chaoming, who had always faced Gu Tao with a calm attitude, was furious when Gu Tao wanted to take his mobile phone.

Yes, rage.

Gu Chaoming opened Gu Tao's extended hand.

Gu Tao thought that Gu Chaoming's fury was sudden, but he didn't know that Gu Chaoming's anger had already risen when he heard him call his name.

It doesn't take time, just because he appears again, and his appearance means that he will return to that hell again.

The anger in Gu Chaoming's heart had been suppressed all the time, and finally broke out in Gu Tao's action of grabbing the phone.Gu Chaoming opened Gu Tao's extended hand, and Gu Tao said: "This father is not willing to spend money?"

dear father?Gu Chaoming just thought it was a big joke.

so funny.

"I have worked so hard to raise you for so many years" Gu Tao can say such words, Gu Chaoming feels that he can no longer describe Gu Tao as shameless.

Gu Chaoming just wanted to point to Gu Tao's nose and ask him: "How much face do you have enough for you to say these shameless words? It was my mother who raised me, not you, and it is my mother who gave me money now, not you! "

Gu Chaoming hates himself who is agitated and emotionally exposed, and now he is still on the street, Gu Chaoming struggles to suppress his anger.

Gu Chaoming turned around because he was afraid that he would be too angry and do something beyond reason that he would regret, but Gu Tao still chased after him "demanding money rather than life".

"Don't even think about leaving, go back with me. I'll ask you to give me some money...cough..."

Gu Tao's throat was pinched tightly by a pair of big hands, and his footsteps were forced to retreat due to the strength on his neck. His back leaned against the wall of the nearby shopping mall, and his feet were almost hanging in the air. Gu Chaoming still didn't use enough force.

Gu Chaoming didn't try his best, but Gu Tao still felt breathless in his throat, as if he felt that death was approaching, Gu Tao opened his eyes wide.

"go to hell."

"Why are you still chasing after?"

"I'll be fine if you die!"

Gu Chaoming grabbed Gu Tao's neck with both hands, and pressed Gu Tao against the glass wall.Gu Tao's steps and questions after catching up completely burned the anger in Gu Chaoming's heart, and demolished Gu Chaoming's door to resist anger and maintain reason.

Holding Gu Tao's neck tightly with both hands, the demon in his heart was released out of the cage again, and kept booing, asking him to strangle Gu Tao to death.

"Strangle him!"

Gu Chaoming squeezed Gu Tao's neck very hard at the beginning. The 17-year-old boy with a height of 1.8 meters had full strength to lift a middle-aged man in his 40s by his neck, but Gu Chaoming didn't. It's not that he didn't want to, he held back .

The hand holding Gu Tao's neck was hot and burning, holding Gu Tao's neck was like holding a piece of red-hot iron.

Pain in the palm, but the heart is extremely happy.

Just strangle him and live a peaceful life.

The burning sensation in his palm reminded him of his last sane, the hot iron burned through his skin and scalded his flesh.

Gu Chaoming pinched Gu Tao's neck and saw his reflection reflected in the glass on the wall of the shopping mall.

Reflection also pinched Gu Tao's neck.

Gu Chaoming asked Reflection: "Who are you?"

Reflection answered him: "I am you."

Gu Chaoming didn't ask any more questions, but his reflection said again: "Do you want to kill him?"

Gu Chaoming did not answer.

The reflection suddenly changed from him to that of Lin Jianfan.

Lin Jianfan was smiling at him, and Lin Jianfan asked him: "Are you really going to do this?"

A question evoked countless smiling faces in Gu Chaoming's memory.

Lin sees Fan's eyes falling into starlight, Lin sees Fan's mouth with a slight smile, Lin sees Fan drinking yogurt, Lin sees Fan eating...

"If you do something stupid, you'll never see it again."

The reflection does not know when it will change back to its own appearance.

Gu Chaoming looked at the reflection on the wall in panic.

never to be seen again.

See Fan.

"And you won't be able to see the sun on the day of the college entrance examination."

college entrance examination?

The day he pinned all his hopes of escape.

"There are also Qu Yingyi, Su Bing, and Cen Xili. I won't see them anymore."

Gu Tao's arm was shaking tightly, but Gu Chaoming didn't use all his strength to lift Gu Tao up.

"Think about your future, and the people who love you, are you really willing?"

"You really don't regret it?"

"I heard your panic."

Looking at his own reflection on the wall, Gu Chaoming breathed slowly and quickly, the strength of his palms gradually faded, his arms were trembling, and Gu Chaoming's eyes were bloodshot all at once.

"Who are you?" Gu Chaoming roared angrily.

"I said I was you."

This is the last sentence that Reflection said, the last sentence of Reflection seems to be added with sound effects, getting farther and farther away.

Gu Chaoming's arms trembled, as if water had flooded his ears while taking a bath. He couldn't hear the sound for a while, but when he tilted his ears, the noise of the world came like a tide.

"Relax, child, and speak up if you have something to say."

"What's the matter, so impulsive."

"Come on, let go."

At some point, a group of people surrounded him, pulling his arm to let him go.

Gu Chaoming didn't know when they surrounded him, maybe they were righteous passers-by, Gu Chaoming turned his head and looked around, seeing strange faces, opening and closing their mouths to persuade him to let go.

After looking at unfamiliar faces, his eyes returned to his raised arm, Gu Tao was pulling the arm that was holding his throat tightly.

Gu Chaoming was frightened in his heart, his heart was chaotic, like a defeated battlefield, broken armor was everywhere.

"If you have something to say, don't be impulsive, child." An old and sandy voice entered Gu Chaoming's cochlea.

An old man with a white beard advised him.

Gu Chaoming looked at the old man, and suddenly remembered the lonely dream he had sleeping with Lin Jianfan that day.

The old man was nothing like the elderly self in the dream, but it still reminded him of that dream.

Gu Chaoming suddenly loosened his arms and let go of Gu Tao's neck, allowing Gu Tao to breathe.

The people upstairs heard the commotion downstairs, went to the window and looked down, the crowd in the circle was pulled out of a hole, and a young man rushed out of the siege and ran towards the side of the road quickly.

Passengers got off a taxi by the side of the road, and the teenager who broke out of the encirclement got on the taxi and fled immediately.

A few passers-by in the surrounding crowd chased after a few steps, seeing that the taxi had already driven away and could not catch up, they went back to care about the choked man, but the choked man who everyone cared about stood up and wanted to leave like the fleeing teenager.

"We called the police, and 120 came right away."

"It's okay, it's okay, it's because my son is disobedient." Gu Tao explained and ran away in a hurry to avoid the concerned crowd.

The passers-by who acted bravely were at a loss, the parties had already left, and the crowd gradually dispersed.

"boom."

There was a loud slam of the door.

The lights in the dark living room were switched on.

Gu Chaoming, who escaped from the entrance, stepped on each other's heels, took off his shoes and ran into the living room as quickly as possible.

The floor-to-ceiling windows of the living room were closed, and the curtains were open. Gu Chaoming ran over and quickly closed the curtains as if he was afraid of being discovered by others.

He's like a criminal on the run.

Gu Chaoming drew the curtains, walked to the sofa and sat down, picked up the water cup on the tea table but found that there was no water in the tea cup.

His chest was heaving due to running upstairs, he put down his teacup, he seemed suddenly calm, strode to the closet in the room, took out a change of clothes and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

After taking a shower, I wiped my hair casually, and fell directly on the bed with still wet hair to sleep.

Gu Chaoming closed his eyes, hoping for the fall of sleepiness, but he didn't wait for the fall of sleepiness, what he waited for was a special ringtone first.

Ringtones specially customized for Lin Jianfan.

A special bell rang in the dark room, and the screen of the mobile phone lit up, illuminating the roof without any trace of moisture.

Gu Chaoming huddled under the quilt, running his fingers through his wet hair.

"Hey."

"Well, I've been home a long time ago, and I'm all asleep."

"I forgot to tell you. I didn't see the message. I'm sorry."

"Well, good night."

Hanging up the phone, in a quiet room, the bright light of the mobile phone illuminated a pair of tearful eyes.